Monday, July 03, 2006

Hysteria

So, Saturday night we had our nice cheap family fireworks extravaganza. I was not too far off on Mr Shaky blowing his arm off, he nearly went blind and caught his hair on fire though. With no drugs or alcohol. Can anyone top that..Didn't think so.. And being the kind wife I am, the first words I say are " are you injured enough to get disabilty?"

My mom needed to go shopping yesterday. She wanted to go to Target, but I told her that not enough time has passed in order for me to go into that Target. There is a certain grace period that has to pass...Because I did not show up for my last 2 days of work, so they might be pissed off. Not enough water has went under that bridge yet..

I need to dye my hair, lose or gain 50 pounds, and get very big sunglasses. I need to go incognito. I would rather drive 50 miles out of my way to go into a Target then to step foot in that one again this year..Is that odd?

In two weeks I am going to a concert. A concert of epic proportions. One that all my fellow man will be insanly jealous over that they may or may not try to kidnap one of my bees and hold them for ransom to get the tickets. And I would tell them they can keep the kids.

I am going to see the gods of all hair bands. And yes, I use to love hair bands. I am seeing Def Leppard and Journery at the Target Center on the 18th. Send all ransom notes to

234 west Idontgiveacrap street
Minneapolis, MN


Ok, I have a parenting issue, maybe you losers can throw me some good advice.

It seems my 9 year old son throws caution into the wind when urinating. I will find on my toilet seat splashes of yellow liquid. The boy does not even lift up the seat, and when he does, he still manages to get pee all over my floor.

Now I have yelled at him, grounded him, and I make him clean it up. This past weekend I was so damn mad I told him the next day I would follow him into the potty everytime he went to show him how it is suppose to be done.

So I followed him like a puppy dog into the latrine everytime I saw him going in. I sat there, watched and critiqued his every move. While I, his mother, was there watching him....He still pisses out of the confines of the toilet. It is almost like he daydreams as he has that loaded stream of liquid flowing forth his person. I need a big vat or something for him to pee in. I am thinking of adding on an outhouse. I think the next time I find piddles on the seat I am going to make him write 500 times in nice, neat rows..

I will not pee on my moms floor anymore because that is gross and it is very unsanitary for her to have to get on her hands and knees to clean my urine off the floor. And I love my mom and hate to see her work so hard to clean my piddles off the floor.

Is that too much?

Bee Real

15 comments:

Kelly said...

Well, I thankfully don't have to deal with that...yet. However, I was always told to throw Cheerios in the toilet and have little boys 'target practice'. Guess he may be too old for that (or at least think he is) but it'd be worth a try. Good luck! :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

kelly,
yes I have heard that, but I dont think that would impress him much..I am thinking adoption is the only way;)

Fantastagirl said...

Toilet Paper with targets on them???

Cliff Morrow said...

Offer to have a talk with all of his friends to see if they can do it on target.
I'm thinking he won't want a lot of public scrutiny.
Yeah, stay out of target.

Granny said...

Would it make sense to have him on his hands and knees cleaning urine off the floor?

pack of 2 said...

LOL...well, that sucks. We have a guy friend who has missed the mark...I don't get it...it's a pretty big target.

You blew off your last two days at work? Yeah...I'd wait too...you know that they do not heart you right now...LOL!

HAve fun at the concert..I would love to see both of those bands...you are lucky.
Shelly

Karin said...

since I do not have a son or a penis myself I do not feel qualified to give advice. I will say growing up with two older brothers it was a complaint I heard my Mother often griping about. I would say keep having him clean the bathroom. You may also want Mr. Shaky to have a little chat with him.

As far as Target goes you need to stay clear for a while cause you kind of screwed them over. I hope you have a Walmart to go to instead. I used to Love Journey! You will have to tell us all about it.

JD's Rose said...

And being the kind wife I am, the first words I say are " are you injured enough to get disabilty?"

Love it!

Ummm, Bossy... who is Def Leppard? I promise to get insanely jelous and throw a hissy fit (tears and all) as soon as I find out who they/he is...

xxx

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

fantstagirl,
makes sence..but not sure how that would go..I think he is so lazy he doesnt care..

cliff,
good thinking, but one of his freidns use to crap in the yard..not sure how well that would work.

granny,
well I make him clean the toiletseat off, but your right, maybe he needs to clean the floor too..

shelly,
Yes I dont think they heart me at all..and I am coll with that;)

karin,
I like to think that Target screwed me over...they didnt pay us what we were worth, then they didnt let you take pissing breaks only but once in your shift...bastards..

jd,
ok, I need to get this probelme fixed..tommorw I will show you...so come back honey..I cant even belive this..

Mrs. Diamond said...

I would not get mad or yell, but I would definitely make him clean his own stinkin urine

And I'm not a loser. Stop calling me a loser. *pout*

Blairzoo said...

Make him SIT!!!!!! Seriously. My dh's mom finially had it when her boys were little and made them sit...family rule. I love that I've never had to clean up after dh. DS,17, tries to stand sometimes, and then the toilet needs to be wiped down, so rule is in effect in our house too. Can't even imagine the mess if 6 yo ds stood to pee. I tell them either they sit at home or they clean the terlet everyday. Works for me.

Choppzs said...

OH man, I dread this part! Luckily mine are not old enough to do it yet, but soon they will, so I am reading the comments and writing down the suggestions!! lol But I do have that problem with Hubby! lol Well not as bad as you, but I still hate cleaning the toilet after men!! Being the mean mom I am, I would make him clean the bathroom everyday, AND write sentences until his hand falls off. lol Seriously, I made my daughter write like 2 pages worth of sentences when she wouldn't feed the dogs like she is suppose to, and that has cured that. Well plus, she doesn't get fed till the dogs do now, so that is also incentive for her to feed them like she is suppose too! Is that mean? lol

mal said...

don't look to me for advice, I have 2 daughters *L*

Jamie Dawn said...

I'll be seeing Foreigner and Kansas this summer
We southern belles rock!!!!
Pee on the floor would drive me nuts. After awhile, it makes your bathroom smell like a sewer, no matter who much you clean. I know this because I had cousins who did that and their bathroom smelled to high heaven.
Your description of your sister is just hideous. I can see why you were pissed at her.
Light some sparklers and have a blast on the 4th!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

mrs d,
well i do make him clean it, i just dont know how to stop him from doing it..little bugger..

I know your not a loser, it is a temr of enderment from me, you should know this by now;)

blairzoo,
hmm, make him sit in it is a VERY good idea..while i was at work today he did it again, so tonight the boy is wrtiing 500 senteces..that should cure him..i hope.

choppzs,
i think writing the sentences will help alot, this kid HATES writing..He has to do it tonight so we will see.

mal,
hmm, your right, that is no help..teehee

jamie,
oh I LOVE forginer..you lucky girl..
and if i dont keep up on cleaning the pee fast, it does start to smell..he is a bad lil boy..

and you light some sparlkes too..be careful though;)