Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Dream a little dream

So last night I had a dream. One of the weirdest dreams a chick like me could have. I am almost too embarrassed to say it..Almost, but not quite.

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was engaged to someone...I had a weird black onyx ring with small encrusted diamonds..I was real ugly!! And for the person I was engaged too, they could soo afford a better for ring, for me. Their love.

So who was I engaged too...Ok I will tell you..I was engaged to none other than Oprah Winfrey. Is that totally insane or what? We were at some event and I wanted to make sure everyone knew her and I were together. It was creepy , yet not so creepy.

Heaven help me, why the heck am I dreaming about being Oprah,s brawd??

Is it totally insane for me to want to make nicey with some of my neighbors in order to get them to apply for Trading Spaces? Why do they have to live next door??? Damn, I don't even know my neighbors, and I don't know if their houses suck..I just want someone to come re-do my bedroom . I am too cheap and too lazy to hurdle that task. It is much too big. So if any of my neighbors are out there...."um hey, ya wanna...ahh, Trade Spaces sometime?"

Now have you heard of
It is a dating service online. My mom has signed up for it, and is hoping to find a match. I am in charge of weeding out the would be migdets and creeps. (truth be told, it is better this way). So every night I go thru her matches and pick the ones I like. I have found a few semi-alright guys. There is truly nothing harder than to marry off your mutha.

I have a few requirements of my own...
1. Must be above 5 feet tall ( I do not mean to discriminate..I am just sayin)

2. Must have job...(self explanatory)

3. Must be wealthy. ( I have always wanted to be rich)

4. Must have winter home off the coast of Hawaii..( and not be there when I want to go there)

5.Must be willing to take my mother to your house, feed her, bathe her ( not together of course),by her things,take her on trips,marry her, and be willing to let my kids have free reign of your house for weekends on end.

6. Must not be weird

7. Must be willing to give your step daughter cash for cruising, and going to the pizza shop..Or for a vacation or a new whatever I want when I want it

6. Let me call you daddy:-)

So do you think I will get any takers? I know, I am extremely fussy!! But trust me..I need to be..

She had me take a pic of her today to put on her profile..I did her hair and her make-up..So I will share with you the picture..I took one of her and baby spawn too..But again, she was not wanting her picture taken...Pisser!!

So there you have it..If anyone wants to date her..Send all correspondents with your newest w-2 form to the address below

Marrying off mum
345 hot hunnie blv.
Minneapolis , MN


And this reminds me of a funny story. When I was about 10 years old I was with my mom at some kind of party. Bunch of her friends and whatnot, and I was trying to be "cool and blend in with the ladies".

In front of all her friends I told her I wanted her to pack me the juice box with the green straw because I wanted to get horny.

Now 10 year old me had no bloody idea what horny meant, I just knew I heard my friends talking about being horny. All of my moms friends nearly wet themselves and my mom says

" do you know what horny means?"

" um, yes..."

" well, what"

"means I want to be kissed"

" um, well, yes..yes your right honey"

after we got home, she told me what it meant. I wanted to die because I had no idea what I was saying. And I felt so stupid. Later my mom told me that it was not a good thing for a 10 year old to be saying you want to be horny..I did not tell her I told my teacher before I left school that day that I was gonna get horny over the weekend..:-)

Here is our hello hottie

Lenny Kravitz..Oh la la

and my honey....

hands off..They are both mine:-)

Happy hump day


Tuesday, November 29, 2005

if u need a self esteem booster....

The other night I was bored. Kids were sleeping, hubby was sleeping, and there was nothing good on the telly. So I went somewhere where I had not been in a long time..Almost a year..I went to a yahoo chat room. Now dont get wrong, I have met some good frineds there..(I ONLY frequent the parenting rooms...just so you know). Since I had not been there in so long, I had not realized that you will get propsotioned for sex about every 2.2 seconds. I had men..and women falling all over me. Yup..I was hot commodity saturday night in parenting room 7. Oh yeah baby....

Which brings me to story I am about to tell. This happend to me Christmas Eve of last year..( which considentally is the last time I showed my face back in a chat room). I was tlaking to what I thought was a woman. A single mom. We got to talking and then she asked me if I wanted to view her webcam. I too have a webcam, but rarely use it...and I told her I would not be turning mine on..and this was ok with her.

So I accepted the offer to view her webcam. And before I could sheild my eyes, I was looking a big nekkad ugly man..And I mean he was nekkad!!!!!

I found this rather ickky...I quickly woke up the husband to show him!! He told me to shut it off and go to bed. But at this point I wa sucked in..I wanted to know what he was gonna say...Before I knew it...he said he had to go get something and he would be back...( now dont ask me why, I contiued to view his cam..I have no good answer, I just could not belive a live sane person would be doing such a thing, then I after he came back, I knew he was not sane).

So this fugly dude comes back, and he has a carrot in his hand. I am thinking he must be hungry. Before I know it, he bends over..his bung hole drapped over the webcam, and he puts the carrot up his...emmm..ahhh....pooper!!

I quickly shut it off, and vow that I will never go into anohter chat room as long as I live..And I did good, it has been almost a year!!!....And my gos, I knew better than to accept any invitaions to view webcams...This momma leanred her lesson the hard way...

Consider this my PSA for today: chat rooms, just dont do it:)

Ok on to other matters. It is just me and baby spawn today. She found an old sweatshirt of her sisters. And begged me to let her wear it. It is a little big....but my gosg this is one happy baby, until I wanted to take her picutre..

Notice Dora on her shirt...and The Wiggles big red car on her feet?..Yup..thats my girl

something went wrong at this point...I think she was pissed off cause I was keeping her form the devil box.

not sure what i did...making her pose just pisses her off I guess...

have a good Tuesday


Monday, November 28, 2005

How could this all happen in a span of 40 minutes

Things were going well. I was sitting with my baby spawn. Us two ladies were sitting on the couch watching The Wiggle,s Christmas movie...This was wrong on so many levels..The big thing I could not take any more of is...BARRY WILLIAMS AKA Greg Brady..On their dancing and singing with gold shimmery shirt and black leather tighties with a gold strip down the side..Oh yeah, he was SO not hot...Why oh why...Barry u don't belong in baby shows..U want Brady shows. I can see how they sound alike B-A-B-Y.......B-R-A-D-Y I can see the possible confusion..

Then when that spaz fest was over at my daily Martha watch..Today was a special day..It was This is your life Martha...And she did not guess one guest right..I almost felt a sense of sorrow for the poor saps who went there for this and she didn't even guess them..

"lets see..Is it Billy Jo"
"no Martha"
"is it bobby may"
"no Martha"

"well is it a man or woman"
I swear she did not guess one right....I would of felt like an insignificant piece of dog poo if she didn't guess me..Then we she sees who it is, she is like "oh yea, I rememeber you"

It was just painful....Painful like pulling a toe nail out...


Ok to be clear I love all my regular blogger friends...And none of these things I had said were about any of you....So there...Your my peeps:) and I need all of you;)

SO here is the hello hottie today

can we get a Dr in the house please??? Dr John Carter stat please.

me and d miss u:)

and just to show what the good lookin
Brady looks like

there yah have it for today. If I have something better to write in the morning I will...


blogging etiquette and my tree

I hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend with the fam. Things here were good. But I must say I am looking forward to getting back to normal. Ya no, kids head to school and The husband heading to work. There is such a thing as too much together time!!!!

Saturday night I had a conversation with Kissing Spawn. He wondered why his little 5 year old sister got on his nerves so much. I told him because she is 5 and your 8. I then asked him " don't you think you got on my nerves when you were 5?"

Then he says " well mom, you know I have gotten much wiser with age!!"

Oh really son? This coming from the same boy who told us all Saturday afternoon that he is now too old to practice kissing on his sister,s big barbie head because he was now a man!!..Alright then.

Here are some shameless pics of our tree and the spawns....Ho-Ho freaking Ho!!

Remember folks I have a crappy as$ camera!!!....

dear Santa, I have been a good girl this past year....Um....Err...I mean day. This is Just_Christina,s very special list...I better get everything on this damn list or there will be hell to pay...mmkkaay??

1. A digital camera that is not crappy as$..( Santa I take pictures everyday, please get something that will last...Thanks big guy.)

2. I-pod. One of these days I am gonna die of electrocution from taking my headphones in the tub while I belt out awesome tunes while I bathe and soak my tired dogs!!..And my freaking CD,s keep getting wet...

3. A winter home in Hawaii. Nothing fancy. Just 6000 square plus feet, with palm trees and coconuts. 5 plus bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (so we all have our own) and an olmpyic size swimming pool in the back 40. ( sometimes a girl needs her space, I have learned that over the past 4 days)

Thank you dear Santy,
I will leave you some rum with your cookies this year:-)


ok I am off on another subject now.

I am going to talk about blogging etiquette. I have noticed thru the last few months that there needs to be some rules established. SO I have taken it upon myself to write up a decree for us all to adhere by.

1. If someone takes the time to comment on your blog, please have the common courtesy to acknowlege their comment. I know not everyone has the time for that, I know!!!! But even make a comment back to even one person so your readers know you read it...I try to respond back to all my comments. It is hard sometimes, but I find it is really important..For those of you who hold down 2 or more jobs and have kids..You are excused from this rule:)

2.Dont steel materiel from other bloggers. Unless its a meme or something cute that you have asked permission to use. I am not talking about silly nonsense things..We all borrow from eachother there, I am talking about stealing your style or your stories. Trust me..I have seen it...(none of my regular bloggers..Some passer byers I have seen....) If you don't have enough materiel for your own blog..Please don't steal my stories and use them as your own...mmkkayy?? Just don't blog you damn fool.

3. If you can not update your blog more than once a month...You will be removed from my blogroll...Here again I realize folks are busy and can not make time everyday to do it..Just something once week is all I ask. Don't worry..I have removed you already if this applies to you:-)

4. Don't add someone on your blogroll just because you see they added you....Again, I have removed these already....I am very careful about who I add. I don't add right away. I have to try your blog on like a shoe, break it in before I take that step. All the blogs on my list are dear to me. Each one is different and they all rock.

4. If you go month or so and don't get a comment from a regular reader, chances are they have stopped reading your blog. Why? It doesn't matter, don't feel jilted. But I sure as hell aint goin back there anymore..I wont give my 3 minutes if they don't give me your 3 minutes....

again this is just a hypothetical

5.If you don't enjoy someone's blog....Don't leave them nasty comments..Just stop reading..It makes you look like a horses ass..

Ok these are just things I have come across or have been thru myself.....I hope you find these useful!!!

Feel free to add more rules if I left some out.....I would love to hear what you think.

OK here is our Hello Hotties for the day.

Johnny Depp...ok, hold up, I need to get my tongue back in my mouth

and Nicloe Kiddman..She is just your basic all round classy beauty

sorry this is so long..I always try to keep mine short and sweet..I hope you made it thru..

Have a good Monday....


Sunday, November 27, 2005

Ho-Ho-Ho Hello Hottie

In the spirit of the season

and for the ones who may prefer this one


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Hello Hottie

even if I have no time to post, I want to try and get my "hello hottie" on.

I am going to have a male hottie, as well as a female hottie.

I like to keep everyone happy, cause I am cool like that.

This is my 400th post....I need to slow down..For a blog that's only 7 months old...That's a lot of posting...I need a hobby

Cindy Crawford

I have always thought she was very pretty..Maybe its just me

Jon bon jovi

this one is pretty self explanatory

if u want to read a post read the one from yesterday, I will post another hottie tomorrow, and continue to my regular nonsense on Monday


Friday, November 25, 2005

The wave....Conversations I wish I never had

shopping on this day is totally assnine. Not only was it busy, but we woke up this morning to a mini snow storm. Must be a good 5 inches out there, and the weather man gave me no warning! So your telling me mister weather guy that your freaking radar took the day off for the holiday?

It took twice as long to make to the mall. So this pissed me off. No what else pissed me off? Give up? OK I will tell you.

You know when your sitting in traffic and you see a car needs in or out, and you stop and let them in or out? I have no problem with this action, I must admit I don't practice it. But The husband does. And there is some unwritten law somewhere that you are to give your fellow traveler the wave when they let you in. It is just what a good citizen of this planet does. Hell, I even do it..I have been known to give the wave on more than one occasion. It is common courtesy. Why do you take my polite advances and move forward ahead of me, and not give me any acklogement? Like I am freaking invisible? hello, do you see me here, the one who is letting you..For the last time I might add...

This is why I do not practice good " people skills" because it gets you no where. Remember this folks..If someone let you in....Please for the love of God...Give them the wave..

As we were on the road, I noticed something really awful. My winter coat, that I have not worn since March, had a very odd aroma. It has been laying on the floor of the dining room closet for months now. And I guess at one point in time my cat was much too lazy to head downstairs to her litter box. Because my freaking coat had a spot that smelled like cat piss. Oh I was not happy. Then hubby says to me " crap, I think I forgot to put deodorant on today"

This does not phase me, because on days when he doesn't work he tends to forget such things...SO I open his coat, and sure enough he smells bad.

So here we are driving down the road and he says " so your telling me we are going out shopping and I smell like BO and you smell like cat pee? This should be one fun trip"

I may never leave the house again with him:)

Then on the way home he makes some comment about looking rugged. I say " you no, I really do not like the rugged look"

To which he replied " so you don't like the rugged look, but if I act the other way you tell me I am acting gay".

to which I say "yup"

Then he says " now this is totally off subject, but I want to start making beaded jewelry"

here is our next Hello Hottie..I have not been having much luck keeping you guys happy, and this is discerning to me. I will try harder...

This is Jim Cavisel. The man who played Jesus in the movie Passion of the Christ. He is very, very handsome..Right???????



I need a bucket to vomit in..And I am getting a new mommy

I don't know about you. But this fat broad at way too much yesterday. I ate enough yesterday to sustain a little Etheopian kid for 10 years. I would puke but I just hate to think of all that crap I made wasted:)

When I think about it, I really ate enough to last me till at least January. I hate Thanksgiving. Oh curse you white Angelo man for stealing land from the natives and trying to make up for it by making them sick with food. ( really I have no clue if that is what it all means...Been so damn long since I had a history class, I might of not paid attention that day anyway).

Going shopping today. If I can crawl my newly fat rear end out of bed in time to catch any deals. If not I will go Saturday. I do not do good in crowds. I have no shame, and I am not ashamed to admit it.

Here are some pics of my pies I made. Homed ladies...But the lemon meragnue pie did not turn out so well. I wont be doing that one again.

and this is something I did not get to do. The little creep says " I am going upstairs to clean." Oh it is so on now ,buddy.

My dad called last night to inform me that Jennifer had got a gift. He finally proposed to her. They have been dating for 2 and a half years. This was a pleasant surprise, as I have been on him for months and months to do it. She is 27 or 28, I am not sure which. So I am gone have a new mommy who is younger than me. How funny is that?

I told the spawns that grandpa and Jennifer were getting married. Kissing spawn says " huh, I thought they were married, they live together don't they?"

" you no mom, she dont look like a grandma. Like you do!!!!!!!"

Ok this kid is so not getting anything but a barbie and some panty hose for Christmas!!

I will leave you with my "hello hottie for today.
Now you have to go back...To the era of 80,s "hair bands"
I wanted to marry this man too...I had a very long list of perspective husbands...Still do...LOL
This is Joey Tempest from the band Europe...Think " its the final countdown " this would be about circa 1987...I am getting so hot right now..heehee..But when I look down do his "now"photo, totally loose my mojo with him...Guess its for the best:)

he just doesn't seem to "have " it anymore ya no?
I wont be knocking down the door I know that for sure...But I can dream about the good ole days.Right????

yup, Joey this is where you lost me...Where is your big curly hair? you tight leather pants and your mic? Your sweet voice trying like hell to sound all bad . Like you were one of then bad ones..You wish.....You were the tamest heavy metal band ever...I and I love yah for it...But if you really feel the need for a groupie today, I may consider it...only if you wear the hair and the pants!!.........IM just sayin!! :-)


I am assuming noone will agree here with me either..or maybe never even heard of him...I better start picking more mainstream boys.....gotta start buying people magazine I guess:)

Thursday, November 24, 2005

No post, just hello hottie of the day

In honor of turkey day..I give you my very speacil animal man..

Jeff Corwin..

not sure what i did but he is on here twice....oh well..I dont mind.

Happy turkey day friends

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Ho-ho merry thanksgiving

So tomorrow will we all gather round our tables..( or whoever may be cooking) and consume massive qaunties of carbs, sugars, and protein. Then about 20 minutes later we will lay our rears on whatever prospective seating we can find. We may fight over who gets to lay in the coziest chair, or the fattest sofa.

The husband is in charge of the turkey here. Where as I am in charge of the rest. This is because if the turkey sucks, I am not to blame. It seems the whole Thanksgiving dinner centers around the goodness of the turkey..You can have killer sides, but if the turkey sucks.might as well pack up and head to Arby,s.

I will be making cheesy potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, rolls,stuffing, 2 pumpkin pies and 2 banana cream pies ( with homemade crust ladies!!) and I will probably make some sugar cookies..In the shape of pumpkins and
turkeys of course.

We will eat about 2, then be ready to crash for the night by 2:30. After I have cleaned up the stinking mess, we will cuddle around and maybe watch some movies or just veg on whatever we find on the telly.

Friday I will go shopping. I will try not to knock over anyone. When it comes to bargins and or deals of any kind I tend to become greedy/disgruntled/hostile. So if we have a run in tomorrow I apologize in advance for knocking you down and taking that Dora doll out of your hands as it was the last one. My deepest apologies to you and yours:)

Then Saturday we may decorate for Christmas. I hate this. I hate the mess, I hate the smell of the tree..But most of all I hate the freaking needles that fall off the tree and cause me to have minor bleeding in my foot region. Then the cat or dog, maybe both will knock off at least one ornament and shatter it to a million pieces. Then one of the kids will walk in the mess before I clean it...Hence more minor bleeding from the foot region. Fun to be had by all.

Some things I am thankful for this year

1. My spawns are growing and changing everyday. I just no that everyday that passes is one more day closer to the day they move out:-)

2. My warm house. Up here in Gods country she gets pretty nippy. I am lucky to have such a nice house and nice things. I hate where I live but it could be much worse.

3. The husband. He lets me boss him around, control the telly, and yell at him for no good reason other than I am just being my ole bitchy self.

4.Friends. although I am much lacking in the area, I am thankful at the prospective of meeting a good friend. I know there is some out there somewhere!!

5.Blogging. This year I was introduced to the bizarre world of blogging. A place where I can safely complain and moan about everything, talk about nonsense, and just plain be crazy. And I thank you guys for reading and keeping me laughing with your own stories. You guys are the best.

Well I will end it here. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and eats way too much food and needs to go up one pants size.

I will leave you with a new "hello hottie"



Introducing new segment

I have so much I want to tell you. But my pill is kicking in and this would end up making no sense...

although my son did ask me today what it meant if you showed your middle finger. Me being the cool mom I am says to the young lad "it means if you use it,you are on a downward spiral to hell and that boarding school is inevitable...Sorry dude..thems the rules" I am out ruled by The Bibile.YA every heard of it honey?...Says in there I think..Maybe just assuming that it has a sentences about longating your middle finger and damnation to hell.....Hey...I am just sayin

so I think I have scared him out of that....He says he had not pulled this digit in the upward position alone........But I don't believe it..Not a word of it...When an 8 year old boy says "hey man, I didn't show my finger" yah gonna believe it? Ya that is what I thought..!!!

So here is hoping I have detoured him from giving the bird on any given holiday, event, social outing, and or church function. I think it worked on him not defecating in the outside bushes and various flower beds....that don't belong to us!! Yup the neighbors had to be pleased to see human sized turds as they mowed the lawn..

I am gonna start having a hello hottie.....It will be at the end of every post..A picture of my hottoe for the day.."hello hottie"

without further adu here is my "hello hottie" for today
"hello hottie

yes it is Dr House!!!..He is a drug user,limp,bad bed side minor...But I say "put a gown on me and let him "check me up"

I hope any of this post made sense..When I wake up in the morning and realize it doesn't...I will put on a different one....But I hope you enjoy my new segment..Hello hottie.

Have a happy hump day !!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Hot or not

ok after yesterday,s post I feel the need to share with you some of my celebrity crushes..And I want to see if anyone agrees with me..It seems I am in the minority..

I do not discriminate, I have some ladies in the group....

so I will do it in groups. First group is

" tad bit odd"

now this is my childhood fantasy of a husband. In retrospect, I see this would have been a bad idea. Only because he has way too many high heels...But I do love him dearly...

now this is a toofer one. You no I love George...But I also have an attraction to Sir Elton. I have seen him in concert 3 times...He is amazing....But George is just a simply beautiful looking man..nuf said

now this is Anthony..aka...The blue wiggle...I have had dreams about this man...Dreams that would make this an x-rated site..So lets just leave it at that..mmmkay!!

Next category is "just damn good looking"

I normally like your average "metrosexaul" male...ya no..The guys that like hair gel and clear polish...But Colin Ferrel...He is just plain yummy...Kind of a bad boy...I should prolly spank him:)

if you watch Nip/Tuck you know who this is.....This is the man I would like to do my lipo and boob job...Only because he usually gives a little extra loving care..If ya no what I mean???

Next category is "funny men"

there is something completely adorable about this guy..Good ole Dave Letterman...I stay up just to watch him....

Will Ferrel. He is one of the funniest men....If you can get past the afro, he is very handsome..Me likey Will:-)

Next category is adorable ladies

ok in my opinion, she is one of the prettiest things in the whole world...And she is an Oscar winner you no?? Cant beat that:-)

nothing like a chick who can rock it out....I love Cheryl Crow...She is about the only female singer I enjoy...Rock on with you and your much younger boy toy Lance..

not only is Ellen funny, but she is completely adorable!!!!

Ok there ya go....Now does anyone agree??? And if you don't..Tell me who gets your heart pumping..( spouses and or boyfriend/girlfriend don't count, that is a given)

Cant wait to hear!!


Monday, November 21, 2005

I couldn't resist

this is for you Kish...LOL

Now you tell me...What is not to like honey:-)

If your confused, check the post below!!

I need a cold shower now

ok, which is better?......When I look at this one, I really don't need my cold shower anymore..

" cause u gotta have Faith"

or my personal favorite

" I want your sex, I want your love"

OK I love him...So sue me...He is a beautiful mold of a man..His face...His voice..His face..Oh did I say that already??

This is a true example of "getting better looking with age" huh?

I think he is sexy....oh yes..( not there, but up at the top:-)

OK I need that cold shower again:-)

No matter..

No matter what anyone tells you, eating a whole strawberry Sara Lee cheesecake by yourself is never a good idea.

No matter what your spawns say when you ask them if they have homework, you can not believe them . Because they will tell you "no" then half hour after bedtime they will creep out of their room and say " I think I might have some homework"

No matter if you use lotion for skin firming, you will still be ugly and flabby because you suck.

No matter how old you are, when you hear that the Charlie Brown thanksgiving special is coming on, you get a little excited.

No matter how good looking you think George Michael is, you can not change the fact that he is gay and you are to flabby and unfirm for him to give you the time of day anyway.

No matter what time it is, you always think its a good time for a nap.

No matter how many times you wish, they will not be doing a re-count of the 2000 and 2004 presidential election.

No matter what Wil Ferral is in, he cracks your ass up.

No matter how many times I hear country music, I still want to shoot myself in the foot when I hear it.

No matter how long you walk/run on your treadmill, there is no way in hell you will burn off the whole cheesecake, nachos, 2 tacos, jello, steak, and garlic mashed potatoes that you consumed all weekend...Because your a fat ass and stupid for eating all that crap...But your pmsing , so it is ok.

No matter what, God still loves ya:)

Happy Monday


Sunday, November 20, 2005

...And the verdict is

well boobies seems to be the winner..Yeah for boobies...

(if u have no idea what I am talking about, better read last post)

The husband is now telling me that since I have all my friends on here, that maybe he can find some friends and go out on the weekends with..This is all fine and good, only that I don't go out with you guys, my rear end is stuck home pretending that I have friends, reading about your life cause mine is so damn boring. This is the difference buddy. I don't leave , so over my cold, dead, rigamortis ridden body will you leave the confines of this nearly 3000 square foot palace of poopy diapers and whining. End of story...Unless you make a friend with someone who has a wife worth while talking too..And hey, then maybe we can double date.

Otherwise drop it buster..If anyone is leaving the confines of this crap whole it is me. Hate to break it to you like that..But since you boycott my blog anyway, guess it don't make much difference.

And last night The husband created a monster. He let baby spawn lay in bed with covert spy spawn. Now this little darling bundle I call call my "baby" thinks she can just sleep there whenever she feels like it. I tried putting her in her cage last night, but she cried and said " seep ober dare momma...wit bbbbay" (that is what she calls covert spy spawn,bbbaby) .

I was not comfortable with this arrangement. I like her in her cage. She is a baby for crying out loud. But the husband seems to think we should get her a bed. Oh hell no.
So when she fell asleep last night I had the husband put her safely in the confines of her cage...That is where she belongs, until she has to curl in the fetal position to fit in there...Nuf said on that!!

I am making chili for dinner. And this poses many problems. First off the kids hate chili, so that means I make 2 different dinners..I run a diner on these days.
But my biggest problem lies with the fact that chili makes The husbands body to very gross things...things that smell like someone or something crawled up his rear end and died. I am thinking of buying Beano.."if you take beano before, there will beano gas after"

So in honor of what could be a rough night and early morning..I leave you with this little poem or ditty if you will

beans, beans the musical fruit
the more you eat em the more you toot
the more you toot the better you feel
so lets it beans for every meal

there you have it....Happy Sunday


editors note...the chili was a no go..I tried using my vegatarian stuff instead of my usaul ground turkey...big mistake..not the normal brand I have had..the chili tasted like maybe it had ground testicales in it..(ok, dont ask me how I know this..mmkay)

so we are having tacos...with my ground turkey...(we do not eat beef..pretty soon we wont be eating poultry...*cough* can we say Bird Flu.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

You be the judge

These are the lame decorations this peace of crap town chooses to "flaunt" during this very festive holiday season.

Now Kissing Spawn says these look like glasses....Yup, agreed.

Covert Spy Spawn says..(now these are her words) they look like "boobies".

OK I don't know where my baby girl heard such vulgar adjectives for body part, but this is what she said.

Now what do you think?

I may need to set up another collection fund for this towns Christmas decorations..This is pretty damn sad...Kinda like what Charlie Browns, town might be decorated like...

and I want to thank Melis for making all my blinkies...she made them just for me...Now that is one hell of a woman......take note of the Blue wiggle...oh yeah...she did it....and dont you go asking her to make you one too...he is mine ladies:-)


Oh and I posted in my "other blog" has been a while..if u need the address let me know....i can email it too you..

I look forward to your comments

Friday, November 18, 2005

And then there was one....:(

I had a bit of a shock this morning. I woke to find one of my bunnies had....passed on. Not sure what happen, they were both fine when I went to bed...

In lue of flowers please send your condolences (in the green paper form) to:
Fight the flab and winter home foundation
c/o Christina
123 my street
Minneapolis, MN

**and no, while The husband was gone all week I did not meet a crazy fling ,so they could become obsessed with me and put my rabbit in a boiling pot. No matter what the rumors did not happen:-)

ok go ahead and read the real post for today..if u can wipe your tears fast enough

False advertising....

As I mentioned in my post from Thursday, I am dealing with some, shall I call them "issues" with some crap.

I had also mentioned my slightly tan not so taught ..Nether region.

Now mind you I try to workout everyday. Try being the operative word here folks. So I do enlist the help of some products to help me reach my butt firming goals. ( as well as firming any other areas that may need a bit firming up). I have been using Jergins Skin Firming lotion on and off for the better part of 2 years now. And I will be damned if I get bad bottle every time. Not once have I had it tighten or firm anything.

I am beginning to think Jergins has a stake out on my having a not so taught buttock. Like they know I will be back in a month to re-stock my supply of their gibberish nonsense. And I do...That is what kills me. I spend my 5 or 6 bucks every month to re-supply my garden of youth and firmness. But alas, I have not come into the luck of any firmness anywhere.

So for today, and the rest of my days ( until the lipo and the boob job) with a not so taught buttock and bosom.

All this girl is asking for is a little help. I do not want the body I had when I was 18. Ok, who the hell am I kidding, I do. But I know I am 30 freaking years old, and it just aint in the gene pool anymore.

Just my damn luck....A $2000.00 bill for crap that wasn't finished..(check out last post for details) and I am being ripped off by Jergins.

Is there any justice in this cruel , cruel world?


Thursday, November 17, 2005

Servicemaster sucks a$&

so remember how I had my mini "flood" in the basement a few weeks ago? At the time I had asked the woman who was coming over what the cost was going to be..She would tell me " oh I don't do much with the billing, you need to speak with Joe Blow, he does all that"....

Well I called Mr. Joe Blow and he informed me he would get back with me that day, with a quote of what has been done and what it will be to finish the job. After 3 or 4 days I had The Husband call Joe Blow to find out what the hell is going on. We told them they were not doing anymore work until we had an estimate.

Well today, nearly 3 weeks later, I get the bill. I tell you I nearly had a full blown cardiac arrest. Total bill $1,609.22.......

and the freaking job isn't even done

What the hell.....What the freaking hell?????

Joe Blow can kiss my slightly tan but not so taught ass....( I know the language)..But this momma is fuming.....How can the bill be that much? When the woman told me for the whole to job to be complete it would more than likely me under a grand......Well the job aint done, and its nearly 2 fuc*ing grand.

Then, my insurance company for my home in Michigan calls."um, is your insurance still escrowed"

" oh hell yes it is"

"well your bank has not sent payment and it is due to be cancelled on Dec 1st"

Well if my house were to burn down..( I am just saying) It better before Dec 1st...

The nice woman at the insurance company was going to be calling the bank, I guess they pulled this stunt last year too...I guess I had not known it....

If that situation isn't cleared up soon, Citizens First Bank of crap hole, Michigan will be getting a strongly worded call from my slightly tan ,not so taught a$&..

Oh hell yeah, this lady means business..

And BTW, it is getting firmer everyday, with the help of my treadmill.....Just for the record:-)


mean moms

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:

I loved you enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom, and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to make you go pay for the bubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it."
I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must learn that their parents aren't perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the responsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say NO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all.I'm glad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.Was your Mom mean?
I know mine was.

We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work.
We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs.

I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.

She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.

While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16.Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have never been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.

Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today.

It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

what i saw on 8 mile

I am sure you have heard of the movie...maybe even fans of the singer, and his name slips my mind..I am obviously not a fan:)

But Friday night as we were driving home from the airport, we went down 8 mile. Now some of 8 mile is pretty scarey, some is just scarey. I noticed a particular strip of highway with more than a few "gentlemans bars" and 2 titles struck me as very funny. Even down right humerous.

First up was " Hot Tamolies" live nude women with hot tamolies....that is along the lines of what the sign read. Now I would think, gosh maybe I should go in there and throw some water on her. I mean have you ever tasted a tamolie?..They can be very spicy you know?

Next was " Booby Trap." Ok now this name I found odd in the fact that the thought of " booby" in trap seems very painfull. I mean you no what a trap does to a mouse....ouchhhhh.....I just did not see how this name would apeal to anyone.Maybe its just me. I have never been in such an establishment, nor do I have any plans in the future. But the places were hopping. I know a lot of those men in there were going to be going home with some "stripper dust" on them....shame, shame, shame:)

Confrences went well. Both spawns are doing well. Covert Spy spawn had a glowing report from her very young, very pretty teacher...*gag me*...she said covert spy spawn helps tie other kids shoes in class....yup, thats my girl..

Kissing Spawn is doing very well. Needs a little push in math. But is reading at a 4th grade level and is doing excellent in Languae Arts. she also said he is a very gifted artist:).

Something else she said made me the most proud of him. There is a girl in their class with Down Syndrome. His teacher said this young girl loves Kissing Spawn. She is always talking to him and telling him hello. He is the only boy this gilr talks too. And so I asked her if he is nice to her. She said Kissing Spawn is very nice to her. Draws her pictures and talks with her when she comes by his desk.

At one time this kid had a probelem with people who were differnt....He did not want to be around them nor did he treat them well. He would tell a little black boy in his Kindergaren class that he did not want to play with him becasue he was brown...WTF!!!! Now he knows that God made everyone differnt and we need to treat everyone the same. So I was very proud of him for that...

Now I need to get on him about following directions and keeping is workspace clean...Heaven help me.

It has snowed a bit...I am starting to feel very depressed. I hate this time of year. I had to freaking "warm up" my van before I left. I had ice on the windsheild. Have I told you that I hate snow and loth winter?...It is gonna be 17 degrees...How you like those apples? For 2 weeks last winter the air tempatrue was -54...and that was without the wind. Gosh I hate MN...It did not even get that cold in MI for crying out loud...

So now I am going to hault my collection for lipo and go right to collceting money for my "winter" home in Hawaii. If you donate I will let you come for a week,s visit..On the off season of course:)

Happy hump day......


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Crap I forgot to tell

I was so tired last night I forget to mention something..

While I was gone, guess who used the potty??....( please don't say the husband)

It was baby spawn. She has been wanting to sit on it lately, but has never actually went in the potty. But she did while I was gone. I am thinking I should leave more often.

I decided to keep the spawns home from school today since it was well after midnight before we got home. Well Covert Spy spawn had a meltdown. She wanted to go soooo bad..She says " but momma, I have missed way too many days."...She has only missed one day....heehee..Poor girl, she loves her kindergarten:-)

I have conferences for both tonight. And I better come back with a smile on my face, that is all I can say.

The husband is gone. He had to leave for North Carolina this morning and wont be back till early Friday morning. I told him to look for a job down there while he is there...:) Because it is ever so lightly snowing out..And this is not acceptable.

Well it isn't looking good for my donations. I guess no one cares if I need a boob reduction and some lipo...Screw you guys anyway....

( aww, u know I love ya)

I have not been able to get to everyone yet. The husband decided it was a splendid idea to take my laptop with him. Ok, it is his laptop. But I have put more miles on it than he, so it should be mine, right?....
Anyway, I am stuck with my desktop and it is in the basement. So I can only come down when she is napping or when Dora is on...

how awful is that? Am I using Dora as a sitter? Crap, wonder how much that is gonna set me back. I hope she isn't expensive sitter.:)

Well she is napping so I am gonna go do the same, I did not sleep last night so my eyes are weary. And Martha will be on shortly so that always puts me to sleep..

I will check on the rest of you guys tonight when she goes to bed....



Home sweet home

its late, I am tired.

But we are home.

This trip has brought to light many things. One is that traveling with 2 kids ALONE, is not wise unless you have plenty of Xanex and or liquor.

We all had a good time, I took my camera and did not take one freaking picture.

But I need a vacation now.

We are under a Winter Storm watch. Going to get a crap load of snow. ( to me anything over a dusting is a crap load of snow).

I hate winter, I hate winter, I hate winter.

Funny things said while I was on my "get away"

Kissing spawn gets all bent out of shape when I tease him about kissing a girl. When I tease him about the barbie head he says " I am in training mom"

We are in my dads truck taking the kids to the MIL house. Kissing spawn says " so where you guys off too?" (talking to me and Jennifer)

" you girls must be off to the mall, all women and teenage girls like to waste time at the mall"

For a brief moment I thought maybe he was thinking I was young enough to look like a teenage girl. Then he says.." Well, old women like to shop too"

I was also convinced anyone I saw or heard coughing or sneezing was transporting the "Bird Flu" onto my plane. I wanted to tell them to please "get the hell away form myself and the children."

I gave anyone I saw who looked to be ill, a very nasty look. If you are sick, please stay home. We don't want any "bird flu " here.

If you plan a boarding a plane with or chicken, please rethink it. Or even a pigeon or Robin. I hate birds right now. I wont eat them, nor will I feed them. message to all birds

take your flu..And fly south already....And if u live in the south, I mean take it to Canada. If you live in Canada, I mean take it back to Asia. If you live in Asia. Please forgive me, for I have no idea where to send it.

disclaimer, I do not want the bird flu to travel to any of those spots. I am making a really bad joke. I realize it is not funny. But its late, and I am convinced I have the bird flu...


I will write more later. I can not wait to go read everyone. I have missed my daily reads. I hope everyone is doing well....


Sunday, November 13, 2005

what is worse than.......

What is worse than a 4 hour lay over at Chicago O,Hare airport with 2 spawns ?

I dont know, you tell me.

I would rather hit my figer with a hammer and nail numrous times. If that gives you any idea


Friday, November 11, 2005

So long..Forever....Well until Tuesday anyway:)

so we will be on our way to MSP international airport in the morning so me and 2 spawns go for a visit to the homeland and as Angie lovinly calls it sandtown...Either way..Same place..Sucks wither way..LOL

Something funny was said here today. I was joking around with the kissing spawn (which this name fits him more than ever,LOL)

Let me set it up for you....I am teasing him about kissing girls. Then covert spy spawn says " well he practices on my barbie head all da time"

oh no, my baby is making it with the hairdresser barbie..This can not be good..Not for barbie, not for him,definalty not for me...I ask him about it,,,this is what he tells

"its all true mom. Its all true" with a big smile on his face....I have lost my son to a barbie head.I just hope he was at least caressing her cheeks and play with her hairr...Least she is a cheap date, right?

ok...I will be gone till at least Tuesday.And I hope all my peeps have good weekends and stay out of trouble....I am going to find trouble....heehee

think of me when u see a plane fly by....Just not one you happen so see skid off a run way...:) that one wont be me (I hope anyway)

I got my new contacs and dang, I shore do look hot..LOL.....Too bad u cant see...Just trust me though....But I I see a yah at the airport,,,well, by all means by me dang sandwich:-)

have agood weekend guys and girls...I will miss u all....I will post Tuesday and go do some fast catch up on all my peeps..Love u guys...Stay safe and be good:)


Thursday, November 10, 2005

Momma,s getting a new pair of..............Glasses:-)

Well my dog has done it....Again...This time she chewed so bad they are beyond reconition.

Yup , my pup chewed my glasses. She chewed up both the bows so the only thing on the ends is shard metal..No plastic..

My little cushy eye pads for your nose...Yup there missing..

So today I am getting some . Well contacts actually. I have not been able to wear contacts in over a year, so I am excited about getting them again.

So there ya have it...My dog has done one good thing. Wouldn't have an excuse to get new ones if she wasn't so hungry:)

If you wanna read my post that only half makes sense...Go ahead and read the one before this....But READ AT YOUR OWN RISK:)


Another hulla hoop fiasco

Another installment of The Husband hulla hooping..


Me:" see what?"

TH:" I was doing it, I was really doing it"

Me: " that's nice dear," ( as baby spawn is sitting on the coffee table clapping her hands saying " good job momma"...Kid cant even get the name right).

I made a horrifying discovery today. I looked at wrappers on the counter, thinking who ate all these candies. I heard a scream, I wondered where it was coming from. Then I realized it was me. I had realized I ate 7 Almond Joy,s. the little bite size, so I figure its ok....What I don't understand about this whole situation, is I don't care for chocolate. And I hate nuts. ( insert you own joke here, Melis..LOL).

I guess its true what they say..." Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don't"

We are leaving for our venture to the "Homeland". me and 2 of my spawns will be flying the skies. And I am ohhh so looking forward to our 3 hour lay over in the Windy City..They should find that real entertaing....I am sure I will say these words more often then ever...."we will be there when we get there"

Ok I must admit my Ambien is effecting me..Just ask Melis..Poor thang was subjected to my retarded questions...And no her hubby was not moving...His blinkie was stationary..LOL...But I saw him moving...This is how my mind is right now..I see things that are not really there....Good Lord..I better go to bed..

I have so many things I had wanted to talk about tonight, but I cant right now. It would not make a lick of sense. Like why I think my cat wants to type on my laptop so she can write a letter......I don't think cats can type..But this is in my head as she is sitting here by me.yup..she just told me she wants to type..So I better go because she is not allowed in the computer room downstairs because she sometimes goes potty in the corner in there when she gets trapped in there.

so she needs my laptop, so I better go...Cant keep your pussy...I mean cat....Pussycat waiting....Ook I am done..

Love to all

BTW, the comments are weird now.I hate the word verifaction so I have it set up an differnt way to control spam...your comment will not be seen immedialty...but it will be dont worry if it isnt there after you write it..I have to approve all commnets..that way I can control the spam..much easier this way...

so just in case you were soon as i get the email..your commnets will be posted..your commnets are very imporant to I just wanted to keep you up to speed on this issue....if i am slow at getting to my email, it will take longer, but they will get there:)
thanks peeps{