Man in the mirror

When my grandpa died 2 years ago, that was the last time I truly sobbed. It takes a lot to make me cry, I am known for having a heart made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. Just ask my son,he will tell you.

When a celebrity passes away, I never give it much thought. I think..ehh, thats sad, sorta, and go about my day.

In the 5 years I have been writing on this blog, I have never really spoke about anyone famous who has passed away, because I normally don't give two or hell three shits about any but a select few.

When he died, I was in shock, total and udder shock. I did not know what to think, as this man was an intricate part of my childhood, and now he is gone. For Christ sake I practiced the Moonwalk for hours on my front porch because I thought since I am going to be his wife someday, I should really be a back up dance, cause I do have moves..

I had the red "pleather" jacket with the beading, the glove and my most prizes possions, my Michael Jackons Microphone that I sang all the shitty songs of the 80's with.

stop laughing, I do have moves...damn it people, cant you see I'm grieving?

No matter what you think about him, it makes no never mind to me, because this is my blog, and these are my thoughts, so get bent...

now that thats out of the way, I can go on.

Saturday I finally broke down and sobbed and sobbed. And right now as I write this, I am listening to my Itunes with my 20 plus MJ songs that I have, hey his songs are GREAT workout songs, trust me! I am wiping tears from the corner of my eyes, because I still can not believe he is gone.

It hit me bad yesterday morning, I was watching MTV or something of that sort, and they played his videos over and over again as a reminder to, that a part of my childhood had died.

I would see Bylines like this

In Memory of Michael Jackson 1958-2009

And it would make me sick. Still does.

No matter what you thought about his personal life, and frankly, I will be the first to say that he had some serious mental issues. But with a childhood as he had, how could he not?

The poor man suffered from a severe case of body dis morphia I do believe.

At one time he was the most beautiful man on the planet. I can recall watching the video "say Say Say" and thinking, holy cow, my husband is the most beautiful man in the whole world.

Take a look at this video, he is so young, so care free, so happy..practically perfect in every way.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gWvBXS2t4A

He is looking his best in this video, and this one is the really brings the tears to my eyes..

As I grew older, and as he did, I had second thoughts about bearing his children..Because he was just creepy looking.

This man was a poor tortured soul, and it breaks my heart his life ended so suddenly and his image tainted with all sorts of scandals. None of us know the truth, however I cant judge a man for things I am uncertain that he did. Like the rest of you, I have my doubts, but I can not let that taint the image of him I have embedded in my mind as an 8 year old sobbing when I heard his hair caught on fire, thinking he would surly die.

When I think back at his legacy, it makes me sick inside to hear the grossly things people say about him. The fact of the matter is, there is not an artist alive today that could even come close to surpassing his talent.

My son asked me the other day if such a big deal would be made if one of the Jonas Brothers died. I told him maybe on the Disney Channel, but in the real word, hell no...Than he asked the same thing about Miley Cyrus...I said the same thing. Than he said what if one of the Jonas Brother killed Miley

I told him you might have a story there my son.

No one can hold a candle to him musically..And those are the facts.

Now in my later years I was not such a big fan, because like many I thought not only was he weird, but all the scandals were just keeping me at bay. But about two years ago I came to the conclusion that no matter what I may think of him now, it does not change the fact most of his songs are flawless, and his talent surpasses anything that will ever be seen again in my lifetime.

About two months ago I was at Best Buy looking for some good workout songs, songs that make u want to move around and dance. In my hand I held History past present and future by Michael Jackson. It had every song I loved and them some. I thought to myself, I cant be seen with this shit. I can not go look the cashier in the eye and make this transaction. I just can not do it.

So I set it down. I thought I could do this in the privacy of my own home on a thing called Itunes.

So thats what I did.

When I look back at that, I feel ashamed. I was too embarrassed to buy a Michael Jackson CD.

I am not going to get into the logistics of him molesting tots, cause frankly it makes me sick..Now if he would have been convicted of those things, I have a feeling my thoughts would be slightly changed. In my heart of hearts I have to think, for my own good, that people were taking advantage of his kindness and his wealth and thought thats the way to bring this man down and hard...In my own mind thats what I NEED to think.

And thats all I will say about it, because its neither here nor there. We will never know the truth..So for my own sake, I need to think that he would not do anything of that sort.

There are a few artist out there who influenced me in different ways.

Elton John made me want to play the piano. When I was very small I remember my parents listing to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, and I was just hooked on the piano after that.

Prince influenced me in many ways a young child...Him and Michael Jackson both made Me want to be singers and songwriters as well as a dancer.

What child in the 80's did not watch a Michael Jackson video and want to be a dancer?

I had a note pad in my room and would write and compose my own songs, and when my parents were not home, i would go pound out the tunes on my piano. I wrote some pretty good shit too.

Those days are dead and buried, as well as most of my inspiration from the time period.

Here is another song that I adored..still do...

he looks so healthy in this video, although I can not ever picture him really having those sexual desires for anyone, its still a great song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tnI2_Ym7PI

Like I said, I don't want to hear how YOU hated him, or that he was a child raper...this was written to heal my own soul.

I thought for three days on whether to even write anything..but my heart is so sadly broken, I just had to get it all out.

A part of my childhood is gone, someone who made me love music as much as I still do to this day, someone who inspired many of us is gone..

Its going to take me a while to let this all sink in, because Its still like a very bad dream.

I will always remember him for the music man he was. Not for the tabloid fodder he had become over the last 15 years.


Its not fair to his children or to those of us who he inspired.

You need to make a distinction between his professional life and his personal life.

No one ever will achieve the greatest he had in his professional life.

And those are the things that will keep his memory alive within me.

Thats all I have to say about that.

cause I'm bad.

R.I.P August 29th 1958-June 25th 2009



















Thank you for the music, the inspiration and for being my first choice for walking down the aisle with me.

Love you Michael!

Come see the softer side...

Over the last month or so, I have been trying like hell to beat down the cellulite. I have a few things working against me, so I always try to go the extra meter.

Like I don't have a thyroid, nor do I take pills, because, well, that's not how I roll..

(ok really, I don't take them because I forget, this is why I could never take birth control pills, if I would of relied solely on that, I would be the octomom)

Now this shot I am taking to cure my female disease causes weight gain, he said 5-10 pounds. Like I need that.

I always rather enjoyed working out, ever since i was about 14. I was a rather scrawny teen, a strong wind would blow me into lake Huron at any given time.

I recall when I was knocked up with the first born, I quickly went from 120 to 220 in no time flat. I thought for sure I was going to be birthing a Kindergartner so instead of buying bottles and diapers, I started buying school supplies.

Well when the baby popped out, I was shocked to see an 8 pound body..I thought for sure the scale must be wrong, surly that kid had to be at least 40 pounds.

So ya see, I can blame on this issues on my son. And I do.

Thank you son for giving me a fat ass.

The last couple weeks I have been going to the gym non stop, 3 days a week I go on an 8 mile walk, and 2 days a week or so I go on a 4 mile walk.

I tell you, when the doc tells you that the stuff he is giving you will cause weight gain, you quickly think getting up at 4 am to run is a very good idea.

Than when he tells you that you could have a tumor in your colon, that gets your ass to the gym everyday..

Trust me, it works.

Anyway, I think I am going to get my hair highlighted. I am leaving for the homeland on the 9th of July and will return around the 26th.

I have a concert to attend and such, although this will be the last show I ever purchase tix for in Michigan. R.I.P. Michigan shows, I guess I will have to settle for all the mid west and western shows..God Speed.

This will be our last trip to Michigan for a while..hell even if we don't move for another year, we still are not going back for a while.

My poor mental state suffers greatly when I go. Not to mention my wallet and checking account.

I figure lets let some other people have the same kind of suffering. Cause I'm spent.

Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Lets see, what else...

Oh its rained here for about 2 weeks...I saw the once once yesterday and nearly called 911 because I was sure North Korea launched some sort of missile this way...I was just not use to the brightness. Its like I had become a bloody damn vampire.

Draw the shades, the missile is gonna hit..

what, thats the sun..

holy Christ my eyes are burning..

Oh and BTW, I thought the Pallin joke was freakin hilarious...I know if I would of been the one to write that, I surly would of been fired..This poor sap would of been sitting on the unemployment line waiting for govt cheese.

Oh wait, I was fired in 2007...only I did not need any govt cheese.

well...

So I thought maybe it was time for some sort of post, or update or some shit. I know how you people like to keep tabs on me, cause you are all nosey like that, and I get that.

Well I had my surgery, it went ok, I am still alive as you can see. Today I find out if I am having another one. Its all big fun, I swear to God, I wouldn't lie.

My Boo graduated from her pre-school, so now she is well on her way to graduating high school. The Boy is doing well, has a baseball game tonight and is always lookin for chicks. Little does he know I would rather him be gay than to bring a chick home. I don't think I will like any dames he brings home, because none are going to be good enough, and may only be using him for his hot roller blading skilz or his allowance.

Blondie is doing well. She graduates the third grade next week. She nearly bit her bottom lip off the other day at school.

Lets see, what else are u dying to know about?

Oh, our house is now for sale. So far there has not been any action, which is ok, cause we are not nearly ready to move yet.

The hubs is looking for employment in Arizona. That is where we both settled on.

Why are we moving you ask? Well, its a long and drawn out affair. Number one, MN sucks worse than MI when it comes to jobs and weather...I take that back, I think MI does suck more in the job area, I do stand corrected! We are glad we got out of that tumbling job market when we did. If we would of stayed sure as shit he would not have a job now.

We kind of feel this is a good time..even though the economy is shaky, better than it was, but still shaky, because our tots are getting older and once The Boy hits high school, its down right cruel to drop kick em out of school and shove him into a new one.

A couple years ago, the hubs and I decided in two years we would try and get out of here, not knowing the economy would shit itself.

Now that the economy is starting to re-potty train itself, we are more hopeful of getting out of getting out of here.

Plus he has had to take a nearly 15% pay cut, they stopped matching his 401K which means at this rate, we won't ever have enough money to retire. I can not find good enough employment here and there are too many mosquito's.

If a place hires him, that means their company is doing pretty f-ing well, otherwise they are not going to relocate a body from MN.

It may take a while, but eventually we will be out of here.

I am also looking for employment out there. I have a diverse background, I can do writing, I can work with the mentally ill, I can work in jails, and I can count, and I am damn good at my ABC's

So far I see tons of shit I could be hired for but it is kinda hard to even try to apply for anything until I know for sure when we will be there. But at least I know there is hope once I get there.

We just want to be settled down, and know we can plant our roots firmly into the sand..(cause ya know, its sandy out there and shit...) We don't want to have to think about relocating ever again..

The hubs is somewhat excited about the upcoming adventure...He said to me..

"Arizona does not sound all that bad"

My tots are excited about going there. Except The Boy. But he always looks for things to complain about. Once he gets there, that boy won't know what to do with himself, being surrounded by chicks in shorts all year round.

Now that the first part of my job is done, meaning my tots are all in school, and I can focus on doing things for me, I am looking forward to the journey. Before the tots were all in school, my main priority was to be here with them, because I myself did not have tots for them to be raised for 8 hours a day by someone else, even their grandma..My mom raised her tots, its not her job to raise mine..It's MY job.

So I sacrificed a good 10 years to be able to be here when it counted. Now that my son is old enough to babysit in the summers and during school breaks I am home free to be able to either continue my education or jump right in to full time employment.

Only there aint shit here...

Times are tough for many people right now. And we are thankful hubs is still gainfully employed, even though he has taken a huge pay and retirement cut.

But its time to move along..to get settled and stay put forever.

Where the sun is always out, the snow rarely hits, and palm trees all around. 4 hours from Vegas, 5 hours from San Diego. The tots and hubs can still go tussle in the snow if they wish, cause there are mountains and places where it does snow, which is only a drive away. Its the best of everything.

Now we just need to get there.

So there, your nosey little fuckers are updated.

Peace Out~

Well, its my birthday, I am having surgery Monday and God willing we will be moving soon.

So whats new with you?

Someday soon I hope to be back to my full time blogging job, but ya no, I am a tad lazy and its not like I have not told you this before.

Oh, and I hope noone gets the swine flu..

I have had one too many cherry bombs tonight...