Tuesday, October 31, 2006


Well I got the paint for Boo's room. I let her pick it out because I am a damn awesome parental figure. What's funny is that the color she picked was the color I wanted too...There were about 6 different shades of pink. We both picked out lollipop. Aint that sweet. So I am having Mr Shaky tape it all off, then Tuesday I am going to spend the day painting it. Boo keeps leading me over to where the paint is sitting and telling me " just paint my woom momma, come on"

Monday I was in the midst of doing something very important, when the dog was barking to come back in the house...So I yelled.."shut up u stupid dog, I will be there in minute" Do you know what my Boo did? She came to me, with hands on hips and says to me in her most stern voice.

now momma, dats not nice..Don't call people stupid, that's mean, ur a bad girl

Damnitalltohell I love this kid.

Then I told her OK, the dog is not stupid, but rather a big fat nuisance.

momma, dats not nice...U be good girl, not bad girl.

OK I went into the whole thing yesterday about Mr shaky looking gay. And the only reason I do not post a photo of him wearing my shit, is to only not cause myself embarrassment.

I have stated that Mr shaky and his whole entire gene pool are retards. That's no secret. But Mr shaky himself is tad "spent" if u ask me....This is him

so they say we need a gallon of water PER person a day?

This is me..

I don't know, what the hell are you talking about?

you see, during the infamous Y2K fiasco....and yes I call it a fiasco, because you know what he did? He had bought about 100 gallons of water...And I am not lying...I bet there was even more then that..Plus he had jar filled with money in our house. So we had this damn jar with about 2000 bucks in it, because he was worried about the banks failing..And he wanted enough money for getting supplies if we so needed them..Plus we had numerous first aid kits, flashlights, and enough kerosene for our heater to burn down a small village. and yes he bought a kerosine heater JUST for this event, ya no in case for some reason the electric company blew up or the gas company..Because holy crap it was winter and we would get cold...Plus I was pregnant for Blondie Bee at the time, and i wont even go into the details of that..Because holy crap u would think he was all crazy.....

All of this crap was kept in the basement.

I kept telling him this was all something a total wack job would do...And I did not want him wasting anymore money on such crap..

Oh and when the "dept of homeland security"...and I use this term loosely ,told us to put plastic on our windows..That DAY Mr shaky went out and got enough plastic to tape up all our windows..And indeed, all the windows in my house had that plastic film on them for about 6 months..Finally I could not take it anymore, when summer arrived I took them down, and holy crap he about had a breakdown..

By the time we moved here, my basement still had about 10 gallons of that water left..Mind you we moved here two years ago..

So now he is on the bandwagon of getting supplies again. I am convinced only crazy people get supplies.

As of now we have a new first aide kit..One big enough to cure a small village should they infact all get paper cuts..

a few gallons of water along with a bunch of bottled water..

and enough Flintstoines vitamins to get us thru a rough spot..not sure what purpose of the vitaimins are, but I have learend over the years, not to argue with a crazy mind..

you want to know why..

The North Koreans have this guy shitting in his pants..well depending on the day he could be shitting in my pants..

I am so tired of dealing with crazy...Good Lord..

And I was sadly mistaken when I said my Boo could infact wipe her own ass..She cant..I am the desginated ass wiper still. Which totally sucks, but tis better then changing the diaper with her crap stuck to her bum..

Now every time she poops she has to tell me if her poop was big or small, and as its going down the crapper she says " look momma, my poop is going down"

Why do I care? Better question why does she think that I do care?

Crazy all around me. I cant get away from it.

But one of the crazy people who lives at the crazy house I work at says to me Friday night " how old are you"

I asked her " how old do YOU think I am"

then this wonderful lady. ..who eats coffee grounds to keep the evil spirits away says


" u think I am 18"


" nope, I am not 18"

well surly u cant be any older then 23"

your right, I surly cant..Thank you crazy lady...Now go eat your coffee grounds..

See sometimes crazy aint all bad.

Bee Real

Happy Halloween..and why is it the day BEFORE this holiday it is 72 degrees out, but on the day I have to go outside and walk around the hood the high is 34..and with the wind chill will feel like upper teens to lower 20's?...why oh why...

all this so kids can dress up like idiots and collect food from people they dont know.

editors note...whem mr shaky came home from work he brought home two more first aide kits...i crap u not.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Let it go

man I hate it when we set the clocks back. Its an hour longer I have to keep these damn kids awake..

So I am going to update you on something....My Boo has not had ONE accident since I magically told her the diapers ran away. In fact, she tells me when she has to go potty, and she informs me if it will be a peepee run or a poopy run. I love this kid. Once during the weekend this retard said she had to go potty, and that she indeed had to poop. Being the cool mum I am we go hand and hand to the potty. She sits atop her seat, so she don't fall in...and she starts farting...I guess it was a false alarm. She got up looked in the potty and asked me where her fart went? I guess she was expecting to see it floating in the bowl or something..

i did a lil shopping this weekend. I finally got my Boo a big girl bed..This is the bed she is getting..

I spent way too much money on it, but damn she is gonna look good sleeping in it. It wont be here until Friday..So I need to get her room painted before then..She wants it pink..So damn it, its gonna be pink. What she wants, she gets...wanna know why?

Because hell, I don't have to change diapers anymore, and that makes me happy.

We carved our pumpkins Saturday....see..I am a good carver..

I don't carve turkeys, or humans, but I can carve a shitty lookin pumpkin...am I right?

here we are...I have pumpkin guts in my hair, some dried on my face...some up my arms....oh and i wish I could say I was wearing a mask..but I am afraid I am not..

man I look like hell there...damn..I cant believe I am even posting that..Well that's me in my work out clothes with pumpkin guts caked in my hair...and with three lil retarded goblins surrounding me..do I look frightened?

Mr shaky is prancing around here baking cakes and wearing a pair of my workout pants..it totally makes him look gay...not that being gay is a bad thing..well it is if ur married to me..other then that, ur ok..But I mean, it leaves nothing to the imagination with him wearing them..I told him it looks ridiculous, yet he contiues to prance.

Mr gay shaky he is today..

he is really gonna be pissed off when he reads this.....but I bet your cake is gonna taste smashing....

Well if I am not around for a few days its cuz I am painting or doing something just as destructive.

No more wiping asses for Bossy....But now I do have to witness my boo telling her poo bye bye as we flush it down the crapper. How charming.

Bee Real

Friday, October 27, 2006

When love and hate collide

well, Mr shaky in fact did not win his chili cookoff. I knew I shoulda cooked it. I only hope all those judges who had to eat 11 different chili's have some nasty gas for the next week...The kind that burns ur bum when it comes out..U know what I mean right?

Well Thursday was a day. A day that will live down in infamy here at bossys hive. Today my friends, was the day my Boo Bee did in fact use the potty all day. Yes my friends hell has froze over, and it feels good. I thought for sure I would send her to kindergarten wearing depends. But my 3 year old is coming of age. She is still a retard, don't get me wrong, but at least she can wipe her own ass now. There is a God and he is smiling down on me today.Thank u Jesus...

but the day quickly turned sour when I had to dig my 40 tampons out of my purse. It seems like I just needed them not long ago. It seems I have had a visitor in my uterus three times this month. But alas, I double checked and the last time it happened was when the in laws were here, which was a month ago...

And how do u explain to your three old the use of a tampon? She comes into the bathroom, because I have no damn privacy anymore...These kids think just because I pushed them from my loins they can join me for some quality bathroom time.. as I am getting out my needed equipment, she is asking what it is. I tell her she does not need to worry about for about 10 years. She then says..momma I treee ears ode, not ten momma"...Good lord I need to put a lock on my potty door.

While running on my treadmill last night I pulled something in my knee. Now everytime I run it hurts real bad. Man why am I getting so damn old? I am only 31 years old, why do I feel like a geriatric, arthritic , osteoporosis suffering woman everytime I get up from a seated position?..What the hell?

Oh and to top it all off my cat just tried to claw my eyes out. She can see some kind of reflection in my glassy eyeball and was trying to get it out...Why am I cursed with such beautiful, shiny eyeballs?

Ok my work here is done...

and Mr shaky better not be letting any air out tonight, if u catch my drift. Or there will be trouble...For him anyway..

bee real

Thursday, October 26, 2006


There is a diease that runs rampid in my family. I am not sure if its stupidity or a new morphed, mutated gene of smartness, only ur not smart. A super gene. A gene that is restistant to any form of learnen. I do believe it is becoming an epidemic. Kind of like obesity or type 2 diabetes. Only healthy eating and excerising wont cure it.

Only a lobotomy or a dreaded brain transplant will subside your symptoms. I am cool with either way...
My poor granny called me the other day..This is how the conversation went.

" so ur sister told me u and ur mom went to some sort of concert over the weekend."

"yup..We sure did, and it was awesome."

" ur dad use to like them too..."

" huh"

" ur dad had all their records as a kid."


" well didn't u go see Led Zepplin?"

" um no, half of them are dead and the band broke up 20 some years ago"

" oh, well what era is this band from?'

"the 80's"

" and ur sure it wasn't led zepplin?"

at this point I stopped tryin to convince her that indeed I did not see Led Zepplin. According to her, she had never heard of Def Leppard, so there for they must not exist So I guess I saw Led Zepplin this weekend. What a fool am I?

I am sure she will go to her old person functions and tell all her old people friends that her granddaughter met led Zepplin over the weekend. And oh what a good time she had.

I look for her to be forced into a nursing home before weeks end.

Mr Shaky has entered a chili cookoff at work today. I don't think he will win. But he wants to. For some reason he thinks if he wins he will some how show them. Like him winning a chili cookoff will earn him a promotion or a raise, or end up costing the company what he thinks he is worth..I don't know, I don't question it. My chili is better, but he insisted on making his...Its all in the judges hands now. God help them if he don't win.

well I need to go to some damage control, let my family know that indeed I do know that I in fact did not meet Led Zepplin, and that I know that.

I don't want to be known as the girl whose talkin smack about led zepplin..But let me state for the record

Zeppin isn't all that. In fact, I have heard..from various sources that their music is only good and only makes sense when ur loaded and stoned.

Im just sayin..

bee real.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006


OK, so Pat is so far working out. I am guessing its a female..I know there are no obvious genitalia on an Ipod, but some things u just can sense. I don't like her as much as I did Sheila, even though they look the same. Ya see, Me and Sheila we had a bond. A bond that could not be broken. Pat, she don't know me yet. And frankly, it may be best that way. After people know me, they tend to not like me so much anymore. i blame it on my mouth or the lack of a filter on my mouth.

So Mr Shaky bought himself some new shoes , after wearing two different ones to work the other day. Some days I swear he needs to be a on 24 hour watch. I mean really, who has ever worn two different shoes to work..show of hands please...yes see...NO ONE.

Boo has a "snuffy nose" and is demanding to see a damn doctor. " momma I need go to doctor"

no boo, u don't need a doctor, what u need is an overdose of NyQuil to keep your damn trap shut for 5 damn minutes....that will solve your snuffy nose and will solve the headache your giving me..

you wanna know what my son is doing at this minute? course u do..he is sitting in a lawn chair in the front yard..mind u its like 35 degrees out. and he is reading a book. he has been out there 2 hours...who does that? Why cant he pull up a chair inside of the house? Why is he out in the yard? The sun will be setting soon, I may need to take the lad a damn flashlight. Least he could out there is rake.

A few more weeks till my dads wedding. I was hoping to be down to a size -4 by then..But looks like I am still holding strong on that 10...Which totally pisses me off. course it wont be as pricey for my altertaions I need..I mean if she had to resew the whole thing down to a -4...that might cost me some dough..I need to start tanning daily, I am looking a tad pekid.

I found this on a blog the other day and thought it looked fun..so I did it, I don't normally do these things, but hell, its time for a change right?..yes I had election season..

So here it is.

Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)Put it on shufflePress play
For every question, type the song that's playingWhen you go to a new question, press the next button
Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool!If you haven't already done this on your own blog, do it.


Opening Credits: Get off, by prince

Waking Up: Disappear, by INXS

First Day At School: grapefruit, juicy fruit..Jimmy Buffet

In Love: Golden Age of Rock n Roll, by Def Leppard

Fight Song: The Entertainer, by Billy Joel

Breaking Up: Original Sin by INXS

Prom: The Logical Song by Supertramp

Life is Good: Tiny Dancer by Elton John

Mental Breakdown: Mad man across the water by Elton John..haha

Driving: Understanding by Bob Seger

Flashback: Lets get rocked by Def Leppard

Getting Back Together: Stand up by Def Leppard

Wedding: Come Monday by Jimmy Buffet

Paying the Dues:Money dont matter 2 nite by Prince

The Night Before The War: Rock of ages by Def Leppard

Final Battle: Dont shoot shotgun by Def Leppard..hehehe

Moment of Triumph: Another one bites the dust, by Queen..(seroiusly it was next thats too funny)

Death Scene: Heaven Is, by Def Leppard

Funeral Song: Goodnight Siagon by Billy Joel..again I swear to God i am just pushing next song and this come up

End Credits: Rock Brigade by Def Leppard

see there is a little taste of the crap that is stored in Pat. Out of like 500 songs 140 are def leppard songs, 80 are elton john and 75 are prince. I am such a loser. No need to tell me, I already know, but thanks.

Which reminds me, the new Hysteria remix cd just came out, I need to go buy it. That my friends is the Leps crowning achievement I do believe...who's with me on that? Hard to believe its been nearly 20 years since that came out..makes me feel so old.

well happy hump day.

I need to go lay out Mr Shakys clothes for tomorrow...I need a drink.
My son was sitting here at my computer and an email came in..he syas " mom u got an email"

mr shaky tells him " your mom gets tons of emails

then my son says " yes thats what happnes when your famous"

My kid thinks I am famous, I love that kid

Bee Real

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Love doesnt always bite

OK , I promise this will be my last post about my trip..for this week anyway. I did not tell you much about it, I was kind of rushed in posting yesterday.

The drive to Fargo was faster then I thought. And if anyone has ever been to Fargo, there aint much there, u can back me up on that.

Now I have been told some places don't allow cameras inside the arena. I had no troubles getting it into the Target Center in July when I saw them..I will remind you..this is the best I could get..I was sitting in Missouri I think..

See, they look like tiny ants....what a shame.

Now at the Fargo Dome there were signs on the doors that no cameras were allowed. So I knew I would need to hide my camera. My mom had an ingenious idea. I was just gonna hide it in a small little section with a zipper. She suggested not only doing that, but to lace my purse with tampons. So I had about 20 tampons overflowing inside my purse. When we went thru the line, the nice young man said I needed to open my purse. I smiled big and unzipped it. When my tampons started falling out, he said " go on in mam"

So let that be a lesson...tampons, not just for plugs anymore, they have multiple uses people.

Lets all take a moment and thank the tampons...thank you tampons, you allowed a woman who was NOT having her period able to sneak a camera into an event...thank you..

Everyone had a camera, so maybe everyone used the tampon bit. But as I was standing there right next to the stage, the security staff sat there watching us all take pictures. Go figure.

When we got to our seats, I just could not stop pinching myself, I had never been in a front row, let alone even on the damn floor of any concert. It was totally cool...

Now that I have been in the front and leaning against the gate of the stage, I will NOT ever be able to see a concert any other way again. And really there are only a handful of people I would smack down that kinda loot to see that way. Prince, Elton John and my Leps..that's it.

I will share a few more pics from the show....

I was sure he was looking for me...He lost me in the crowd, or so he thought..poor baby, mommas here..

this is Joe telling the guys to stop looking at his woman, she is taken...he has a feisty side..see....

This is just a pic of them sharing a mic, I really liked this pic..I don't know why.

now this is Joe wondering if he should tell his wife that he found his soul mate, or to just continue with the show and tell her later..

he did wait till after the show...In fact, I am still waiting...this is me..waiting...

These are the buses that brought my dear boys here. I chased them around the parking lot..it was a grand adventure.

Now this is the young lad whom I got my photo and autograph with, he is getting on said bus after the show...I think he loves me too..

don't worry boys, there is enough Bossy to go round!

Me again holding my treasure. Might pay for my funeral someday. Or a big mac..Not sure which.

We are gonna stalk them again next year when they tour. A friend of mine who has connections with the band, saw them in a bar in Nebraska the other night, one of the guys told her that they are just finishing thier new album and plan on touring next fall. I will again stalk them, this time when I meet them I am gonna make sure my mom can work the damn camera....damnit.

Well these sluts will see you next time boys..

Ok moving on....I get this email from Mr Shaky yesterday...this is what it says.

I wore two differnt shoes to work.

This is what I wrote back to him

your an idiot.

I think the poor lad is still jelous, he hates to see the Leps fighting over his woman. I keep telling him not to worry, they dont want a fat old hag..but if they did, he might need to buy me shit to sway me.

My mom kept teasing Butch, that she was gonna come home with a husband. Yesterday my son says to her.

" i thought you were gonna bring home a husband"

my mom told him that she was to old and fat so she came home empty handed. He say

yup..i figured so..

Ok, Thats all I will write about the show...You know it rocked. You know the guys are in love with me..you know it all...Its all out in the open. Dont be haters people, its just my charm, wit and my big ta-ta's...

Until next session

Bee Real

Monday, October 23, 2006

I came, I went, I got an autograph and a crappy pic

OK, I know you all just dying to know..

The show was freaking awesome. Not only did we have seats in the SECOND row, but during the Leppard show, I stood in front of the stage and leaned against the gate. I saw the sweat, I saw the wrinkles, I saw the flab under Joes arms when he clapped his hands. I even got a a guitar pick that was thrown out..

This is mom and I before the show..

This is me standing up against the rail...the stage is right there in the background..yes my eyes are closed, this is what happens when u let your drunk momma take the pic.

Here are some from the show.....

It wont let me post anymore, I have to do one other post on how I was nearly arrested...show you my autograph and the crappy pic of me and one of the guys in the band...yes I did meet them..only got an autograph of one and pic..and my pic did not turn out well because I think my mom forgot to turn the flash on...it was midnight, it was 20 degrees, and I had on NO socks, just sandals and a skirt, along with my freakin winter coat...

So look below this one later, and the rest of the story will be there..along with some pics..

Fargodome sucks.....

def Leppard rocks

Bee Real

Sunday, October 22, 2006

the rest of the story...

OK this is a few more from the show..I took over 100 pics but I will not burden you with them all....cause I am cool like that..

OK now onto the story....after the show we stood in our designated stalking area. It was 20 degrees I had a a skirt and sandals. This is how dedicated I am to the cause here folks.

The security guys told me to keep on walking. I told him that indeed I would NOT be moving and I was not hurting anyone. He then told me if he had to tell me one more time, he would be calling the cops. I then told him.." what r they gonna arrest me for standing in the parking lot?"

There was a small group of us. We had a plan. We were sticking to it. We saw them come out the the door and we all ran like the boogie man was chasing us toward them..

The fella I met, Vivian says to me..and I quote " its colder then a witchs tit out there, arent you cold?"...indeed I was .
in his nice accnet of course..

Here is my crappy photo...if u can make out the outline, its me and the dude from the Lepps...

I know its hard to see..but trust me folks, it was a magical moment.

This is what I was wearing, do I look cold?

This is the dude..Vivian. He was getting onto the bus...I took this pic after i ran up and shook his hand and gave ONE more hug.. He was VERY sweet...had the prettiest eyes too..

Oh i forgot to tell you about making eye contact with two of the Leps...another magical moment...

This is my autographed ticket...the sharpie he used and all.

This is me back at my hotel, in my jammies...holding my money ticket..I mean autograph proudly..

We got back around 1230..after they did get the cops involved. I still don't have a record, so that's good. We ordered a veggie pizza when we got back, it was delivered about 1:15am..we were hungry.

I had an awesome rockin time, and we are doing this Again next year, this time I will get better pics and make sure I am able to get autographs and pics of all of them...then I can die a fat happy lady.

Bee Real

Friday, October 20, 2006

Im HOT sticky sweet...u know the rest

So, I got a package Thursday. I knew what it was before I even opened the door. My hands started sweating, my heart began racing. It was my Sheila. Now, I am not sure what to think. I know for certain it is not MY Sheila, for two reasons
1. It is not Sheila, all her scratches , marks, and birthmarks are missing
B. They told me it was a replacement.

So, on first examination, things look good. It appears brand new. No marks, no smudges..There was even that film on her that was on her when I first got her. I had to peel it off.

But it did get me wondering. Did they give me a new cover and a "refurbished" inside? Bastards..I don't know...Are the pulling the wool over my eyes? Are they getting a good laugh at my expense? Or did I scare the hell out of them and they sent me a new one?

Well since I don't know....I have changed her name.....

Everybody, meet Pat

Since I am not sure what it is..I thought this was a good name for her...Or him..Shit I don't even know the sex now.

So I am leaving at 0800 tomorrow morning for Fargo...for those of you who cant keep up, that's 8am military time..mmkay..

We will embark on a journey of epic proportions. I will travel towns and cities and countrysides I have never seen. I will get lost at least once. All in the name of this man..

Not just him, but the whole kit and kaboodle.

This will be what I am wearing....

I know I will freeze, I know I will regret this choice. I know I be glad in the end I did.

My first time sitting front row of a "good" concert. The chance to meet one or all, and maybe get an autograph or two or four, and hopfully at least one more photos with them. This is called dedication folks. Now Mr Shaky would much rather me prefer to have dedication to much worthy causes, such as, but lot limited too

* house cleaning

*world peace

* volunteering at the local soup kitchen

* cleaning litter boxes

*potty training boo bee fully

* house cleaning.....

* praying...

yes I could go on and on....He is jealous, its ok. I don't blame him. I am going off to another state to stalk a rock band. What he does not realize is I have been dreaming of this moment since 1987.

Yes, almost 20 years.

I will go, I will party like its 1999.

Man, a bird just flew into my window. Happens about once a week. I don't get it..My window is covered with bird shit, how could they mistake that for something clear and pliable to fly thru...Maybe he is trying to impress the ladies, I don't know. But I have buried a few of his close friends and family. Not all of them survive this accident.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I will post about my adventures Sunday night or Monday morning. And there will be lots of photos.

since I don't plan on following any rules this weekend, u don't have to either. Live it up, and party hard.

Step inside, walk this wayYou and me babe,

Hey, hey!

Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp,

like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?

Razzle 'n' a dazzle 'n' a flash a little light Television lover, baby, go all night

Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet Little miss ah innocent sugar me, yeah Hey!

C'mon, take a bottle, shake it up Break the bubble, break it up Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon fire me up Pour your sugar on me Oh, I can't get enough I'm hot, sticky sweet From my head to my feet yeah

Listen! red light, yellow light, green-a-light go! Crazy little woman in a one man show

Mirror queen, mannequin, rhythm of love Sweet dream, saccharine, loosen up

You gotta squeeze a little, squeeze a little Tease a little more

Easy operator come a knockin' on my door Sometime, anytime, sugar me sweet Little miss innocent sugar me

, yeah Take a bottle, shake it up Break the bubble, break it up Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon fire me up Pour your sugar on me Oh, I can't get enough I'm hot, sticky sweet From my head to my feet yeah

[guitar solo]

You got the peaches, I got the cream Sweet to taste, saccharine

'Cos I'm hot, say what,

sticky sweet From my head, my head, to my feet Do you take sugar?

one lump or two?

Take a bottle, shake it up Break the bubble, break it up

Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon fire me up

Pour your sugar on me Oh, I can't get enough Pour some sugar on me Oh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me Get it, come get it Pour your sugar on me Ooh Pour some sugar on me

Yeah! Sugar me!

BEE REAL!!!!!!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Armageddon it

Dear Christina,
Your service request has been completed and your replacement IPOD 5TH GENERATION is on its way. Please allow two business days for delivery.
Tracking number: c
arrier: DHLDate shipped: 2006-10-18

Applesucksasses CEO

oh hell no, tell me it does not say "replacement"

When Sheila arrives back here, if she is not as I sent her, or not a new one...I swear, and this is a solemn swear , I will cause such a ruckus for one or more people at the receiving end of my phone call. It will be a call that will live down in Applesucksasses emphomy.

Only 2 more days till my show. I am getting the necessary preparations in place. Such as but not limited too,

* proper styling productions for my hair..This is for the pre show party, it is an 80's bash with all u can drink beer and food..

* charged up cell phone and camera.....Just in case of an emergency.

* a valid drivers license...Crap....Lets scratch that one off shall we...

* Map....Um, ok I don't have that yet either.

* nice sparkely, lacey ,red bra...for more own comfort of course..

* A new purse

* hair color, yes I am coloring my hair for the event...A nice shade of honey

* a sharpie

* and last but not least....My lipgloss

lipgloss can do amazing things...Trust me, I know.

I am going to be spending my day today cleaning out my van. Yes my mom wheels are transporting me to said event. I would take Mr shaky's car, but it aint got no cd player.

My van is a mess, and it has a weird odor, so much so that everytime Boo gets in it she says she smells yogurt. That can not be a good sign.

Lets see.....I have a had a crappy as& day. I had to work at both places. Then I get home and found out my blog was down for most of the day. My house was a little on the messy side, and it snowed a bit as well.

The Bees don't have school for the next two days, so this means a potential of sleeping in. Only problem is Boo is like a built in rooster. I hate roosters and or all poultry.

Well I need to go gather my supplies. I have big plans for the weekend..BIG. HUGE.

I like to gather supplies. I should form my own militia or something.

Bee Real

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Personal property

I went and bought some Halloween candy over the weekend. Because I suck like that. I went to Target, yes Target. Guess how much the bags of cavity treats were? 10 bucks a bag! Is this normal? I don't recall what we paid last year, but I am damn sure I woulda never paid that much per bag to feed ugly kid. So there went nearly 100 bucks just buying the candy. I hate Halloween. The only damn holiday I have to spend my money feeding kids I cant stand.

Now let me get on to the costume portion of Halloween. I asked the bees what they wanted to be. Boo wants to be a butterfly, which is totally rockin because I still have Blondie bees wings from 3 years ago. The rest of her costume will be homemade..Scary thought.

Butch wanted to be the grim reaper. He was that last year, so whatever. I did get rid of his costume from last year because it really freaked out Boo. I swear to God, days after Halloween she would not sleep. If you don't believe me, go check out the posts from last year.

Blondie wants to be Frankenstein.

I go and look for suitable costumes. And I could not find anything that did not look cheesy or lame. When did Halloween costumes become cheesy? When I was a kid, we had so much to choose from, I would start putting the wheels in motion around August. Gathering up supplies, ideas and whatnot...I took it very seriously. And I looked damn good every year I dressed.

I think I stopped around grade 5. After that my heart wasn't in it anymore..

But nowadays you cant find anything worth while. Unless your crafty, and can make your own, your costume is going to suck. Just so you know.

So I grabbed a few odds and ends and some face makeup. My Blondie is now going to be The Bride of Frankenstein. She is super looking forward to that. Butch, I am not sure what he is, but I got him a red robe with a hood. I know his is gonna suck, but I will make sure his face is done really cool. I am good that way. I am thinking about talking him into being a zombie.

check this idea out. He has some jeans that are too short on him, I was thinking of getting them muddy and maybe slashing them a bit. Getting one of his old shirts and do the same. Dig out his old shoes, and do up his face really creepy. I have it all in my head, I just need to do up a PowerPoint presentation for him. He is very picky about Halloween.

Some people don't let their kids go trick or treating. Which is fine with me. Its a personally choice. To me kids are only kids once. Halloween is what you make of it. To me its one day out of the year that your child gets to dress up like something they truly have their hearts set on. They get to be wonderfully silly or scary for that one day. They get to go door to door and collect what is like gold to them...Candy. They get to do crazy things you can not normally do, without getting arrested that is..

if you think about it, you grow up so fast. Some of my best memories as a kid was going trick or treating. And I would not take that away from my kids for anything. There life , on a normal day, sucks ass. School is much harder these days, there is the whole social aspect of being a kid. Which can suck ass. Your parents yell at you, demand you do chores and homework. Kids don't have it easy. They really don't. The world today is much different then when I was a kid.

Halloween is what you make of it. Let your kids have fun, dress up and collect gold for that one damn day. It will be some of the best memories they will have. Sure it sucks spending money on candy and custom es, but it is one day a year. And it will be worth it.

Ugly kid has given Blondie Bee his whole deck of yo-gi-o cards. Which are like 500 dollar bills to kids. Kids are stupid that way.

As Butch was looking thru them, he spotted lots that ugly kid had stolen from him..

If Blondie so much as even entertains the thought of marrying ugly kid, not only will she be banished from all family gatherings, but she will be stoned.

Bee real

Oh and today is my dads birthday..he is a whopping 52....the bastard is marrying a 28 year old..and i graduated with her sister...

Happy Birthday Big Lar....thats what I call him, big lar..no he is not big, thats just what I call him..ok.

ok by request of a good friend, i did the face thing again, without my glasses..this is an old pic, when I was much fatter..but what the hell can I do about that?

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I wanna touch u

So, only 4 more days till I make the evening news for stalking an aging rock band..YEE-HAW!

I have seen this on numerous blogs in the past, never thought about doing it, till now. This is just for fun..I took pics from each member of the hive and scientifically enhanced them to see what famous people we all look like. I was trying to see if any of us have any potential. Sadly we don't.

Here is one of mine...now I have been told that Me and Janine Garofalo look alike, when i have really dark hair. But Robert Redford and Jeff Goldblum, now that's first class looks right there people.

Here is Butch...

I did two for him and both were different,,this is his first one..why the ethnic people? he is a lil white boy?..

Here is Blonides...seems she looks like a variety of ugly men

Boo, freaks and geeks is who she resembles..poor lil girl

Here is Butch's second one...My baby looks like Sharon Osborn and Oprah? This is not good. Only dude here is Barry Gibb. That's plain scary.

Here is Boos second one.....not sure which one is worse, this one or the other one. Goldie Hawn? I think not...She does not resemble of of these jokers.

Here is Mr Shaky. Notice Travis Tritt?..This is troubling me. Or maybe the fact one of the Hanson brothers is there..and Sidney P. I find this whole test troubling..

This is Blonides last one. Its funny how people tell me she looks like Meg Ryan or Sandy from Grease, but yet she looks like these people...Jack Osborn? I find that one troubling as well...

This is my last one, Is it sad I have no clue who any of these people are, well besides Christian Slater, and I know Stan Lee is a comic book guy...but what the hell? I think they are making up people now.

So there ya go.....if u do this let me know, I would love to see your results...it might be scary. You might not be as good looking as you thought.

when you and your family resemble each member of the Osborn clan, you know u messed up. Should left them genes in the gene pool.

I was not going to share this, but thought maybe I needed some input. I had this dream...yes its a dream folks....

It involved The Wiggles, jail, a girl from school, and a knife.

Now I have told the girl whom was in the dream all about it, and the scary thing is, she said she could totally see this happening..

Ok it was her and I. We were somewhere, not sure where now. The Wiggle in the yellow shirt wanted her BAD..I mean he was in love with her. Now you might have guessed this, but that damn Blue Wiggle was border line stalking me again. Shirts fly, words are spoken...to make a long story short, me and Carmen wind up in the jail I work at. We are throw into the cell with the females whom hate me.

One of them bitches threatens her, I cant remember now if they tried to kill her or what, but I ended up doing one of them in...don't ask how, those details are sketchy.

So how do I get a restraining order against the Blue Wiggle. I think he may be obsessed with me.

Anthony wiggle, this is a very unhealthy love you have for me. I don't find you appealing anymore..(um, well most days) with your ultra white teeth and your Elvis burns. I am sorry, this can not go on. We are over, you hear me..OVER!

OK I am driving back to the loony bin in which I just escaped from.

Bee real

Monday, October 16, 2006

two steps behind

Well my good friends at The Applesucksasses store must have known I meant business Thursday, Because Sheila's box to transport her to the Ipod hospital arrived early Friday morning. I swear if she comes back without her birthmarks, or NOT in a new box that has NOT been tampered with, there will be bloodshed.

I'm just sayin...
so, this is my countdown to the big show I will attend Saturday in Fargo. Not only will I be sitting in the first 10 rows, but I am bringing a tattoo needle with me so they can ink me in the boobs with their names....Try selling that on e-bay..

I am not looking forward to the 3 plus hour drive, but heck, if Dora can read maps, I should be good to go..I think.

I will be bringing back photos of the whole incident. And I am calling it an incident, because I am not sure how it will all go down..I may be boarder line stalking..There may be police involved, there may be yelling and or screaming at other hussies tryin to get their paws on my men. I will fight for them..I am a fighter, not a lover.

Hopefully my photos don't get confiscated, as part of the empending investigation.

As of right now I have basically been up 48 hours with no sleep other then a few cat naps. This makes me cranky. This makes me pissed off, because I shoulda known better then to get a job. Jobs are for wussies.

Mr Shaky has put my Boo Bee in a Sunday school class. I personally think she is to young to understand anything. So I tested the waters yesterday. I asked Boo who God was. her answer.

" ME"

I asked her who Jesus was

" dats you daddy"

then she told Mr Shaky to lay on the floor so she could walk on his head and poke his eyes out.

Yup, sounds like Sunday School is panning out just fine...just fine indeed.

Bee Real

Friday, October 13, 2006

Oh Sheila part B

So, the saga continues...........

I call my local Applesucks store, they don't fix Ipods, I have to send it in....I have to pay the shipping and whatnot, even though it is still under warranty. which I find totally repulsive.

In order to get the account open to get my Sheila fixed, I had to make a user Id for Apple. My first attempt was applesucks..it was taken
My second attempt was applesucksass....it was taken...notice a theme here, i am not the only one who thinks so..So my last try was applesucksasses...BINGO, that was free.

When I was talking with the man on the applesucks hotline, he made a comment about my id. I told him if apple did not suckass I would not have had to resort to that.

When u first call it is an automated thing, which pisses me off. He says

say the name of the product your having trouble with

i say..IPOD

he says..I think you said MAC 360 sucksdonkeyballs

I say NO

He says, I am sorry I did not understand you, did u say Apple whateverbutiamsureitsucks

I say..NO

then I am put on hold...and I am listening to freaking Spanish music.

I spend the whole day trying to figure out how to get Sheila fixed. After a few strongly worded emails to my good friends at Apple...I think Sheila may be on the road to recovery. They are sending me a box, I will ship her, they will fix her.

It says on the website that if my Ipod should need to be replaced, they would do so, but it may be with a "refurbished ipod" I told my good friend on the phone that if they even so much as think of sending me a used Ipod, not only will I come there with a pellet gun and shoot everyone in the ass, but I will also come equipped with a paint gun, apples are red and green, and those would be the colors I would be bringing with me.

I told him I did not pay 400 bucks for my crap to break, then for them to send me a used one..I said and I quote

"that would be a dreadful mistake on your part to send me a used one, just consider that a warning...not a threat per say, but it is a verbal warning, and I will be giving it to you in writing as well"

to which he said..

" yes mam"

So here is Sheila...

She is going to the Ipod doc soon, and she better not be replaced with a phony.

This is one reaosn I am so pissed off...

See that....it is snow, and snow sucks, and it kills. Kinda like crack. Not only is snow cold, but it is slippery and wet. And in order for it to snow, it has to be freak butt cold outside. And I don't like freak butts, or cold. Get my drift?

And this is what happens when u let your 3 year old pick her own clothes out..

Yes that is a tie dyed shirt..she did make it herself....and those are paisley print pants.

So this has been my week in a nutshell, lets recap

*Sheila dies

*it snows

*I am informed I am full of Bactria and that is why i smell

*have to make threatening calls to apple and waste my time

*i learn we fart 14 times a day, not me, but everyone else

*Oprah thinks she is God, but really is only a disciple of the "i think I am God" club

* my spell check does not work

*Sheila dies, I am her only advocate, I try and get her help

* I threat bodily harm

* I call a lady about altering my dress for the wedding, and I get no call back..so I am going to drive half our out of my way to have it done..

*I want to make a tanning appt for 6pm. She says they are open till then, but the last appt so far is at 4, and she does not want to have someone sitting there for 2 hours, with no appts..to which I say, isnt that thier job?

only a few more weeks untill this wedding I am in. The wedding of my dad and the nice young gal who is way younger then me, and the sister of a gal I graduated with. Life is funny. Oh my dad surgery went well, he is off work for 3 weeks, got his staples out the other day. They did not kill him.

Man, a kid just walked into my house again looking for Blondie Bee. Who raises thier kids to just walk into someones house? I am gonna be putting a pellet gun on the back stoop, and start shooting these kids as they feel free to come into my hive. Maybe a good shoot in the bum will keep them at bay.

So this is my first weekend Sheila free. It may be too much for me to bare.

Please send your condlences to

5432 applesucks Blv.

Minneapolis , Mn


No rules for the weekend, I dont care what ya do....knock yoursleves out and go ahead and get loaded on the courthouse lawn.

Good day mates

Bee real

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Oh Sheila

I am madder then a wet coon. I am madder then a lassie sittin on the bog with her knickers round her ankles realizing there is no TP...

I can not even put into words how angry I am. My emotions are vile and not blog worthy. The words I want to use right now would only be suitable for an NC-17 rating. I have even made up my own curse words. That's how mad I am.

Dear Apple....

i think u saw that one coming

I hate you. My Ipod, Sheila, will not charge. I even talked ole Mr Shaky into buying me a new cord before Friday. Being the nice lad he is, he accommodated my demands. I opened the box with glee. I ran over to my Sheila and plugged her in. Oh gosh, the battery says its charging, Sheila says she is charging..of course that is what it said before, but this is a new cord, so it MUST be charging.

Alas, it was not. My Sheila is on the verge of death, and I can not revive her. On your website you have absolutely NO good information. I am thisdamnclose to walking into one of your fancy Apple stores with a 12 gauge pellet gun. I plan I popping everyone is the ass until someone either gives me a new freaking Ipod, or fixes this one.

How can you make such an incompetent piece of electronics. Why can my son make a radio from a potato, water, and some wires....But you cant get the Ipod right? Do you have illegal immigrants working and manning your Ipod making factories? You know they don't know English right?..They probably have this thing put together half ass backwards. You suck Apple. You so suck more then any word that I can even think of. That's how bad you suck.

My blood is boiling. I am feverish. I may stroke out here. God I HATE you Apple. I hate you.

I want to forget about you Ipod. But your like crack. Crack is something that is hard to get off of. Crack is whack don't know?....

So apple this is my recommendation for you and your squirrelly company.

stop producing the ipods in mass quantity. You don't have it right yet. Maybe I should send my 9 year old son to show you how to get it to work. This boy can build anything. And he knows English. That is a plus.

Suck it Apple. Suck it hard and long....Your rotten, full of worms and make very sour pie.

Yours truly,
a very mad Bossy.


Plus other things that have my knickers in a knot....

*It snowed today
* It was cold today
*someone is going to be doing some digging in my yard, there are flags in it, and orange markers on my grass..yet nobody has told me anything..and I know their digging cuz I asked...why don't they tell me...I would like to know when, why where..asswipes..I hate asswipes.
*it snowed today
*I hate living in Minnesota
*It smells here
OK it really does not smell here, but I hate it as much as if it did
*it snowed today
*I had to keep telling Boo today that dmanit was a bad word and to stop saying it

OK, I must go now....I have nothing good to say. Like your momma always told you..

if u have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all

Apple you suck.....I am coming with a pellet gun. I hate you..

OK I better go now.

Bee Real

apple sucks!