Friday, March 30, 2007

Take the long way home

Ok, I know I said I was not posting again till Monday, but I do have a rant/slash observation. Now this might get lengthy, (and i HATE reading long ones, in fact, I don't/ I don't expect any of u jack off;s to stay much past the second paragraph) but i do promise to cover a few topics and keep u at a steady level of amusement, if that helps any..


First up, I am thinking about taking the TV away from the kids. No TV.No video games. No free babysitter. No devil box keeping Boo occupied while I nap on the couch.

I feel as though it is sort of taking over. I don't want to be one of those parents whom rely on it souly for getting the fu*king kids out of your fu*king face. I would rather just tell them to get the hell out of my fu*king face or hand them some kitchen knives, or throw them the car keys and tell them to go have fun, but make sure u fill it up before you bring it back to mommy.

So, I am trying to think of ideas to entertain them when they are all home. I don't know...I was thinking about some sort of wood carving or scrap metal assembly, or jigsaw puzzles...Not sure yet.

I watch way to much kids TV for a soon to be 32 year old woman. When I am googling Robbie Rotten to see what he looks like with NO make up, that's shear desperation there...If your curious, this is what he looks like WITH make up...

Enough to give any tot nightmares..right?

But this is him without the get-up

I know, wipe the drool from your mouth you Mommy's who thought he looked like Jay Lenos evil twin...he is pretty damn sweet huh...

As we know I have drooling fantasies about this guy..

he has nice form, good definition, and his body aint too bad either..he can do the splits, back flips, and can jump super high and flip mid air... PLUS he has an accent..U can take the ugliest of humans, give them an accent, and holy shit, they are totally reformed.


This is him without the jumpsuit..


Don't get me wrong, he is a hottie...But I prefer the jumpsuit.

So these are my main inspirations of wanting to get rid of the television. When me and my three year old are fighting over who Sportacus's girlfriend is, you know you have a problem.


Hello. My name is Bossy,and I am a Noggin addict. I am addicted to the handsome fellas who parade themselves innocently in front my TV, thinking its all harmless and educational.

Well its educational alright...



Why is it that some people feel the need to birth out lots of kids? I know some folks whom are going on their 5th or more child, yet are getting help from welfare. WHY??

Stop producing like a damn rabbit. If you cant afford it, I don't much care to raise the kids for you...I would rather my tax money go to helping sick puppies, ridding the world of flies, or helping preserve the lions. Not to help u get free baby formula so u can buy your smokes and you Frito lays.


Go ahead and send all bashing comments to


its one thing if you fall on hard times, and need help...that's what it is there for, but when its your main source of income, and you think just because you can get free shit doesn't mean u can squeeze all sorts of babies out your hoo-haa.


Sorry dudes...get on the damn pill, or go get fixed..

Dogs and cats have fairly normal lives after they are spayed and neutered...Give it a go people.

My male dog still liked humping my will be OK. I am just tired of paying for your kids.


I am getting a new purse. A blog friend of mine, well we are in talks of a purse making extravaganza. I saw a purse she made...LOVED it, and am begging her to make me one.

With the cost of the supplies and her time, it might set me back about 145.00, but its gonna be a birthday gift to myself.

Thats what happens when you get old and are married for more then six months, you have to resort to buying your own gifts.

Its a hard fact of life people, get over it.

Can any of you top the day I had Thursday?

First off, I have a snotty nose, hacking couch and pain when inhaling.

I then, get a raw nose from the vigorous , yet effective wiping.

Then I get a feeling of the urge and need to vomit. I head to the bathroom, lift the seat and out it blows.

To top it off, I was already dressed for work and in the process and force of my barfing, I had pee running down my leg.


I change my clothes, and make camp on the sofa while Boo in mesmerized by Jacks Big Music show. I then quickly have to get up and vomit...and once again, wet myself.

I am not proud of it. But when you are forcefully purging, it all kinda rolls out..

So, I had to change pants yet again..

double sonofabitch

So if I seem a little out of sorts, its because I am dehydrated and lacking sleep, and also having trouble breathing out my nose.

So sue me.

Which reminds me, I need to start a load of laundry.

Bee Real

Thursday, March 29, 2007

What a fool beilves

Lets discuss April Fools Day, shall we? This is the definition according to that fake dictionary on line

April Fools' Day or All Fools' Day, though not a holiday in its own right, is a notable day celebrated in many countries on April 1. The day is marked by the commission of hoaxes and other practical jokes of varying sophistication on friends and neighbors, or sending them on fools' errands, the aim of which is to embarrass the gullible. In some countries, April Fools' jokes (also called "April Fools") are only made before midday.[1] It is also widely celebrated on the Internet.

I am not sure the whole story behind it, I know it had something to do with mid-evil who the hell really cares?

I am sure many of us have played some sort of jokes on this day...

maybe saying your knocked up

your dying

the dog died

you won the lotto

your getting a boob job

any number of things..

I use to play jokes, nothing really good, as nothing comes to mind anymore. That could be because I have no mind..

12 years ago on April Fools Day, I did something pretty foolish..

I married a man whom will eventually turn me into a preachers wife...holy shit no.

that's a damn practical joke if I ever heard one.

son of a bitch.

This is me one the wedding day, this is me and my best lesbian friend..she is not my BEST Lesbian friend, she is my ONLY lesbian friend.

I designed my dress, u likey?

here is me and shaky...he looks like he is just shy of his 15th birthday

April 1 , 1995 I signed away my rights..My rights to:
* playing the field

*being the town whore

*having babies with multiple boys

*getting herpes

*wearing a thong and fishnet stockings together out in public..

instead I have this

*the joy of knowing I don't have to put out to get a second date and a free dinner

*knowing that I will not have to have my hair done to go to the store

*not having to shower for days if I so choose

*having 3 cute kids..Who look like the milk man..Um I mean Mr shaky pants

I better get something good this year...and no Cliff, not a toaster.

Here are some pics of us from present day, note my fine lines and his extra chins, and whatnot...

Now I realize I have it pretty good..I don't have to do allot. He lets me buy pricey front row tickets to rock shows, he lets me take vacations without him, he lets me sleep in on weekends..

But he still aint no

Although Boo told me daddy wouldn't mind if I kissed this guy, she said in fact he would be happy..

I am so gonna test that theory out one of these days.

Bee Real

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

freedom 90

I am going to kill that kid of mine. Not only did she keep me up all night Monday, but now I have snot running down the back of my throat and have been coughing up particles of my lungs. I hope those bastards regenerate.

Not only am I killing her, but that little shit on American Idol is next. That creepy looking fella, Sanwacko, whatever the hell his name is..Holy crap, I cant take him anymore, he is sort of like a pest or rodent. I need to put me out of my misery and kill him.

So, I will set this scene for you. Its me, a co-worker and another person. One of them says "oh, fur cute"

I can feel my blood boiling, beads of sweat forming on my palms, and forehead. I am gonna blow, and I cant do anything about, sorta like I'm a little teapot, when i get all steamed up I will shout, just tip me over and let me beat the hell out you...or how ever it goes..

I say...why do u say that? It sounds totally ridiculous, have u heard yourself? I mean seriously, every single one of you sound like under educated boobs with out a good support bra. Please, for the love of God, STOP saying it.

they think I am joking.

We were sitting around watching AI and sanwacho sings with his ponytail Mohawk and they say ohh ish ...

I lost it again. I told them they sound like my three year old who cant say school so she says cool, or like my son when he was two and could not say truck and would walk around saying , I love fucks.....

that's what u sound like...holy shit please stop.

they get a good laugh, telling me how funny I am. I told them "do I look like I am laughing?"


I think I am starting a fight on the ole def leppard forum I am a member of. A few months ago, me and one of the managers of the band got into a BIG HUGE cat fight..well not a cat fight, but an Internet fight. he pissed me off so I did not go back for a few months..Then when I went back, I could not even remember my login or password, so I had to re-sign up..

But I made some comment about them playing at a state fair, and how I think that was sort of lame. well it pissed some people off. These are the fans who probably have all their cats named after each member of the band, and will only marry a man if he is named Joe, Rick, Sav, Vivian , Phil or Steve...these are what i call, psychos.

holy shit, its my opinion...but tis kinda fun, I like getting people all riled up. But crap, I have devoted my life since 1986 to the musical Gods I refer to as My Boys. I live them, love them, know them..or so it feels i do...i have met them..not like they call me, or invite me to their kids birthday parties, although, its never too late for that. So I can have feelings about issues.

But damn, I love getting the psycho fans all riled up..

I make Friends everywhere I go..

Bee Real

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

white wedding

Last night at work I made a running tally, ish was used about 6 times and fur anything was used 3 times. this was all in a four hour period..I only had to work four hours...but it seemed like an eternity.

I am going today with a loaded weapon, first time I hear it I am firing a warning shot, every shot there after will mean business.

I am hoping to rid the world of stupid people, one co-worker at a time.


I got no sleep last night, for two reasons, first Boo was ill and wide assed awake at 1 am. She wanted to come up to our room, and she just jibbered jabbered till about 3 am, then I finally decided to turn the TV on and let her watch the Flintstones until she passed out.

Second reason is I am out of my sleeping pills and forgot to call in a re-order. I can not sleep with out them. I tell Mr Shaky I am his lil anna nicole....

Boo all night kept wanting to watch Noggin. I kept telling her Noggin was sleeping cuz all the little boys and girls should be sleeping. She was getting irate. So I went downstairs, got some sort of drug that would knock her out...she had a high fever and was coughing....

So I gave her some cold meds to ease her suffering.

My anniversary is Sunday. I am hoping for a gift of grand proportions. I am assuming it wont pan out, but holy shit, I have been skimped on during Christmas and any other gift giving holiday that has come to pass the year.

12 years of putting up with him, should account for a great gift. Although I am sure he thinks he needs a grand gift for putting up with me. But ya see, I have not changed one bit over 12 years..Other then the fine lines and collections of fat I carry..

he on the other hand, not only has all of them traits as well, but also has turned into a God man. Not that there is anything wrong with that per say, but it throws a damper on my four letter word vocabulary, and me wanting to be hung over on Sunday mornings, rather then sit in a boring church service. I am all about God and all that. I just don't think I need to be in church every damn Sunday to prove it.

No thank you.

Its kind of like having to prove something to other people. Like if u don't go to church your a witch or something. I don't need to prove anything, God knows exactly who I am and has my little place in hell already picked out and nicely decorated.

God is cool like that.

I will be damned if I turn into one of the fake religious people, whom claim to be all saintly, yet can bash people, talk about them behind their backs, and pretend they know all.

I don't need to go to church to do all that....

So I am hoping Mr Shaky rewards me handsomely this year, for all my efforts.

I am assuming I will get a card, a dinner out, and a wink wink nudge nudge..

I only want the dinner.

Bee Real

Monday, March 26, 2007

u got a freind in me

I am thisclose to telling all the retarded people I work with, that they are indeed, asshats.

I don't mind being surrounded by mediocre intellect folk, as long as they do not speak to me.

I have told you before about how they all use this term fur.. they can put that in any word..I will give u some examples.

oh thats fur cute
oh thats fur stupid
oh thats fur lame

u get the jest right?

Every time I hear this, I wanna take my hand, and brush it hard against their face, hoping to knock the stupid out.

but now they say something that is equally as stupid, if not worse.

I will set the scene. Lets say your watching TV, and something weird or gross comes on. Instead of saying " oh my word, that is kind of gross" or " damn, thats some weird shit right there."

They say this..


nothing in front of it, nothing in back of it..

not grossish
not foolish
not weirdish

you get what I am saying..its just ish.

First time I heard it, I honest to God thought I did not hear the beginning of the word, that maybe my ears were taking a slight break from having to hear the bullcrap they say. Then as the day progresses, you hear it. Out of every one's mouth.



what the bloody hell does it mean? And not only that, but how does saying that make you seem like your not a hick, or a redneck? Now at my one particular job, 90% of the employees are not educated at all, or so it seems.

I hate being surrounded by boobs.

If I was a dude, I would not be a boobman.

because I know that boobs are stupid.

If any of you throw these terms out of your mouth, or they sort of roll off your tongue, your a boob, and I highly recommend you stop using these terms.

its just a bit of advice for this Monday.

I am sure some of u whom may use these terms are saying

"shit, she is fur stupid"



you go right ahead and say it, you Go*damn boob.

Bee Real

Saturday, March 24, 2007

where have all the cowboys gone

Seeing that spring is in the air, I have been thinking about getting a new hair-do. Like change it up a bit, dying it an off the wall color, and get a choppy layer cut. I took some pics today, as so I could get some opinions. I tried to show u my hair up, and my hair down...just so u could tell me if I should keep it that length, or go shorter.

well after looking at the pics, it has come to my attention that I need a drastic change..

It seems ole Bossy needs to be hitting the weight watchers circuit once again. it looks like I am sprouting a double chin...

I just got home from my 7 mile walk, so I don't look the best to start with..

I will be a son of a bitch, Blogger wont let me arrange the pics in the order I want i will just explain them here, and you will have to find the pic I am speaking of and make your own judgement.

I have two with the hair up, one with it down, one a view with my wind-breaker off so u can see the extend of my , um, boobage, the others are profile and full view of my torso area from my bathroom mirror..

You will see what I mean....

Starting Monday, I am back on it, counting points, rationing my air and water...and walking a good 20 miles per day, as I need to jump start it all..

I swear, I must have hibernated during the winter and conserved my fat deposits to live off from if we should indeed encounter another ice-age.

I am not ashamed to show you people what I look like. I don't try and put on a fake-ishness about what I look like. I admit I have laugh lines, crows feet, and saggy boobs and buttocks...or so I have been told.

Not much I can do about any of that, but the fat-ness, I can.

I am gonna start posting a pic weekly so I can view my own progress, or the lack there of. because, holy shit, this isn't looking good. for as much as I work out, I should be looking more fit then that. I realize I cant do much about my face, I can thank my parents for that one..Its not like I went face shopping and thought, holy crap, that's it, that's the face I want.

Not. A. Chance.

i am not sure why I look ever so pastey in the ones I took in the bathroom, shit those are ghastly, and no thats not my porn face, I was trying to find my damn cheek bones.
So what started out as a post about asking for hair advice, turned into this freak show of a post...
But I will still glady take any advice on the hair u want to throw at me. I just cut about 6 inches off it last month, so its just now starting to grow back.
Anyway, this is my delima...please help me in the fight against obesity. I don't wanna be known as the fluffy girl.
My legs and arms are the only tone things on my body...this is not fair.
I am going to start up my diet again of grass and rain drops.
I had a nice visit with my aunt. I took my camera to my moms, but forgot to snap any photos, if I see her today, I will try and take a few, I want one of me, my mom and my aunt...But I am not thinking I will be seeing her again this trip.
Oh, on my first trek to and around the lake for my walk, I have been chased by bats already...can u believe that?..Its not even April yet. This one little bastard had it out for me I think. I am sure he followed me home, and will be making a grand entrance into my hive once the pisser finds out how to get in.
he must like the chicks with some meat on their bones...
I guess he hasn't seen my ass kicking leg muscles, just my flabby mid-section and wrinkled up face.
And bats have bad eyesight too, thats what is making me think I am doomed.
Just so you know, starting this week, I am working all sorts of weird hours, I wont be around a-lot. I have a new "job thingy"
That's all I will say...a new "job thingy"
So don't be alarmed if this post is up until like next day after tommorow. My next day off after Sunday will be next Saturday.
I am very important, and people need there.
ok, thats a big fat lie.
Bee Happy

Friday, March 23, 2007

would u like some muscle with the flower

Remember when I told you about my very good friends little nephew, and that he was sick? Well the little fella died yesterday, he was just four months old. So very sad..

We are all sending u good thoughts and prayers ya.
God bless little Keagan!

Boo wanted to take a picture of the flowers on my leg. I let her, because hell, I am a dumbass, and let her do whatever she wants..

she wants to juggle knives...ok

she wants to play in traffic...ok

she wants to go to the bar for some drinks..ok

she wants to take my minivan to the park...ok

u get the point,

Here are her shots of my flowers...on my legs...her words, not mine.

So that is her gallery of the flower on my leg...Not sure why I was posing, but holy hell, my legs are nice and firm...look at that..
My face, ass, boobs an buttock may be going to hell, but my legs, I guess they must be my best asset...and that's pretty damn sad.
That's what running/walking 7 miles a day will do for u...damn.
Not very attractive on a hetero chick...shit.
eat your heart out Sportacus....
My aunt is coming to visit Saturday. I have not seen her since 1988.
Yup, we are a close nit family alright..
Have a great weekend...
Bee Happy

Thursday, March 22, 2007

tears of a clown

I feel his strong arms. I smell his oh so manly smell. He kisses my neck, whispers in my ear.He is a naughty boy. He flexes his muscles , he lays on the bed, takes my hand pulling me toward me.

He is softly speaking to me. His voice, his voice is soft, yet hard to understand because of the accent.

Wait, Mr shaky has no accent, no manly smell, and does not whisper in my ear.

Turns out, I was having the OH so best dream about this chap here





I woke up, Boo in my face, drool on the sofa cushion.

Where the hell had I been for the last 15 minutes? I was lost. I was just a few seconds before , about to make out with Sportacus. I told Boo to go away, I tried to fall back to sleep so I could go back to the place I was...


I am sure we would of made beautiful music together.

It is a half a step up from having vivid but good sex dreams about this feller


Cant win em all I guess..
*note to self, don't nap while we are watching lazytown, you will only wake up sadly disappointed
bee happy

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Never gonna get it

After a long hard day at the crazy house, I come home to crap. Not crap literally, like I did not come home and step into a pile of dog shit, or like one of my kids pooped their drawers on the kitchen floor. Nothing of that nature at all.

I come in the door, Shaky is standing over the stove top with an apron, making no bake cookies.

ok, he was not wearing an apron, but he might as well of been

First thing he asked me was " so did u buy regular tanning minutes today, or the extra minutes that burn your face off"

I have a slight burn because they stuck me in a bed with NEW bulbs.

Then he asked why I had my glasses on. i told him cuz I wanted too..He then bends his head slightly, looks at me and says " your glasses are crooked, and u look like your sister"

Then he asked me if I planned on bathing, as I stunk.

I wanted to take my fist, and either ram it up his asshole, or take my foot and ram it in same place.

I go take my bath, as I do nightly if I am home. I get my jammies on, and sit on my bed and watch my favourite comedy. This show is one of the best, and if I did not know for a fact this show uses no scripts, i would use what pull I have, or did have and beg to write for it..I would offer up my first born..

Curb your Enthusiasm, is great. No great is an understatement. I use to think The Office was my favorite comedy, but no..its this gem.

So after it was over, he asks what I am doing, like maybe he has sort of sick and twisted plan to tie me up or something..I don't know.

I told him I was going to bed.

I said you can not tell me that I smell, my tan looks like shit, and I resemble my obese sister and then expect to get laid.

That's not a way to woe your lady, or get her to want to speak other then naughty 4 letter words to your face.

So I am here, typing this, while Shaky is curled in the fetal position next to me snoring..


Bee Real

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

If I could turn back time

So my son turning a decade old made me realize how old I truly am. Its almost like I woke up one day and BAM, I am old AND I am fat...what the hell happened? It all happened in the blink of an eye...

One minute I am a rabid little tramp in high-school, the next minute I am going on my 12th year of marriage celebrating laugh lines and the decade old-ness of my first born

My ever so kind gentleman of a husband points out to me on occasion that I am getting fine lines around my eyes, and then will tell me that if I lay my head a certain way, my skin kinda falls to one side and its very unappealing I guess. I just chalk it up to the fact he is an asshole..but no..that's not it..

I am really turning into a old hag...

the ass is droopy and hanging below the sexy threshold of assness...the boobs, well not only are the big, but I think they are also off kilter in the balance of nature. I am sure they should be sitting a tad higher then they are, but what the sam hell can I do about it?

My once ripped abs, have turned into a fleshy sess-pool of stretch marks squishyness.

I could go on..

See this here? This is me in 1993 at my Senior prom....I look young, no lines, small boobs, and my ass is nice and high..I am assuming


Now from there we head to graduation....a month later....still sporting nice small boobs and a ripped mid-section..

At this point in my life I had not a care in the world....I had no bills, no kids, no job, nothing at all was ever on my mind...other then sleeping in and eating..

Now here we are in wedding day...I started my weight training around this time, I had buff arms and calves, no lines....a taught tummy still...

I am not sure at what point it all went down hill...I am not sure how I let it all go wrong..I am not sure whom or what is to blame.

Maybe its the fact when I was pregnant with The Boy, I craved nachos and cheese, and gained a full 115 pounds...

Now as of today, I am full of lines, squishyness, and a low riding ass.

but I do have buff arms and calves still, does that count for anything?

My abs on the other hand, I am sure they are taught under my layer of blubber and stretch marks..


So this is what an old hag looks like, look away...I am HITONIOUS.

It is almost a travesty...I use to be cute, hip, fit, and all that...
now I have zits, flab, laugh lines and a ten year old.
Its all going down hill very fast...
Please pray for me.
bee happy

Monday, March 19, 2007

thats why they call it the blues

So, after the birthday weekend here at my hive, I think the stress from dealing with an ungrateful son on his birthday, seemed to have sprouted something very awful..

see for yourself

I have what appear to be two ghastly looking on my upper cheek bone area, and one a lower..

You will notice my grumpy face and unwashed hair...damnit..

I knew the weekend would leave a mark on my soul. I had not realized it was trauma to the face. My face needs no more trauma the it already suffers.


Guess I better go open my new box of Proactive..does that shit really work?..I am gonna find out.

I mean hell, it got rid of Jessica Simpson's zits, but she still has no talent.

But I have no talent to start with, so I guess it should even itself out in the end.

Now that I have frighten all of you..I will now thank you all.

Thank you to all whom took the time out of your busy life, or lack there of to cast a vote for me..

You guys didn't do too bad. If only the presidential elections would run so smoothly..Course in this kind of election, there really isn't a way to cheat..So I suppose it had no choice but to be a fair outcome..

so without further ado...this is what I won



how does it look?...does it make me look fat?

I mean fatter.

so thank you everyone who voted....I will now not chase you guys thru the fields with shot guns or any weapon that could lead to your untimely death.

My weekend was pretty much a bust.

And my bust line isn't lacking for more busty-ness

OK, I better go shower, and try and scrub my zits away..


I cant leave the house looking like this..


Bee Happy

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Turn me loose

As I thought, at some point during The Boy's birthday he would indeed blame me for the failing of the ozone layer, the extinction of the Dodo bird, and poverty in Africa.

I am not sure how I do it, it is a gift I am assuming. A gift of making anyone I come in contact with feel as though they are about to fall into a deep depression and die.

thank you, I will be here all week.

I keep telling him, I am no Oprah, I cant build him a better life, like she can build schools. Because I suck that way..Unlike Oprah, I like watching people suffer.

We went bowling with him and his Friends, we came home, we ate cake, I ate nachos with bean-less chili and Velveeta. I am a Velveeta whore. Something about that block of grease laden goodness makes me weak in the ole knees.

I mean, whom ever invented this block of cheese u don't have to refrigerate until u open it, is a Go*damn genius.

Here are some photos of the day...

This is me, Boo and the boy....

This is just me and the Boy...

me and him yet again..

I am convinced he can not take any photo without looking like a damn retard.

Here he is using his hot air to blow out the fire sticks...Don't ask me why there is a pencil on the table, I am dumbfounded at this discovery


This is the fu*king cake with NO leprechauns..I asked for Leprechauns u assholes..
I am definitely leprechaun-less , and I so wanted a damn holiday cake..sonsabitches

This is me and Boo...Mr Shaky was out pumping gas...he is good at doing anything that involves the expulsion of gas..


The boy and some of his buddies.


This is Mr Shaky helping the females bowl...not me...I can fu*k up bowling all on my own, without the help of any man.


This is just Boo....She wants the pink ball damn it....give her the damn pink ball and all is well..even if the bitch weighs 15 pounds.


The fellas....Not sure what they are doing..someone just grab a damn ball and start throwing it..please for the love of God.

Yes, so there is your brief synopsis of how it went..
i started out messing up his whole day because holy shit, I told him he cant ride his new bike at 8am in the 25 degree weather with no coat on..
I am a total screw up...I don't know what I am thinking, kids, on their birthday's are not suppose to listen to any rules, because holy mother of God, they were born on this day..
I am making mental notes to myself...The Boy next year for his birthday, gets nothing..
Not only will he get nothing, but I will buy myself shit...and open it in front of him.
I just hope when he is in therapy in a few years, that he tells her/him, that I wanted him to wear a coat because it is still technically winter for at least another few damn days..sonofabitch that mother nataure
Holy crap.
bee happy

Saturday, March 17, 2007

where the hell is pot of gold?

So not only is today good Ole St Patty's Day, but alas, it is the day I pushed forth from my loins, this lil pisser

It has been a whole damn decade since he was a newborn. To you retards that's 10 years. I have a 10 year old.

Holy shit.

Anyway, I had Mr Shaky order his cake. The Boy wanted either the solar system on his cake or Narnia. well the bakery had neither. SO Mr Shaky suggested we decorate it ourselves.

I told him that was a bad idea. The Boy already says I am single handedly wrecking his life, I sure as hell don't need to wreck his damn birthday cake.

So I told him to have them write Happy Birthday on it and throw some of them creepy ass looking leprechauns on it...Because holy shit, I should take advantage of being able to get a holiday cake...

Well, his cake pretty much sucks. I am not sure what the sam bloody hell I was thinking. I shoulda decorated the bitch myself..

And there isn't a damn leprechaun on it, just shamrocks...sonofabitch.

The Boy thinks that just because he was born on this day, that he is automatically Irish. what a dumb shit. He comes by it honestly though...

I am a bit of a dumb shit myself.

For instances, when I was a kid, I use to get pissed off when people would tell me Boy Goerge was gay.

When I was ten years old, I was with my mom with a whole damn gaggle of her friends. In front of all her friends, she asked me a very innocent question, that I turned into a big laughing spectacle.

She asked me if I wanted hot or cold lunch for school the next day..

simple enough right?...oh wait, tis gets better..

I then proceeded to tell her that I wanted a juice box in my lunch. A juice box with a green straw, because having green meant u were horny, and I wanted to be horny tommorrow

Now I was ten, and had no idea what horny meant. I just heard some kids on the bus saying that eating green or wearing green meant u were horny.

I assumed it meant u were in some secret club that had to do with unicorns.

how the hell did I know?

See, so I know I cant fault him 100% for being a dumbass.

So now I have a 3 year old, a 7 year old, and a 10 year old.

Soon he will be shaving, popping zits, and hiding my SHAPE and FITNESS magazines under his mattress..

But I will be damned if he is gonna carry a wallet. Like I stated before, I know what boys carry in their wallets.

oh hell no..

So to my boy, have a good birthday. I am sure that at some point in the day you will again, single handedly blame me for any event that causes u grief. I am assuming that something will happen that will land you in therapy.

Just make sure u tell your therapist I did not let you have a wallet..

Thank you in advance.

Bee Happy

please go vote, if u have not...only one more day to go...
the link is on the post below this.