Friday, December 30, 2005

Ok, this is what I know

her heart sounded normal....Her EKG was normal, her x-ray was normal, and they did bloodwork to check for some things, but it wont be back till Monday...So I am a bit relieved and thank you for the good thoughts..

Have a Happy New Year everyone..Love to you all...You guys are the best people I know:)


This is why I should of had dogs instead

Well, I am taking Meg Ryan spawn to the doctor today. Every now and then she complains that her heart hurts. Now I am not sure if she is having some kind of chest pain or if she is just having your regular ole growing pain pains...Whatever it is, it is starting to get to me. Now it does not happen a lot, but the fact it even happens once is enough I suppose.

She told me it feel like her lungs are too big for her chest when it happens, which makes me think it is some kind of growing pain, and she knows her heart is there, so that is what she thinks it is.. She does have heart murmurs when she has a fever, but they always say it is nothing to worry about.

Now if this was a dog, I could put it down if it was complaining, but I cant do that with a spawn..It is illegal.

I will update this post after we return from the doctor.....I am sure they wont really be able to tell me much today anyway...

She is outside sledding with her brother right now...We got about 8 inches of snow last night..Lucky us.....I hate winter



I know Christmas is NOT about gifts. My kids know this. It has been drilled into them ever since birth. But this is a complaint not so much with Christmas, but birthdays as well..

Ya see, my FIL is man that I don't much care for. He talks big, says he is going to do things and never does. He told me a few years ago that for the spawns birthdays every year he was going to get them $1000.00 savings bonds. I thought this was great. Well it happen one year...

He came a few days ago and brought the gifts from my MIL and the husbands brothers. Tons of crap they unwrapped....Then he pulls out his little cloth bag with their gifts from him....They have NOTHIN to open, rather 50 buck savings bonds....WTF??.....He does this for their birthdays too..No gifts for them to open...And freaking card with a SB in it...

I am not saying I don't like those..Because I do. They will come in handy when I make the spawns pay for the own college, and they will be bailing their own butts out of jail..should that ever happen. I mean everyone gets them savings bonds, but they usually get a gift to open also..Now would this piss you off...Or is it just me?


Meltdown Spawn got in trouble Thursday. He went out of doors and did not zip his coat , wear a hat, or put his boots on. He said he was going to play inside his buddies house...So I let it slide..Well they were sledding or something....And he comes home with red hot cheeks..And he says

" I think I have frost burn"

" you mean frost bite"

" whatever"

I was going to post a picture but blogger wont let me.......It must be able to see my hideous orange hands or something....

Such as my luck.

Another thing that ticked me off ....

We got our phone book yesterday , they have hubbys name spelled right ( his is not spelled normal)

and how do they have mine


Gawd I hate that name....I spent my years of school correcting teachers and other stupid people. I once told a teacher

" what cant you see the A at the end of my name?"
Yup I got detention for 3 days for that one;)


Thursday, December 29, 2005

Here are my hideous features

OK, so by popular demand I will showcase some of my flaws that occurred during the last 48 hours...cuz I am cool like that..

First up are the hands...Take note of between the fingers...And remember..I did not know I was applying self tanning to my body....And the picture is fuzzy because I was too close..

Next here is my neck.......Where my bulky necklace was laying....And where Christina got sunburned...

ok, there ya go...ya believe me now?

here is a picture I took on accident. I was trying to take a cool picture of me in the mirror when I tried to scratch my back I pushed the button on accident....Can we say....

"Christina get your fat rear on the treadmill ASAP"

and lastly, I talk about my girls....So I figured I would show you why I am need of a boob job..See how big these girls are....Ok...I know you will donate now;)

OK, I am ready for your feedback........Be easy on me though..I do have feeling...


Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Christina has another PSA for my peeps

Some of you might know that I am a tan freak. Now don't go given me lectures on skin cancer...Don't wanna hear it..Keep it to yourself..mmkkkaay?

anyhoo, it has been a good month since I have been able to get my weekly bronzing. I had seen this lotion by Jergins....yes, Jergins duped me yet again..First with the skin firming fiasco..Now this fiasco.....Ok, so they have this lotion called healthy glow or something..In the commercial it says it helps you maintain your "healthy summer glow" SO of course I must see what it is all about.

I buy a bottle. It says use as your daily moisturizer. Easy enough. Says use twice a day. Easy enough. I wake up the next morning with what appears to be some form of jaundice. My wrist and the little spots between my fingers are brown/orange color...Holy crap...This is like some kind of self tanner in disguise...Crap....I would never of bought it if I knew this was the case. Nowhere on the bottle does it say that it is a self tanner...It says use like your regular moisturizer....LYING FUC*ERS!!

So after that gawd awful realization, I decide I better get my as& back to the tanning salon. Now what happens next is a total blonde moment...

Christina forgets to take her necklace off. Her necklace with the big bulky green beads on it. I got burned.....Not sure why....But my face, the girls, and my chest are red. I look in the mirror and notice something disturbing. I have big splotches of whiteness on my neck where I forgot to take my necklace off......I am a hideous monster...My brown/orange jaundice along with my white splotches from my damn necklace...Don't look at me, I am hideous..

So this is just a courtesy call to you..Cause I am cool like that....So what have we learned from Christina ?
1. Don't by Jergins skin firming lotion because it will not firm your droopy ass or your sagging boobs.

2. Don't buy Mr. Clean magic eraser....Just because I said.

3. Don't buy Jergins Healthy Glow lotion.....You will come out looking like you are suffering from a deadly form of hepatitis...Jaundice is not a good look for anyone...

So what have we learned here today boys and girls...?

Jergins sucks donkey balls....


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I don't know why I am surprised

The day did not start off that bad. But it seemed to get progressively worse.

The first thing that went arry was when I tried to replace a light bulb in my living room. I reach up and start twisting, next think I know I have a blast of electricity and a flame in my face. Not only that, but the dang metal part broke off and remained in the socket....I also tripped the circuit breaker. And the lights still do not work.

Next I do my monthly carpet cleaning. I get it out of the closet, get the solution in the tank, turn her on and let her rip....Then this God awful wretched smell oozes from my machine. I notice the tank with the bad water is still in there from when I did this last month....My bad.

Now the whole freaking living room smells of the odor that is similar to a decomposing body..please don't ask.

Then my freshly bathed toddler spawn comes out of her bedroom eating her sisters peanut butter cup flavored lipgloss.....I take it away from her, as she is saying.."yum, dis good momma"

Then Meltdown spawn comes out with his new calendar...this kid loves getting calendars..And he had wrote everyone's birthday,s in it...I tell him I am so proud of him for remebering all our birthday,s..

I ask him, where is my birthday...He flips to May.....And he has it wrote on May 22...
I tell him, um..ahhh....My birthday is on the 2nd...Thank you..

I also bought one of those Mr. Clean Magic Eraser things....I have heard nothing but wonderful things about them..I was just dying to have one, I felt left out....I get home and I am desparelty trying to find something to clean with it....which should not be hard.

I used it...And I must say I was very disappointed...Tell me what is so special about this..I mean, I could of used my 99 cent sponges doing the same damn thing. I wasted 4 bucks on a sponge that does what my normal sponges do...Boy do I feel silly..

and the kicker........

The FIL will be here today...........

ok where is my bottle of Kalua?

I am off to drink..


Monday, December 26, 2005

I like to dance to Maranga music at parties

Christmas was good. The spawns were giddy with greed, as they ripped open each package that I so nicely wrapped. The look of disappointed in their eyes as they did not get everything they were looking for was priceless.

We have spent the weekend gorging on food and playing wild and obscene games of Uno. And I hate to brag, but I won every game:-)

I will now share with you some timeless Kodak moments from the festive weekend...With my un-crappy as& camera....Yes Christina got a new picture taker..Can you see me beaming?

toddler spawn being her cute self.....

This is our tree after Santa stopped by, you cant see Meltdown spawns loot cuz its on the side you cant see, I wrap each spawns crap in different paper..Its easier for Santa that way.

um , this is just a picture of my clock....Ok, moving on....

This is Old Mother hen and her new Rooster from the record, he seemed nice...Hi Daddy..

here is Meltdown spawn, and yes, he needs a haircut, I know this..Duh!!

Meg Ryan spawn tryin out her new sled.......

Meg Ryan spawn showing off her toothless mouth....She really needs some dentures..

Yes, this would be toddler spawn.....

The Three Spawns......

Ellen, my poochy spawn...

And this brings me to the title of this post...You see what toddler spawn has there...It is her new dancing Dora doll that her grandpa and granny got her....She wanted to take this thing to church, to bed, everywhere........She dances...She sings.....And she is constantly saying

" I love to dance to Maranga music at parties"....

Dora, goes to parties....I can not get passed that.......I cant think of the last time I went to a party..

* hangs my head in embarrassment*


Friday, December 23, 2005

Its heerreee

I knew it would only be a matter of time. I knew it would come. Lets face it, I aint that lucky.

It started out as moan, then a groan..(get your minds outta the gutter please).

Then a " momma, come quick, I gotta puke"

Oh here we go...What started out as a simple moan for help turned into a bloody puke fest.

Meg Ryan spawn is ill.

So pardon my absence, I am not ignoring your blogs....I am sure this lil bug is gonna make its way through out my whole house. I need to start disinfecting...I am sure it is too late though.

God bless her little soul though, as the puke drips off her chin and she begs for mercy on the floor, she says

" Momma, will you check under my pillow to see if I have money there"

(she lost a tooth just before bedtime...Previous post)

Poor kid, ill with the pukes and still wants to make sure she has her share from the toothfairy..

I love these kids.

Merry Christmas everyone..Love to all..See you in a few days..

I think I need the toilet.


Pulling teeth

I have not wrapped anything, nor have I finished my shopping.

I am feeling very depressed lately. Not sure why. Just am.

Anyhoo, Middle spawn lost another tooth last night. She will be 6 in Feb, she is in kindergarten, and this kid has lost 3 teeth already and has 2 more that are loose....I have never heard of such a thing....At this rate she will be toothless by January.

I still have not opened the box. Only one more day now...(we will open those gifts on Christmas Eve)...I hope I make it..

You know your lazy when your little toddler spawn asks you for juice numerous times, and you don't get it. Then a few minutes later you see her slurping from the dogs bowl, then you spot her taking the rabbits water bottle off the cage and sucking on it.

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas


Thursday, December 22, 2005

About a box and bm

You see this box?

This box has my present it in from my dad and his soon to be bride. I have a pretty good idea what it is. I am dying to open it and see it. Let me just give you a hint....I think it is some sort of a device that would permit me to NOT have to take crappy as$ pictures.

You follow me? So this pretty box, nicely wrapped, sits under Christina,s tree. I am waiting patiently...Yes, this is me being patient.


Wednesday evening I sat with baby spawn to watch our nightly programming of Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood, I became taken aback by the topic tonight. It was about going potty.

Which is a good thing, but for this loving man to show us where his potty is, then to sit on the toilet...( clothed and seat down of course) and read a book while sitting on the potty, made me feel kinda shitfy.

I swear to the Lord above these words came out of my dear Freds mouth.

" now when you get old enough to urinate or make BM in the potty that means your growing up"

and this line

" Everybody has made BM in the potty, that means our bodies are working"

Now this is what I am thinking

maybe its just me, but my spawns would have no idea what BM is. Now if you were to say poop, poopy, poops, or number 2....They know this.

Maybe my spawns are barbaric little creatures...(hence their name of spawns) but the word BM would totally go over their heads.

And I think this is a good thing...I would have a hard time hearing one of my children say "mom, I have to go have a BM"....

Maybe its just me...Ok, I am sure it is.


Something funny covert spy spawn said to Old Mother hen. They were talking about the movie Home Alone, which the oldest LOVES.....My mother said to her.." That is a pretty funny movie isn't it"

To which my little girl replied

" I do not see what is so funny about a little boy being left home alone, that is illegal . You no that don't you?"

sometimes that kid has more common sense then the rest of us....

She has foiled my plans once again.....Curse you covert spy spawn..Curse you..

Although Joe Pesci would not be planning any mode of attack on my crap hole.Again, you have to look at the positives.


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

You can thank me later

Have you ever used those silicone bake wear pans? They are very cool. The husband designs it or something..Not sure what he does..But I know he has something to do with it. They also design items for a very popular brand of items that is for some reason top secret and I can not even tell you...Without endangering national security or something.. .But beyond that.....I just recently used these silicone pans..

I found them nice, but also I found some flaws. On the cake pans, they do not put the size of the pan the bottom....Which to me is very odd. The second thing was the bread pans were way too deep. You can not make bread in pans that are so deep..It would be like baking two loafs on top of eachother..Makes no dang sense

Last thing, they need handles. It is very difficult to get a hot , silicone, floppy bake pan out of the oven with out dropping it or accidentally flipping stuff out of the pan..I am just sayin.

So if you use these items..When you see the pan size on the bottom one day..You can thank yours truly..Because all the dumb as$es that design it never thought about that. Hello..

you guys soooooo don't pay me enough....


I went caroling tonight....I must say, I sounded pretty good. But I will tell you why I was so good..

and no it is not because the older folks we went to sing to are tone deaf

It is because my mother came over, and I showed her Sheila...(my ipod)....I put Sheila on shuffle and mom took an ear piece and I took the other...And we sang our hearts out...It was truly the most embarrassing scene of my adult years.....My spawns came up from the basement thinking an animal was caught in a trap.....Between the uncontrollable giggling and off key notes, it sounded pretty good....

well my part wasn't off key.....But what can ya do?

So my pipes were nice and warmed up. The last song we sang before we hung it up for the night was..

"uptown girl" by Billy Joel..

ok, stop laughing.


Happy hump day

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I have a few complaints..If u will

My first complaint is to the UPS man. Although you are mighty fine looking, and I mean mighty fine , it is no excuse to leave my packages in the garage . With no attempt to knock on a door or drop a note to say where my stuff is. So far this has happened 3 times this holiday season. ( cant say Christmas, that would not be PC)....

And that leads to my second complaint. For crying out loud....It is the holiday season because Christ our Lord was born at this time, hence the name CHRIST-MAS..So why on Earth do we have to change the name...We don't change the name of Hanukkah...Or Kwanza....


On to my other complaint....

Dear IPOD maker,
why do you make your ear pieces too big to fit in any mortal humans ear? How can I run on my treadmill when I have to hold my dang ear pieces in? I can not shove a soccer ball in my mouth, so how do you figure I can fit that crap in my ears?...Maybe I just have extra small ear holes...Dunno, but I know for a fact they don't fit in mine.

Please send me some that will fit in my ear. These I have here are big enough to fit nicely in my cats ear....But excuse me , I do not have feline ears..I have little tiny human ears....Hello..You with me so far?

Thank you kindly

And to whoever may call my house.....don't bother, I can not answer it, for the ring alone now is enough to drive the battery into the ground......

It has also come to my attention I need a butt lift. As I was drien off from my bath..I took a good look at my backside.....Seems to have dropped a good 2 feet...How does that happen? My list keep growing. I need to get a job.


Something I overheard at covert spy spawns CHRISTMAS....I mean holiday program...

This is coming out of the mouth of a kindergartener. In the middle of the program, at the top of the kids lungs..

" Mom, am I going home with you? Or am I riding the bus home?"

( not spoken by my spawn, but it would of been much funnier if it was)


Monday, December 19, 2005

Wrapped up in a nutshell...The weekend I mean

So the weekend here was pretty uneventful. I got my present , but I will get to that in a minute.

First I want to ask a question. When the heck did the children of this bloody world lose all their Christmas magic?

Now Kissing spawn knows about Santa. But for God,s sake...Save the 5 year old....Please..
She went to see him Sunday, Santa that is. I wanted it to be a family affair. Kissing spawn refused to go, because for Heavens sake he saw him last year. Baby spawn, well I had The Husband wake her up, and lets just say she was in no mood for a big fat jolly elf. So Covert spy spawn spy was the only one who went. Now this little girl spent all day Saturday writing her own list. She would ask us how to spell everything, but my gosh she wrote her up good.

Before she left she was beaming...And she says " I am gonna tell Santa there is no such thing as reindeer"

Oh crap!

" don't tell him that, you will hurt his feelings"

" mom it makes no sense, plus this isn't even Santa, it is one of his helpers"

So now she is convinced Santa drives a car, because there was a car parked out front the little house..OK, I will go with that.

So this is her, with the guy who is not Santa and does not have flying reindeer.

And here is little baby spawn, sometimes she is just way too cute to live in this house

and now crap I can not forget to post the other spawn, or holy crap I will be showing favoritism now wouldn't I?

That was him after his bath last night...He is all clean!

Ok, so momma got her present. I got a shiny new Ipod. Oh she is beautiful. She holds over 7,000 songs. I spent hours over the weekend downloading songs from my CD's.

So far I have got
Elton John: 7 cds
George Michael: 2 cds
Prince: 5 CD's
The Eagles: 2 CD's
Various 80's mixes: 4 CD's

I am not done yet......I still have lots more...Here is a picture of my new girl

Oh and it plays videos too....Oh, love at first sight I tell ya.

I have a confession to make. I am a tub singer. Have been for years now. I take headphones and a rocking CD, and belt out tunes while I bathe. And since I have about 500 songs so far on my new girl (oh I named her Sheila) I put it on shuffle and let her rip.

The kids were in bed, so I decided to relax and enjoy myself. I told The Husband to grab me a towel from the drier in a bit . Well an hour past, and still no towel. Then The Husband walks in and says

" you no there are some folks here who are requesting you stop singing, they are trying to sleep"

" I am just waiting for my towel"

" I think your son is ready to knit you one"

Yes, momma gets no respect.


Friday, December 16, 2005

The crappiest crap crapper of a day

Fridays are suppose to good. Right? Maybe I am wrong, but my whole day started out in the crapper..

First I went to grab the box of Cheerios out of the cupboard ,to get the spawns breakfast..And I grabbed the wrong end...And had Cheerios all over my kitchen floor. Then instead of sweeping it up immediately..I continued to walk in it ..Crunch Crunch..

" Mom, you no there is cereal all over the floor?"

" yup, I know, I will try to have it cleaned up before you get home."

Then my realtor calls me to tell me she still has no key to our house back in the homeland and she wants to show the house tomorrow..The renters who have moved out this week because they cant afford smokes , booze and a home, was suppose to take the key to her 2 days ago.

Then come to find out they gas company has went to the house and taken the gas meter off the house..And the electric has been shut off. And its winter...And its in Michigan!!....Not good...

Nothing will be turned on till Monday.....So this means all weekend with the possibilty of the pipes freezing..

Then I have my darling soon to be step mother Jennifer go over and check out the house..

First she tells me that the smell of stale cigarette smoke was so heavy she couldn't stay in the house long...Plus there was trash and beer cans and cigg butts all over...

Plus the drive way and side walks need to be shoveled because they just had a big ole snow storm..

So now it is going to cost us extra money to get all the crap turned back on...Plus the cost of getting a cleaning service over to clean it..I am not going to subject my family to the wrath of the renters mess....

And my real estate lady wants to show the house Saturday...It is mess..It stinks..It has no heat..It has no electricity....Yes that sounds like good timing to me..


But I am no longer going to worry about it or consume myself with it. There is nothing I can do about, and I am turning it all over to The Big Man Upstairs. And it kind of feels good in a way. I swear I worry about everything. I can not help it. It is in my nature.

Although today I have decided to give it all up. I am no longer going to worry about things I have no control over. I quit, I give up. I have never considered myself a quitter....But in this case,I feel it is a good thing.

I feel kind of re-born in a corny sort of way. I am not perfect, I can not control things...I need to stop worrying about things.....And as of today, I am not doing it anymore.


Also for the last 3 months I have been dealing with a phone that can not hold a dang charge for more than 10 minutes..Just my luck...The day when I need to make the most calls, I can not talk for more than 5.5 minutes at a time.

Why don't you buy a new phone you might ask?...Because I am lazy....

I have a list if friends who will contest to the fact I can not talk for more than 5.5 minutes..

Lets see. Tammy..( I know...I know...We haven't been able to chat in I don't know how long..I am buying a new phone I promise)......Angie, It lasted longer today than it has in weeks...Thank the Lord for it too.....My mother...Well...Sometimes it does come in handy...Beep...Beep...oh sorry mom, my phone is going dead..Bye bye...See you got to look at the positive..That's all..

Saturday I am taking the spawns to see Santa...Kissing spawn will tell him he is not real, Middle spawn will be too nervous to say anything..And Baby spawn will cry the minute she lays on him..

Should be fun


This is why I don't do it.......

So I have talked many, upon countless times about wanting a boob job. No, not that kind of boob job!!..I wanna get my girls a wee bit smaller.

Now I know this will never happen. For one reason I can not afford it, and my peeps here have donated absolutely nothing to the cause.

Now I realize Christina lives in a dream world most days, and that a boob reduction is a far cry from what will ever happen. I know this.

All I want is a little lipo, just a little...To go along with it. I don't want my face done or anything.

and this is not because I don't think I need it, because trust me..I know I do people!!!!!!!

But mostly for fear of looking like this when I am done

or like this....( heaven forbid)

and the most scareist of all.....( GOD help me)

This is what keeps me outta the Docs office people. For fear I may become an addict to the knife and feel the need to make myself look like rubber. Not that rubber is bad, I mean if your a barbie, or a GI Joe its wonderful. Or if your a spatcula. Which I am none of the above..

Just a simple boob job is all I want people. Is that so wrong?

And why I bring this up today...again... Is because my darling baby spawn brought my bigger than normal bosoms to my attention today.

I was wearing my workout clothes. And the top is a tank top like apparatus. She was cuddling on my lap, sticks her head down my shirt and says.

" momma, uh-oh ouch"

then she peeks her head back up....Peeks down her shirt and says

" mine go bye bye"

Then peeks her head down my shirt again and says

" ohhhh, momma look"

Poor kid. She thinks I don't know I have a big bossum.

Little does she know that I have to look at it everyday. And I had a normal size rack before they
came along...Live and learn..


Now my girls at posted some pics of their tattoos. Not that I am a copy cat, but some of you have not had the viewing pleasure of seeing mine..And I want to share, cause I am cool like that.

First one is my first tattoo. I got it about 5 years ago. And this was taken in June when I broke up my ankle..Some of you may remember that. I got vicoden then...Those were some good days..

ok here is my second one. This one is on the back of my neck. This is my favorite one, even though I can not see the dang thing..

Now this next one is a hoot....You know I love Prince...So without further ado

this is in the middle of my back.....And on my shoulder I have these

yup its purple rain!!

There you have it.......And I know..My pictures are crappy...Remember I have a crappy as$ camera....Ya no, the one my FIL gave me. The one he gave me for a birthday present because he obvuiolsy forgot it was my birthday. The camera he bought 2 years prior from QVC..

Ok I will stop there....I don't like to degrade people...

Ok I do...But I wont.


Thursday, December 15, 2005

My secrets....

I have perfected the art of the sugar cookie. I have tinkered with the recipe I had been using. And lets just say, pure perfection.

Now I realize Martha will be beating down my door for the secret. But I am not giving it up. Back away from Christina Martha, back away. What's that? You want a bake off..Ok..Anytime..But don't make me have to get a restraining order.

oh, and Martha, please hit the treadmill sweetie, I can see your roll through your big bulky sweaters. I know you think your hiding it...But your not...You do not have to test everything.
It is not good for the waistline....Martha...I know..Trust me.

Its not a good thing!!


Ok this is baby spawns newest funny.

BS: " knock knock momma"
ME: " whose there?"
BS:" me."
ME:" me who?"

BS: "Haaaaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaa (insert rolling on the floor laughing here, uncontrollable giggling, the wet your pants type)

Maybe its just me, but I don't get it.



Wednesday, December 14, 2005

happy everything..I could not resist this

happy everything

I think I may need a shovel..

I knew the time would come. It is inevitable, being I live in the Midwest. Snow loves it here, so do below arctic temps. As write this I can hear the wind blowing, whistling. The wind must not know I am in no mode for music.

It is suppose to snow for 2 days. Yes count em, 1...2...Days. Going to get nearly one foot of snow by Friday morning. Of course, the weather man can be wrong. It has happened before. I mean once or twice.

I hate snow, I hate cold, I hate ice, I hate shoveling, I hate scrapping windows and warming up the car. I hate winter coats, I hate hats, I hate wearing mittens, I hate scarves. I hate winter.


Ok, here is an update. So Old mother hen has went on a date with the guy from E-Harmony. His name is Jim. He has a nice house, lives on the golf course, drives a Lexus and just got back from vacationing in Mexico. I say he is a keeper.

She is meeting his family next week, and she wants to bring him here to meet us on Christmas

Did I mention he seems to be a bit wealthy? Ok, did he read my qualifications? He seems to be what I had always dreamed of. A rich daddy. * aww, I am giddy*

So I am getting a new mommy who is younger than me, and possibly a new daddy who is richer than me.

could my life get any sweeter?


I have ate too many balls. My sweet peanut butter chocolate balls are very tastey. Almost too tastey. My workout pants are feeling like they fit too good...

This is not a good sign, not a good sign at all.


Ok so The Husband has to leave tomorrow morning for Ohio. ( if the flight is not delayed or cancelled due to the impending doom, we call winter).

Now mind you he has known for months now he had to leave. So this afternoon he emails me asking me to pack for him. Like I don't have enough to do. So I do some laundry and make sure he has clean crap...Then tonight after choir practice he says

" so you don't have my bags packed?"

" ok, I washed your stuff, touched your dirty underwear to wash them, folded some of your pants and got some socks I did not pack your dang bag"

I swear, one of these days!!!


If I don't start getting a little respect.....I may move, move to a land where mothers are held to a high regard, where we get paid vacation days, moments of peace and quiet, and foot rubs upon request.

Anyway, I guess I will have to live with the chaos that is my family.

And I get no foot rubs.

Happy hump day.


** Editors note, as of 3am The Husbands flight was cancelled and school has been delayed 2 hours...Dont cancell it..No NO..Not when it is suppose to snow like heck this afternooon. Yes, lets send them out, with the possiablty of not getting them home...Reason number 345gabazilloin why I hate this town.

at least I dont have to shovel....Now The husband will be home;)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Ok, on to the sweety balls and crap in the dog

I made peanut butter balls yesterday. IS there a way to dip the peanut ball in boiling hot chocolate without melting your peanut balls?.........hmmm...answer me this!!....I refridgarate it for hours...Like the directions say...But my balls still melt.


How do you know your dog needs to go back to the groomer? Ok, I will tell you when....When her poop starts sticking to the back of her fur. When you have a long haired dog, and you don't groom her like your suppose to, your only asking for crap.

I had to throw my dog in the tub to wash her own feces off of her person. I noticed that she had candy wrappers coming out of her pooper...Like 4 of them!!...Where did she get the candy wrapper from? We don't have any candy??.....I swear, dogs can find anything...Now I am just counting down till she keels over, I mean she must of at enough chocolate to die right?


Last night as we were gathered around the family dining table, The husband asks me if I got him a plate.

Me: " um, no"
TH:" how bout a fork"
Me: " lets see , I just got the kids plates, silverware, and beverages..Can ya get your own plate?

TH:" well, you do things for them, but nothing for me, how interesting"

ME:" well, I say we're even..You don't do anything for me either.

Kissing Spawn: " well now he does too, he goes to work everyday so he can bring home money for you"

ok, who the hell invited this kid into our conversation anyway? Little pisser.


If you wanna se pics of my cookies and sweet balls I made, go to my family site..



Monday, December 12, 2005

blogger suck, my sweet balls, and crap outta my dog

I am so very blog was down all day...for unknown reasons. Iwill tell you about my sweet balls and cdap out of the dog later.........I am under the influnce of Ambien right now..and it ia too hard to get this much o0ut,

please dont hate me...this is what it does if i dont go rigt to bed...

I will tell you about sweety balls and ccrappy dogs in the morngint...

it will be well worth it i u guys,,peace out


i am not enev gonna spell check this..this is just too good

the letters keep moving..swaying back and forth, I must get out now

cya later with the story and the non-drugged blogger perfection..


This train don't stop....

My weekend was "ok" at best. Went shopping Friday and still have not finished..I am wondering how the birth of Christ has turned into a holiday where Christina goes absolutely broke. I don't think that is what Jesus intended...Maybe, but I doubt it.

Plus the people who were renting our house in Michigan had to move out because they cant afford the rent, water bill, gas bill, and their booze and smokes. So now we have it for sale again. I pray to Christ himself to let this darn house sell, or else "accidentally" burn to the ground.

We have a very active railroad in this city. The dang thing goes by at least every 2 hours. On the way home from church I see ahead that the train is crossing...Oh wait...The train isn't moving!!

I look at my clock in the van, it read 11:37am. At 11:58 I decide to turn around and go the long way home....When the husband went out 4 hours later to get eggs, guess what was in the middle of the road still....!! Yup the dang train....Must be a union or something.


Ok is it just me, or would the following piss your knickers off too.

The husband has this niece who just had a birthday. I got her a gift certificate at the bookstore. I emailed her mother to ask if she got it. I also ask her to please give me some ideas for her kids for Christmas. This was 2 weeks ago. Has Christina heard back...Oh hell no..What happen to the courtesy " thanks we got your card" or the " oh here are some ideas for X-mas"...??

My MIL called last night, and the husband said she told him the niece likes black..I thought ok, I will find a piece of coal or a black crayon and call it good....Sounds good to me.


Hello hotties for today

Luka from ER.....I like a man with an accent.....


Ashley Judd.....The good looking Judd with talent:)

Happy Monday.....


Saturday, December 10, 2005

This is why Santa hates you....

So I bought The Husband a nice pair of jeans and a rocking shirt for Christmas. (ok, so he bought it). And I tucked it under the bed. Nobody ever goes under the bed. I mean, there is nothing there..Why go there?

I come upstairs Saturday afternoon and what do my wandering eyes should appear? But the crap I bought the Husband laying here.

I said " what the hell"

he says " yes, I was gonna ask you about that, since when do u hide your clothes under the bed?"

" MY clothes...That was part of your Christmas present dumb as*"

Merry freaking Christmas!!!!!.....

Mind your own business....Stop going under the bed...Who does that??


I have turned my comment moderator on. I had some asswipe leave a comment on the old address telling this address...And they live in Arkansas...I will hunt them down and skin them. So for now I am leaving it on....So when your comment does not show up right away, don't worry...It will get here, and please don't stop leaving them....Nothing like trying to find a simple place in blogland to have a simple jerkoff try and ruin it. Whoever you are, please go away...Your not wanted in my world of blogland bliss. Its either this, or prozac...And I hate swallowing pills.

I am so relieved you all found me, I was worried. You guys truly have no clue how much I love you guys.....Even though I do not know you personally, I do know you...Ya no?

Thanks for everything


Ok, I hope I got everyone

If you don't ever have to change your blog address I highly recommend you don't. It took me over an hour just go inform everyone..And if I did not tell you, HA HA you will never no..

I started a family blog that will be for the family. Feel free to drop by there. Melis is doing the work over there for me. I can not wait till it is done. That address is And its on my blogroll.

Now I can delete my other blog, cause this one is all mine. I can tell you all sorts of crap on here.

Anyway, I just hope I did not lose anyone I did not want too. If I don't hear from you guys, I will make sure I stop back by to make sure I tolf you. You have to remember I am blonde underneath my brown masquerade.



By weekends end I am moving....If you like to lurk here and read....u must let me know so I can give you the new address to this freakshow I call my blog. If you dont give a rats ass, then carry on then....been nice knowing you have been reading, and I hate to lose ya.

T-minus 16 hours and counting till the move!!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Nothing wrecks your night like...

First I want to thank you all for your funny stories about us...I cracked a smile on all of them.

Have you ever......(I am about to charter into unknown waters here, say something really gross about myself, or rather admit something gross..Bare with me). Ok say your assuming the position to ahh, umm,....Go pee. And you spot something on the floor you want to get a closer look at. And for the sake of argument lets say you lean over to far in mid-stream. And also lets say...for the sake of argument that you accidentally piddle on the back of your favorite jammie bottoms. Now do you change them? Or just say, " oh its just a tiny piddle, you will be fine.."

Well lets just say for the sake of sounding like a gross ,vile and disgusting gal....That I did change my bottoms...And lets just say, I didn't sleep well without my good bottoms on.

Lesson learned....If its just a little piddle...Its ok.....Because I said so!!

Kissing spawn had a Christmas program today. I sent his sweet self out the door dressed in his Sunday best, his hair neatly placed in the way mom likes it.

I spot him at the concert, looking all homely. His shirt was untucked and wrinkled, his hair was sticking up in various spots noticeable to the naked eye. This is what happens when you put a hat on when the hair is still damp.....He looked like the kids you know, the ones who look like they wash bout once a week. The kids you never see with brushed teeth or combed hair..

Yup, that was my boy today...But his teeth looked good. I am a freak about teeth..I make my spawns brush their teeth, then I go in and re-do it.

These kids will have every reason to put me in home. I need to accept that fact. I will be alone , maybe get monthly visits, and the occasional hard candy drop off. I don't know why, but every nursing home I have worked at...Hard candy is like some sort of life saving apparatus for the old folks..I swear!!

Anyway, I am done...Have a delightful weekend...


I have nothing.......nothing

I think I am going to be changing the address to this site. For personal reason I think that would be best. I will go down each member of my blogroll and let each of you know. If you read my blog and I don't know about you, I guess your shit out of luck. My site content wont change, I am not switching it up to a pornographic site or anything.

Since I am in no mood for blogging right now, I leave you with a fun little game I stole from Jamie Dawn..

Make up a comment of something you and I did....Like " remember that time you and I picked up a hitch-hiker and we robbed and shot him?...." Of course I have never done that, and I am hoping you have not either:)...Just make up a memory of something we did together.

This should be fun..I hope..


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Some things to get off my chest..

I really hate posting twice in one day...But this morning I have a number of items bothering me..And this is my blog..So screw off:)

First, to my Kissing Spawn...Next time I find drops of your urine on my toilet seat...I will remove your prostate...

Love mum

To my garbage bags who claim to have odor shield,
Um excuse me, but your box says you have odor shield and that means you shield odors..So why after an hour I out something in my garbage, does my kitchen smell like garbage? GLAD you suck donkey balls and you wont trick me into buying your fancy garb every again...

Love, a very unloyal costumer

To the lady I babysit for,
Um hello there, when you tell me your bringing me your kid Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and fail to bring him all 3 days without calling me...You better be dead, or at least badly injured somewhere hollering for help..I know you have a hard time paying for my services, but hell, this is damn good kid watching service over here. I water them, I occasionally feed them, I let them color with my crayons, I let them use my pencils to write Santa letters...All this for only 2.25 an hour..I call that one hell of a good deal.

Love, the lady who will not be watching your kid soon if you don't show the common courtesy to call..I could of had something important to do those days but didn't cuz I was watching your kid.

I need to go write out my Christmas cards now..If you want one..Email me your address..

OK, you better go read my real post below..It is way better than this crap


No baby spawn,you can not do that

Baby spawn, hello its me mum. I am sorry for pretending I am talking to Dora, Boots, Backpack, and Map when you had me the phone. I had no idea you would think you could talk to them through the television...Today when you put your tiny ear up to the speaker of the telly and tried with all your might to talk to Dora, I laughed...But then grew worried when you started reaching your bity hand behind the devil box in order to try and find her. My appologies to you and yours.. You CAN NOT talk to Dora. She is not alive. She is what we call a doodle.


I stole this from my girl Shelly at

Give 10 weird or random facts about yourself....

1. When I was 10 I ran over my sister with my dads S-10 pick up truck.

2. When I was 17 I met a professional football player. And he asked for my phone number.

3. Back in the late 80,s I would go thru one can of Aqua Net hairspray in a week..the pink and gray can. I belive I single handledly helped depleat the ozone layer.

4. In elementary school I told all my friends and my teacher that my dad was Tom Sellek. When I was called out on it, I said that he was my dads brother. I had one person years later who must have belived me, tell me they saw my uncle at the party store.

5. I tried stealing a car once. But my plans were foiled when I could not reach the pedals and could not figure out what key went into the ignition.

6. In like 3-5 grade I would take paper clips, and un-fold them. I would put them in my mouth, mold it to my teeth, adhere it with gum and tell all my friends I had a retainer.

7. I use to let my boy friends in thru my bedroom window. Once I was making out with one thru the window and had the damnest thing happen. I wont go into detail, but I ended up putting my feet thru the glass and messed up my feet pretty good.

8. After watching an episode of The Jefferson,s I went to school the next day and called my teacher " a stupid honky"....Not knowing the ramifications of that!! Also not knowing what it meant..

9. After watching The Jazz Singer ( starring Neil Diamond) I told my teacher I was Jewish. I rember it was getting close to The Holiday season and I had no idea what Hannaka was. She asked me to tell the class about Hannaka. Lets just say..I was outted then...

10. I once had a fish bowl filled with worms and toads. That I caught myself. Now, I woudlnt touch one to save my soul. Toads give you warts.

I wont tag anyone....But if ya wanna do it, go for it....

I am still having troubles with my prostate. I am gonna buy Depends soon so I can watch my whole soap opera without interuptions. Or buy the jumbo size Pampers..That way it doesnt look like I have a problem.

Hello hottie..

It wont let me post a picutre.....I will try later.....

it will not let me spell check either..gosh I hope you can decode my jibberish nonsence..I really need to have a handbook...


Wednesday, December 07, 2005

This is why I hate......

buffets......I normally don't hit the buffet circuit. I like my nutrition to be fresh, not heated under a light bulb. Call me what you will, but don't call me a buffet eater.

Me and the husband went to a pizza buffet tonight. I hate pizza, and I hate buffets. When I go to a buffet I find myself looking at the others. The ones who go up 5 or 6 times. The ones who truly get their moneys worth.

I am always worried that someone is counting the number of times I go up. I was hungry tonight, so you could of set a plate of deep fried horse in front of me and I would of ate it.

As I am going up for my first plate, I look around. I want to know if anyone is eyeballing me. I look around and everyone is overweight. I check to make sure everyone is bigger than me..

yes, I seem to be the skinniest one in here, so if I go up for numerous plates its ok...I am in need of some nourishment.

So the pressure is off me, I am wearing my workout clothes, they will see I workout. They will think...what is a girl like that doing eating pizza....She should be chewing on a carrot.

I eat my 2 slices of vegetarian pizza. I am still hungry. Do I go back up? Will they notice ? Is someone watching me? Does my ass look big in my workout pants?

Ok I know I am not skinny by any means, but I was the smallest gal there...SO I was feeling good.

I went up for more, on the way up there I see this 400 pound lady eye balling me. We make eye contact. I can sense she is watching my every move. I take a piece of pineapple and cheese. I walk away. She is still eye balling. Ok Is she in love with me? Yes, yes she must be.

After that I want a breadstick. I look around. She is looking at me..WTF!! I throw her a nasty look and go " duh"

I quickly see I have met my match. This woman is scared. Scared I will eat all her pizza, because she tends to sit there all night and eat till she vomits. I walk by her again. This time I feel her hatred. She wants me to die. She wants me to keel over so she can grab the last breadstick off my plate.

I quickly take my seat. Glaring at her. Taking a bite of my breadstick. Her face is sweating, she is mad. I quickly scarf down my stick, and go back up. I am not even hungry at this point.

Why did this whole scenario take place? Why was I competing with a 400 pound woman for pizza. I don't even like pizza.

I need therapy in the worse way.


Covert spy spawn lost a top tooth today. It was a big bloody mess. She bit into her apple, and it was like a bloody massacre. She yells " momma my tooth, help me my tooth"

It was hangin by a thread , so once again I had to be the dentist.

I have figured it out..

I am a

1. Dentist
4.luandrymat attendant
9.small appliance fixer
12. Baker..(crappy baker)
13.lawn mower man
15.gardner instructor

ok , I will stop there. And you know what I get paid?

Oh yea, I don't get paid...Lets just say they couldn't afford me anyway.


out hello hotties for today

Matthew Maca whatever


Christina Applegate...Maybe it cuz we have the same name...Not sure:)


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now

I think I must be having prostate problems, or else I have bladder cancer. For the last few days, it hits me like a ton of bricks, like I have to go pee at this minute..I can not wait 2 minutes..I gots ta go now.

Then, I have to go about every half hour, even if I have not drank anything. And sometimes when I go it is just little dribblets...But it feels like 20 gallons. So I hope it fixes its self. I had to have minor bladder surgery a few years back, for a similar problem..But I am not going thru that again..There are some places a Dr. Does not need to go, and up your urethra is one of them.

I will keep you posted..I know you will be worried sick.

Ok now here are some shameless pictures....I here all the time that Covert Spy Spawn looks a bit like Meg Ryan. So here are some pictures and you be the judge...K?

So that is my almost 6 year old Covert Spy Spawn...And here is Meg Ryan

I guess I should do a Pre- fuc* up of her cute face..My little girl has not had a chin implant nor a brow lift:)..ok it wont let me post it...I will post it in a post below this one...just for comaprison...I am also going to add a total hidious photo of her...Why did she go a ruin her cute face?...check out the next post..

Now I can not fairly give one spawn a solo and not get the other 2 on...So please bare with me..

Kissing spawn...Yes I know....It is dark and crappy..Remember momma needs a new camera..Santa if your reading this....You no my address..

and my cute little Baby spawn...She is wearing my sunglasses and Covert spy spawns backpack..

ok, had to do one with all them....Ok I got it out of my system...Back to our regularly scheduled blogging.


Tonight I told hubby I thought his preacher talk was a bit odd, because I thought he was more liable to sway with the devil...My reason being was that he is gullible, he is a "yes" man..( no I didn't say ass man, I said yes man), and he can be tricked into doing just about anything.

To which he disagreed...He says " I can not be tricked easily"

To which Covert Spy spawn says....( and mind you, we had no idea she was paying attention or had any clue what we were talking about).

" daddy, guess what"

" what honey?"

" that's what....See you were just tricked!!"

duped by his 5 year old...Blessed days are these:)

No hottie today, I am having trouble uploading pictures....I know how you look forward to that:) My apologies to you and yours.