Monday, March 12, 2007

what do u want from me

Well Friday night I was bored, so I decided to switch to Beta, because holy shit, I am a dumb ass. After I did it, I went to dashboard and ALL my blogs were gone, poof, like I never even existed..I wrote the assholes at blogger a strongly worded letter explaining my pissed off-ness.





Bastards never replied, Mr Shaky fixed it. Sometimes a man can come in handy for something.





This week is filled with birthdays here at my hive..you see these two dorks?




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They both turn one year older this week. First up is Shaky..His birthday is Wednesday. He will be 36. That means he is old...It means I am married to an older gentlemen. It means he isn't far from needing a good nurse to give his sponge baths and change his diaper.

There are some good points to him though..

*He likes to bake cookies, but then he doesn't clean up the mess, so never mind this is a negative.

*He will do laundry, but then he doesn't match up the socks and put them away, he leaves them in the basket for me to do. So that is a negative.

*He lets me spend money on first class front row tickets to my favorite concerts, but then he calls my music "devil music" and when he looks at the wallpaper on my laptop of my best band Def Leppard he says " dang those are ugly chicks"..so that's a negative

*He will shovel out the 3 feet of snow from the driveway, but wont do it while I am at work, so I can get into the driveway at midnight, then tells me I don't know how to drive in the snow...that there is a double negative.

*He has a 15 year plan...Which turns out to be a 5 year plan, which includes a significant drop in his income, which in turn will make me have to go to church weekly along with throwing some sort of church socials and being all fake..so that is a negative.

*He teaches Sunday school every week, which in turn means I cant sleep in on Sundays cuz I have to get up and help get the kids ready for church, so that is a negative.

*He still has all his hair, which in turn means I have to cut it every so often, so that is a negative.

Damn...things are not looking so gleaming after all..

I told you guys, I see the glass half empty....but he likes it that way. So I guess that is OK. He may not act like he likes my tattoos, my piercings, my attitude, my devil music, but really, deep down...He likes it all..Otherwise he knows I will kick him in the balls, and nobody wants that for themselves.

Then next up is my son....Good Lord, my son..





























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He is the one wearing the tie..

Let me see, what can I say about this little pisser?

* He knows more about Greek Mythology then he does about his 4th grade math.

*He knows more about dinosaurs and their ancient breeding rituals then his 4th grade math.

*He still thinks girls are gross, but the day he asked me for a wallet, there will be trouble. I know what guys like to keep in their wallets.

* He still calls me "momma" unless he is in front of a buddy or calling me from school.

*He knows more about the art of drawing dragons and creatures with one eye, then he does about 4th grade math.

*He is mean to his sisters, unless he has no Friends to play with.

*he unloads the dishwasher, for a small weekly fee, but still manages to never put the shit in the right spot and sometimes leaves dishes in it that are clean.

* He draws me pictures, of a dragons slaying a one eyes creature, but doesn't draw me flowers or butterflies.

On Saturday, March 17th, he will be 10 years old. A damn decade ago I pushed him from my loins..and my loins have never been the same since...

In this past decade, I have come to learn many things.

One is, its harder then hell to lose the baby weight from your first born...Thanks to him I carry at least 25 extra pounds around, and its basically centered in one area, the top portion, known as the boob area.

I learned that when u hold your first born for the very first time, it changes you..From that point on, your not a hot, skinny bitch anymore..Your a fat, frumpy mommy.

I learned that little boys are sweet, they love their mom's, until they reach about 8 years of age, then they will be the first to tell you how you are wrecking their lives.

I have learned that no matter how hard u try, your first born will always have more baby pictures.

So on this coming ST Patty's Day, think about my boy...He will be going to get a new bike, going bowling, then going swimming, then having a sleep over...

And I will be sitting in my room drinking heavily while some wild ten year old boys are wrecking my house and telling each other that their burps are louder then the other. Then it will move from a burping contest, to a farting one..in a blink of an eye.

So happy birthday to the men of the house....

It is all OK, because the boys are still out numbered by us girls.

Bee Real

27 comments:

Karin said...

Well Happy Borthdays all the way around. Great now you tell me I am not going to be a skinny hot beotch after the baby was born. I really thought he would come out and all my extra weight would just fall off and I would glow of womanlyness that no mere mortal could resist. Now I have to rethink my plans to rule the world.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Myabe it will have the opposite affect on u:)

Neurotic1 said...

Why is it that when guys do housework we have to go back over it? Mr. Conservative will run a dishwasher with about 5 glasses and 2 plates in it. He thinks it is full. Hell learn how to load the damn thing! Happy Birthday to Mr. Shaky and Butch. May they have another glorious year!

Kelly said...

Happy Birthday to your boys! Don't feel bad about having an old hubby, mine is older than Shaky! We just keep them feeling young and active :)

The Kept Woman said...

Awwww, Mr. Shaky would love your tribute of nice things about him, I'm sure!

Welcome to Hell...I mean Beta.

Kendra Lynn said...

Happy birthday to the boys.
Hope you had a great weekend.

Kendra

Badoozie said...

well, you finally succumbed to the evil beta, yeah. nice list about your man, he sounds like a charmer for sure. I want to see his list about you. happy birthday to these fine males

Blazer1234 said...

Happy Birthday to Bossy's Boys!
They don't sound all that bad. At least your hubby makes cookies and does laundry. How'd you train him to do that?
Will Mr. Shaky be joining in on the burping and farting contest?

js said...

just for the record I do not own a tie, nope not even one
hmmmmmm i wonder if thats good or bad. It gets me outta some of the upper brow shit i get invited to tho!!!
and the hair thing, im thinkin thats bad
i get mine cut every third month wehter it needs it or not usually not. I am good with Butchs wearing of the shirt and tie though and if I had a tie i wasn't wearing Rambo style i feel certain id wear it with my shirt untucked or with a shirt i had torn the sleeves out of.
happy b-days to the boys!
js

Britmum said...

Happy Birthday to the boys in your house. How special having a sleep over (laughing to myself knowing what you are letting yourself in for). Aww Shaky is young young young. Are you telling me that I am old, old, old?

Take care

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Neurtic,
acctually, on my weekends I work, shaky cleans the house, and lets me lay on th couch and bitch all weekend..but durring the week, not so much..

But sometimes he does a half ass job..but what can ya do?

Kelly,
how did we wind up with old farts anyway?

TKW,
I am betitng he read it while I was working...and I am sure he wont be imperssed:)

yes, beta sucks ass.

Kendra,
thank you:)

Suzie,
yes, I had a momnet of weakness, that is what a moment of weak ness can do..be warned.

Blazer,

well he starts doing laundry when he starts running outta underwear:)

Crakcer,
I can see I need to buy u a tie..

js said...

u can buy 2832 of them, bbut i can betcha i aint ever wearing one of them!
there isnt one person in america that is comfy in a tie
why in the name of Darwin (for you Democrat readers)would anyone wear anything ever they didnt think comfy? like jeans for instance, i wear jeans everyday, I wont attend any function that you have to wear britches other'n jeans to, and I also won't attend any function that i can't wear a hat/cap to

hey poeple just say no to dorky ties
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

ok, I have never sported one, so I cant say for sure if they are comfy, but I cant figure out how they would be..do u really even feel them?

Now lets talk about what uncomfy shall we?

bras
dresses/skirts
pantyhose
tampons
g-strings
jeans..( i find them uncomfy cuz cuz somtimes I find them very restricitn)
high heels
some flip flops


I could go on and on..not gettin any sympothy from me:)

hehehehehe

Miss 1999 said...

Girl, I swear, you CRACK me up!!! I was busting after I read this one!!! You always have me cracking up though, even when your dead serious.

In all seriousness, you've got a great lookin' family, a family to be proud of! *hugs*

Miss 1999 said...

PS: Beta SUCKS ass-- I was SO friggin' pissed when they FORCED me to switch...

Hails said...

Blogger Beta is certainly not beta at all. It sucks arse but Im surprised you had been given a choice. Im pretty sure I was forced otherwise I couldnt blog!!!

happy birthday to the boys

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jojo,
I realized I issed u, not sure how..damn..sorry..

I know, I hate sleepvoers, I dont let them have thm very often, but damn, when i do, I am kicking myself for weeks.

Miss 1999,
haha, well I am glad u got crakked, but its all true, every word of it:)

not sure if thats the sad part or not..

hehe

Hails,
well, I was tired of having to log in every time i wanted to coment on a beta blog, so i just did it...now i still have to fucking sign in...Man this sucks ass..

Brandy said...

Happy Birthday to both your boys! Heres to many more to come!!

My sons boys night was sooooo MUCH better than my daughters. Boys are 100% better than the girls ever were. He can have them whenever he wants. I never heard a peep out of them. Now my daughter on the other hand has to give us a years notice and remind us constantly so we dont forget! LOL

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Brandy,
well, I dont know if the non stop giggleing and fifhgitn of the girls is worse then the boys trying to out fart eachother..

I shoulda just raised dogs..or gold fish.

"T" said...

I am older than my husband. Which he gleefully tells everyone....leaving out the part that it's only by 4 months...

Happy b-day to your guys!

pack of 2 said...

Dude, You are so friggin funny! I cracked up on this post.

Happy bday to the boys!

I am not a fan of the new blogger. It says Angie is the commenter on all the comments & I don't know how to fix that, I hate having that screen pop up telling me that I am entering a non secure location every.single.time, I always have to log myself in each time I comment even though I select the button that says remember me on this computer...blah,blah,blah...I'm sure there are more reasons too.

Shelly

pack of 2 said...

OK...I came up as packof2 here but on other blogs I come up as Angie.

So add to my list of complaints...blogger is inconsistant.

Shelly

Choppzs said...

Happy Birthday to your boys!!

And Holy Shit, because you wont lay off it, I finally went and cast my vote.lol. Ok, I hope you win that contest thingy, whatever it is, because I have no clue, because I don't keep up with shit!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Shelly,
I could write a whole post about why this beta shit is causing me to have a mental breakdown..I have missed u..glad to see u..

and I am gald I can still keep u crakcing up after all these years..hehe

Choppzs,
damn, u mean u didnt vote before?..what the hell!
hehe

I dont get it either, but 2 of my blogger peeps nominated me, along with a nice stranger lady...I never win anything, so I am sure I wont win the last round, but its all good:)

Meow said...

Happy Birthday to the two birthday boys in your household this week. HOpe they have magical days !!
Have a great week.
Take care, Meow

Jerry said...

Bossy,
You give a birthday tribute by stating all the negative qualities of your birthday boys? Damn!

You are SO fired from delivering my eulogy.

At least you didn't make fun of Mr. Shaky Pants' big head. That's kinda being nice, I guess.

And 36 is not old, but 40+ is. :-)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

meow,
thank you...I jst love birthdays..hehe

Jerry,
well they started out as postives...does that count?