we just figured out blues clues

Right now its 60 degrees out. To most of you that probably means nothing, and I understand that. You see, it has been in the 30's and 40's for the last two weeks. Its almost like winter had returned before spring had a chance to take her coat off and stay awhile.

I look outside, the skies are blue, the birds are mating I mean singing, not a cloud in the sky. In fact, I am going on my 7 mile walk with a girlfriend in a few short hours. I am going to enjoy every minute of the sunshine and warm air.

You see, starting Tuesday morning we are under a Winter Storm Watch. We are expected to pick up around 8 inches of snow fall.

This is why people commit suicide. I already suffer from seasonal depression. I am on the boarder line of ending it all right now. I mean today is nice, but I know whats about to linger in my yard in a few hours.

Good thing I don't have any weapons in my house. Good thing also that I am way to chicken to slit my own throat with a butter knife, or it could get bloody around here.

~
Boo was watching Noggin as any other day. I looked over and she was sleeping. She had her tiny ass was in the fetal position sleeping soundly.

The retard that I am, was still watching Noggin and it did not even phase me. I was watching Pinky Dinky Do, wondering what her made up story was going to be about today...I was waiting for her big idea....

Then the next thing I know Directv flashed up on the screen that my TV had been on so long they wondered if I had committed seasonal suicide today. I was pissed cause Joe was just going over what the three clues for the day, and I was hoping to get it right...The clues were

Bible
Buttcheecks
Hat

I knew it right away

the person Blue was thinking about today was

Pastor Asshat.

~
After watching a show last night about a boy who had tape worms in his brain from under cooked pork, I refuse to eat pork anymore.

but the kicker was the boy and his family were Orthodox Jews, and not allowed to consume pork. Guess where he got from..go ahead and guess..

They had a housekeeper from Guatemala and come to find out, she was loaded with them. The boy got it from her fecal matter. When she dropped a load in the family john, she did not wash her hands, then the eggs from the tapeworm were on her hands, and then when she prepared the family dinner, the eggs dropped into the boys food..

Are u hungry?

That scared me straight of two things. No pork. No third world country housekeepers.

sonofabitch.

Bee Nice.

Pastor hates fat people

Before I elaborate on how my pastor is an asshat, I will torture u with some Easter pics. Because that's what I do..I torture, THEN educate.

There is Blondie, they were out looking for eggs. That's the kind of mom I am, I drag them out at 7am when its 25 degrees to look for plastic eggs filled with money and candy..

Down here is The Boy, he is pretending he gives a shit about the Easter bunny dropping eggs in the yard.

Down here is Boo, she is very good at looking for eggs. In fact, she is requesting a do-over every morning.

Down here we have them all gussied up for church...

The Boy sorta looks like he has spotted the sign of the devil on my brow or something..damn...

Here is me and the snot noses..

There, you can wipe the vomit from your screen now.

~

OK, on to how Pastor asshat hats fat people. Ya see, two summers ago, we were all at a church picnic on one of the lakes around here. A lake that is set on a church members private property. Pastor Asshat was pulling kids on a toboggan on the back of his motor boat. He was wanting another volunteer to travel in the boat with him..A woman, whom was at the party, offered to go along for the ride around. He then looked at her and said

well, I am not sure if I have a life-jacket that will fit, and u might need to sit on the back of the boat, I don't think the boat can handle that much more weight up front here.

I was dumbfounded. I felt so bad for this mother he said it too. He thought he was a really freaking comedian. I thought he was a dick head.

The Easter service he gave yesterday was awful. This man is so arrogant, I don't think he puts any thought into his sermons just figuring people are gonna like him regardless.

But me, I would rather have a case of genital herpes then listen to him. I would rather milk a rat then listen to him. I would rather change adult diapers in 90 degree heat, then listen to him..

u get the idea..

I could give u a long list of reasons why I am not a fan of him, but I think that should cover any questions u may or may not have.

~

Well we had an enjoyable Easter. I ate too much. I had two pieces of pie. And I don't even like pie.

I am thinking about buying a piano.

Bee Jolly

Call Me

Have u ever seen those cell phones that are not phones but like some sort of hearing aide device? You know, the ones people just clip to the outer portion of the ear, thinking they look all cool and shit?

Every time I see a person with one of these, all I can think of are cochlear implants. Like they are deaf and need the extra amplified sound. I just want to run up to them, and use sign language, to say hello, or what have u, cause these poor fools arent blessed with the abilty to hear.

When in all reality, they are just asshats, asshats whom have stupid ass looking phones. Asshats who think they are too busy to mulitask eating a bagel and holding a damn phone.




What is wrong with the regular phone u hold to your ear? not only do u look like an asshat, but in certain situations u look like you are totally unstable and crazy. if u are not looking at the side with the cochlear implant, u assume they are having a fight with themselves, or talking to their imaginary friend Judy..

But really, your just an asshat.

And people who sit and text, must not be comfortable with their ability to actually speak the language using proper grammar, or they would just fu*king talk.

People who sit and text look like stupid immigrants, and people with hearing aides look like asshats..

Dont feel bad if you can not speak the proper dialect, or maybe you are just having phone sex with a total stranger whom accidentally text you, cause holy shit, he dialed your number on accident, and you just keep stalking them, by texting them over and over...



just had to put that out there..

sorry if your an asshat or a stupid immigrant or maybe did not go to college to learn proper grammar...

And if you are one of these people whom also uses the terms " fur stupid" or "ish"

your just a Go*damn reject.

~

On to other business. I am going to kill my cats, my oldest daughter purposely farted in my youngest daughters face, my son got an E is science, and me being from the old school, thought he failed, when indeed E here means Excellent. Like an A, but only E...He nearly got his ass grounded.

~

Update on my ole grandpa. He indeed does have cancer, they are indeed NOT going to remove it because he is INDEED going to be 88 years old in June and they don't think he would do well. SO instead he is going to go thru radiation I guess.

Oh and my sister gives her son enough drugs to make Anna Nicole a nice small cocktail in her holy palace in druggie heaven.

Mark my words, my nephew will die of a drug over dose....he wont live to see his 10th birthday I know it..

He is six and he takes

Klonidine
Concerta
Risprdal

mixed with bits of benadryl and lollipops.

~
I am having a bad day. If u cant already tell.

I am going to buy some peeps, just so I can bite their damn heads off.

Bee Real

u got a freind in me

I am thisclose to telling all the retarded people I work with, that they are indeed, asshats.

I don't mind being surrounded by mediocre intellect folk, as long as they do not speak to me.

I have told you before about how they all use this term fur.. they can put that in any word..I will give u some examples.

oh thats fur cute
oh thats fur stupid
oh thats fur lame

u get the jest right?

Every time I hear this, I wanna take my hand, and brush it hard against their face, hoping to knock the stupid out.

but now they say something that is equally as stupid, if not worse.

I will set the scene. Lets say your watching TV, and something weird or gross comes on. Instead of saying " oh my word, that is kind of gross" or " damn, thats some weird shit right there."


They say this..

ish

nothing in front of it, nothing in back of it..

not grossish
not foolish
not weirdish


you get what I am saying..its just ish.

First time I heard it, I honest to God thought I did not hear the beginning of the word, that maybe my ears were taking a slight break from having to hear the bullcrap they say. Then as the day progresses, you hear it. Out of every one's mouth.

ISH
ISH

sonofabitch....

what the bloody hell does it mean? And not only that, but how does saying that make you seem like your not a hick, or a redneck? Now at my one particular job, 90% of the employees are not educated at all, or so it seems.

I hate being surrounded by boobs.

If I was a dude, I would not be a boobman.

because I know that boobs are stupid.

If any of you throw these terms out of your mouth, or they sort of roll off your tongue, your a boob, and I highly recommend you stop using these terms.

its just a bit of advice for this Monday.

I am sure some of u whom may use these terms are saying

"shit, she is fur stupid"

or

"ISH"

you go right ahead and say it, you Go*damn boob.

Bee Real