Well Friday night I was bored, so I decided to switch to Beta, because holy shit, I am a dumb ass. After I did it, I went to dashboard and ALL my blogs were gone, poof, like I never even existed..I wrote the assholes at blogger a strongly worded letter explaining my pissed off-ness.
Bastards never replied, Mr Shaky fixed it. Sometimes a man can come in handy for something.
This week is filled with birthdays here at my hive..you see these two dorks?
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They both turn one year older this week. First up is Shaky..His birthday is Wednesday. He will be 36. That means he is old...It means I am married to an older gentlemen. It means he isn't far from needing a good nurse to give his sponge baths and change his diaper.
There are some good points to him though..
*He likes to bake cookies, but then he doesn't clean up the mess, so never mind this is a negative.
*He will do laundry, but then he doesn't match up the socks and put them away, he leaves them in the basket for me to do. So that is a negative.
*He lets me spend money on first class front row tickets to my favorite concerts, but then he calls my music "devil music" and when he looks at the wallpaper on my laptop of my best band Def Leppard he says " dang those are ugly chicks"..so that's a negative
*He will shovel out the 3 feet of snow from the driveway, but wont do it while I am at work, so I can get into the driveway at midnight, then tells me I don't know how to drive in the snow...that there is a double negative.
*He has a 15 year plan...Which turns out to be a 5 year plan, which includes a significant drop in his income, which in turn will make me have to go to church weekly along with throwing some sort of church socials and being all fake..so that is a negative.
*He teaches Sunday school every week, which in turn means I cant sleep in on Sundays cuz I have to get up and help get the kids ready for church, so that is a negative.
*He still has all his hair, which in turn means I have to cut it every so often, so that is a negative.
Damn...things are not looking so gleaming after all..
I told you guys, I see the glass half empty....but he likes it that way. So I guess that is OK. He may not act like he likes my tattoos, my piercings, my attitude, my devil music, but really, deep down...He likes it all..Otherwise he knows I will kick him in the balls, and nobody wants that for themselves.
Then next up is my son....Good Lord, my son..
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He is the one wearing the tie..
Let me see, what can I say about this little pisser?
* He knows more about Greek Mythology then he does about his 4th grade math.
*He knows more about dinosaurs and their ancient breeding rituals then his 4th grade math.
*He still thinks girls are gross, but the day he asked me for a wallet, there will be trouble. I know what guys like to keep in their wallets.
* He still calls me "momma" unless he is in front of a buddy or calling me from school.
*He knows more about the art of drawing dragons and creatures with one eye, then he does about 4th grade math.
*He is mean to his sisters, unless he has no Friends to play with.
*he unloads the dishwasher, for a small weekly fee, but still manages to never put the shit in the right spot and sometimes leaves dishes in it that are clean.
* He draws me pictures, of a dragons slaying a one eyes creature, but doesn't draw me flowers or butterflies.
On Saturday, March 17th, he will be 10 years old. A damn decade ago I pushed him from my loins..and my loins have never been the same since...
In this past decade, I have come to learn many things.
One is, its harder then hell to lose the baby weight from your first born...Thanks to him I carry at least 25 extra pounds around, and its basically centered in one area, the top portion, known as the boob area.
I learned that when u hold your first born for the very first time, it changes you..From that point on, your not a hot, skinny bitch anymore..Your a fat, frumpy mommy.
I learned that little boys are sweet, they love their mom's, until they reach about 8 years of age, then they will be the first to tell you how you are wrecking their lives.
I have learned that no matter how hard u try, your first born will always have more baby pictures.
So on this coming ST Patty's Day, think about my boy...He will be going to get a new bike, going bowling, then going swimming, then having a sleep over...
And I will be sitting in my room drinking heavily while some wild ten year old boys are wrecking my house and telling each other that their burps are louder then the other. Then it will move from a burping contest, to a farting one..in a blink of an eye.
So happy birthday to the men of the house....
It is all OK, because the boys are still out numbered by us girls.
Bee Real
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