Monday, October 02, 2006

Here I go again

Things happen. Hell some may say shit happens , I am cool with all that. I except that for what it is. I have been around long enough to know this. But do I like it? Not really. But it is a cold hard factiod. Consider this my tip for the day...shit happens

I was bored Saturday night I went for a walk in the dark. I got lost. Who the hell does that? It did not take me long to find my way back, but for a brief moment I was lost. For a brief moment I had no visitors at my house, hell I did not even know where my house was. I liked it. Too much.

Then when I did make my way home, no one had even noticed I was gone for a very long time. Bastards.

I went up to my room and started surfing the internet from the confines of my bed. I do that every night. Sad yes. I went and browsed thru It has come to my understanding that the only ones on there are people looking for a weird sexual encounter with people/animals or stay at home moms looking for a place to meet people. I am neither, so what the hell am I doing there? I went thru everyone who has signed that went to my old high school. There are many, which is shocking to me. I don't remember most of them, but I cant see why anyone would lie and say they went to my school if they did not. So I wasted time doing that. I can waste time doing many things trust me.

So after this gut wretching experience of having company for more then a few minutes I have devised a list of rules. These rules will apply to anyone coming to my hive for more then say....5 minutes....Feel free to copy these. I am doing this as a free service. From me to you....Because I love each and everyone of you that damn much.


1. Bring your own food. Bossy hates cooking for the people who live here, and it makes her mad to cook for anyone else....Because she is a bitch that way.

2. Either bring your own paper plates or do your own dishes..Self explanatory I think.

3.Dont bring sweets, or anything fried into my house....Unless you want me to kick your ass.

4.dont sit and make small talk with me, Bossy hates talking.

5. Don't ask me how I am doing on my diet. For Gods sake I am not on a diet. And if your so worried about it, don't bring donuts in here.

6. When you see I am cleaning, and I have the TV off, and my radio blaring..Please for the love of all that is holy DO NOT plop down on my sofa, turn my TV on ESPN and eat a bag of Heath bars. It makes me mad. Very mad. I hate getting mad.

7. Don't make my kids cry. I am the only one with the ability or right to do so.

8. When I am busy doing up dishes, and cleaning up after everyone, its ok to leave me alone. But when I tell Mr Shaky to change the trash, dear God don't ask him if you can help him with anything.

9. And this is the most important rule of all. When you are out with my kids, under no cirumstances DO NOT call and ask if I want you to bring me back anything from Dairy Queen. Because hell yes I do, but if you bring it back I will break your damn fingers....

So these are some ground rules. This is just my rough copy. I am still working out the kinks.

I had to excerise great caution over the last few days, as these people brought the following items into my home.

cupcakes filled with jelly
assorted bags of Halloween candy
Red Meat
whole milk
real whipped cream

I did not eat any of said items, but everytime I walked by I wanted to shoot someone.

Everyone is lucky I do not own a gun or sling shot.

I need to send my Boo Bee to a reform school for babies.

Friday when my mom and I were out shopping, we got a muffin at a nice bakery. As I was biting into it in the car, I blurted out

" man, this is damn good."

Boo Bee.." Momma is dat damn good?"

Then Sunday when we were all out in the backyard..It was 85 degrees, lovely day..

My Boo was asking her grandpa to chase her. He told her not right now he would in a minute. She said

" chase me damnit."

That girl needs a good tongue lashing.

Or maybe I do....But I am pleading the damn 5th. I can do that, it is my right.

My poor dad is having some surgery today. Hope the doc dont kill him..

Bee Real


Karin said...

Your rules seem fair enough. I think I would do my own dishes though as I don't like paper plates. I would also cook for you and then do the dishes or force the hubs to do the dishes, that is how I roll. I wouldn't offer Dairy Queen but I might call and ask if I could bring you back anything while I was out. I hope that the visit is almost over and that all will return to normal soon.

I have never looked through myspace so I wouldn't know. I wonder how many of my classmates have an account?

Kendra Lynn said...

Nice rules. If I came to visit, I would cook for you, and then do the dishes.
I'm good like that.

And I would avoid bringing sweets...they are WAY too tempting.

Hope you have a nice evening.


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well I dont mind doing my OWN dishes, I just dont like doing dishes for a lot, because I am lazy like that..

and they know that we dont eat that food nor allow it in the house, but yet they load up my counters with it...I dont get it..

you would cook and do the dishes? I might let you stay 20 minutes then:)

Cliff Morrow said...

Just so you know. You have strained our relationship. Fried foods and red meat being out then for crying out loud what is left???
FYI,,,meat is only red until you fry it, or throw it on a grill over some hot charcoal.'s whats for dinner.
I do my own cooking. I like to talk too, so now what?? I am in a deep depression now.
We could have been so good together.
Oh well, my fried twinkies are just about done. gotta go

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I really dont want to cause a strain in our reltionship.

I dont want to hurt the farmers feelings..But I do not like beef..its not whats for dinner..hehe

Peggy said...

I will cook and wash dishes but I want you to talk to me while I am busy...... damn it!!! LOL If you don't I will poke your eye out!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I will talk to you...

just dont poke my eyes out..please for the love of God:)

Manic Mom said...

You are so funny! I hate when company comes, especially people I do not like, and they're all for walking around the house on the carpets with their shoes ON, and leaving soda cans half-filled in the family room where a kid or an adult even, could knock it over. Or they fix themselves something to eat, and then leave the plate crumbs and all, right where they feel like it.

Fuckin' hate that!

BTW, If I go to Dairy Queen, which I haven't been in a very long time, I would get a large vanilla cake cone dipped in BUTTERSCOTCH!

Yum Yum Yum!

Love your rules. You are one cool chick! WIsh we could be BOSSY BITCHES TOGETHER!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Manic Mom,
I can see you and I are one in the same on the company issue.

holy crap dogs..that si exactly what I get when I cave..a Large vanilla cone dipped in butterscotch..we must be soul mates.

oh and I need someone to maintain bossiness when I vaction, the job is yours if ya want it:)

Britmum said...

O.k. Bossy I have cut, pasted and printed it. It is now in my hand book to give to visitors when they arrive on U.S. soil. He he he....
Plus I have glued it to the fridge. That should get them in shape on off my big ass. LOL I have the outlaws visiting at Christmas and I will be booking my flight shortly to yours for the hols. I hope that you don't mind.

Is myspace in the u.k.? I wonder.... hmmmm. I will have to look up some loosers. LOL

I should never ever be allowed to go into Dairy Queen again. Like it I bloody love it. I like...................................................................... Banana Cheesecake Blizzard. But they don't have it at the mo.

Well Bossy love ya.... but gotta get my bottom to bed. Do you know what fanny means in England? hehehehehehehehehhe bye xxxx

Anonymous said...

I say im gonna have to copy these and blow up on a big arse sign and stick on my front door. I dont see any kinks I say they are perfect!

Claire said...

Aw, bless Boo Bee!

Your rules sound totally fair - I hate when I am trying to be good and people bring me candy - WTF? Real friends bring flowers, yo. Or wine, which may have calories, but is always a good thing on planet countrymouse!

deni said...

Your list is good, I would use it if I got company, but I rarely do, except the food part, I like food, and it will save on the grocery bill.

Jewl said...

Myspace sucks and I still don't understand why I even have one...
Donuts are good for you, they have fruit in the middle...
I am damn certain I would not be walking in the dark here with the creature watching me...
I won't tell you the lovely F word my daughter has said...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I am glad you find these rules helpful..they will carry you thru life.

oh Lordy, having the family come from anohter country brings on a whole new set of rules ya know?

the more I look at the rules, the more i see there aint no kinks:)

yes flowers would be fine...only they would attrack bees:)

I rarley get company either..all my ffrineds and family live in anohter thes rules only apply about 2 or 3 times a year:)

yes I dont know why I am on myspcae either, although I have found lots of people from school..which is totally cool..but moslty it sucks:)

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

did these people permanently damage your brains? i swear to you there was not one typo in that whole post. i swear it on my mothers grave and she is not dead.

as for your rules....i think they are good rules, if you are a heathen who lives in a mud hut down by the mississippi that killed all their family and ate their young. just kidding

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

are you sure there isnt one typo?..I always have at least one..I tell you I mispell words so bad spell check cant dispher what they are, but thanks for noticing I had none, made my dad:)

living on the missippi sounds perfect..thanks for the idea, I only live miles form it ya right on the money again suzie:)

Anonymous said...

You didn't tell Britmum if you knew what fanny meant in her homeland. I do and it cracks me up when anyone uses it.

It is now so dark in the morning when I walk, it is a bit freaky - especially the spider which was dangling from a tree last week. The way I zone when I'm by myself I probably could get lost. Glad you found your way home.

The visit should be almost over. I haven't heard any news stories of missing in-laws or death by pumpkin. I'm proud of the control you have shown thus far. Please hold on! We'd all miss you too much! Oh, since I value my live, I won't be sending cookies or caramels after all!

Somethings a little off besides me, so I'll let you know it's just_tammy!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

oh yes I knew what fannie meant, I may be a retard, but i know that..hehe

they are leainvg after the have lunch with blonide at school..T-minus 2 hours and counting:)

Nerdine said...

OK - we make a deal. I cook (all vegetarian tho') and hell - I'll even do the dishes after. You entertain. deal? or even better - you choose music for working. You've got great taste in Music, so I trust ya. let's see if we can get those bees to eat their veggies...

I'll bring a bottle (maybe two?) of wine we can drink when the bees are in bed. I am not used to watching TV as I don't own one, and don't see a reason for watching TV when visiting. But I'm sorry I DO expect you to talk to me if I visit. So I guess I'm not on the "most wanted" guest list..

Boo Bee cracks me up...

Gette said...

Love international slang. I remember one Aussie exchange student who could not imagine why anyone would want to wear a fanny pack, let alone keep their gum in it.

I'm with Cliff on the red meat thing. And real cream. I compentsate by going as homemade as possible and avoiding all the crap I can't pronounce, and as many proccesses as possible. I realize butter and lard are bad for you, but I know exactly how to make them both myself, and I don't even want to imagine how shortening and margarine are made.

Choppzs said...

Gosh, I think I will steer clear of your home! lol I am anal too, so don't worry about it. But I think I will have to post a lovely In-law rule guide at the front door just for special occasions. I may just steal some of yours to add to it. To mine though, I would have to put the rule on there that if you shit in my pot, and aren't smart enough to get it in the pot, but all over the seat, that you must clean it up yourself. Yah, had that prob with the FIL. Come on now. Don't you think if you were at somebody's home and you took a shit and it splattered all over, that you would be so embarrassed that you might clean it up yourself? Not him. So anyways, that would have to be one of my rules. Clean up the shitter after you use it! I'll even supply the clean and brush!

Meow said...

Loooove that list. Am gonna print it, enlarge it and stick it to my wall.
Have a great week, hope your dad's surgery goes well.
Take care, Meow

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

just got home form the county hotel...I think I may have anew boyfriend now.

js said...

well damn
why couldn't I have been there
i miss out again
yeah sigh J