Friday, March 03, 2006

shush.........

Thanks for all the kind words and prayers....Please keep them coming..

I was not going to post again, but I feel the need too.

Lately I have been feeling as though I am losing my mind. I get short tempered with the worker bees on nearly everything they ask of me. I find myself yelling and being a mean SOB...I hate this.

My bees will only be little for a very short time, and I am wasting all this time. I worry about whether the nosy no gooders are lurking here, I worry about if I have commented on blogs I like reading..I worry about crap that means NOTHING.

I look at my bees and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. At any moment God could take myself from this Earth or God forbid one of my bees. And I don't want their last moments of me, being the memory of me yelling at them for asking me if I can get them a drink or read a book. I do not know why I am so short lately. But I feel like crap for acting this way.

My oldest bee Butch will be 9 years old in a 2 weeks (St. Patty's day) and I cant believe how fast the time has gone..A whole decade has almost passed since he was spewed forth from my nether regions. Soon he will be graduating and getting married. I did not realize how quickly time passed. I thought they would be babies forever and ever.

I wonder if my parents regret not spending enough time with us as kids, or feel bad for being mad with us .. I doubt it, but I do wonder...I would never ask them, and maybe I don't want to know the answer..But I do know that I feel like I have wasted so much time not being a good enough mom for these bees.

Maybe I am not a good enough wife for the king bee. My house is not always as sparkling..It should be, no reason for it not to be...I am here all day doing nothing. Sure its ok looking on the surface, but when you really look, it is shameful really.

I do not deserve this family I have, and at any given moment I feel it could be taken away because I do not appreciate it enough.....

Look at these bees and tell me what the hell is wrong with me...

































So what have we learned today folks?

Bossy is an awful mother and an even worse housekeeper..

Carry on now...

Have a good weekend

Bee Real

30 comments:

Mrs. Diamond said...

oh us queen bees always have our cranky moments don't be so hard on yourself.

but i know exactly how you feel. sigh

Wethyb said...

Hang in there sweety. You're a great mommy and wife. You're just hitting some rough patches right now. Give yourself some slack and don't sweat the small stuff. Big hugs to you!

Melis said...

Yanno.. I hate it when I read two different posts THEN decide to comment! LOL

As I mentioned on the post below... If you weren't a good Mom AND Wife, then you wouldn't be having the feelings you are!

Keep your head up girly!! And if you'd like to have a bitch session, ya know how to find me! I'm right there with ya!!!!

Love ya's!

Nerdine said...

I would say you're a quite normal housewife hitting a rough patch. I bet my mom was cranky at times too, but all I remember is the love. And I bet your kids will too.

Tutu said...

You know what, it does get better and you and the baby bees will survive. You will turn around and they will be having grandbees and you will wonder where the time went.
I agree with wethyb, let the small stuff go. Read that book with the kids and forget the messy house. I wish I had done more of that with my kids.

Anne said...

Aw babe...you know, like Mel said, if you weren't already a good mom and wife, you really wouldn't CARE how you were acting and the feeling you're having just wouldn't be there.

Maybe it's going around...we seem to feel the same way at the same time.

Hubby has a swollen lymph node that kind of freaked out an ER Dr so...nice of that Dr to make us worry eh? Hopefully it's related to an infection or something.

I so know how you are feeling right now.

Working Mom said...

C'mon now, don't be so hard on yourself. You have alot going on right now that's stressful. We all have our moments. It's when you stop feeling bad about them that you have the problem. You're a great mom and wife. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

mrs diamond,
us queen bees get the short end of the stick most days..i want a dang promotion;)

beth,
yes, i guess my mommy mode is going thru some rough patches...hope they get spackeld up soon though..thanks;)

melis,
well if i didnt post so much that wouldnt be a problem right?..haha..thanks sweety..i may need a bitch session soon;)

nerdine,
thanks, I just hate rough patches though, :)

tutu,
thank you, you sound like you have been there..I better come pay you a visit..thanks for coming;)

anne,
thank you doll, I just hope the bees dont find a new home before then..haha ( or maybe I do)..haha

i hope your hubby is ok..what the heck os going on with all these men and thier weird probelms?..

denise,
well its been one of them weeks...i hope it gets better, i mean its friday afterall;)

thanks though:-)

Angel Girl said...

My momma got cranky and short too, but those are most definitely not things I cherish or remember.. the love and the fun. So you're cranky, find new ways to show love to your beautiful babies.. they will love you for it!

Mike said...

Gut feeling tells me you're a pretty good wife and mom. Hope your outlook changes soon!

Fantastagirl said...

It's called stress - you are under a huge amount of stress, you are worried about your Hubby...it's okay - at least you recognize what you are doing - you are a good mommy - otherwise you wouldn't know that something is wrong. - the cleaning can wait - read the books, get the class of water - and give them a hug!

Fantastagirl said...

It's called stress - you are under a huge amount of stress, you are worried about your Hubby...it's okay - at least you recognize what you are doing - you are a good mommy - otherwise you wouldn't know that something is wrong. - the cleaning can wait - read the books, get the class of water - and give them a hug!

Fantastagirl said...

It's called stress - you are under a huge amount of stress, you are worried about your Hubby...it's okay - at least you recognize what you are doing - you are a good mommy - otherwise you wouldn't know that something is wrong. - the cleaning can wait - read the books, get the class of water - and give them a hug!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

princess,
yes, your right..I am hoping they dont remeber me yelling or being short with them..i need to give them extra hugs..

mike,
thank you;)

fanstagirl,
well i think i need to get them the water and read the books too..maybe a shot a something good too will help..maybe vodka..just to take the egde off;)

and u liked what you said so much to came on 3 times..haha

Badoozie said...

well, i guess you need to spend some time in the "social service profession" and then you will see that compared to some kids out there, you're probably the best mom on earth? seriously, people that are usually worried they are a bad parent are probably one of the better parents. people who stink at it, think they're the best. i've done observational studies!!!!

so now you had your whine, its time for you to deal with this stress. get into counseling, talk to an oxygen breathing person, or something. yer gonna blow girl!!

by the way, kids are selfish, i vowed to never look back and wish i'd spent more time with mine, so he gets one on one, and he still complains. so there. its human nature of the kid. they want all of you. and you have to be careful how you spread YOU around. you needs a little YOU time, or YOU are not good for them. make sense?

Michele_3 said...

Hang in there girl,
As a mom , I think at one time or another we all feel this way & the guilt of "Are we doing enough" is pretty commom.
I question myself everyday if I'm doing enough for my boys especially for Monkey M, but I know I'm trying my hardest and that's all you can do!

Your a great mom with beautiful kids & your allowed to have these feelings, It's called motherhood,LOL!
plus you have got alot of stuff on your plate right now..
Stay strong and don't be hard on yourself, We got your back!
Take care :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

suzie,
I alwyas like it when you tell me to stop whining..your like my mom:)

but I got my whining outta my sytem now..and I know there are kids out there with crappy partents..my sisters kids are one of them kids...so I guess I aint all that bad..

michelle3,
thank you..I cant even imagine what your days must be like with your Monkey M..I really can not complain..u put up with way more than I have to;)

Felecia said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who goes through these feelings; if it helps at all, I've been open and honest with the kids when I am; i.e. "I'm sorry if I've been extra cranky; you don't deserve that and I'll do my best to fix it." My oldest loves it when I confide in him like that (not too deeply mind you - I don't want to send him to the psych dept that soon...) but he feels like he can take care of me too a little.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

felcia,
well I am glad I am not the only one who gets like this..

do u think a long distance relationship can work?..I need you for my frined..teehee..u sound so much like me I almost think we may be related...you no where I live, so come on over and lets have some drinks and go for dinner and catch a movie..mmkay??...

Felecia said...

I waited for 3 hours on my front steps last weekend for you to pick me up for Prince, for crying out loud! I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection again! ha ha ha... email me so I can figure out how long our distance is exactly! It would be fun to get to know ya; how does the saying go? "Insanity loves company"?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

felcia,
remeber I was sick and dieing last weekend..I did not stand you up..I was vomiting all weekend..haha

I will email you...I need to figure out what email I have your address in...

CoolChic said...

You know you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Look at those damn pictures of the kids, they ARE smiling. They do not look unhappy at all.

Sit down with them some time and ask them "Are you happy?"

Small things like playing cards or board games make a difference in a childs life. I don't have to be a parent to know this, I was a child once.

As for the house not sparkling..when they start giving out rewards for a clean home, then start to worry about it. I use to have this place so clean (5 or 6 hours a day of cleaning) and then some wise person said to me, if something were to happen to you tomorrow, do you think everyone at your funeral would be talking about how clean Michelle kept her house. That was my moment when I realized creating memories with the ones I love is way more important then having a sparkling clean home.

Cori said...

We all feel like this.....I can be such an ass and I feel like crap after. My kids are the world to me but then I always shoo them away because I am too busy. And when they are not here I miss them dearly. What in the hell is wrong with me? I guess thats parenthood.

Jamie Dawn said...

You are doing what wise people do. They recognize their weaknesses and do something about them.
Nobody is perfect, but you are seeing thiings about yourself that you don't like. That's okay. What is not okay is ignoring those things and allowing yourself to be an angry person towards your kids.
It's obvious you love them, and I'm sure they know it. Talk honestly to your kids. Tell them you are sorry for being short tempered with them and that sometimes you get overwhelmed. Tell them how much you love them, and how much they mean to you. There is not a mom on this planet who is perfect. Join the club, Bossy.

The Blog Whore said...

I think every parent feels exactly the same way sometimes.

It is a HARD job.

Hang in there...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well I think I am glad I that out of my system and thanks for youadvice and uplifting words..Do you ever just have one of them days?....I am having one of them months..and its only started..oh boy..

Krystal said...

You just have those mothering blues. Each some chocolate, do a shot or two of Bailey's, kiss the kids on the forehead while they sleep, make them a nice breakfast in the morning...like waffles with ICE CREAM and SYRUP on top. Sprinkles are a nice topper as well.

They'll be happy little bees and you'll feel much better.

***Double_Oh_No*** said...

Awww! You must have been having a really crummy day. Glad to see it passed over, though I can relate to the feeling sometimes. It's a mother thing, I think, and I firmly believe (hope this makes sense) that the better things are, the more likely we are to feel that way. It's like, things are going so good that we feel like something drastic is going to happen to make it be otherwise.

d said...

I think I know what the problem is... YOU'RE HUMAN!

I was crnky yesterday too before the princess left for school and I felt so terrible all day about it. It happens. You have so much going on right now - you're worried about the hubby.

At least you realize it - a bad parent wouldn't even give it a second thought. Kids are smart, they know Mommy is just upset.

pack of 2 said...

Sorry you have been sad...you really should have been at the party last night...that would have cheered you up;)

All you can do is your best at raising the kids...I think we all understand that is all anyone can ask.

Shelly