Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I wear my sunglasses @ night

let me ask you this. If your say, piddling or pooing in the crapper, and you happen to use the last slice of ultra soft cotton TP, what do you do? Do you get a new roll and place it where it should go? Or do you leave it empty for the next user to have to stand up mid stream run to the closet with piddle streaming down their leg in order to replace the freaking roll ? Or do you replace ot pronto, cause the next user could be you? I know this is the question of the ages.

I swear to the heavenly father, who lets me nearly streak an entire tanning salon, that if I go one more time into one of my lavortories and not have a fresh roll of Charmin, I will kill somebody. I mean I will literally get homicidal. Pretty soon I will rip all said crappers out of my hive and make these damn jokers urinate in the wind like the bears do.

My kids are not the only ones to leave the spot where my TP goes empty. Mr Shaky has done so, as well as my mother. WHY? I don't get it.

Do I look that bloody bored that you think you are doing me a favor by giving me something to do? To tell you the truth, I don't mind little odd jobs, I would just rather not do them with me pants round me ankles with piddle streaming down cause I couldn't freaking wipe it off. This tends to piss me off.

and what grown man cant go thru a 4 hour med class without needing two damn breaks? I swear, I was at a med training class and this feller was always needing a break? And it would be different say maybe he had prostate troubles or maybe needed to take his pills, but when you run right to the control room and start snacking on corn chips and salsa,a me thinks you need to graze every few hours in order to maintain and sustain your quality of life. And I just don't have time for that.

Then just as I was about to leave for said class my sons school calls to inform me the lil lad has a fever of 102.5. Now the little bastard is laying on my couch sucking on a popscile and just looking ever so content with the fact the school suggested he see a doctor tomorrow rather then come ot school.

Then my Boo Bee hops up on my lap gives me a kiss and a hug and says

" momma, I wike you."

I say " that's nice, I love you too."

"no, momma, I said I WIKE you."

well I will be a monkeys uncle, not only do these jerkoffs not change the roll of TP, but they only wike me. I will be damned if I will ever give up a kidney for someone who just likes me.

this was my Tuesday wrapped in a tiny nutshell..Then a squirrel came and cracked it open ate my insides and shoved my shell in its cheeks to bat around later for when he gets bored.

Bee Real


52 comments:

Angel Feathers Tickle Me said...

Love to all....

Wethyb said...

Uh yah....I'm always having to replace the damn TP and I only have the hubby to blame. How fricken hard is it...really????

Schell said...

Yeah, then you really seriously have to drip dry for awhile, then try to run and get some when there's no one home, oh yeah great. Gawd I'm sure we've all been there. It's funny, but it's not.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Angel,
um, thank you.

wethyb,
it sucks when gorwn men cant replace the damn tp huh?

schell,
it is funny..but when its happening to you it isnt..haha

Lisa said...

Your beloved family must also think that you WIKE replacing TP!

Hails said...

Yep Im with you on the TP thing. And in my house there is only ONE OTHER and I know he doesnt. Grr. Yes it pisses me off as well.

the way you tell things absolutely cracks me up!

Fantastagirl said...

Okay - I have the worst sense of humor. Hide the TP - and only bring it in when you need to use it - and see how they like them apples...

I know - then you'll end up with tire tracks or something...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Hails,
its all in the delivery..hehe..its pretty sad when u only have one other human and the roll still doesnt get changed..i say u need a new house mate;)

fantstagirl,
that thought had crossed my mind..but your right on thye tracks..and i dont like tracks

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

opps i forget lisa,
amen...only they must not know what i like...haha

Blazer1234 said...

Oh yeah, my dh does that to me all the freakin' time. I tried to leave it empty for him once. He got the tp out, but did not put it on the holder! Just left it on the back of the toilet. He assumes that if he walks away it will magically put itself onto the holder. He thinks things magically put themselves into the right place. WHat it really comes down to is I get sick of looking at his crap laying around, so I put it away. Men! I'm sure this will be twice as bad once Boo Bear is potty trained.

Hope your Wednesday is better! Have fun sitting at the Dr.'s office!

Kelly said...

Come on now, you know that us working mothers have nothing else to do with our "free time". I get so pissed off about things like that. And if you replace it for them once...you'll be doin it forever! Don't get me started!

Kendra Lynn said...

OOOOH..hate when there's no tp. that really sucks.
I get mad, too.
Hope things get better, and somebody "wuvs" you instead of "wikes" you.

Kendra

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Kelly,
know what was i thinking, never leave such jobs on the hands of men or kids..amen..

kendra,
not looking promising on the wuv me..one went to bed hungry because she refused to eat dinner.one is sleeping on the couch due to a high fever and cough,,wellon..on went to bed well..no compinats..maybe she wuvs me:)

Jerry said...

Bossy,
I'm with you on the TP offense. Punishable by death, I say.

JD's Rose said...

Ok, the toilet paper thing... definitely a pet peeve of mine too. It's not that hard people!

xxx

aatank said...

I agree on the TP, but my main issue is I have a cute little Amish made tp holder/basket w/lid that holds 2 extra rolls. So if ever you need more and run out it's right there. It is never filled by anyone but me. I don't have to worry about tp in the girls bathroom because they don't think they need to use it. I think i'm going to post a sign that says: Wipe, Flush, Wash with little pictures beside each word showing what they have to do. Why can't I get it through their little pee brains.

Cliff Morrow said...

1.It's not a MAN'S job to do that. If a man does need to get a new roll...it's okay to leave it on the floor by the toilet. :)
2.My Mom died from kidney failure, it's a weakness in my family so I feel it's time to tell you how very much I Love You.

Princess said...

Wow, more toilet talk. I love it ;)
I replace the roll. But sometimes i lazily leave it on top of the emtpy roll! :p Kill me? hehe

xoxo

dakotablueeyes said...

Exactly, but have you ever been in the position where all the spare toilet paper is in the garage and the idiots (I mean loving family members) don't bring more in. Let's see I have sat there a total of five times yelling for one of the kids or hubs to go to the garage and bring in another package of TP so I can wipe my butt before it crusts

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Jerry,
and a very painful death I might add!

JD,
amen sista!

Aatank,
oh gosh, mine are the same way..although i have drilled into to thier heads about hadnwashing..(all the microbiology and nursing classes i took has rubbed off on them some of the things i know, i am surpirsed i havent blown my own brains out)..but they have a habit of NOT flushing, and I hate that..damn!

Cliff,
I like a man who can openly lie abouth is feelings for the love of a kidney:)

Princess,
shame on you:)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

dakota,
OH MY....well mine is not stored in the gagrgae but my laindry room in the basemenet. and i have had to make that unlikely jaunt more then once..damn pissers..

~Deb said...

You know what's worse than not having a fresh roll of TP? When the roll is BACKWARDS!


Totally pisses me the hell off!

Brandy said...

We have a tp holder that holds 4 rolls at one time. I hate replacing it all the time..LOL

Dont you just love schools and doctors office.

Hope today is a better one for ya!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Deb,
oh hell yes...that pisses me off too..

hey did u see the shirt i am buying?..scroll down nad take a gander and tell me whatu think;)

Brandy,
Boy if I had to replace a gaget like that, there would be heck to pay:)

I am not taking him to the doctor untill tommorw, and only if he is still feverish..I am not one to rush them there, being my medical knowlege and all I know to wait a few days and save yourself some money:)

can't understand why j said...

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the TP!
My question is this, I ask this all the time at my house. WhyTF doesn't she buy the super duper packs of TP 87 ply please, IDGAF how much it costs, for each bathroom? Then, stay with me now ladies, place the goddang super duper 43 roll pack close enough to the damn throne to reach?????? I mean like right beside the throne? Why? Whyyyyyyyy??????? then when the 42 roll pack dwindles down to 10 or so buy a whole nother 42 pack roll and sit it under the previous partially used pack? Do this for every pooping station. Thats my advice. That doesn't look good is the reason I get. It looks a hell ofa sight better than it will when I trip over my jeans trying to hobble over to the damn closet thing where the one remaining roll is stored and bust my coconut, bleed profusely until death half naked and dirty.
ole j

deni said...

I'm the only who knows how to change the TP, I think it's too complicated for the others to understand, really, how else would you explain it?


What I really love, *snort*, is when they will leave one little square on the roll so they don't have to change it. Like what the hell am I supposed to do with that?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

craker jack,
yes, it is unsightly to have your Costco size tp in the bathroom next to the crapper..gosh u men dont get it..from now on, you men to carry around your own roll of TP..put in your back pocklet, jacket, whathaveyou..then u alwyas have ur ass covered:)

Deni,
oh that ticks me off too..wht leave a tiny piece that wouldnt even soak up a damn tear?...I hear ya there.

The Kept Woman said...

The good news is that they not only love you they also like you, and that, my friend is oh-so-much more important. I always love my husband but sometimes, like when he fails to replace the toilet paper roll, I don't like LIKE him.

js said...

for the love of god!
The bathroom isn't where you have people for social functions. And if they venture in there during a social function they would much rather have excess scratchin paper over being tickled to be able to poop in a "better homes and garden" setting!!!! I reckon next someone will wonder which way the roll should actually roll?!?!?
sigh
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

TKW,
sometimes its hard to like anyone here:)

cracker jack,
now, you may not be aware but the kitchen and the bathroom are the two most important areas in your home..if they smell bad or look bad..the neighbors will talk..now you dont want your neibgors sayin how they went to ole crakcer jacks house and instead of nice hand towles or wall paper they had a huge costo size bounty roll of TP in replace of any decoration..

and yes, there is a wrong way to place the roll my frined:)

Manic Mom said...

I hate putting the rolls on the toilet!

Jewl said...

I am one of which you speak of, I get yelled at for it all the time. I am too lazy to get the damn next roll... It does bite me in the ass though when it's me using the potty again... so it comes full circle if it makes you feel any better!

Badoozie said...

i don't have time to read the comments to see if i'm repeating. so here goes

get yourself one of those little canned air horns, that people have on their boats for emergencies, hide it in the bathroom, and the next time that flippin happens, you blow that little mother f'er, and see just how fast they all get their hineys in there to get momma a new roll. YOU JUST SEE.

thats right girl, badoozer will solve all your problems and for the low price of FREE

and for the record there is a big difference between liking and loving. i love some people that i do not at all LIKE. not you. others

js said...

Surely all the folks would say or at least think, thank God Bossy is prepared! I mean if they are struck with the movement and there is an ample supply of scratch then they will be relieved that you had the foresite to make those rolls available. Maybe you could make a nice structure out of the excess rolls. I assure you I'd much rather wade through the excess rolls than I would be searching franticly at someone elses house for something that would do the trick! But then again most social functions they invite me to include a big fire a grill and at least 1 2 liter bottle of moonshine, so tp is scarce unless you count the roll behind the seat of your truck.
ole j
and just whicha way does the tp roll?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Manic mom,
amen..its a dirt damn chore.

Jewl,
at least you reep what you sow,,haha

Suzie,
i cant belive you offer this advice for free, your sitting on a damn gold mine here lady.

Cracker Jack,
I would like to be invited to a party like that..I bet the potty is right behind the bushes and apmle sctrach would be leaves..am I right?..you seem like quite the outdoorsy kida dude, i like that..

btw, the paper needs to stream from the bottom NOT the top..thats the right way here at Bossy Manor:)

deni said...

I have to laugh at Cracker Jack, I tried at one time to leave all the spare tp next to the toilet, nope didn't work, they still didn't put any on the roll.

cathouse teri said...

You are too funny, Miss Bossy Mommy Bee! I love it!

I was watching "Lucky Louis," an HBO sitcom, and he kept referring to his spoiled rotten daughter as a fuckin asshole. (of course, not to her face) So now, I'll be talking to my son on the phone and I'll ask how the baby is and he'll say, "she's bein a fuckin asshole."

ANYWAY, I dunno the solution to the age-old toilet paper problem. I might just elect one bathroom to be mine and tell them they are not allowed in't. They will learn on their own that they must provide the TP on the roll in the one they use cause... guess what! Mommy Bee ain't there to do it!

Just a thought.

Thanks for stopping by. I loved your comments. :)

Choppzs said...

Uggghhh, I was just wondering the same thing the other night. I go into my bathroom, expecting to have to open the window and spray numerous amounts of airfreshener, and find the damn roll empty. And you know what's worse? He took it off the holder and just left it sitting on top. Nope, couldn't throw it in that wastebasket a foot away, or grab a new roll that is about a foot away. Just took it off and left it sitting. And you know what the co*k sucker said to me when I confronted him?? Oh, well, I thought then it would be easier for you to replace! I then proceeded to kick his ass! lol no, it was all said in fun cause he knew he would get under my skin for doing it and saying that. But I still kicked his ass anyways. Oh and he's not really a co*ksucker, that's just what I was thinking in my head when I saw the empty roll sitting on top of the tp holder. Men? kids? I tell ya, I could live without either! lol

Just wants to reach the TP said...

Oh well damn. I thought the problem was being able to reach the tp when there was none on the roll. I dont care if its on the roll or not as long as I can reach it without waddling semi undressed with my britches around my boot tops. The rolling part makes no difference to me either provided there is enough on there to do the job. If I ever come to Bossy Manor I'm turning all the rolls bass-ackwards! I do suspect I would qualify as the outdoorsy type, and i'm tickled you approve. I oughta start a blog with just hunting pics!!!!!
Deni, keep a fresh supply within reach reguardless if its on the roll or not.
js

Lady Noelle said...

The tp thing is a mystery. What's really great is when you sit on the toilet and look down to see the hole fuckin' roll shreaded into nothingness. That's right, my cats love to play with the tp.

beth said...

I'll replace it if I'm the one that uses the last of the previous roll, but, according to my hubby, I put it in wrong, so, then, I just leave it and let him do it!!

kaliblue said...

I say there should be a law made, that if you use the last of the TP you must replace pronto or severe and swift actions will be taken!!!!!! *LOL*

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Deni,
ole cracker jack is a one of kind I tell you what:)

Cathouse Teri,
I neeed HBO..

i was thinking about the elect one bathroom thing..I have 3 bathrooms, and I may just lock the bastards out of mine:)

Choppzs,
I stppoed by airfreshner, the kids wasted it, and there is just something un tasteful about the smell of flowers mixed with crap:)

Cracker Jack,
indeed u need to start a blog and tell us how things should be done..if I ever catch my TP roll going backwards, I will have to suspect u busted in!

Lady N,
my cats use to do that, my one now is too damn lazy, I dont even think she knows where any of my bathrooms are.

beth,
I cant belive a man complains about the roll being in wrong, they are usally the ones who forget to replace it;)

Kaliblue,
amne sista;)

jsull said...

Well I aint cultured enough to have a blog I don't think. Nor am I or is my life interesting enough. I guess someone could start a post your own hunting pic blog or something.
I double dick dog promise not to break in, y'all might shoot me!
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cracker Jack,
who says you have to be cultured to have a blog/..hell I have one and I am the most UN cultred gal you'll ever see:)

now go post some huntin [ppics, i wanna see some dead anmials;)

stuff killer said...

well maybe if you are nice i'll sendja some dead stuff pics by request only, the blog I dunno about we'll see. I aint sure I have time to do a quality job like the folks (like you) who's blogs I visit regularly and us crackers don't do anything half assed.
js

Bumbling Bav said...

Sing it for me Corey or is it Cory... it has been a long time.

I say, kill the little buggers!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cracker jack,
i say u need a blog, many people will love to view your dead animals.dont let me be the onle one..

and I have no idea what I am doing here, by blog sucks..i have no real purpsoe here:)

Bav,
Corey:)

I agree!

Buffy said...

Bless. :) At least it's getting flushed. At uni I use to live in a house where some of the inhabitants didn't even know how to do this. Nevermind replacing the roll.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Buffy,
that is another thing i hate..not flushing..oh boy dont get me started;)

js said...

I toleja your purpose!
to tickle the shit outta folks!
jsull

Maisha said...

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha!this is funny...