Over the weekend I had a premonition of my early demise. Which got me thinking about stuff. It's not that I think I am going to die soon. I could, I could get eaten by a wild boar tonight, or get chased by a hungry bear on my walk today...I mean you never know when your last day will be, unless your on a suicide mission, then you know when you plan on blowing your brains out...
And its not like I think my premonition is true. I have had many that did not pan out..Such as being rich when I am a grown up, having a good job when I grow up, having well behaved kids, a rich hubby who likes rock and roll, a well manicured lawn that I did not mow, owning a horse, traveling the world with a boy toy, owning a car that goes fast...not too fast, Lord knows I have a lead foot that gets me in heaps of trouble...
The list goes on.....These were all premonitions at one time or another. And look, not one of them panned out...Also in 1994 my mother had a premonition she would be dead by Thanksgiving. And here we are coming on the 12th Thanksgiving and low and behold she is still ticking...TICK-TOCK....
But I think I better make some arrangements just in case. Here is how I want my funeral to go down..
I want everyone in attendance to wear either yellow or green...no black please, I hate black. Wear yellow because its the color of the sun, and Bossy likes the damn sun. Wear green, its the color of grass, and Bossy likes grass. Also green is my bestes color ever.
I also want music. NO CHURCH HYMNS or anything of that sort. Someone needs to wrangle up my favorite singers. Hell they do it for those damn make a wish kids, afterall I will be dead, no better make a wish then that...
Here is what I want sung and who I want to sing it....
You need to gather up these folks
Joe Elliot from Def Lepprad..sorry guys, I don't need the WHOLE band, no need for a big production, this is just going to be a small service..Nothing against the rest of you..Its the way it is going to be...
Elton needs to bring his red piano. That is what will be played...
Now if Elton and George can not get along, I will not request a duet, rather they will sing separately...One will have to leave the room so the other can serenade me.
Song list as follows
Elton will sing:
The Bitch is back..um, or dead i guess
Good bye yellow brick road
Empty garden ..But instead of saying Johnny, he will say Bossy..Ok Elton..You did it for Diana, you can change up some lyrics for me..
funeral for a friend
Take me to the pilot
that's why they call it the blues
Black eyed suzie
Mad man across the water
George Michael will sing:
I want your sex
Kissing a fool
wake me up before you go-go
hell sing anything you want, you have voice of an angel and the looks of a supermodel...I love you..Please don't be gay...email me george, while i still have breath in my lungs
and if him and Elton can get along...I would like them to sing "Don't let the sun go down on me"...
Prince..My beloved Prince...
I would die for you
Lets pretend we're married
Joe Elliott this is your Play list..And its a long one..Because I love you, please marry me..Oh wait, I am dead..crapola
Me and my wine
Pour some sugar on my dead corpse
Hysteria..Love that damn song..
I wanna touch you..:)
High and dry
Too late.....Love that one second best
Rock of Ages
Bringing on the heartbreak
and sing No Matter What..And dedicate it to the bees..My boo bee knows most of the words..
Oh and if Lenny Kravitz is free, I would like him to come and sing...Lady..Oh yes..
and if none of the above are availabe, then you can find look alikes. I wont know the differnce and chances are nobody else will either.
I don't much care if we have flowers, as they will either be buried in the dirt on top of my coffin or given away to a church or something...Just send cookies..My bees like cookies.
And someone can find Mr Shaky a nice good church lady. Someone who will make a good preachers wife. As I know I wont. If you take a look at my song list..It is pretty obvious this ceremony wont be taking place in any church....Maybe something like a backyard BBQ or maybe a kegger..I don't know..
Someone make sure that my Butch Bee doesn't end up with an ugly girl and someone please make sure Blondie does not end up with Ugly Kid. And Boo...She is not allowed to date till after she is married.
I do expect all of you reading this to take part in the service. That means your asses better be there..Have a small poem or story about how much you loved me. I am not fussy, it doesn't even need to rhyme or anything..
The food, I don't care..Go get yourselves happy meals or what have you. I don't want anyone to have to cook or prepare anything...Just go somewhere and have some happy meals or maybe hit a chinise buffet or something.
I would like to be buried ocean side..Somewhere....And make sure planted on top of my coffin there is a palm tree and a coconut tree...Don't ask why..Just do it.
so, I think that covers it....Glad I got all this in writing..
Not sure what I would do with the bees if me and shaky both die...
Peggy, you still want them?
Hopfully my dad would take them...After all ,he is going to be marrying a girl younger then I..She can keep up with them...No one is shakys family are good candiates..No offense, but crazy brews over there..That's the main reason all my bees are retarded...
and my sister?..i wouldnt leave her in charge of a goldfish......
Mr shaky's brothers all have their own rug rats to deal with.....And I am afraid mine would not get the attention they need...
So I guess they are yours Jennifer.....Good luck sweety..
Well I need to get things prepared. The first day of school is tomorrow. I am so looking forward to this day. I can barley contain myself.