Monday, September 04, 2006

Funeral for a friend

Over the weekend I had a premonition of my early demise. Which got me thinking about stuff. It's not that I think I am going to die soon. I could, I could get eaten by a wild boar tonight, or get chased by a hungry bear on my walk today...I mean you never know when your last day will be, unless your on a suicide mission, then you know when you plan on blowing your brains out...

And its not like I think my premonition is true. I have had many that did not pan out..Such as being rich when I am a grown up, having a good job when I grow up, having well behaved kids, a rich hubby who likes rock and roll, a well manicured lawn that I did not mow, owning a horse, traveling the world with a boy toy, owning a car that goes fast...not too fast, Lord knows I have a lead foot that gets me in heaps of trouble...

The list goes on.....These were all premonitions at one time or another. And look, not one of them panned out...Also in 1994 my mother had a premonition she would be dead by Thanksgiving. And here we are coming on the 12th Thanksgiving and low and behold she is still ticking...TICK-TOCK....

But I think I better make some arrangements just in case. Here is how I want my funeral to go down..

I want everyone in attendance to wear either yellow or green...no black please, I hate black. Wear yellow because its the color of the sun, and Bossy likes the damn sun. Wear green, its the color of grass, and Bossy likes grass. Also green is my bestes color ever.

I also want music. NO CHURCH HYMNS or anything of that sort. Someone needs to wrangle up my favorite singers. Hell they do it for those damn make a wish kids, afterall I will be dead, no better make a wish then that...

Here is what I want sung and who I want to sing it....

You need to gather up these folks

Elton John
George Michael
Prince
Joe Elliot from Def Lepprad..sorry guys, I don't need the WHOLE band, no need for a big production, this is just going to be a small service..Nothing against the rest of you..Its the way it is going to be...

Elton needs to bring his red piano. That is what will be played...

Now if Elton and George can not get along, I will not request a duet, rather they will sing separately...One will have to leave the room so the other can serenade me.

Song list as follows

Elton will sing:
The Bitch is back..um, or dead i guess
Good bye yellow brick road
Empty garden ..But instead of saying Johnny, he will say Bossy..Ok Elton..You did it for Diana, you can change up some lyrics for me..
funeral for a friend
Take me to the pilot
that's why they call it the blues
Black eyed suzie
Honky cat
Mad man across the water

George Michael will sing:
I want your sex
Kissing a fool
Faith....
wake me up before you go-go
careless whisper...

hell sing anything you want, you have voice of an angel and the looks of a supermodel...I love you..Please don't be gay...email me george, while i still have breath in my lungs

and if him and Elton can get along...I would like them to sing "Don't let the sun go down on me"...

Prince..My beloved Prince...
Sexy motherf*cker
Horny Pony
Get Off
Purple Rain
I would die for you
and.....

Lets pretend we're married

Joe Elliott this is your Play list..And its a long one..Because I love you, please marry me..Oh wait, I am dead..crapola
Me and my wine
Pour some sugar on my dead corpse
Hysteria..Love that damn song..
Paper sun
white lightning
Rock on
I wanna touch you..:)
High and dry
Too late.....Love that one second best
Now
Rock of Ages
Bringing on the heartbreak
and sing No Matter What..And dedicate it to the bees..My boo bee knows most of the words..

Oh and if Lenny Kravitz is free, I would like him to come and sing...Lady..Oh yes..

and if none of the above are availabe, then you can find look alikes. I wont know the differnce and chances are nobody else will either.



I don't much care if we have flowers, as they will either be buried in the dirt on top of my coffin or given away to a church or something...Just send cookies..My bees like cookies.

And someone can find Mr Shaky a nice good church lady. Someone who will make a good preachers wife. As I know I wont. If you take a look at my song list..It is pretty obvious this ceremony wont be taking place in any church....Maybe something like a backyard BBQ or maybe a kegger..I don't know..

Someone make sure that my Butch Bee doesn't end up with an ugly girl and someone please make sure Blondie does not end up with Ugly Kid. And Boo...She is not allowed to date till after she is married.

I do expect all of you reading this to take part in the service. That means your asses better be there..Have a small poem or story about how much you loved me. I am not fussy, it doesn't even need to rhyme or anything..

The food, I don't care..Go get yourselves happy meals or what have you. I don't want anyone to have to cook or prepare anything...Just go somewhere and have some happy meals or maybe hit a chinise buffet or something.

I would like to be buried ocean side..Somewhere....And make sure planted on top of my coffin there is a palm tree and a coconut tree...Don't ask why..Just do it.

so, I think that covers it....Glad I got all this in writing..

Not sure what I would do with the bees if me and shaky both die...

Peggy, you still want them?

Hopfully my dad would take them...After all ,he is going to be marrying a girl younger then I..She can keep up with them...No one is shakys family are good candiates..No offense, but crazy brews over there..That's the main reason all my bees are retarded...

and my sister?..i wouldnt leave her in charge of a goldfish......

Mr shaky's brothers all have their own rug rats to deal with.....And I am afraid mine would not get the attention they need...

So I guess they are yours Jennifer.....Good luck sweety..

Well I need to get things prepared. The first day of school is tomorrow. I am so looking forward to this day. I can barley contain myself.

Bee Real

30 comments:

Peggy said...

hey don't be giving the little bees to someone else... you promised them to me! I will have your wake here at the homestead and even have a nice buffet set up for everyone. After the service here we can drive down to Mary's and bury you by the ocean and Mary can be incharge of the coconut and palm trees. I will have to get look alikes to sing cause the real deals cost too much money and I need all the money to make sure the little bees have plenty of cookies! Don't you worry we will take you out of this world in style!! LOL

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Peggy,
somehow I knew you would take me out in style.

I was thinking they would sing for free, ya know..they dont charge those dying kids and adults a fee to play for them..damn..

Michael Manning said...

I'd be in the third row in my Italian cut suit with one of those cool looking 3 square pocket hankerchiefs stapled to a piece of cardboard. I'd be sure and shower beforehand and souse my body with TAD deodorant so women clobber themselves trying to rip my clothes off as I'm sitting in the pew. A reporter from the AP snaps photos as Elton sings: "Goodbye Bossy Britches/ though we never knew you at all/ You had the sense to go in style/ while everybody bawled/ The crawled out of the wood-work/ And they whispered into your brain/ Actress Sharon-Stone is without competi-tion now/ and still hasn't changed her name. ? Nah! Stop it. You're a young babe.

:)

Gette said...

Will sing for beer...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

micheal manning,
oh crap..you have be busting a gut right now...if i dont die, but later down the road my hubby does..would u marry me?

:)

gette,
beer? did someone say beer?

Gette said...

Yay beer! We can negotiate the brand and amount on Yahoo...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

gette,
well my damn yahoo wont open again..is it just me, am i the only bloody fool who cant get it to open most days?

Gette said...

Yahoo can be a buggy little tease when it wants to.

Kendra Lynn said...

Now THAT was a memorable post!
I hope you don't die...that would be sad, and I cannot afford airfare to come to your funeral. *sigh*

Kendra

Mrs. Diamond said...

so have you updated your will? you promised i could be in your will

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

gette,
welliot worked..unless that was another gette Iw as chatting about going to concert next summer with..haha

kendra,
well, start saving a few bucks a week now..buy the time i die you should be all set..if not..just drive and we will hold the service for you:)

mrs d,
of course your in my will..it is in a saflety deposit box tucked safley away:)

Cliff Morrow said...

Give the bees to anyone but me. I'm done with the kiddies.
Don't die because I don't have time for that. We live too close and I'd feel obligated to come up to the funeral.
I hope you're leaving a lot of cash for the service cuz I get a feeling this is going to be costly.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cliff,
dont feel obligaated to attend my serivce. I only want you to come if you WANT to, and i know you do..

i was thinking my service would run on donations..if everyone who attened dontated 20 bucks, we should make a good 100 bucks easliy.

Karin said...

Well I think I will wear green cause I have lots of it and no yellow. Peggy seems to have things well underhand so maybe I will make a cake or something since everyone else will be bringing cookies. I will have to keep my distance though once the coconut tree is brought in otherwise my allergies will take over and the next thing I know I am laying next to you. Enjoy the start of the new school year. Congratulations you made it through another summer.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

karin,
well your a chef, maybe you should be in charge of the food prep..i do like coconut cake:)

1 plus twins said...

oh my god you crack me up!! you have it all planned out. sounds like a fun funeral, i would be there in a heart beat.

Britmum said...

Oh my Bossy for some reason it just made me want to cry. Bloody hell I am just an emotional rollercoaster right now.

You have a lot of years left in them Bossy Boots.

Besides I would miss you.

Take care xx

Nerdine said...

OK - you picked one of my all time favorite songs with that post..
I LOVE George Michael, and DAMN I didn't get tickets to his concert here in Oslo in a couple of weeks. Sold out right in front of my nose. Sheeesh!

Now about your funeral arrangements - I don't own a single thing to wear that isn't black. I'm a black clothes kind of person. But for you - I'll buy a green dress with yellow polkadots. How does that sound? I'll even throw in a sunflower hat to top it all off. Have to wear a hat!
I'll have to change there though - so please tell them it's a requirement of the venue to have a changing room. See - I'm going to combine the funeral with my riding a harley on route 66 - so I'll arrive on a loud Harley. Hope that's OK.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

1 plus twins,
i am so giddy that you would attend, now I cant wait..too bad i have to die before any of you wanna come see me:)

JOJO,
ok, i need to get this damn messenger to work so i can find out whats going on with my jojo..i dont want u to be sad..i ams till alive, not to worry..

nerdine,
well I love u even more knowing your love george too. everyone here makes fun of me..so poo on them.

your dress sounds divine..but i dont live anywhere close to route 66..will highway 12 do?

tee-hee:)

Michael Manning said...

Bossy Britches: YES!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

michael manning,
liar!
:)

lawbrat said...

Wow!! You have it down huh? I will be there, but its going to be awhile before it happens.

You will make sure there are no ugly spouses, and Mr.Shakey Pants has a good preachers wife- that is you.

Its definetly going to be a rockin' party!

Jamie Dawn said...

I promise to be in attendance, and I will be wearing one of the hats you left me in your will.

I'll make sure those trees are planted over your coffin. I think your grave should be underneath a lovely gazebo so people can sit and think about how silly and downright crazy you were. I'll make that happen unless, of course, I'm in my grave first.
If that happens, I guess I won't be wearing those hats after all. Darn it!!!!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

lawbrat,
well i am glad your going to attend..

I wouldnt want it any other way:)

jamie,
a gazebo is a nice touch, i had not thought about that..get working on that ok?..

Badoozie said...

sweetie, you talk an awful lot about dying, leaving wills, funerals, and what not. is there something we should know, BESIDES the fact you are WEIRD?

just to show you i'm really taking this serious, i'm writing my poem now, so you can enjoy it before your passing. actually it is a limerick.

there once was a girl named bossy
whose brain was severally mossy,
she tried all the time
to clean off the grime
and in the end it became more glossy

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

suzie,
well i talk about diying alot because i know one day I will die, and i want eveyrone to be prepared..

and i am wierd


and i hope you have time to brush up on that limrick..u can do much better:)

pack of 2 said...

Hey, you can never be to prepared eh?

Look at that animal guy from TV...he got killed by a sting ray last night...just goes to show that you never know when your time is comin!

All sounds like a good plan & and we will take any pets you need to unload...no kids...just pets!

Don't forget to leave us a ton of $$$ in the will:)

Shelly

Marel Lecone said...

Hey, Girl--I hope that you are saving up now for that funeral. Because I think it's going to cost somebody. :) You so crazy! How are you? I'm around checking on you. Hope all is well. Take care. :)

Blazer1234 said...

Who wold miss a funeral like that? I will be there, wearing green just for you...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

shelly,
the pets are yours....:)

marel,
how r u? i have been thinking about you..i hope u can make it to my funral when the time comes:)

blazer1234,
green?..oh thank you...it will be a absh to be talked about days later, i promise;)