The ground is wet, the land is fertile. I am not fertile, but something is sure to be.
I mentioned way in an earlier post about warning my Bees of the dangers of being kidnapped. I tell them strangers are bad, don't look anyone in the eye, and if someone offers you a lolly punch them in the gut.
Well sad to say, not everyone was listening. As my Blondie Bee is waiting at the bus stop right at my corner it happened. My mother was an eyewitness to the whole encounter.
A car stopped at the corner. An adult got out. And tried luring my dog into the car. My dog is as big of retarded as the bees. Hell she licks her own ass. She is not treated well here. She gets cold meat from the table, water served in a bowl on the floor, and her potty is a yard in front of God and everyone. She only gets baths when I feel like doing it. I sometimes don't take her to the groomer, only because I am lazy. When she does not go every two months her poop starts sticking to her fur. That is my cue to take her. She is nearly to that point.
Yet someone wanted to take her. What is even sadder, as soon as my mom saw the attempted abduction and opened the door the stupid dog came running back into the house. This is truly proof that dogs are indeed stupid. She coulda had a good life. And she freaking blew it.
I had to take Blondie to get her dress for the upcoming nuptials for my dad. We went to Davids Bridal, that is where my dress and the brides dress were all purchased. Blondies dress is very cute. She hates dresses.
While I was talking to Cindy on the phone...she was the nice lady from the bridal shop..She told me that the parking lot was busy...Why? Well Dr. Phil..and I use the term Dr very loosely..and his wife were at the Christian Book store right next door signing books. I told her I was going to rush right over so I could get him in the nuts.
I will not tell you what happen after that. I do not want to incriminate myself. Afterall, I do know what goes on in the county jail. I will leave it at that.
Oh, I am going on a detox diet. I have finally decided to divorce Weight Watchers. I need more structure. I need a detailed guideline. I cant be free to go willy nilly. I am bad with math, counting points is just way too damn hard. I need a diet not a damn accountant.
Not sure what the detox diet is, but I hope I don't have any withdrawals from anything. I think I will be living on berries, nuts, and muddy water. Which sucks because I don't eat nuts.
I will let you know how this works out....mmkay?
Oh wanna hear some awesome rocking news? My MIL is coming. She will be here Thursday.
Oh crap I forgot what my good news was...Oh hell maybe another day.
someone please shoot me....Or just use a tazer gun....If u do shoot me, just do it in the foot or something. I am a wuss. Ok wait, skip the gun...Maybe just use a sling shot. Nope, I don't much care for rocks whipped at my skull. How about maybe just poisoning me. Oh hell I may have just done that myself. After all, I do live on the dangerous side...I did have spinach today. And it was good. .
I. Feel. Weak.
Must. Find. thejohn.
I am sure I am fine. It is normal to have stomach pains so wreched that you double over beggin for certain death? Or that you vomit peices of your colon?
yup, I am just fine.