Monday, September 25, 2006

Close encounter of the bald kind

Rain.It.Wont.Stop.

The ground is wet, the land is fertile. I am not fertile, but something is sure to be.

I mentioned way in an earlier post about warning my Bees of the dangers of being kidnapped. I tell them strangers are bad, don't look anyone in the eye, and if someone offers you a lolly punch them in the gut.

Well sad to say, not everyone was listening. As my Blondie Bee is waiting at the bus stop right at my corner it happened. My mother was an eyewitness to the whole encounter.

A car stopped at the corner. An adult got out. And tried luring my dog into the car. My dog is as big of retarded as the bees. Hell she licks her own ass. She is not treated well here. She gets cold meat from the table, water served in a bowl on the floor, and her potty is a yard in front of God and everyone. She only gets baths when I feel like doing it. I sometimes don't take her to the groomer, only because I am lazy. When she does not go every two months her poop starts sticking to her fur. That is my cue to take her. She is nearly to that point.

Yet someone wanted to take her. What is even sadder, as soon as my mom saw the attempted abduction and opened the door the stupid dog came running back into the house. This is truly proof that dogs are indeed stupid. She coulda had a good life. And she freaking blew it.


I had to take Blondie to get her dress for the upcoming nuptials for my dad. We went to Davids Bridal, that is where my dress and the brides dress were all purchased. Blondies dress is very cute. She hates dresses.

While I was talking to Cindy on the phone...she was the nice lady from the bridal shop..She told me that the parking lot was busy...Why? Well Dr. Phil..and I use the term Dr very loosely..and his wife were at the Christian Book store right next door signing books. I told her I was going to rush right over so I could get him in the nuts.

I will not tell you what happen after that. I do not want to incriminate myself. Afterall, I do know what goes on in the county jail. I will leave it at that.


Oh, I am going on a detox diet. I have finally decided to divorce Weight Watchers. I need more structure. I need a detailed guideline. I cant be free to go willy nilly. I am bad with math, counting points is just way too damn hard. I need a diet not a damn accountant.

Not sure what the detox diet is, but I hope I don't have any withdrawals from anything. I think I will be living on berries, nuts, and muddy water. Which sucks because I don't eat nuts.

I will let you know how this works out....mmkay?

Oh wanna hear some awesome rocking news? My MIL is coming. She will be here Thursday.

Oh crap I forgot what my good news was...Oh hell maybe another day.


someone please shoot me....Or just use a tazer gun....If u do shoot me, just do it in the foot or something. I am a wuss. Ok wait, skip the gun...Maybe just use a sling shot. Nope, I don't much care for rocks whipped at my skull. How about maybe just poisoning me. Oh hell I may have just done that myself. After all, I do live on the dangerous side...I did have spinach today. And it was good. .

I. Feel. Weak.

Must. Find. thejohn.

I am sure I am fine. It is normal to have stomach pains so wreched that you double over beggin for certain death? Or that you vomit peices of your colon?

yup, I am just fine.

Bee Real






33 comments:

Britmum said...

Oh my oh my oh my I can't beleive that your dog was nearly abducted. Poor little doggie. I hope she is over her shock and that not too much poo is stuck to her backside after she shit herself.

Let me know if the nuts work out for you. I know how I like my nuts and I am not to keen on them being salty either if you get my drift.

So is the MIL thing a good thing or just a really bad thing?

Take care xx

Gette said...

I should've known where you live when had to get rid of my dog. They would have been in dog retard heaven as pals.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

JOJO,
well I was kinda hoping they woulda taken her..her and I do not see eye to eye.

i am just not a nut girl...we need to start a no nut club..if u get my drift;)

Gettte,
well I can arrange for a kidnapping if u need one.

Nerdine said...

you can arrange abductions of pets??
Can you PLEASE arrange an abduction of my dust bunnies? They're eating me out of my house - hell they're big as my house.
WE sure don't see eye to eye. Sheesh

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Nerdine,
there is a speical spot in hell for dust bunnies...specail spot indeed...

Blazer1234 said...

Oh my, dog abductors...Did your mother at least get the license plate # so you could call them and strike a deal? Maybe you can do shared custudy with the nappers.

Dr. Phil in a Christian store???? Something seems a little strange to me. He's like Operah...getting on my nerves. I can't understand why they have decided to air him twice a day now. Probably just to piss me off.

You ate spinach? You really do live on the edge. Oh, and be careful with your detox diet. My mom had a yoga instructor that decided to detox her body by fasting...a few days later she came to class and was like, "I had the worst day ever. I lost a tooth." Umm..sweety...you ain't right.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

OMG how do you lose a tooth on the detox diet? you just suppose to eat friuits and veggies..no SUGAR or salt..damn now I am scared.

Badoozie said...

i was first here last night when you posted this, but i could not click on comments for some reason. so that really bums me, because as reese bobby said, if you're not first, your last.

also, i'm sort of curious as to how much you actually weigh and how tall you are. you can email me a response if you'd like? i just figured since you talk about your weight all the time, i think it's only fair that i know what kind of weight we're talkin here......,.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

suize,
i dont know what was wrong last night, i had to republish the whole thing..

height 5 foot 8

weight 165

so there ya have it..what is your diagnosis..

oh but I do have LOTS of muslce..i weight train...keep that in mind..mmkay..

Beofre kids I weighed in around 115..

see, lots of weight to lose sista..lots of weight.

Pants size..12..10 on a good day..not pretty

shirt lize..large..i hae big girls

shoe size 9..i have big feet.

bra size..probably about 99 zz

Brandy said...

I just have to say I love reading your blog. You say the damnedest things.

We had a dog... I won and we no longer have a dog...hehehe Stupid thing would chew up all my shit and left everyone elses stuff alone...

Hope you are enjoying your weekend off!! Have a great Sunday!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

oh and to add to that..my doctor told me last time i was there that my ideal weight s about 145..with the amount of muslce tone and firmness..hehe..my ideal wight is about 155...

i am more like 5'8 and a half.

um, what else....

guess thats it..

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Brandy,
gosh I wish I didnt have a dog..but I am te stupid ass who begged for her, and then paid over 600 bucks for her..

my bad..

and thank you, I am glad you enjoy reading it.

Blazer1234 said...

Bossy -
I think you'll be fine on your detox diet, as long as you're eating. The yoga-yahoo only drank water for like 2 weeks. She was, to say the least, a little coo-coo. She decided to do it because she had a piece of cake (sugar) for the first time in a year, and needed to rid her body of it. That is why she lost a tooth. Mom sid she was losing her hair too. She was bit of a nut-job.

Gette said...

Thanks for the offer, but I freecycled the dog last year!

My GF from church was at MOA yesterday and said both Dr. Phil and Barbie were there and it was a flippin' zoo.

Working Mom said...

Can you send the doggie abductors my way? I've been trying to give my dog away for 3 years now! I wonder if they take hubbies and kids too? hmmmmmm....

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Gette,
that musta been where they was headed to next....I woulda went for Barbie:) I got my fill of Phill I tell you what.

Denise,
not sure if they cross state lines but I can put a hit out on your dog if like;)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

blazer,
opps i missed you..

man, that woman does sound like a nut job..damn

beth said...

we had a dog, hated him. he ran away. and i just let him go!
good luck on the detox diet, i've heard, though, that it might not be that good for you!
hey, next time you're in that area, you should let me know, that's not far from me!

Jerry said...

Bossy,
You forgot to mention what Dr. & Mrs. Phil signed in your book.

Crashdummie said...

OUCH!

Hmmm maybe thats your stomachs way of detoxing the detox diet?

Btw whats MIL?

Hails said...

When ur body is trying to adjust to a new way of eating, it will do that. You will probably get a bit dizzy to. It will pass. Promise...IF not STOP THE DETOX!!

I dunno why the hell u go on a diet though, there is nothing wrong with u!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Beth,
well I have not started the diet yet...i am to chicken now.

next time i come that way, I will let you know for sure.

Jerry,
I did not want the stinking book:)

Crashdummie,
MIL means Mother in Law..see what I mean now:)

HAils,
nope I have not even started it yet...this is just a slow process, beucase I have no nuts, berries or muddy wayer yet..hehehe

~Deb said...

Dognapped? Geez! I was thinking of doing the same---my neighbor has this cute, adorable black lab that comes to my house. We play and I feed him a little, and then he goes home. The reason why I want to dognap him, is because his owners neglect the cute little guy. He totally belongs to me! (ha) Watch out, I may be in your neighborhood!!!!!!

Oh, and the Weight Watcher deal----I have to seriously do something. Gained a few pounds and I need to get on a program. I remember I was on WW years ago, and it worked somewhat, but the thing I hated was, I KNEW most of the people who trekked in there....like old high school people that I always avoided. I'm trying to half Atkins it, and exercise. No points...HATE points. I'm Italian. Can't do it. Ugh.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

deb,
well if your in my neigborhhod not only will I GIVE u my dog, but I will treat you to some hotwings.

oh becarelful on Atkins, I dont want you dieing of a heart attack missy:)

J R Estelle said...

In case you didn't read it, George Michael is going to do a tour.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

JR,
no had not heard that..a US tour?

I will have to check into that:)

thanks for the heads p.

J R Estelle said...

I have a favor to ask and I normally don't ask anyone for favors, but I'm participating in the AIDS Walk for Atlanta, GA and was wondering if you would list the link to my donation page on your site.

It's legitimate, not a scam and I'd be more than happy to link others blogs to mine at www.thesecrazytimes.blogspot.com.

The link to donate is here:
http://walk.aidatlanta.org/site/TR?px=1206207&pg=personal&fr_id=1070&s_tafId=3561

I'm walking because I believe that AIDS affects each and everyone of us and that the beginning to a cure is through loads of education.

I hope you'll help.

Sincerely,
JR Estelle

Bumbling Bav said...

if you are trying to kill yourself slowly... spinich is a way these days.

My dog would happily go with anyone that talked nicely... dumb ass. He has it good here... and he would sell his soul for "Hey puppy"... would not even need to use dog treats.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jr,
I dont do links, only beucase I get it wrong everytime and it never works, but i will leave the info here for everyone to read..

Bav,
Well so far the spinach has not killed me. I keep waiting though.

js said...

Well I'm tickled to hear all is well!!!
jsull

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cracker jack,
we all know I love to tickele you:)

ole fatty said...

yeah yeah yeah whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dont get all that tickled usually
but you do do it well
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cracker,
oh i am blushing now....:)