Blondie says her head hurts and that it feels like her head is too big for body.
what the hell sort of weird ass condition is she picking up in public school.
Boo says she wants to go to her "her house" so she can bake with her "mother"
apparently I am momma, not mom or mother.
oh and she was pissed off because she could not go blueberry picking..
we don't have a blueberry bushes, nor is it even blueberry season.
The Boy well, I didn't see him much yesterday...He gets in less trouble with my new hours..so its been a good few days for him
God Speed Butch, God speed.
Mr Shaky, well something is up there...he cried during American Idol.
That shit aint right..
Oh and if any of you watched, is it me or is Kelly Clarkson looking " plump?"
I mean I did not even know who it was...I had to ask..
Ok, I must be going, I need to be back at the office like anytime damn time now.
That crazy house cant function without me.
Neither can my house...
When I walked in the door from work, I took a whif...
My house smelled like fabric softener and pork chops.
Just in case you were losing sleep over that.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Blondie says her head hurts and that it feels like her head is too big for body.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I walked by a house tonight that smelled like onions, then I walked by one that smelled like spaghetti, then a few blocks down it smelled of moth balls .
How do u get the innards of your home, to go to the outards? How is this done? Me, I am walking down the street, being over come by stench.
When I walk by our trailer park in town, it smells of crack whores and tequila with a splash of rotten garbage. It lingers for blocks, I crap you not. I worry the smell may attach to my clothing.
But it makes me wonder how do certain smells overcome a home. I often wonder what my house smells like to other people. I mean once u get past my three day old garbage and the smell lingering from the litter box I have not changed in 5 days..I just wonder what it smells like.
I use Pine Sol on a daily basis. Now I wonder if the combine smells from the trash, cat litter and Pine Sol are a lethal combo, and that's why the rabbit died.
Now the first little Bunnie, she died shortly after arriving, before I was an addict to Pine Sol. The second bunny laying under rocks and dirt in the yard, passed on Sunday. After 2 plus years, she had enough and wanted to get out.
Maybe it was a suicide, I don't know..I cant deny nor confirm anything as to this.
But I wonder if the smells here had anything to do with it. One day The Boy's friend said that my house smells like a hospital. Then one of Blondies friends told me it smelled like cookies.
So I have no idea what this means. I don't bake, nor do I perform any "major" surgeries anymore. Just a few minor procedures. THAT'S ALL. I swear.
So , come to my house, take a whiff, let me know what u think.
My hours at work got a f-ed up again. I had a set work week. Now its gone. Now I have a new one.
I will be plugging about 75 hours a pay period. I realize my birthday is next week, which brings me one year closer to retirement.....which brings me to wonder, is it to early to start cashing in?
I mean I am by no means guaranteed to live to be 88 like my dear old grandpa, so if I do not start taking advantage of shit now, I may never get to. And then I would feel totally ripped off.
So I am going to get my retirement papers in the works...It wont kill me to try.
I am not a quitter.
Or maybe I can injury myself on the job, apply for Workman's comp, then apply for full disability.
I think that's the only way I will get a sure fire check with doing nothing but maintain a house that smells like cookies and hospitals. If I had more time here at home, I could get it smelling like a dentist office, with that kind of time on my hands.
I could plant a fruit tree, make my bed daily, clean my windows, and last but not least, make a head stone for my dead rodents making good plant food for me...at virtually no damn cost.
Anyway, these are things I ponder today...excuse my absence while I actually have to go out and make a f-ing living....Since I quit my easy street job doing virtually nothing but use my computer like it is some sort of life line, while others use to get a good laugh out of it..Well, sometimes anyway..OK, lets face it, no one did.
Ok, I am going to be busy..please don't take my non-being-here as an insult. I am just trying to bring home the milk.....Mr shaky brings home the bacon, well the turkey bacon anyway...I make enough to bring home milk once a week.
Oh and again today Boo asked if we could go dig up Thumper. Wanna know why today?
Not to see if she was "ok" but to indeed see if the worms had ate her eyes out like Blondie predicts.
These kids are some sick F*cks.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Here is one sure fire way you totally know your wee one has no idea of the concept of death/dying. When your three year old says
momma, can we go dig up thumper and see if she is feeling better? I bet now that she is dead she is feeling better momma...wanna go see?
as she is beaming from ear to ear at the thought of her brilliant idea. Looking at me like I am some damn fool for not thinking of this idea before.
In remembrance of the rodents..here are pics I took the day I brought the bunnies home.
And yes I say BUNNIES..cause there were 2 to begin with..That rabbit died shortly after arriving here..
The tan and white one was Cadburry...She died shortly after moving in. The gray and white one is Thumper, the one who just joined Cadburry on the other side..Or the next burial plot in the yard..
Here is Boo holding one of them..Look how little she looks..
Oh and here is a pic of Blondie holding the cooter I found the other day..
she loves her cooters...
I cant help it, I cant stop saying cooter...cooter, cooter,cooter.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Well, I will tell u a few things about the last few days. First up..I saved some lives, and lost some..
First on my four mile walk around the lake Friday I saw 14 dead bull frogs, two dead snakes, 2 dead salamanders, roughly 80 ducks, 15 geese, two swans....
it was a nature walk at its very best..
Then Saturday when I went on the same walk about, I saw a turtle. I picked him up, brought him home to show the bees and to ask Mr Shaky if there was enough meat on his bones to make a smashing bowl of turtle soup....see here he/she is
After much examination, it was discussed and agreed upon that he wouldn't make much of a lunch, so we took him back to the lake and set his ass free..
Also on the same walk, I spotted this..
No, this is not a gator, this is what we call in these parts a big fucking snapper. The son of a bitch was next to the high way trying to cross. I knew if he/she got much closer, it would be a dead big fucking snapper. I grabbed a stick and my mom and I tried to get him/her to turn around , away from the road. Well he/she was not taking to kindly to our advancements in trying to save his/her life. It charged at is a few times..I got behind it and started kicking it in the ass trying to get it to move..
Finely a nice passer-by-er on his bike asked what the hell we were doing. I told him i was trying to save this stupid shit from becoming road kill. He told us to distract his front and he would pick him up and move him to the lake. So he did.
God bless him...
So that was ONE live I saved.
Now on to the one I lost.
I will just come out and spill it.
The rabbit died.
As we were burying it in the yard, just like a true Mafia warlord, Blonde says
now the worms can eat her eyes out.
I got red put in my hair, here is some pics for u to see..
I am not sure how well you can see it...but its there..
It kind of took the blond out, which I was rather enjoying, it fit in nicely with my binge drinking and my pill popping, and the big boobs.
Speaking of big boobs, here are my weekly
Fighting the fat cells one fat cell at a time shots
Thursday, April 19, 2007
i cant get the pic to post...i had it on another post, but i dont know what happen to it..
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
I am about ready to toss my young to the pack of wolves whom live in my community. I am about ready to throw myself in front of the train that passes by here every 30 minutes. I don't even care where its going, the point is, its going.
I am about ready to snap. No, I have already snapped.
I have my new passport, and I am going away for a bit. I need to go empty out my Swiss Bank accounts.
I saw a program tonight on The National Geographic Channel, that maybe it is possible for wild animals to take care of little humans. A boy lived with monkeys, and a girl was raised by her dogs in the yard. Granted, she barked and walked on all fours, but she was no worse for the wear.
The kids will be fine.
Mr Shaky, well he might miss me. After all I do make him dinner, wash his clothes, and make sure the animals are fed.
Oh and speaking of animals, if my cat uses my carpet for a fourth rest area, I will kill it. I will take its neck and I will snap it. I told u I have snapped.
I have been a bad blogger, I have been an even worse daily living human.
I am hoping this break will make me not want to feed my young to Dingo's and snap my cats neck.
I am totally pissed off at a number of things. Mostly to do with my husbands family, and just the wear and tear of life. I mean holy shit, I will be another year older in two weeks.
That is one more year closer to death. One more day, minute, mili-second.
My mid-life crises of last year, well, I have not fully recovered from it. Because I feel the need for a shiny red car, a tan..opps have on of them already, lots of mixed drinks and even more coconut oil.
My kids are retarded, my hubby is mildy retarded, and his family is a bunch of full functioning retards that really need to be living in some sort of house for special rejects that piss me off....I swear, out of his whole clan, there might be one or two non retards. And they are both females.
My kids having these genes intertwined with my good ones, is scaring me. I don't know if my good genes are strong enough to over power the rampid idiocy that plagues his family. God bless him, he is the only spawn from his mom's loins that has been spared.
God speed Mr Shaky, God speed.
So please forgive my lack of reading u, or my lack of responding, I am reading it, I just am too pooped to do anymore. I must be having some sort of shift in my hormones, or just realizing the fact that I may house the only living, breathing non retards in this blood line.
I mean, my kids are still a tad spent, but they are pretty much harmless. You can easily recover from this disability with wheat germ and small doses of medicinal crack.
So we are good here. The kids are still young enough to be saved.
I need to go pack, I need to go make a to-do list.
If its not on my list, I cant do it.
Oh and you mother fuc*ers who rent my house in the homeland, today is the 17th, the rent is due on the 1st....On my way to my global destination, I am gonna stop by and kick your asses, hand u a nice shiny well typed eviction notice, and take u out back and just beat u until my legs give out.
or the cop fat mike shows up...you girls in the homeland know who I mean..
Alicia, Jill, Carmen,Kelly...back me up on this...there really is a 500 pound city cop, who cant even get his belly in and out of the squad car, so he just drives around aimlessly. I swear, over 500 pounds at least, and he is protecting the fine citizens of my former community...yup, they are in good hands.
Ok, now that I have single handedly insulted everyone, I better run along. My Xanex is starting to take effect, so that means I need to gulp down some cough syrup with codeine and a wine cooler, just for that little extra kick.
As soon as my vacation is over and I have recovered from the woes that linger in my mind, I will be back in full blog swing.
I may have to make an unexpected trip home, my grandpa starts his chemo soon, and if he gets ill, I want to go and help my grandma for a bit..
So many damn things on my mind. I want to physically do harm to a few people, so its best I go for a while, and let my drug induced stooper help me thru it all.
It worked for Anna.
If you hear about a 150 pound blonde lady, with rocket red highlights in her platinum blonde hair, OD-ing on vicodine, xanex, ambien and Kahlua, thats me..
My only hope is there is no creep there with a camera phone taking pics of me to post on youtube or something..
but at least they know who my baby daddy is, not like they would be lineing up the bloack anyway..
Bee Drug Free.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
This is a run down of the last 24 hours...In no particular order.
*Boo tells me she is going on a trip, and I need to drive. I ask where she is going, she says to her house.
*I ask her whose she is in now, she says it is mine.
*she tells me her house is pink and purple and is next to Blondies house, I then ask where Blondies house is, she says "its next to mine momma, I told u dat."
*she then takes the black cat, says she is taking that kitty home with her tonight. I tell her ok, and I have a few other things she can take as well, as I am wanting to downsize.
*The Boy comes home from school after having "the body is changing class". He is mortified at the fact they gave all the boys deodorant and soap. Also he said he had no idea his pee pee was called a penis. Oh, and it grosses him out to think he is going to be sprouting hair in that area along with his arm pits..oh and that he can get a boner from riding his bike...
no, really, I read it right in his pamphlet..along with he can get boners for no reason whatso ever...
I then ask him what else he learned he then told me " oh momma, you dont even want to know, plus I dont think you would even understand..ok, well maybe you do understand it, but I am not going to talk about it anymore."
I think he is worried about "pitching a tent" for no reason in the future. Man I hate to think about him pitching anything but a baseball.
*Then Blondie points at my boobage and asks if hers are going to get that big. I tell her I hope they wont. She says "yea me too, my shirts wont fit if they are that big, and i would have to buy a new coat too"
I have the weekend off. I plan on cleaning out my garage. So maybe I can start parking my mom wheels in it. Nearly 3 years here and still have not been able to park either of our cars in it.
Its starting to bug the bees. The boy told me the other day.." my bike wouldn't be snowy if the garage was cleaned out so I could park it in there."
I told him his bike wouldn't be snowy if it was freaking snowing in the middle of April. And maybe if he got a job, a job that would support all of us, we could move to a warmer climate.
mom, just clean out the garage.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Remember when I was tossing around the idea of getting rid of the television for the tots? Well yesterday morning I had a brief encounter of what it may be like if that were to occur.
You see, my damn satellite kept losing its signal yesterday morning, because of the snow and clouds or because Dishnetwork thinks we watch too much TV here and is trying to teach me a lesson of sorts.
Anyway, Boo and I are sitting here, she keeps bringing me the remote telling me its not working.
No shit it isn't working.
She looks at me " momma, what U wanna do?"
I say " I don't know, what do U wanna do?"
" I wanna watch Noggin Momma, pwease turn it on for me"
I am fumbling with the remote because the silence is starting to make me homicidal. I mean holy Christ, to sit in silence with a three year old and actually try talking about something is hard. Try it.
It goes something like this..
what do u want to wear today
I wanna wear a dress momma
no, its cold, find some pants
Do u want me to beat your ass
Then go find some pants.
Something like that.
She did inform me that "real girls" do NOT wear pants they wear skirts and dresses and from now on, she would be adhering to those guidelines...Even at bedtime.
I have a feeling come bedtime I will be dishing out an ass beating.
Well my mother talked to my grandma, my grandma told her they found out grandpa is terminal. Which I mean, makes sense..I don't know.Grandma told mom not to tell me about grandpa , in fact she had not told anyone yet. Not even my dad..(its my dads parents, but my mom is really close to them)
He gets radiation 5 days per week, and chemo one day for the next 6 weeks. He gets a month off, then gets a stronger dose of Chemo after that for 6 weeks I think.
I then called my grandma to ask how he was doing. I wanted to see if she would tell me anything. She told me he was doing good, and that after his treatments he should be OK, and he has had a good long life so we should just all be great full about that.
What the hell?
Um, no. I will not be greate-ful about this.
I don't understand why they give an 88 year old man chemo. I don't know why they don't let him live out the remainder of his days/months/weeks/years not being sicker then a dog. Chemo is pure poison. it makes u very ill. Normal healthy younger adults have a hard time getting thru it, I don't think an 88 year old man is going to bounce back as well as a 40 year old.
I don't know why grandma doesn't wanna tell us, I don't know why she wouldn't want us to maybe have the choice to come spend time with him before he gets sick...I don't get it.
I talked to grandpa yesterday. He sounds good, but coughs ALOT. he told me when I come there this summer, we are going to go and donate our hard earned money to the Indians.
I better start saving now..
Well my spray worked for two days. Today I found my little black kitten up there, although she was not the pissing culprit, she indeed went thru my spray barricade.
The bad kitty, she still has not ventured up to her upstairs bathroom.
I don't know why she thought she needed two bathrooms. But I will be damned if she is getting back up there again. Unless she wants to start pissing on Shakys shit,then maybe we can hash out some sort of an arrangement.
My son has a pair of binoculars. He is always looking up at the moon and stars. The other day he started spying on Blondie and her friends playing in the yard..Then Boo found them the next day and I saw her put them in her dresser drawer. I asked her why, she said she was "keeping them safe"
She then got them out and started looking outside. I asked what she was doing, she said
I can use these to see trees and houses that are far away momma
I wonder if this means she is going to be a peeping tom.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Right now its 60 degrees out. To most of you that probably means nothing, and I understand that. You see, it has been in the 30's and 40's for the last two weeks. Its almost like winter had returned before spring had a chance to take her coat off and stay awhile.
I look outside, the skies are blue, the birds are mating I mean singing, not a cloud in the sky. In fact, I am going on my 7 mile walk with a girlfriend in a few short hours. I am going to enjoy every minute of the sunshine and warm air.
You see, starting Tuesday morning we are under a Winter Storm Watch. We are expected to pick up around 8 inches of snow fall.
This is why people commit suicide. I already suffer from seasonal depression. I am on the boarder line of ending it all right now. I mean today is nice, but I know whats about to linger in my yard in a few hours.
Good thing I don't have any weapons in my house. Good thing also that I am way to chicken to slit my own throat with a butter knife, or it could get bloody around here.
Boo was watching Noggin as any other day. I looked over and she was sleeping. She had her tiny ass was in the fetal position sleeping soundly.
The retard that I am, was still watching Noggin and it did not even phase me. I was watching Pinky Dinky Do, wondering what her made up story was going to be about today...I was waiting for her big idea....
Then the next thing I know Directv flashed up on the screen that my TV had been on so long they wondered if I had committed seasonal suicide today. I was pissed cause Joe was just going over what the three clues for the day, and I was hoping to get it right...The clues were
I knew it right away
the person Blue was thinking about today was
After watching a show last night about a boy who had tape worms in his brain from under cooked pork, I refuse to eat pork anymore.
but the kicker was the boy and his family were Orthodox Jews, and not allowed to consume pork. Guess where he got from..go ahead and guess..
They had a housekeeper from Guatemala and come to find out, she was loaded with them. The boy got it from her fecal matter. When she dropped a load in the family john, she did not wash her hands, then the eggs from the tapeworm were on her hands, and then when she prepared the family dinner, the eggs dropped into the boys food..
Are u hungry?
That scared me straight of two things. No pork. No third world country housekeepers.
Monday, April 09, 2007
Down here is Boo, she is very good at looking for eggs. In fact, she is requesting a do-over every morning.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Friday, April 06, 2007
I had a post here, I re-read it and I saw it made less sense then I had thought. So its gone, as I don't want to confuse anyone.
All I am gonna say is Happy Easter.
Eat some peeps, bite the ears off the bunnies, and make sure u buy the gourmet jelly belly's.
As your eating your dried out, salty ham; your burned pie, and your smelly deviled eggs, just know someone is having a more shittier dinner then u.
I will be going to Mr Shaky's play tonight where he plays Jesus. Jesus. He is going to be Jesus..
Have a happy Easter.
Jesus has risen and He will be living here for tonight. I will be selling the photos of Him on Ebay and if I find a piece of grilled cheese with Mr shakys image on it, I am just going to eat it.
Bee whatever u wanna be. I am out of here.
I need to go set up my rabbit trap, I might just trap the sonofabitch and have me some bunny stew this weekend, thats just the kind of mood I am in.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
One more time, one more time is all its going to take. One more time and I am going over the edge.
The boy. My tween boy has one foot on a banana peel and one at a military boarding school for ingrates.
Why is it when I ask him to study, he thinks I am asking him to sacrifice a lamb or God forbid our dog?
although I wouldn't mine the dog meeting an untimely demise
I am thisclose to packing my bags, or his. Preferably his, cause I hate moving.
I ask him to study and he says " why do I have to be trapped here in this dungeon?"
because I am the mommy and I said so, that's why...sonofabitch
Thank you for all your nice comments on the last post. I talked to my grandma and she said for now, they want me to stay here. She said if he gets going on the treatments and he isn't doing so well and they need my help, they would like me to come on down. They hate to think they are putting me out. I am planning on going around his birthday...he should be done with his treatments and feeling good by then. Then we are spending two or three weeks there this summer. I am hoping this radiation will cure him and it will all be back to normal. I am hoping he will be ready to donate money to the Indians by that time.
I am watching Footloose on VH-1 Classic. Back in the day when I saw this at the movies, I thought Kevin Bacon was all that and a pair of high tops. I am watching it now, wondering what the hell was I smoking back in 3rd grade, cause he really isn't that good looking.
anyway, I got side tracked....
oh and none of them can dance worth a lick either...WTF.
ok, I am done...
So Mr Shaky is in a play at church on Friday. That is Good Friday to all u pagans out there, you know, the day they nailed His ass to the Cross and watched Him die..
anyhoo...He is playing the Big man Himself, our Lord and Savior..
He is going to have to go shirtless. This isn't going to be pretty. I am worried.
I swear I am not watching American Idol no more. For one thing, there isn't anyone who grabs my attention, there isn't anyone who is really that good.
then there is this issue with that creepy looking Sangotnotalent....He is still there and the one person I rather enjoyed, Gina, is long gone now.
Well I need to go wash up the boys clothes, so he at least has clean pants to pack.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
There is this kid who works at the local grocery store. He is a bag boy/cart collector. He is not the most attractive gent, but he is pleasant enough. He has a few strikes against him if he is trying to get chicks. First up he needs a little oxy or noxema because his skin is not very clear. Next he is a little bit of a pudgy, which is normal these days. Nearly every child/teen I see is over weight. So he needs to get deal a meal from ole Richard Simmons...Once he gets his appearance under wraps, next we need to work on his hair. I kid u not, this boy has hair like Bob Ross.
You know the Happy little tree bastard
If he don't do something about the hair, he will end up with this poor girl
I am sure they both have lovely personalities.
About two years ago I started this project. After a few weeks, I put it in my closet and never looked at it again. Until now. I am going to finish it this time.
Mr Shaky says the colors are just horrid, but I told him when its 30 below zero and I am snug in warm under my blankie, he can kiss my ass...And my ass will be nice hot.
The boy wants me to make him a blanket, so I started one...This is what I have so far..
I am sure it will be done before he witness his first born crowning,
Its laying up on top of the couch, its only one and a half rows, I am sure u cant see it..Its just a zygote at this point.
You know how I know my Boo watches to much tv? Because when the nice folks at Directv put a warning on my screen that this channel has been on so long they are wondering if I am alive or got knocked unconscious by a frying pan or if I am indeed still watching Noggin, for going on the 4th straight hour.
Well, we are not always watching it, we have it on as background noise.
yes, background noise.
Those rejects at Directv need to start minding their own damn business. Their only job is to provide me with constant entertainment, not to remind me I suck as a mother.