Turn me Loose

Well, my son's birthday came and went like pick pocketer. He is 11. He is old. He makes ME feel old.

The thought of getting older never bothered me, because to me that's your cue that your still, well, hell , alive...If your not getting older, then your dead. And dead isn't good. Although I cant say for sure, because I have never heard a dead person complain about being dead...

so, yeah..

But to think I am the mom of an 11 year old is freaky. For Gods sake I'm still young..a hip 25.....

ok....32...almost 33....damnit..

I need to start using wrinkle cream and Metamucil, that's what moms of 11 year olds do right?

Shit...

My boy had a buddy over and we got pizza and consumed mass qaunties of cake and ice cream.

I just noticed Blondie has a whole in the butt of her jeans..holy shit, I sent my kid to school with a tiny hole in the ass of her pants.

Its kinda like the parent who sends thier kid to school with bed head, morning breath and dirty faces..

shit....

wicked pissa..

Here is some birthday vomit, its better then cat vomit, trust me people...

He insisted on photos with me before school. So I am in my jammies and am sporting my morning face. Which is quite similar to my afternoon face.

Read his shirt, tell me that aint funny people..

Ok this next one Blondie took it before we were ready, but the boy insisted I post this because he says it looks I'm rubbing him like a genie.

so.....yeah

Gawd that's embarrassing.....

moving on...

to my after noon face I guess...at least im wearing clothes and my hair is washed.

He looks all bad as there doesn't he?

I like this one, I look way tall....

He wanted a cake with the solar system..but no one in the city is smart enough to make it...so he said he would settle for a Paddy day cake...This is his first ST Paddy's day cake in 11 years..I have tried to not get them because I think its lame..plus he has never asked for one...

just him opening shit.

And here is the whole family, including my mother...

Yeah so....there ya have it.....another birthday come and gone...

I have too many kids....

Have a holly jolly..

So, I know your all anxiously awaiting the pics with my lesbian friend at the local pub, but hence, my pal has not the funds to get her film developed, so one of these days...one of these days..


I forgot to mention that our fine establishment of McDonald's caught fire while we were gone. The brand new one has only been open since August.











sonofabitch.



Look at this...This is Boo before school Tuesday. For some reason she felt the need for her sunglasses, even though we don't get sunshine in the winter..















She is some piece of work I tell ya...

I got a Christmas card today, and its puzzling me.....Its from no one I know..

Its addressed to me, has my address...

Its from Lynn and Dylan O'neil. Who the hell are they? I don't know anyone by that name..I don't even know any bloggers with this name.

So if you are indeed Lynn or you know whom Lynn is...give me a heads up..Cause I feel like a dumb ass.

~

Here a few more pics that were from my camera..Here is me and my pal whom is addicted to texting on the expressway and risking getting her ass kicked by yours truly.

Here is my dad and I..

Here is my dad, step mom and I.













So sorry, no lesbians....

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Why is it when you have a raging case of the GI trots ,reading the back of a conditioner bottle seems like the most stellar reading?

dont forget me when Im gone

I am just sick about this writers strike...This means instead of watching good quality programing at night, I am gonna have to talk to Shaky now...or heck he is gonna think this is going to be the perfect time to make whoppie..

damn....curse u writers...Why cant those late night people write their own shit...

Do u know what this mean?

Say hello to reruns people....and Flip flop Momma HATES reruns..

This is near and dear to me, this topic....for reason I will not go into...but I am pulling for them....

Go get em....

~

As I am looking out my window, I see something very troubling..

snow...

mind u, its only flurries, but most of u know I suffer from that seasonal disorder.

When its cold, snowy, cloudy, I become a very unpleasant person.

And for those of you who thought I was unpleasant during sunny, warm weather...

well your in for a real treat.

~

If u missed the review my kids gave of The Bee Movie, well u didn't miss much, but its below this..

For my next video I am going to have a session dedicated to singing with the bees..I can not get video easily of the whole karaoke thing...so this will have to do...We are gonna sing kid songs...

So keep your panties on and wait for that..

~

Here are some pics from the last few weeks....I am having a bad day and don't feel much like writing about anything worth while, so this will have to do..

ok that's it....must go.

pour some sugar on me........please

The Greatest SHow on Earth..

according to me anyway...

Here are some pics from my Lepp show last night..

Please bare with me..I am in the sharing mood..

Halfmexican Momma and I....yee haw bitches

Me and Cheryl, I met thru the Def Leppard fan club and Myspace, she sat right in front of me..it was sweet.

Come to the light Joe, Flip Flop Momma is waiting for u..

Viv with no shirt..

Sav and Phil

Joe....

Poor halfmexcianmomma, she cant hold her pee in.....she was thisclose to the potty and then let lose...

SO there ya have it folks...

Now I am counting down the days until my Septemeber 3rd lep show..

cheers

no post, just vomit

Proof I am still kicking..

Hope u had a happy 4th..

Bye Bye\

Love u guys, thanks for checking in on me..


http://www.rockyou.com/show_my_gallery.php?source=ppsl&instanceid=75896668

go there and see...

blah

I am tired. I am hot. I am fat.




Hit Dairy Queen two nights in a row, not good, not good at all.



Look, I am a shitty mom, I did not put enough sunblock on Blondie and LOOK..































She is burned on her knee caps, her arm pits and her cheeks....




Because I suck.


Look, here is Boo, I must love her more cuz she is just a nice golden brown instead of lobster claw red..

































That is her new "simming soup"








Here is my son....I let him out of the dungeon but once per day....thats why he is blinding your eyes with his pale white skin..

When I do let him out, he goes right to Ruinscape, it is a game that he would rather play then pose for a pic with his big fat ugly momma...look see..

Look, here is Shaky holding down the love seat, well after all it was Fathers Day.




























Here is my and Mr Big Head..

This, well, this is just me..

Here is my tattoo with a weeks worth of healing....

So I have decided to start Weight Watchers again...BUT first I need to lose a few pounds. Its pretty sad when you want to lose a few pounds before you start a new diet.

Don't ask, I know it makes no sense....But if any of you are morbidly obese like me, you understand.

Its just logical, thats all...

Doesn't help that I ate ice cream from Dairy Queen the last two days...Doesn't help that I ate nearly an entire watermelon on my own..

It doesn't help that I think my son is married.

it doesn't help that kids are being abducted in my city or that the man who signs my paychecks was born with no penis or genitalia of any recognizable sort. Or that he likes stuffing objects up his pooper...but whatever, to each his own..sonofabitch.

Well my son is off to get sun block wiped on his pasty body from his mother in law..I must say, She is doing something I suck at, did you see Blondies back?

shoot..

Here she is smiling anyway, bless her heart..

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I am having issues. I will be gone for a few days/weeks.......

Mr Shaky keeps looking at my boobs..

Flip Flop thru life, just don't flop thru the important stuff.

gonna make you sweat

I have a question. For some reason my questions as of late are bit gross or inappropriate.

But as I am heading home today from my walk, I smell something rank. At first I think it must be a dead rotting corpse. I mean there are lots of dead rodents rampid along the paths I tread. But no, I realize its me.


And its not the usual suspect. Sure my under arms smell very wretched. As a matter of fact I sweat so much with my jaunts I have permanent smell stains in my all my workout shirts.


But what I am talking is what I refer to as...crotch sweat.


I know, its hard to believe that a nice wholesome gal like myself would admit to getting crotch sweat, but I do.


If I ride my bike a few miles, I get crotch sweat


If I walk or run 4-6 miles, I get crotch sweat


If I mow the lawn, I get crotch sweat


and the list goes on..


WHY?


its not like my mention-ables are getting a workout...They are just mainly along for the ride.


I don't know. I don't claim to know everything. But I can tell you this, crotch sweat smells way worse then pit sweat.


I'm just sayin.

~
So we broke up with our church. It was a long time coming, I have told you about our pastor and what a major asshat he is.


Well Mr Shaky finally broke it off.

So Sunday we went church shopping. Trying out different churches until we can agree on one, before Sunday School starts up again.


Well today we went to a church that is just a hop skip and a jump from our house.

They had a band. I am not sure if I like that.


Anyway, we happen to go on a Sunday they were giving Communion, and holy shit, it was real wine, not grape juice my Friends. First time ever I have been giving wine for that...I may go back next week.



But Mr Shaky was so pleased with me, he told me I can go get a piercing.

Hell Yeah bitches.


~
My son has wanted to grow his hair out for some time now. I told him once school is out, I will let him grow it for the summer so he can see what a jackass he is looks like with long hair.



he is starting to resemble this




































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Its been about two months since I cut his hair, and its already looking pretty damn long..



At one time I liked long hair on dudes, as a matter of fact from the ages of 11 till...ok now..I wanted this guy to father all my children






































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That there my friends is the bass player for my Lepps...

I LOVED him in the 80's.

His long wavy curly hair blowing in the wind, frolicking about in the music videos. Aww, my heart is going pitter patter just thinking about it.



Now adays though when I see a dude with hair like that, I automatically think he has no job.



WHY?...Or I think he lives in a van down by the river.



I do not want my son living in a van down by the river.


~

Here are some pics of the girls...































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Hopefully one day they don't take off with the dude who lives in a van down by the river.

So much to worry about.


Will my son grow his hair out and start doing reefers?


Or join a rock band?


Will my girls not pose for nudity pics with their boyfriends....and end on youtube.

All this may make me want to start doing drugs.


If it stops crotch sweat, I don't mind so much though.


~

Have a Flippy Day

Dr Feelgood

I apologize in advance for the endless stream of picture vomit I am going to put you thru. Picture vomit is something a blogger does when they are too lazy for a real post, or have nothing to post about..Take what you will from that.


Yesterday Blondie had her class play..It was The Three Bears and she was Baby Bear. Would of made more sense to cast her as Goldilocks, but I was not the casting agent.

This is her...and that lad next to her is the dude whom calls her..

and yes, I do have a hit out on him..
























In our next scene Baby Bear is distraught over that bitch Goldilocks busting up her chair.






















Ya and you idiots know the rest of the story..






Anyhoo...This is Boo, telling me she was not in the mood to go see a Theatrical Production that her sister was in.






































This is me telling her to get her ass off the couch and put her shoes on.






































I know, I look like a hard ass, don't I?




This is me again, I think I may take my glasses back, I am not sure if I like them..Plus I cant see shit out of them..The doc told me my eyes were better, so I needed a weaker lens.




He is a big stupid butt, because I cant see didley shit squat.



































Anyhoo, since I want you to get those visuals out of your mind, I am going to talk about something.



Are you ever with a person, anyone really, and you ask a question and they say



"it doesn't matter to me"



Why does that bug the shit out of me?


When someone tells you that, it means they indeed do not want to participate in

whatever your asking about.


Now if they were to say..


Hell yes, I am game

or

Sure thats fine by me

that means they want to..

when they say

It doesn't matter to me, they are saying, do it yourself ,or hell no I don't want any part of that.

I will give u some examples

"Hey Barb, do you want to pass out the 8pm meds or shall I?

"it doesn't matter to me"

That means they are too fu*king lazy and indeed are not game on that.

If you say

" hey, do you want to sit on your ass and do nothing all night?"

and they say

" yes, that sounds wonderful"


that is indeed what their whole soul intention is..God Bless em I say.

~

My dad will be here sometime Saturday, remember he is staying at a hotel rather then my humble abode..

Still not sure if I should be extremely offended or extremely grateful

Then it makes me wonder when I come home to visit and I stay at his house, would he rather me stay at a hotel?

shit..

But maybe they just wanna get their freak on..I don't know..

I feel like a bad hostess, granted, I hate people, but I do like my dad. I get my rock and roll genes from him..

Although I can sing better then him, and I actually know the words to the songs I am singing..

God bless him and I cant wait until he gets here..

~

I had to work until Midnight Thursday...This is what I looked like at 11:30pm

I know, I know..put a bag over her head...I mean holy crap...

Although it looks like I might of just dropped some acid, but seriously, this is what I look like. NO make up artist, no air brushing.

Thank your lucky stars you don't wake up next to that every morning like poor Shaky does.

Ok in order to get that misleading image out of your heads..Here is a pretty sunset I saw on my walk the other night

Ok it is not that great of a shot..and I do apologize.

Oh and Boo told me today that my face smells like a zoo.

I am hoping for a nice leisurely weekend, I don't have to go back to the office until Tuesday. I am hoping to start sobering up by then.

Have a great Holiday Weekend..

Thongs Rule


HAve a happy period..

Pastor hates fat people

Before I elaborate on how my pastor is an asshat, I will torture u with some Easter pics. Because that's what I do..I torture, THEN educate.

There is Blondie, they were out looking for eggs. That's the kind of mom I am, I drag them out at 7am when its 25 degrees to look for plastic eggs filled with money and candy..

Down here is The Boy, he is pretending he gives a shit about the Easter bunny dropping eggs in the yard.

Down here is Boo, she is very good at looking for eggs. In fact, she is requesting a do-over every morning.

Down here we have them all gussied up for church...

The Boy sorta looks like he has spotted the sign of the devil on my brow or something..damn...

Here is me and the snot noses..

There, you can wipe the vomit from your screen now.

~

OK, on to how Pastor asshat hats fat people. Ya see, two summers ago, we were all at a church picnic on one of the lakes around here. A lake that is set on a church members private property. Pastor Asshat was pulling kids on a toboggan on the back of his motor boat. He was wanting another volunteer to travel in the boat with him..A woman, whom was at the party, offered to go along for the ride around. He then looked at her and said

well, I am not sure if I have a life-jacket that will fit, and u might need to sit on the back of the boat, I don't think the boat can handle that much more weight up front here.

I was dumbfounded. I felt so bad for this mother he said it too. He thought he was a really freaking comedian. I thought he was a dick head.

The Easter service he gave yesterday was awful. This man is so arrogant, I don't think he puts any thought into his sermons just figuring people are gonna like him regardless.

But me, I would rather have a case of genital herpes then listen to him. I would rather milk a rat then listen to him. I would rather change adult diapers in 90 degree heat, then listen to him..

u get the idea..

I could give u a long list of reasons why I am not a fan of him, but I think that should cover any questions u may or may not have.

~

Well we had an enjoyable Easter. I ate too much. I had two pieces of pie. And I don't even like pie.

I am thinking about buying a piano.

Bee Jolly