Friday, May 26, 2006

One more try

I know it is not Friday, but Bossy has to close tonight. That means I will spend the evening putting away crap that I did not get out. For Heavens sake, just buy the crap, don't leave it in the fitting room, or place the red shirts with black ones..Because holy crap, I have to make sure its all where it belongs..The Target police might make their way to our store and holy crap I might get fired from my mediocre job and less than desirable pay. I mean really less...Less.For. Real.

I will be spending the weekend doing much of the same...Mediocre here, less than desirable there.

Although Friday evening my aunt whom I have not seen since about 1994 is coming for a visit. She is bring my cousin who is 11, I have not seen her since she was a baby. Monday we are going to the Mall of America. They want to go. I told them they are going to be disappointed. It is just a big building, with lots of people, stores and body odor.

As we all know, I don't much care for body odor, or toothless nooks looking me.

Why can I train a dog to go pee out in the yard, but I cant get my 2 year old to do the same. I would settle for her pooing in the yard. Its not that I am fussy, but why is my dog smarter? My dog may be a retard, but damnit she knows where the poo and pee go.

getting this baby to piddle in the potty is like getting Mexicans to learn English before they run here illegally. It just isn't happening. I need to set up some sort of "border patrol" of my own...A potty patrol. I will set up a fence . A electric fence, and alarms. When the baby tries to pee pee in her diaper she will get shocked like golfer going for the ninth hole in an electrical storm....Down she will go..With smoke and steam coming from her hair..

I am sure if I dig thru some parenting book it will be in there. If not, that is my next book.

well I best go put the finishing touches on my person. The Target police are waiting for me.

Bee Real


i just remebered that I have a story about my renters there in the Homeland. I guess they found a bat in the house and now wont return until we fix the probelem.

hello asswipes, you live in an old house, in Michigan..all houses get bats.. so needless to say we told our real esate lady to give em the ole heeve hoe..Bossy didnt fix it when she was there, and you know how much I love bats.

I pray to the Lord himself some poor soul buys that house..All the money and work we have put into it and we probably wont make a dime on it. We just need a quick sell.

Remeber last summer when I would post pics of my bats that came in here?..Good times, Good times...and this is a heck of a lot newer house..They are not looking at the positve side..Bats eat bugs..yea, they eat bugs..

Pissers..I have wanted them gone since they only deicded to pay half the rent and not at all on time..

I bet one or both of them are toothless..im just sayin

37 comments:

Wethyb said...

I hated cleaning out the fitting rooms when I worked retail. Ick!

Happy weekend!

LZ Blogger said...

Man it's FRIDAY already (well in Australia perhaps). Have a nice time at the Mall of America. I heard an ugly rumor that Camp Snoopy is NO MORE!? Could it be? :-( Have a nice Memorial Day! ~ jb///

Kendra Lynn said...

I haTE BATS. I do. Bad experience as a child with one dive-bombing in our kitchen, living room, and BEDROOM.
Not good.
Oh yeah...and guess what? I was speaking with my new neighbor the other day...God help me....the woman is so simple-minded. Within the first few moments of polite conversation, she informed me that, "Would you believe it? The only things we lost in the move here was my glasses and my TEETH."
Great.
I hope I don'tfind them in my yard or someplace.

Kelly said...

Tell your renters to loosen up!! One of the funniest days I've ever had was when my ex husband and I encountered a bat at a house he was renting. Running around in the middle of the night, screaing our heads off, trying to swoop the bat up with a fishing net...the neighbors thought we were insane and on a good note, then avoided us :) OMG it was just too funny!!

Hope it sells for ya soon!

Cliff Morrow said...

You, Bossy, might possibly be,(and I know this sounds nearly impossible to comprehend) the worlds most perfect Mother/Landlord combination in this entire world. You simply are a Godess. Get to writing the book.

Working Mom said...

When I worked the jewelry counter at The Place That Shall Not Be Named, I didn't have to do anything with closing. We just had to make sure the jewelry area was clean. We always got out right at 10 every night while everyone else had to put back things.

Did I ever tell you my bat story? If not, another time...don't want to write a whole post here...LOL

Princess said...

Bats? okk....

i think the mall of america would be so much fun... my kinda place. i would even put up with the odour. lol

oh, and if you wrote a book... i would buy it. it would be hilarous yet relavent.

xoxo

Gette said...

lz--the park is still there, they just lost the licensing for the peanuts stuff. Now it's the Park at MOA. Still a ripoff.

I love the bats for the aforementioned bug-eating.

I still wonder where you get to pick how much rent you want to pay. I want to live there!

May the patron saint of real estate smile upon you!

Badoozie said...

good grief almighty. bats? renters? toothless ones at that? what is this world coming to.

Jerry said...

Bossy,
I have had the most bizarre experience with your blog site. I just got a new monitor through work and I hooked it up last night. Looks great. Every time I went to your blog, the George Michael video would take over... full-screen and fuzzy, but loud. I could never get back to the blog or comments. I had to reboot the system every time. I finally figured out it was the optional white DVI (digital video) cable. Once I unhooked it, everything was fine.

I'm gonna have nightmares now about that friggin' video with all these beautiful women lip-synching to George Michael's voice.
"Freedom!
Freedom!
Freedom!
You've gotta give for what you ta-aaaa-ake!"

Ctrl-Alt-Del, Shut Down,
Arrrggggghhhhh!!!!
*reboot*

Jamie Dawn said...

Body Odor should be a crime! I sat near a guy wearing a turban while I was waiting to get on the plane. The man smelled to high heaven!!! I mention the turban because I think that maybe in the culture he is from, they do not bathe often. Well, let me tell you... he NEEDS to!!!!
I remember those bat pics and posts!!!
I am a long time reader of your crazy tales.

vani said...

bats! yuck...i can deal with most things, but any animals that will suck your blood- not good. lol

i'd buy your house, if it was closer. :(

vani said...

ps. i your bees are too cute. and the dog too. ellen? hehe

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

its almost midnight and i am just getting home..

ok..Jerry, I am sorry about your bad expicrnce..I am sorry it did that to you..please dont hold it against me:)

and at this store we work softlines in the evening, which means we help in the fitting room, zoning, working out stray..all the fun crap...lucky me..

lz blogger, camp snoopy is still there it just isnt called camp snoopy..they changed the name..so your right on that, but the rides are still there..

i know i am getting everyone, but hell this lady is tired..

love to all..have a wonderful weekend and dont do anything stupid:)

keesh said...

You crack me up! I don't see why the renters can't call ORKIN MAN :). or chase the bat out with a baseball bat...Is there a man in the house? SOunds like a great man's job! I would love to go to MALL OF AMERICA! HAVE FUN!

Meow said...

Bats and renters ... interesting combination !!!
Hope the little one figures out how to potty soon. It will happen.
Take care, Meow

Felecia said...

The next time you're at work, pick up some little cotton skirts for Boo; rip off the diaper and let her mess herself a few times. It'll take a week of you plopping her into the tub and washing the floors, but training will prevail! (We are DONE, did you hear me? DONE WITH DIAPERS!!) Please, somebody pat me on the back:)

Mall of America, eh? You'll be there just in time for IKEA's summer sale (I know it's your second favorite place...)

Choppzs said...

Good luck with your renters!! Hope one of those bats swoops down and makes of mess of their hair!! lol

And have fun at work, next time I will be sure to put the clothes back where i found them!! lol

Mrs. Diamond said...

Oh my word you always make me laugh so hard. Shock the kids??? ROFL.... You should write a parenting book. Really. LOL

If I had a bat in my house I would probably move out too. And I gots ALL my teeth. ;)

d said...

Ha! Too funny about the potty training. I never though of it like that before - it is easier to train a damn dog.

I haven't gotten into training babyzilla yet - although he does go now and then when I sit him on there and sometimes he even asks. Anyway, when i potty trainded my daughter - she was about 2 1/2 - it took 1 day. All I did was keep her diaper off for the whole day. She peed on herself twice - hated it and started going in the potty - never had an accident since.

Downside ofcouse is cleaning up the pee off your floor/carpet - but in that way, it's sort of like training the dog. ;)

d said...

Oh, just don't rub her nose in it! LOL

Michele_3 said...

I use to work retail "somewhere" a great while ago & I HATED cleaning the dressing rooms-we also use to get alot of shoplifters & security was in the Jrs. dept(hidden)
So I would call them all the time to catch them.That was the highlight of my day-catching teens trying to steal clothes-LOL!

A bat in the house would scare me.. maybe your tenats are superstitious, it's suppose to be bad luck for a bat to be in your house..not to spook you or anything..LOL!
Have A Great Weekend girl!

Gangadhar said...

Why can I train a dog to go pee out in the yard, but I cant get my 2 year old to do the same.....ha ha..

Gette said...

Apparantly bats are contagious. One in the kitchen hours after reading this.

aatank said...

I'm so not looking forward to potty training, she'll be 2 in June. I don't want to because that means I have to take her out of the crib and into a toddler bed. Then she'll have free reign of the house during the night and I might not hear her. Scary

Enjoy visiting with your family and have a great holiday weekend.

keesh said...

AATANK - I felt the same way about my son...What i suggest is you put up a baby gate in front of the doorway. then you will have to hear her cause she will get LOUD :)...

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

man what a damn day, it is almost 7 pm and i am just now getting srttled in..my family should be here soon..

you guys crack me up..and cliff..you are a hoot my friend:)

sorry i am not responding back to each of you, send your complaints to the Target corp..Minneapolis Mn..mmkay..

JD's Rose said...

I'd buy the book.

Thank you for every thing Bossy!

xxx

Jamie Dawn said...

Have a nice weekend.

I will stop by again on Sunday or Monday.

BTW, I have had a recurring dream over the years about my teeth getting loose and falling out. It is so weird because I don't have this dream often, but I've had it several times over the years. When I wake up, it seems so real that I always check my teeth to see if they are loose. WELL, I just saw the dentist this week, and he said I have one baby tooth that has no adult tooth underneath it. He said, "Does that tooth feel loose?" I almost fainted!! He said, "There's not much root holding that tooth in there." Good Lord!!
I may be living in AR and be toothless before long!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jd,
oh hell i would give you one. i cant take your money..teehee

jamie,
i have those dreams too about my teeth...that is my biggest fear being toothless..but if we are to be proper southern bells, we need to make sure we keep them:)

Angel Girl said...

It sounds to me like one can't be picky to the type of nocturnal animals that choose to take up free residency in one's house when in a sudden twist of logic turns out that they too are blood sucking bats who don't pay rent on time! Just saying.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

angel girl,
it would seem to me that your on to something there my girl..blood sucking late rent paying, cant afford to even live in that house bats..

pack of 2 said...

I just read your last two post & just wanted to say how much you crack me up!

That is all.

Shelly

Badoozie said...

where you been lately bossy brat? you get your fanny over to the gobhole, or you'll be next!

JD's Rose said...

Bossy gone AWOL?

You can come back now...

Granny said...

I just updated my blog roll but wanted to check with you before I added you.

Let me know whether you want to be there, okay?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

granny, thats fine...I would email you back, but my damn email aint working and its driving me mad..mad i tell ya.