Thursday, March 27, 2008

Take Me Home

I know most of you humans out here have a hard time believing my stories are true, and I understand that..Mainly because no one out there should have such a fuc*ed up time when leaving the confines of their home like do.

But alas, I am here to enlighten you with another tid bit of Flip Flop Mommas life gone arry.

Every damn stinking bit of this is true...May God strike me down....

For starters, everywhere my dog sits, she leaves a wet spot. The hubs told me to sniff this area on the couch to see what it was..

im like, u r kidding me, u smell it..

After bickering, no one smelled it and I just cleaned all the upostory

And she wont stop licking her ass...

Then my mom calls me from uptown letting me know there are posters plastered everywhere with me and pale girls photo's on them..

Seems when we went to see this DJ guy in January, he was snap happy and took pics of us and now has them on posters promoting his gig this Friday.

So this led to me and pale girl single handedly stealing all posters in city we could find.

I mean I don't drink..not since new years anyway....

And the last thing I need is my mug plastered on posters around with the headline..

these party people are wanted for a good time

sonofabitch..

granted, I am a good time, but still, lets not advertise it for Christ sake..

Then we get to karaoke and find them plastered all over there....the bathrooms, the doors...everywhere.

So we find a drunk guy to take the posters from the mens room , to his girlfriends dismay. She got angry....I set her straight, no more being angry.

So Pale Girl has about 4 posters shoved in her coat, I have 3 in my purse....

not cool, and not obvious at all.

Then while she is out with another gal whom is out smoking..she sees a car idling in the parking lot and gets in it and drives it to another parking spot.

In one night she single handedly stole from establishments, then stole a car.

All sober.

I cant take her anywhere...

When I return home my dog is laying in my bed....

just licking the crap outta her nether region.

I swear since I gave her a haircut she has been none stop leaking liquid and crotch eating...

I don't get it...

She needs to die..

She is always barking for no reason...just looks at u and whines, then licks her ass.

I now have about 5 posters laying on my table, not sure what I am gonna do with these...

All I need is one of my tots teachers seeing these....Lord have Mercy, or the Leaders of my church , oh the shame...

Just because we go out on a Friday night to dance or sing, does not mean we party.

I gave up partying 4 months ago....

He needs to re-print them posters..

And say something like..


come see these gals sing at the local church bizarre.

I knew the guy fancied me...because he told me..

But holy hell, take my pics down, I have enough issues with finding decent employment...

If u see one out, return to me please...

damn...

Maybe my dog is on to something, maybe a good crotch licking or anal scratching will do me good.

Cant get any worse...

sonofabitch


34 comments:

Tom said...

Yay I'm first!!!
Can you take a photo of the posters?....I don't know if the shots are public domain...but it's shady to use your image in advertising without your pay or consent...I think you have a case...I know "out in public" shots have no requirement for model release etc..but are not to be used for financial gain ie...advertising. In any event it's shitty not to ask you and Pale Girl...at least for permission.

Shannon said...

Ditto from Tom.....I was thinking the same thing.

Patti said...

You should have posted a pic of the posters just for our viewing pleasure.
That dog needs to see a vet STAT!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tom,
I will take a pic of the posters, not that your gonna be able to see anything...

I must say, we look pretty good in them;)

Shannon,
well it bothers her more cause she is going thru a MESSY divorce, and she doesnt need this plastered all over town...

Patti,
I will work on posting a pic..

she does this EVERY time she gets a hair cut, wheather I do it, or her groomer...The groomer was tired of her snipping, so I did it last two times...but its always the same..soon she will think she is pregant, she will lactate, get a big tummy and get bitchy..


then one day it will all go away...

I took her to the vet when she did it last time, he told me she has "emtional issues"

go figure.

themuttprincess said...

Holy hell that is funny! Do you know who did it?

Because I would find a way to pay them back 10x what they did!!!!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

It was the DJ guy who is promoting his show for this weekend..

we are not the only ones on it,, but we are on it twice and on two differnet versions..

just_tammy said...

OMG!!! You'll be happy to know I didn't leak at all laughing my head off...unfortunately, at your expense...sorry...

Gette said...

No release form? No way. Kick his ass in small claims court. Win enough to keep you in karaoke mocktails (since you don't drink any more...) ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
glad to be of serivce to u my dear:)

Gette,
well, it doesnt really bother me as much as it does pale girl, she is an icky divroce with battle for costody, so it was not a good thing for her to have her face all over posters..

me, who gives a rats behind..haha

come to town and help tear the rest down with me:)

Doozie said...

is your dog in heat?

Groovy Mom said...

Using you pic without permission is not cool at all.

That said, I think I saw my pastor's daughter out partying last night.

That was weird.

I wonder what she'd do if her picture showed up on posters all over town. Eek!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Dooz,
hmm, I dont know...would getting a haircut make her go into heat?...she only does this when she gets a hair cut.

I think im in heat though.

Groovy,
yeah, I know...

but what can ya do?

IamDerby said...

well it sounds as if you have been having a hell of a week. I guess a dog psychiatrist is out of the question? Do they even have those? just how do dogs get emotional issues?

rantingdiva said...

Dayum. That's all that I can really say Sister.

Bless your church bizzare attendin heart. I would kick that brother in the nads next time you see him.. but that's just me.

1 plus twins said...

omg i can't stop laughing. first take a picture of that poster i want to see it!! that is funny shit right there. then ask the guy for money cuz he is using you as advertisement without your permission. shit i can't stop laughing. that is funny as hell. now your dog, holy shit i am gonna fall out of my chair! maybe if you bought a wig cut holes for the tail. potty areas and legs and strapped it on your dog she won't lick any more!! ha ha the thought of that is cracking me up even more. i am so sorry but i am dying over here at this post. it is a classic. only you, only you this would all happen too. and pale girl going for a joy ride in someones car and moving it. i would have loved to see the owners face. i would have pissed my pants. lol thanks for the laughs i really needed them tonight.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Derby,
I am not sure how u go about daignosing dog phycosis, but I beleive every word of it:)

Diva,
yeah he needs a good square kicking

1PT,
ok, I get over the fact how much this amused u:)

Janell said...

You have such adventures! I had a friend like Pale Girl once. She scared me to death. I quit hanging around with her cuz I was afraid she'd get us thrown in jail.

Maybe doggie has a yeast infection? I'd take her to the vet.

dakotablueeyes said...

omg wow, i had a dog that leaked every freakin time she sat down, after her spaying procedure, I think they didn't get something sinched tight enough

metalmom said...

The hair used to soak up all those doggy juices. Now she licks BECAUSE SHE CAN! Some of those wet spots are from the licking I'm sure!

Those posters? Yeah, I think I've seen them in Babygirl's health class. "Say no to drugs and alcohol. Don't let this happen to you!"

Ps: I gave you a goody.

Southern Sage said...

have you ever considered it feels good to lick your own ass?
I mean I don't know but it must right??
The leaking hmmmmmmmmm
acccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
lol
u tickle the evermore shit outta me

have a good weekend

Flip Flop Momma said...

Janell,
well this was her first expeirnce with law breaking, if she gets any crazier I may have to turn her in:)

Dakota,
well something for sure on her isnt tight enouhg!

metal,
u said dog juices..

Sage,
u know I like to tickle the shitouuttau

Dame Wonder said...

wow! you're like a fuckin celebrity! but where's you cut? i'm just saying.

WTH?! you're like a push-over with that dog. that leaking canine would be banned from my bed and the furniture!

Tom said...

Humpf.....ass licking....next comes "tromboning"...
Have fun out tonight if you go...

Scarlet said...

I would think you'd like that kind of exposure since you love to sing. I don't look at it as a bad thing. It's flattering that they'd use your face on the poster, unless it's not a good shot (which I doubt). I'd milk it if I were you. :)

Gette said...

Hey! I've got next Friday off!

Wethyb said...

I swear to God I read this already and commented but apparently not. Dammit.

See, that is why I don't have a dog. It would drive me to drink!!!

Did you at least look hot in those posters?? :D

Anonymous said...

Your Doggie really needs to see a vet , she either has a UTI, yeast infection (you know what they are!!) or in need of her anal glands drained ,one squish and your done , alot of "good" groomers do this but the doggie with all her emotional problems should see the vet to be safe , the licking sounds like the glands ,yes I said ANAL .just be glad you do not need yours squeezed !!;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

sorry peeps for my lack of commenting back...its been a crazy couple days..


ANNYMOUS...u said anal..haha

she went today, I could not take her any longer..

turns out, there aint nuttin wrong with her, she is just crazy..

:)

Yippeeskip said...

Holy crap that was funny!

Jamie Dawn said...

You are officially a Party Momma!!!

:-)

I can put your dog down if you need me to.
I own a gun and I'm not afraid to use it.
Just say the word.

Anonymous said...

ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL ANAL
;);););););)
tEE HEE

Anonymous said...

ANAL*

Flip Flop Momma said...

Yippie,
sorta huh:)

Jamie,
the word..

Anynomous,
recal:)

CMB said...

OMG! I can not believe those posters. TOO FUNNY. Of course that is because it was not happening to me :) Hope you have a better week this week.