Tuesday, March 11, 2008

If I Close my eyes forever

So after my ego-boosting weekend, Monday sorta hit me full speed, in the face with a brick...a big one..



This may be long, and winded and I am sorry..If you dont feel you have the time to listen, then just go vacume your house or some shit...



Today I have used every ounce of what vodka may be remaining in me, not to just lock myself in my room and cry like a whiney fucking baby.



I am soooo very unhappy...Not just with my kid sitation,but with everything. You see, the sitation with my tot, kinda oozes out and effects everything. Hell even my bowel habits, cause Lord can atest to this, I have had a roaring case of the craps all day.



It might have something to do with the eggs, greasy hashbrowns and sausage I consumed at the local shithole this morning...but thats neither here nor there.



Everything is piling on me and I am about to fall...down.



flat.on.my.ass.



I have another really good job prospect, and things look hopeful. It is something I have much exprience in, it only pays around $30,000 a year, I wont complain, even though I am right now...



I get my own office..again...and get to hire and fire people..again...we all know I like this. And the big bonus, its not in this city..hip hip horray..



But as most of my job outlooks have been of late, im sure this one will be swirling in the john with my undiegested corn bits soon...



I also ate a whole box of Girl Scout cookies today....



See, u know I mean depression buisness when I whip out cookies and eat them, because I dont even like cookies...



I have been trying to give hubby advice on how to treat his lady at the most important times in a married mans life..because frankly, even after 16 years of being together and nearly 13 years of marriage, I still like to it when he can sweet talk me..For Christ sake, saying..



come on, take your pants off...



is NOT how u get me to take my pants off...



Things only contine to get better...







First up, one of my cats puked all over my treadmill. When I asked the Mr. to kindly clean it, he was wondering why he should have to clean it, as its my cat, my treadmill..





So, my solutions would include not only getting rid of the cats, but him as well.





Then I get a pair of my pretty unmentionables that had toppled onto my floor and was right as rain to pull them on my hiney, when...I noticed..





More f-ing cat vomit.








in.my.under.wear.





~


Then Monday morning I hear a rat a tap tapping on my front door..I look at the time..





its early, only bout 9...hmm...who could this be.





I peek out my window and I can clearly see what it is..





A fucking holy roller.





Now normally they parade their tiny little girls in barley there dresses hitting the beat when its freezing cold out..





I have a theory on this...They take the little girls in dresses and tights, with coats not really done up...so you, the owner of said dwelling, will graciously open your door so the little girls don't freeze...





Its their way of getting you to let them in...





Well, we wont go over what happen last year, but I did open my door and tell them I was thisclose to calling a social worker because her tots should not only be at school, but also not be wandering around the hood when its below zero...





This time though, it was an older couple...





Old people know better then to parade around outside in the cold, so I just didn't answer...But it was a balmy 7 degrees...and he was wearing a hat..





Like I have said before, going door to door to to try and dump your religion on others is just a tad freaking annoying..





kinda like cat vomit in your underwear.





I have enough shit I am dealing with, then to worry about having to throw your fucking wadded God papers away.

dont get me wrong I love God just as much as the next chick having a bad day, but please for the love of all that remains Holy...dont put your crap in my door..or in my yard or anywhere near me..because this tends to tick off most of man kind.





Then I am reading an article online that the Vatican..i am not catholic but still find it annoying as hell...have made up a couple more sins..





Must be nice to have the power to make up sins..

because I have a whole booklet that should be worthy if this crap passes as sins.





The new sins are destroying the Earth...which in turn the holly roller was all over, cause he wasted the damn paper that I had to throw away with all their cult words and phrases on..





bad bad holy roller, thats one strike against you with these new sins.





Next new sin is genetically modifying humans..





such as stem cells and whatnot..





I don't care about this..to me there are bigger and better things to be worried about..





Like getting these holy rollers outta my damn yard...and just plain stop the practice of them invading our time and property.





I don't have time for it.





If I was a rock star, this kinda shit wouldn't be going down.






32 comments:

just_tammy said...

That was just one gross Monday! I'm feeling a little queasy now...

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
u and me both!

just_tammy said...

Oh, I completely forgot to say way to go on the job possibility and for downing a whole box of girl scout cookies! Of course, there was a time when getting through a whole box would have been more impressive. The price keeps going up while what you get for the money goes down. Which kind?!

Patti said...

You did have a really really bad day. Hang in there sugar.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
those cocnut,carmel ones...

the thought of them makes me wanna..well..

vomit now.

Patti,
thanks;)

1 plus twins said...

hey at least your hubby's idea of sweet talk is asking you to take your pants off, mine is "are we gonna have sex or what"!!

what happens after being together so long? i want the sweet talk back too.

tell him if he cleaned up the cat puke maybe you would take your clothes off!!

Groovy Mom said...

What? You think rock stars' cats don't vomit in their underwear? Oh puh-leez. I'll bet rock stars' just go ahead and wear the vomit panties anyway. ;-)

(still laughing at the bit about the undigested corn. Ew.)

Flip Flop Momma said...

1Pt,
good thinking..where r u when I need u?

Groovy,
well the corn bits r true, isnt it?

Dame Wonder said...

ffp, HUGS!! to you hon! we all have these days and weeks and sometimes months. it's up and down! it gets greater later! don't you go giving up. you know you're a tough ass momma. cry your heart out, and then wipe those tears and come back roaring!

Flip Flop Momma said...

I love u Dame...whoever u are:)

Janell said...

EEWW. The cat vomit thing in the undies gives me the willies. I have to clean it up here at home at least once a week, but it's usually just under the table or something.
Good luck with the job search. New employment will certainly help with the cabin fever you seem to have going on along with everything else.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Janell,
well thanks u for even reading after u saw the first f-word:)

I know u dont like it, amung other..ie jamie, cliff..

but i just have to vent and i vent in four letter words;)

ur a dream....love u to pieces.

im hoping the job falls into my hands...

Scarlet said...

Sounds like another day in Paradise.

The job prospect sounds good. What's wrong with 30k? On the road being a rock star sounds better, but then you wouldn't get to see your kids... :(

Mr. Shaky makes me laugh w/ his smoothe talking. I have one of those here at home. I think it's a thing that happens when you've been w/ the same man for at least 16 years. They know you're a sure thing, so they don't even try anymore. Sadly, every other schmuck out there that we don't like keeps trying. Go figure.

Shannon said...

Sorry you had a crappy day.
My husband likes to say, "Wanna do it?"
He seems clueless as to why it pisses me off, lol. Yeah, rockstars let someone else clean it up and ALWAYS wear new undies, haha.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Scarlet,
they need smooth talking lessons..

Shannon,
yup, I hear wanna do it?..as well..damn men

Gette said...

Man, cat vomit and door-to-door prosthelytizing all in one day. That's more than any woman should bear...

Katie said...

What a craptastic day. Yuck.

IamDerby said...

Holy Rollers at my door always tick me off. If I want some religion I will go looking for it, you dont need to bring it to me.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Gette,
my thoughts exactly,

Katie,
4 sure..

Iamderby,
there should be some sort o* law...

Flip Flop Momma said...

Gette,
my thoughts exactly,

Katie,
4 sure..

Iamderby,
there should be some sort o* law...

themuttprincess said...

Cat vomit is naaas-tay!

Hope that the Holy Rollers leave you alone for a while. I reccomend answering the door with a baseball bat. They don't like that...

Flip Flop Momma said...

tMp,
yes, baseball bats have a good purpose, thats 4 sure.

metalmom said...

Poor FFM! Cat puke panties? OH.HELL.NO! I would have drop-kicked that cat into next week! (I might have felt bad later, but still....)

I have a note on my door that says "No solicitors,no polls,no surveys" I pointed this out to JW's and they say they are 'evangelizing'. Needless to say 'evangelizing' got added to the list!

JoeInVegas said...

O Momma. Sorry about it all. But I'm surprised, usually cookies make it better.
And the cats - having to check your underwear? Sounds like nobody around that house is on your side.

cathouse teri said...

I'm depressed, too.
I'm gonna go get some vodka.
And Girl Scout Cookies.
Thin mints.
Ew... that ain't good with vodka!

Choppzs said...

vomit sucks, holy rollers suck, and new sins suck ass too!

Sorry your having such a shitty time. Maybe the cat will throw up in your Hub's underwear (maybe you can discretly leave it out and available) and then you can laugh at him. That should make you feel better. Or better yet, give the holy rollers some free men's underwear! Say "here this is my gift for your time. Stay warm!" Then you could laugh at them and your underwearless hubs! lol

Kelly said...

Just not your Monday! Wow!

I would have wanted to give the Holy Rollers my cat vomit underwear and tell them to pray for my cat!

Flip Flop Momma said...

MetalMom,
I need a sign...a big one.

Joe,
well, im not a cookie lover..and it seems the Gods were not looking down on me that day..

Cathouse,
anything goes good with Vodka;)

Choppzs,
not sure why, but the ca only pisses and pukes on my shit..


Kelly,
where were u on Monday?

I am not a quick thinker some days.

Southern Sage said...

water shot from my breathing apparatus @ cat puke in ur drawers!
haaaaaaaaa

CMB said...

Well, Happy Monday to you! Any kind of puke is gross, but for some reason animal puke is even worse. I do not blame you for asking the hubs to clean it up. When I was on maternity leave I had the holy people stop over. I was super pissed. It should be friggin illegal. SOBs!

catscratch diva said...

Yah, we need to meet somewhere between here and there, get drunk and hide from our families.

Jamie Dawn said...

I hope that whole box of Girl Scout cookies made life seem better... at least temporarily.
Gosh those cookies are gooood!