Monday, March 10, 2008

R.O.C.K. in the USA

Attention..My Ban on Vodka has been officially lift..

Can I get an amen?

Yeah, with the way things have been progressing here in my neck of the woods, it was only a matter of time.

I can safely say that I have suffered no ill effects from not only being dry for so many months, but am feeling not one bit ill the next morning..

Its a win win..

It was a pretty uneventful weekend here at my homestead.

I did some knitting, made some doilies, and some tea cozies...

Saturday Pale girl and I went out to see a live band at a bar on the outskirts of the shitty space I live in..

We have seen this band 3 or 4 times, they rock pretty well, they are just a cover band..and they play lots of rock and roll which gets me on the dance floor like a doctor to the ER with a code blue.

This band always plays the same songs, in the same order, every time..

They always start playing around 9, take a freaking break at 10 resume rocking at 10:30 and take another break at 11:30.

This tends to tick me off a tad. If you can not sustain enough energy to play for more then an hour at a time...go home.

During the various breaks, the drummer would come to my table...Now he only knows me from Myspace has no idea what my name is.

So he sways over during break one and says..

well holy shit, if it isn't rocker mom

Then he proceeds to make deep eye contact and begins to touch my nekkid arm.

Asks me what my real name is, I tell him...

I think he must fancy my name...

We chatted for a bit, and he continues to look deeply into my eyes and touch me.

Don't get me wrong, he is a hottie...but damn, it was kinda weird.

So every time Pale Girl and I hit the floor to dance, he was winking at me, and staring at my mad dance skillz.

I think I have a fan.

We left when they hit break two because frankly, it was boring there.

We went to our local establishment around midnight, to which there was karaoke.

It was not my normal people, but I had been there once before when they were doing it.

I grab a book, turn in two slips, as thats about all the time I had left..

When its my turn she says..

i remember you, and shit your good

yes yes...thats me baby.

I rock out I hate myself for loving you...its what I do.

For the first time in my life people were standing and clapping when I was done..

I was like

seriously what the fuck..a couple screwdrivers in me and I have people bowing to me...

I am looking pretty cute tonight though,cant blame em..

I mean, I was good, but I have been better.

We left after my song, and this very good good looking gent follows us out.

He taps me on my shoulder and I about put a cap in his ass...

cause at midnight, u don't follow chicks out and shoulder tap then without wanting to die.

He told me his buddy was starting a band and he was looking for a female singer and the gig paid a hefty sum...

Asked me if I would be interested.. thanks...

but thanks for the offer pal...

I had never seen him before, so I was not sure if he was just thinking he might be able to sweet talk me into like going in the dark alley and making sweet whoppie with him or not..

So I got in the car, slammed my door, and gave a nice friendly finger wave.

Could of I just potentially blew a gig that would pay me roughly 2,000 every weekend? Plus bonus salary if we played during the week or weddings?

I'm retarded, that's how I roll.


Groovy Mom said...

That's it. I'm gonna do I Hate Myself for Loving You next weekend. Maybe I'll get myself a gig to turn down too! Love your new springy look!

Flip Flop Momma said...

its a kick ass song, I been doing it 4 years and years...give it a go..let me know how it goes;)

Gette said...

You can pass that gig on to me.
Thought of you last night. We came home from the cities on 12, and I wondered where the good karaoke joints were.

Flip Flop Momma said...

hmm...well im not sure if he was crediable, we might wanna start our own chick band;)

Tom said...

A song I bet you'd be wicked pissa at would be "Flirtin with Disaster" by Molly Hatchet.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I aint never heard that song ever!

Avery Gray said...

Man, I wish I could sing! I am so envious of anyone who can carry a tune.

Guess I'll just have to fall back on my ravishing good looks and my wicked sense of humor.



Tom said...

Bossy, I added "Flirtin With Disaster" to my MySpace profile...the song when you pull me up. Great song..

just_tammy said...

Sounds like you had an ego boosting weekend! Lucky you...

Flip Flop Momma said...

well, u gotta use whatcha got huh?..haha

ok, im gonna check it out later.

well if only for a brief while, then I come home to being treated like cat vomit..

cant win em all..

Jamie Dawn said...

So, how many doilies did you make??
Pale Girl is like your sidekick or bodyguard or maybe even a groupie of yours.
I hope you had FUN bar hopping and dancing and singing. I wonder if that band opportunity you passed up really would have paid BIG moolah? You could have been living on easy street.

Flip Flop Momma said...

considerting it came from a man I dont know...seemed a bit odd..

i think he thought I was nieve and a lot younger then I am..

we will never know I guess:)

Katie said...

Whoo Hoo, vodka ban lifted!

Dame Wonder said...

ffp, so the vodka ban is lifted. hey, life can do that to ya. but it sounds like you guys had a fun time AND you're a celebrity on top of it all!

Fantastagirl said...

Well, maybe you passed up on a great money maker....but we will go with he was looking to get lucky - and then you won't feel bad?

Flip Flop Momma said...

good news huh?!

well the good times only last 4 so long..


CMB said...

OMG! What if you were the next Joan Jett???? You should feel pretty damn good about yourself. Getting hit on and getting asked to sing for a band all in one night - YOU GO GIRLY!!

themuttprincess said...

I guess you will have to stick to the couple vodkas... It makes people like you!

It is a win win!

Flip Flop Momma said...

my whole life is filled with "coulda' 's..haha


I am not a big fan of people liking me though;)

Shannon said...

Lol, yeah we are playing baseball in March. This is the second week of practice. The season starts at the end of the month. Our temps range from low 60's to mid 70's this time of year.
Too funny about your "fan" at least you know you are one hot mamma!

Foster Communications said...

Prohibition is over?! Can I get a woo woo!!!!

You're so right. Men should know better than to follow a woman out of a bar at midnight and do a shoulder tap. Men have lost their balls for less.

Love the new spring look of the place, btw.

catscratch diva said...

Whatever!! That asshat should have said something BEFORE you were walking out the door. Me fears he was a perv in a sheeps clothing.

Anyhoos, falling off the wagon is good for a body. Jusst look at me, I most always have either a bottle of wine, a shot of jack or a case of beer on hand.


Flip Flop Momma said...

or it could mean crazy people find me anywhere.

in his defense as soon as I was done singing, i walked out the door..haha

amen to that, and he nearly lost every set he was born with;)

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Bless the vodka.

Congrats on the offer and you know.. turning it down. ;)

The drummer sounds kinda creepy though.

Patti said...

Can you change your mind???

1 plus twins said...

that is too damn funny. you have followers all over the place! pale girl has to be jealous. lol