Monday, March 03, 2008

imagine all the people

My poor dear spouse. He had not been out with me for a karaoke night in well over a month, so I thought he was due for a night out.

Picture this, its just him and I, out alone.


I take him to the place I do karaoke on Friday. I have separate places I go each night I hit it...I have all my basis covered.

So we get to my Friday night spot, which is a town over...We get to the bar, and get our soda's and wait for it to start.


Now there is this guy named CowBoy Curt, whom fancies the singing...He rarely knows the words and never sings in key, but he is having fun and he makes me giggle.


Every time he sees me he shoots me his double guns with his finger and says..

hows it going Chris?

CHRIS?..what the hell?..Only people who call me Chris are my dad and my grandma.


I bust knee caps if anyone calls me Chris...OR ChristinE.....u put an E at the end of my name and u might as well take the shovel, dig your own grave and write your eulogy, cause thats all she wrote.


But Cowboy Curt, he can call me Chris..



cause he is special that way.



Now what I am about to tell you is ALL true. I know its gonna sound like something out of a Science Fiction novel, but no way...


So Cowboy Curt has certain folks he travels with..its a whole herd of them, all like him. Some are a tad more specail then others, but they are all pretty damn specail in their own ways.

One was making jokes about about how Capt Hook died?...by wiping his ass with the wrong hand...(over the mic, in front of the whole establishment)



a man with a hook for an arm was sitting right at the bar.

I.Shit.You.Not



Then another one of his peeps takes off his fake leg and strokes it like a kitty while he is staring at me...





There is a group of about 15 of them...they all know each other and they all are really bad singers.


Now I am in NO way making fun of the mentally challenged, cause Lord knows I love all kinds of people.


My sister is one of these people..for real...so I am not poking fun, its just all of this is true..

This is what they ALL look like..












and this..

















and dare I say....THIS....















And as my hubby tells me with a smile



they are all Gods children....



yeah yeah..I know..



So I am dealing with this distraction, because they are loud, and always looking at me.

I swear they all must live at the same group home...


Then there is the bar tender...He is a very proficient at his bar tending duties.






He is a very charming guy, very nice...





BUT...

the guy never blinks and his eyes are always looking like he is about to pop a cap in someones ass..



I swear to God hubby says..



look, if this guy don't blink soon, I'm gonna go nuts..

This is pretty much what he looks like.









So its very distracting for me..





I have a man with a hook for an arm next to me while a moron is making jokes about people with hooks for arms..


I have a guy taking off his plastic leg, like he is trying to show it off like a new watch.


Like I was gonna go up to him and say..




wow, cool leg.....u come here often?



And I am sitting within good eye shot at the misfit table..


One guy is stroking the big rolls on his lady's back, side and abdominal area.


I cant take it...


Then I have the bar tender whom I am sure is packing heat...




Then I have hubby worried about all the people drinking AND gambling..



Because he is worried Johny is gambling the farm because he is buying 50 bucks of pull tabs....every 10 minutes.



He also informs me that the guy in the hat came with the girl in the white shirt, but isn't sitting with her anymore, and she seems very annoyed.


He keeps looking at the time because I told him we could leave by midnight, and each half hour that goes by, he lets me know how much time we have left.



Next time he is staying home.



I just might as well suck it up and sit with all the misfits next week.



Maybe I can rub the plastic leg.
oh and here is a link to the last karaoke thing..

24 comments:

True_Floridian Momma said...

LOL, I'm laughing so hard my coca-cola came out my nose, no joke :)
That's hilarious, sounds like you had a heck of a time. It was nice your hubby could join you even in spite of his obvisious discomfort ;)

I clicked your link and could only hear you singing, was the camera in your purse again?

Groovy Mom said...

Yup, you should totally sit with the misfits. LOL! We have a few like that where I sing too. Never boring. You can't make that shit up.

Flip Flop Momma said...

True Floridain,
I swear girl, I cant make this stuff up, your gonna have to make the drive here one of these days so i can show u a good time..

Yes, it was the same night, I just could not fit it all in one video cause youtube only allows 10 minutes for a video...so it was all the same night, in my purse and me not knowing it was on:)

Groovy,
My biggest fear is I am the big boob to someone else;)

and your right, u can not make this up..

1 plus twins said...

omg i think i peed myself reading this!! that was too damn funny but as funny as that was the picture of your hubby is still an old favorite of mine!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

1PT,
I saw that pic and I thought..

Thats MY Curt:)

haha...

diva said...

Bwaaahahahahaha!!!

All the world's a stage... and those kids the next table over are just playing thier part.

Katie said...

I hate when people make up nicknames or don't call me by my name if I don't know them.

Scarlet said...

LOL - What a night! Wow! And your hubby sounds a lot like mine. Karaoke is not his thing and he'd be hiding under the table if I got up and sang.

As for the guy w/ the leg, how freaky is that?? You should sing him that Rod Stewart song, "Hot Legs" next time! ;)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Diva,
that sure is true...the whole world is a stage indeed;)

Katie,
me 2:)

Scarlet,
yeah, good idea...see u need 2 come here and see this shit for yourself;)

Tom said...

Bossy, I absolutely must go there to photograph!!!!!
I can blend in with no flash. I don't ever think I've seen a "special" person drink alcohol....thanks for commenting on my blog!

Shannon said...

I know how you feel about not getting the name right, I can't stand it when people call me ShaRon. The pic of the hubby is priceless!

Flip Flop Momma said...

tom,
they all dont drink, some do...but the ones that dont go up to the waitresfsf every 10 minutes 4 more water..

Shannon,
yeah, that pisses me off too...unlesfs it happens to u, u might not think its a big deal..

Gette said...

Hmmm, might have to take shaky to Saturday night next time instead of Fri. Better crowd, perhaps.

Flip Flop Momma said...

He wont go out on a church nite;)

Patti said...

Oh boy they sound like a cast of characters! It would be so fun to go out with you!

I love how Mr. Shaky says "they are all God's children". he's so right but some of God's children are more amusing than others

MamaMichelsBabies said...

You sure know how to attract the colorful ones don't you? *snicker*

I'd have peed all over myself laughing over the leg rubbin... too funny.

And Ug watches the clock with me too... freakin cinderella. Sometimes they aren't any fun at all.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Patti,
the crazies follow me everywhere..I swear I have no idea why.

Mama,
men are better left to tend the kids at night while we moms go out and unwind;)

CMB said...

Great post! I can 'see' exactly what you are talking about. I am sure your hubby would do just fine sitting at home. Does he sing at all?

Southern Sage said...

you will fit right in with the other short bussers!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

cmb,
he use to sometimes, but not anymore, he is better off at home;)

SS,
dont be jelous, I will save u a spot next to me on the short bus.

metalmom said...

Oh.My.Jesus! The thing is, it must all be true! No one can make this shit up! I would have died. Seriously.I can't keep my mouth shut. I'd be like Austin Powers and the mole person, staring and saying "moley moley moley!"

Flip Flop Momma said...

MetalMom,
true true..no one can make this up...all the odd shit always happens to me..

im specail that way.

Haphazardkat said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
I have nothing witty to add I'm all laughed out now!!!!!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Kat,
nuttin really to say is there?..hahaha