Wednesday, March 26, 2008

My kinda lover

I did something Tuesday night I have not done in months. Pale girl and I went to play BINGO..


I should not be allowed in the halls of any establishment that has this recreational sport.

Now I call it a sport because you have to train..I mean you have to have excellent eye hand coordination as well as sharp hearing and quick reflexes.

Again, every time an old woman yelled bingo from her chair cradling her cane, I wanted to stab her in eye with a straw..then kidney punch her.

I do not do well with these sorts of things. I mean i would cream my own grandma if she stole a bingo from my tan,smooth hands.

I did come out semi-victorious, winning one bingo worth 32 smacka-roo's.

Thats right...32 green backs...

When I got home my son wanted to play a game of UNO. have any cash?

crap, I cant not teach my son the ways of under ground gambling, cause I might burn in the pits of hell...

because I am not licensed to carry out legal gambling...

Good thing I did not wager the back 40 on the Uno, because he kicked my ass..

And I wanted to kidney punch him too...

My greed and needing-ness to win does not see color, race, creed, religion, or birth canal entry.


Trukindog said...

Daaaaamn flip remind me to call you for back up the next time I go to a bar and shoot pool. I always lose so I need you to help me roll the bastards, you little hard ass you.:-/

1 plus twins said...

omg that is funny shit. i am the same way when i play games with the kids. i am so competative, doesn't matter if i carried them for 9 months or not i am out for blood. it isn't about family fun, it is about winning!! lol

Groovy Mom said...

lol! Careful Bingo can make you cranky.

Humincat said...

I was kicked out of 3 different Bingo "rooms" online, because they were all offended by me saying "This next one is MINE!" and "Your going down" and "Man, I ROCK at this!" I guess my vulgarity wasn't appreciated by the old hags....

Scarlet said...

That's the spirit! Win, win, win!...but try not to kidney punch anyone. ;)

cathouse teri said...

Dang! What's it like to be in your head? Must be some kinda fun!

Callie said...

Did you just wanna punch someone when they shouted Bingo on a coverall?

That happened to me on a cruise. The ole grannies were already playing 50 cards at one time- shouted coverall between each other.grrrrrrrr


Flip Flop Momma said...

I will have your back, donchu worry bout it dude!

we r soooo bad..

no, no,it WONT make me cranky, as long as I win:)

yup, thats pretty vulgar for the 90 year olds!

shit....but thats part of the fun..

some kinda fun like u never had!


not only did I wanna punch the coverall bitch, I wanted to punch ALL of them..

I should not go, because any game the involves me possiably winning money is not a good thing :)

Southern Sage said...

ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think ur nex tat needs to be a bingo card one chip away rom having bingo!!!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

that would just haunt me forever..I cant be looking at bingo thatclose!

Doozie said...

stackin yer paper huh? I like it. You'll be ready for the bighouse in no time

how does birth canal entry work? did the kid want back in?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Trust me, if given the choice, he would want to go back in..Only im not much for carrying 105 pounds of extra bulk in the mid-section.

themuttprincess said...

I suck at Bingo. I think I have only won once, and that was in kindergarten. Seriously, EVERYONE won, so it doesn't even count.

Dame Wonder said...

i've gone out and played bingo like once. hated it. too much fuckin pressure.

i love that granny with her gun comic. woot! who wouldn't snap after not winning once during 40 days of bingo?!

Patti said...

My Dad had an Aunt Hazel who was a bingo-a-holic! Up in PA they play it at all the firehalls and catholic church halls too!

Catscratch Diva said...

Uno is a cut throat game!
Kidney punch any winners that aren't you, girl!!

Kelly said...

Hysterical! Love that last cartoon!

Bee Repartee said...

CRAP, you are killing me.

I hate losing and wouldn't you know, I'm good at kidney punching too.

Katie said...

I am not a good bingo player. I loose.

Flip Flop Momma said...

well its no fun anyway when your playing for candy..hehe

it is pressure, thats why I can only go once every 3 months:)

thats kinda like me and karaoke;)

cut throat indeed:)


I have a feeling u and I could kick some ass at kidney punching.

we just need to brush up on your skilz;)

gina said...

OMG- you top yourself every time.

So Not The Bradys said...

I went with a friend once to play Bingo. I got shushed. The nerve of those blue-hairs. I didn't win a damn thing, couldn't talk, and had to pay attention. Yeah, really not my thing.

I typically have the strong desire to kick people squarely in the shin. I dunno...there's something about that kind of pain that makes me feel that others are deserving of it.

Bradley's Mom said...


You have entertained me with your stories, as always!


CMB said...

BINGO! I have never been, but if I get up your way...I'd love to learn from a pro.