Friday, December 01, 2006

too funky

So being its the first day of December, I thought it would be a good thing to list all the shit I want for Christmas. Because dear God, I don't want to get jipped. I get pissed when I get jipped.

First things first. I want kids that don't make any noise. My kids seem to be the loudest lil sheeeits I know. Right at this very moment I cant even hear myself sending myself sucide thoughts. Now that's loud.

Secondly I want a sled. Not for me, but one big enough for the bees, the dog and Mr Shaky, cuz I want to push them all down a big steep hill.

Next is lipgloss. I want neutral and pinks. I like that.

I want a housekeeper. Bossy isn't much for cleaning. I mean I do it, only because, holy crap I have no housekeeper.

I want a flat screen plasma TV, that is pinned to my ceiling. That way when I am in bed, I don't have to sit up to watch VH-1 classic.

I want American Idol to raise its age limit, or else have a senior citizen version...Just for shits and giggles. I would so win....

I also want a lifetime supply of money. Money I don't have to work for..

Lets see, what else....

Oh yes, I want Sirrius radio for my mom wheels...I want to rock out with some style. I need to be able to listen to Classic Rewind. I have it on dishnetwork. And I love it.

I want my house to all of a sudden be paid for in full. Both of them. Then I want to sell them for way more then they are worth, then I am going to buy an island...Make a home from twigs and wet sand...

I would also like you to bring me a life. Its pretty sad that my life consist of writing a blog, beating the crap out of my kids, and verbally abusing Mr shaky on a daily basis.

There has to be more...Please tell me there is more.. Dear God there has to be more.

Well Santa, that about covers it....Don't forget my sleeping pills, xanex, and liposuction coupon as well. I seriously need all that shit..For real.

Oh and bring my dog a gigilo so she stops humping my damn leg.

Bee Real

40 comments:

Neurotic1 said...

Okay I can help you with the xanex and the gigolo- the rest you better give santa some good favors for! I never thought of asking santa for a life but I might just steal your idea!

js said...

well if you get the ceiling plasma what are you going to do with the mirror?
and the lipo?!?!?! I need that shit bad
like all over
why doesnt your tongue get fatter? or your eyes or ears?
reckon why that is?
hmmmmmmm
anyway
hope santa gets you all that and more!!!!!!
I want a life remote control so I can pause rewind and ff shit and MUTEEEEEEE
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Neortic,
well get the giglo here STAT along with the pills...I will tell santa to send u a life as well, if u feel u need one:)

Cracker,
well plasma takes preadent over the mirror, the mirror is so 1980's...u want it?

if ur ears or tonuge got fat, eveatully u wouldnt be able to breath and ur ear lobes would hang to your mid section and who wants to see that..

crack said...

well i figure if folks tongue got fat eventually they wouldn't be able to stuff food into their fat assed selves!
nah i don't want the mirror maybe a whole wall mirror on the side but not a ceiling one then id have to take down the hook the swing hangs on!!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cracker,
well I dont think a fat tongue is gonna keep die hard eaters from eating:)

I have a real weird vission of what ur room must look like..

dead stuff, mirriors, cowboy hats..*shudder*

tee-hee

Kendra Lynn said...

niice list.LOL
Lipo would be nice...I must agree.
If only I could get rid of the thighs...I'd feel so much better.

Kendra

Brandy said...

Love the list! Everyone is posting their lists... I tried to leave a comment last nite but stupid blogger wouldnt let me and I cant remember what I was going to put now! Oh well!

Fantastagirl said...

Great list -

I have sirrus in the van - and LOVE it.

*ducks* so you wont get mad...

Princess said...

LMAO! Your list rocks!!!!

But santa sux, what has he done doe us lately? :P

I tagged you too!

xoxo

Peg said...

good idea...I will help Al out by posting a few items from my list tomorrow....

that mirror shit only counts if you get the lipo coupon first....

The Kept Woman said...

That's a really great list. Add a spatula and electric mattress pad and my list sounds about the same.

My kids are also of the top-of-their-lungs ilk. Why in the fuck must they yell everything? We have vaulted ceilings so everything echoes anyway...I wish they had a volume control.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

kendra,
get the lipo for the thighs;)

fantstagirl,
i dont like u anymore...ok what station do u listen too? dont tell me classic rewind, or I will really be mad..

Princess,
well he is gonna suck doneky balls if I dont get anything from my list:)

Peg,
oh amen girl..we so need the lipo coupn first..

get that list toghter I wanna see it;)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

TKW,
kids voices are kinda like a train..it can be 10 miles away, but u still hear it...mine can be on another floor or level, and shit , its as clear as bell...duct tape...we need duct tape, add that to our list.

Cliff Morrow said...

"There has to be more..." I thought Mr Shaky straightened you out on that.
I've said it before, if there is going to be a housekeeper hired, I get to choose her.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cliff,
HER...oh heavens no....my housekeeper needs to be a male. Men are really good at cleaning..the young , ripped ones that is;)

js said...

well damn i posted and blogger musta ate it
blogger must not have a fat tongue!
come on now!
big mirrors
a disco ball hanging from the ceiling
a velvet painting of daisy duke
3 deer heads
a super sized bed
some 40 weight oil on the nightstand
several cowboy hats and caps everywhere
that doesnt sound appealing?
cracker

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cracker,
so where does ur bride sleep then?..haha

I was hoping u were not going to tell me a velvet painting of Elvis..good lord.

sounds like it would be just like going to Gander Moutnain..do u have those in the sunshine state?

js said...

hell i dunno
i dont shop
cook
clean
or anything else like that
why would a man marry ifn he was gonna do all that???
anyway
im not allowed to decorate
and i dont really care
we are building a house now slowly
very slowly
and it will not be decorated by me thats for sure
although I built a huge barn that will be half poker room game room guy room ect that I will decorate!!!
no velvet of E though he was da man in his day!
he had 6 chicks atta time!!!!!!
that beats me by 2!
you da man E
js

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cracker,
when u biuld your house, will u add a wing for when I come to visit? I mean I assume ur gonna want to have vistiation with Butch at some time;)

I do the decorating here too, but since we moved here, I have not done much...I am saving all my talent for when we move to the sunshine statre next year..then it will totally kick ass..

what is the limit for the amount of palm trees one can have ina yard?..cuz I plan on doin it up right crakcer;)

J by god Cracker S said...

now why would you need a wing????????
i'll make sure you are comfy and to make damn sure i'll send the bride and daughter off to iceland while u'll be here and just keep rowdy and he can entertain Butch!
i dunno the palm tree rule but i suspect you can have as many as ud like specially in the north part if you go to the cities they might regulate but not here! we do as we please cause we can and we dgaf if folks dont like it because as stated before at some point my middle name is By God and do as I by god want to!
js
(deer don't eat the fruit from a plam tree so i see no need in having them)
it is 79 degrees here tho!

The Blog Whore said...

Ha!

I have the same exact list!

js said...

hmmmmmmm
do they need preachers in Florida?
or u just coming for the sunshine?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Cracker,
Iceland huh?..thats a lil harsh, just send them on a vaction somehwere nice;)....u dont think ur bride wants to meet ole crakers baby?

well moving to Florida has been in the works for a few years now...well its either that or South Carolina..one or the other..depends on what happens.

Blog Whore,
copy cat;)

Michele_3 said...

LOVE the list!

A girl can never have
TOO MUCH LIP GLOSS!

I hope you get your wish of coming to Florida- there are houses for sell in my neighborhood woman!

cracker said...

cool
maybe y'all will like it
some folks like to visit but when yankees move down here they find they dont like it to be 211 degrees 7 months outta the year!
ok i'll send me to Hawaii hows that? Im thinkin my mean assed jealous bride would not be amused to meet my 'other' child although he would be my firstborn and heir to the By God dynasty (he'll need a damn good job for that because the bills are high and the debt deep!!)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Michele,
yup..there is no such thing as too much lipgloss;)

Cracker,
well after ur bride meets us, she will no longer feel threatend..she will see my boy and I are just simple retards..

ur bride would love me crakcer...she really would:)

1 plus twins said...

i am so on the same page as you. my house is always so damn loud and i have thought many times that i really don't have a life at all. once you get that xanex get me some cuz with this new job and the holidays and the loud kids and the puppy and the husband, and the financial stress (you know where i am coming from) i sure could use it too! lol

ole j said...

well i never said or thunk anything else!
but itd be just as well not to let her in on it!!
shhhhhhhhhhhhh
hehe
i'd first haveta teach my seedling how to fight then how to shoot then how to hunt though
what we'd do the second day i dunno

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

1 plus twins,
I hear ya loud and clear:)

Cracker,
u might have achore teaching the seedling that...last night when mr shaky took blonide to the wrestling meeting, we asked if he wanted to go..cuz its up to grade 6 and he is grade 4...this is what he said and I qoute

" im to fragile"

I shit u not...this boy says he is to fragile.

but I think I know now why blondie wants to do it...

ole j said...

for the love of god
he didnt say that did he?
come on Bossy
help the crumb out
teach him to be meaner
sigh
he wont be in the game he'll be a cheerleader or in the band
sigh
sigh
sigh
a tough life for my lil guy
help him
please
and why pre'tell does sweet mrs blondie want to take rastlin?

kaliblue said...

Sorry I haven't posted to ya in a while. Been busier than a 3 legged cat in a litter box yuk, yuk, yuk, *wink* :-). I'm sooo with ya on the housekeeper thingy:-).

Badoozie said...

well your list is cool, but you forgot to mention the need for a straight jacket. and some electro shock therapy, buy 9 sessions get the 10th one free

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cracker,
indeed he did..I swear..

and there is a boy blonide likes..guess what..he wrestles..she starts Monday..hope she learns enough skills to fight off the penis.

Kailublue,
I have missed seeing you;)

Suzie,
does getting shot with a tazer count as elctic therapy?...cuz when I take my training, its a comin..sonofabitch.

Tee said...

The flat screen plasma TV on the ceiling sounds like heaven. I can't even imagine how comfortable that is laying in bed and watching TV like that. LOL.

And an American Idol for older folks - I think that would do well actually.

js said...

now bossy dont be a penis hater!!!!!!
but i'm with you my princess should hateeeeee the tallywacker until 25 at least
what is blondie gonna do make the boy she like submit?
hmmmmm
she gonna pin him for a 3 count?
have a naughty weekend!
j

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Tee,
it would be heaven huh?...I say we go get ourselves one girl;)

Cracker,
well, I dont know if she is trying to impress him..and its not the same penis that calls, this is another one..

but holy crap, she is gonna whomp some ass..

no naughty weekend here, I have to wrok sat from noon till midnight then sunday 6pm to 6am....sucks donkeyballs, but someone has to keep the convicts in line this weekend I guess...

Amanda said...

Very nice list! Maybe I should ask Santa to pay off the student loans. hmmm *runs of to make my list and check it twice..hugs!

dakotablueeyes said...

OMG you stole my list. lmao wanna trade kids for a day betcha mine are louder

Anonymous said...

You are so funny~!~

Shelly

Jennifer said...

You are so funny! However as for the loudest children... have you met mine???? We've all been home together since Wednesday night :) due to snow... which here in Oklahoma we do not see that much of!