Monday, December 11, 2006

I hate myself for loving you

I have a tale to tell. Its a vile tale. One not for the weak of faint of heart. And amazingly enough, it has nothing to do with farting, pooping, or butts. Oh wait, take that back...It does have to do with pooping...My bad.

You see...This kid here..My darling little Blondie

Well one of her wishes for that damn ole Santa Clause is this fuc*ing thing..

For those of u who have not been breeding in the last few years, its called a doll. Not just any doll, but a Baby Alive doll. She eats, she poops..(this is the part where the poop comes in) and she pisses herself, drinks, talks, does everything but wipe its own ass.

I have looked for the last week for this doll. I had no idea it was such a hot commidty. I go from store to store looking for this doll...Because holy shit, my baby wants a doll, normally she wont touch them with a ten foot pole...She likes boy stuff, cuz holy mother of God she likes to impress the things with penis's.

So on the first glimmer of her saying these words to me, I head out. I come back empty handed every time. I check all their websites...Every store...No one has it.

I get the bright idea of going on eBay...

why, because this here...

equals fuc*ing crazy.

so this crazy mo-fo mentioned above bid on about 20 of them. At one point I was highest bid on 3 of them...I was going to fork out about 400 bucks for 3 dolls that prolly cost all of a buck fity to produce.

I thought if I had to pay for two, I would give one to this..

she likes things that poop.

the time was running out..I was sweating bullets. Mr Shaky would kill me if I got more then one, and spent 400 bucks doing so...I mean I would be dead, flat on my fat ass.

Well, as I had God on my side, I only won one doll..

So now I am the proud owner of a baby alive.

Cost me over 80 bucks for a damn doll my daughter will stop playing with by new years eve.

I truly am an absolute total and utter freaking moron. I don't deserve to live.

I may poo in my own pants after I wake up and realize I just spent 80 bucks on a doll that shits itself.

Bee Real

yes i am posting for monday, I am busy with work and all the other secret stuff i rob banks, design christmas cards for athiest, and run a clinic for the chronically stupid...


deni said...

80 bucks on a doll, the last time I spent that on a doll was for an American Girl doll for my kid, which she HAD to have. But at least it's pretty. I gotta say that Baby Alive doll is one really ugly doll. She looks nothing like the one I had as a kid, too bad I didn't still have her, I probably could get big bucks for her, despite the food stuck in her crap hole.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I had a baby alive too..she was cute...this doll has some big ass bug eyes...kinda creepy if u ask me..

Brandy said...

Why oh why do kids want that one item that you can never find. For us one year it was a Talking Bubba. You know that teddy bear that says some stupid stuff. We looked high and low and drove all over Gods creation to find it. I about pooped myself at how much I had to pay for the stupid thing. But in the end my daughter was happy!

PS... I remember to keep the box and everything for it. Still have it and one day I will see it on Ebay and makes bunches of money on it!!! LMAO

Brandy said...

Why oh why do kids want that one item that you can never find. For us one year it was a Talking Bubba. You know that teddy bear that says some stupid stuff. We looked high and low and drove all over Gods creation to find it. I about pooped myself at how much I had to pay for the stupid thing. But in the end my daughter was happy!

PS... I remember to keep the box and everything for it. Still have it and one day I will sell it on Ebay and makes bunches of money on it!!! LMAO

Brandy said...

Why oh why do kids want that one item that you can never find. For us one year it was a Talking Bubba. You know that teddy bear that says some stupid stuff. We looked high and low and drove all over Gods creation to find it. I about pooped myself at how much I had to pay for the stupid thing. But in the end my daughter was happy!

PS... I remember to keep the box and everything for it. Still have it and one day I will sell it on Ebay and makes bunches of money on it!!! LMAO

Brandy said...

Ok I am going to try this one more time and if it posted 15 million times... I am sorry...

Why oh why do they want that one item that is so damn hard to find. One year for us it was a Talking Bubba, you know the teddy bear that said some funny and weird stuff. Well I searched high and low, drove here and there and called some many damn stores. When I did finally find it the price was awful. But I got it for my daughter and she was happy. I think actually hubby had more fun playing with the stupid thing than my daughter did.

PS... I kept everything for it including the stupid bear, that still works. I plan on selling it on ebay some year and making lots of money on it. Maybe it will help pay for us to go to France! LMAO

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

not 50 million times, just 4:)

I have never heard of that talking Bubba?..where the hell have i been?

Princess said...

your like the best mum ever!!! And that doll is pretty cute! If Mr Shaky has a problem with it, im sure you can "work something out" ;) lol

Peggy said...

You should of asked on your blog for some of us to check for the doll. My daughter got one here for my granddaughter. It reminds me of a pooping chucky doll! LOL I thought it was freaky acting but Raigun loved for it to poop. thats the only time she plays with it. She is a tomboy too. But pat yourself on the back for being a good mom and hope the other kids ask for something you can find.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well I think I am about the dumbest mum out there...that could bought my case of beer and porn for the week;)

well I am done now..I have everything!..thank goodness..and I am thinking i will play with the damn doll more then she will;)

Kelly said...

Those are a hot item out this way too! Trust me, it doesn't pay to shop early though. I had my shopping done a LONG time ago, my little one has changed her list three times and then her dad went out and bought what I had already told him we were giving her! Last night hubbs and I were frantically searching for a Nintendo DS and had a hell of a time getting one! UGGH...the things we do for our children!

You are not a moron! You are one cool mom who will do anything to see her children happy, admit it!!

Blazer1234 said...

Ok, Blondie has it right. I mean, if she is going to get a doll, she might as well get the one that does everything except wipe it's own ass. It's like saying to you: Do you WANT a generic MP3 player, or do you want the ipod that plays music and videos? I mean, you're not the one paying for it. Santa has it in his shop, so why not ask for top-of-the-line?

And yes, you IS crazy for paying 80 bucks for a dollie. But, at least it's the best dollie out there, and your kid will still have faith in Santa after all is said and done.

The Kept Woman said...

Ahhhhh, sounds like the Cabbage Patch Doll shortage of our youth.

We got a doll for Peanut that drinks and says "Mama" and stuff...I hope it doesn't pee. Like I need more diapers to change around this joint.

Fantastagirl said...

Tink has a doll that cries, makes noises when you give it a bottle - thankfully it has an off switch, AND it doesn't wet or poop itself.

You are the coolest mommy ever. Will you adopt me?

JD's Rose said...

Awww Bossy. You are cute!

You are going to have to show her this post when she gets older and thinks that you hate her because you won't let her stay out late with the boy from school. Better still, show the boy the post and hand him the doll... if he can't handle the pooping doll he isn't ready to go out with your daughter!

Yep, JellyBean is never going to date.


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

thats the probelem when more then one parent is shopping for the kids..getting the same shit..My son wants the X-BOX360..I told him to get a job.

yup..I am crazy...but I have learned a lesson. Next October I am buying all the hot items and selling them on ebay..are u in with me?

yup..I remebr those CB dolls being hard to come by..I had about 8 of them..One year I wanted a black one..yes a black one..I had all the white ones I wanted. My mom ripped the last black CP doll out of a black mother hand at Toys R us in 84 so I could have thats love.

yup..I will adopt u...but your doing ur own damn laundry woman.

u wait till Jellybean wants the new cool GI Joe that acctually can shoot things...u will be in live getting it for him..u big sap:)

Hails said...

$80 is about what they go for here in Aus. I have one of the original baby alives when they first came out... sad I know

just_tammy said...

The kept woman already mentioned the CP shortage. My mom and older sister spent hours in lines all over California buying those puppies for my three nieces. My mom complained to my aunt in Canada and she was like the stores here are full of them and no one can understand who would buy such ugly dolls!

The things we do for kids. Can you imagine how many of those things would have shown up on your doorstep if you had asked us to score one for you?! We all love you that much.

Hope you survive work. Is tonight it or have more nights been tacked on? Anyway, have a great day!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

well here the going price was amrecian would pay 80 bucks for a doll, other then retrarded ones like me;)

yes, they are ugly dolls...I mean very ugly, not sure why we all liked um that much..

Neurotic1 said...

I have a love/hate relationship with ebay. It's great cuz you can find what you need but it damn sure is gonna cost ya! I have bought Dorcas some things off of there for x-mas!

Last year my mom searched far and wide for an amazing amanda doll for my niece for x-mas. She had it two days and called my mom and said "Mimi, Amanda is not so amazing afterall!" Too funny.

But that's okay I would have given a limb last year to find Barney (yuck) stuff for Dorcas!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I never heard of that amanda doll..and i have two girls. where the hell have i been?...this is the first time I ever bought anything on ebay. but i may start selling shit on there now..I paint, and now I am thinking of selling some shit on there...I have a friend who makes jewlry and she sells it on ebay..this year she made a 6 figure income from it and now quit her job as a nurse...must be damn nice.

so I may jump on the ebay bandwagon..not buying shit, i would rather rip other people off..

thankfully I have never ran into trouble befire finding their gifts...thi was the first time i got desparte;)

keesh said...

Oh my gosh, it is like the Cabbage patch craze! I have a boy, trucks, trucks, trucks :). Well mine is more into books, puzzles and air mattresses (don't ask) :). You are a good Mommy though...

Heart Of Darkness said...

Talked to a friend that resides in Poland with her family - amongst them a 4 year old girl. The number one wished-for gift by kids in Poland this year is a full sized motorized pony that makes sounds, moves etc like a real horse. Cost only one months salary (if you're a doctor), and has to be ordered in advance from the factory, because no shop has enough storage space to keep 'em all...

Yes, my friend, and all her coworkers have been running themselves silly after the pony.
She called me the other day, asking if I could by any chance ship her a pony from Sweden. I tell her, we don't have toys that complicated over here. Sorry.
She swore like I had never heard that petite blonde woman swearing and mumbled she's got to chase the damn pony down - somehow.

But the kids persist. And the pony is already maxed out at the factory. Where do people have that amount of money from (and why do they spend it on a motorized lifesized pony for their kids to ride on????).

I do NOT envy you.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

yes when my son was little it was trucks and dinosouars..never a shortage there.

a motorized pony? way, I dont like shit that annoys me..haha...

u just wait to u have kids, u will see how crazy u really are!

Peg said...

HOD - Every girl dreams of having her very own pony! With realistic animation, movement and sounds, this incredibly lifelike pony is a very special, once-in-a-lifetime friend. This adorable pony stands over three feet tall, and really "comes alive" as she moves and responds to your loving care! Touch or talk to your pony and her head moves! As you continue to interact with her, watch her ears wiggle and her eyes blink! Be sure to take extra-special care of your pony. "Feed" her the carrot and groom her with her brush. Watch her swish her tail back and forth! She even whinnies and snorts, and will sniff your hand! Sit on your pony for a pretend ride and she makes walking sounds! Bring home BUTTERSCOTCH pony and make your little girl's dreams come true!

Peg said...

Bossy, That doll is fugly...that makes me think of the bride of chuckie movie...

Our little Kelly got smart this year. She didn't ask for anything except a laptop...too bad she's only 6 and won't get that laptop for at least another 3 or 4 years.

She got a freaking cell phone and a MP3 player, that should suffice.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

u know too damn much about that pony woman.

and the doll is fugly..and my daughter is 6 and did ask for a cell phone. I told her when she can pay the bill she can get son wanted an ipod like mine, but santa got him a mp3 player..he dont need good shit)

grinch cracker said...

i wouldn't pay 80 dollars for a hard bodied 20 year old with tata's big as my head and an ass you could bounce a quater off willing and ready and able.

I told my kids santas sleigh was hit by an airplane and he was killed.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Bahumbug cracker,
well I hope santy leaves u a pair of dirty ole holy wranglers that are 2 sizes to small..

shame on u..

oh, and btw, u would to pay 80 bucks for all that and u know it!

js said...

surely your not counting the amount of my being convinced!!!!
I'd never ever pay!
why would I????
I recieve payment!

Gette said...

Funny thing is, Baby Alive was around when I was a kid, albeit a much more primitive version. But she did poo, pee, cry, and had a weird little servo in her mouth that made her lip move when you pressed it with a spoon. I played with her for years. Pretty high tech for the early seventies.

Steven Novak said...

HOly poo colored guacamole...

I want one of those dolls!

Is that wrong? ;)


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

u recieve payment huh? u are a pimp daddy.

I had one too, and her poo was this runny green stuff, and i happlily changed her..i tried potty training ehr once, i fed her, then put her on the potty and the shit ran right into the toilet..thats the way it should be.

well, I do have connections with santa, but have u been a good boy this year?

big poppa js said...

you didn't know my pimp name????

Big Poppa Da Panty Droppa.

Choppzs said...

Holy crap, you are so damn funny! I even read this post to my hubs and then told him about the whole wrestling fiasco! To funny! I got all my shopping done 2 months ago, so I am a happy camper right now! And then again, maybe I should go looking for one of those dolls for Girly, then she can really get some babysitting experience down for when it comes time to watch her brothers! lol

Kendra Lynn said...

LOl...glad you found the doll. ;)


Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cracker my pimp dadddy,
u have left that out..I never knew you had a pimp shizzle;)

your poor hubby, I bet he enjoyed every damn minute of that..haha

I hate people who get there shopping done two months before chistmas, so i hate you:)

thanks, I just hope she enjoys it for more then a week;)

dakotablueeyes said...

That reminds me of several years ago my niece wanted the patty go potty doll. Why do they have to be so real anyway. Like a kid is gonna want to wipe a dolls butt. UGH Hope she loves it though

Big Poppa said...

well don't share that with everyone i'm booked solid until march 2061.
just like me putting my fone number out there, I didnt know I could make 62,000.00 in a week until your readers rang my fone off the hook!
If ida charged you it'd easily been 85 large.

The Blog Whore said...

What a GOOD Mommy!

Badoozie said...

hmmmm, u really R retarded....lets have you tested, and maybe you can get SSI???? maybe some in-home services? cool.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

any doll that u have to wipe its ass, is ok in my book..might hold of on teenage knock ups;)

well if u dont want all the bidness dont post ur numbers for all us hot ladies to dial...but booked until 2061, thats prety damn impressive.

Blog Whore,
aww...what u want me to buy u one too?..hehe

man, i have been looking for a way to get paid without working..U rock:)