Saturday, December 09, 2006

Comfortably numb

I have one question. Its a simple one. Why is it that when u order something with chicken in it at a Chinese joint, it looks and taste like anything but chicken? I swear to God those chinese people are in the back laughing their asses off at the people who order meals with chicken in them..I can hear them now..

haha, dos po foos dink dae eatin shik-on...das so fun-y...da eatin dawg, dae wike it, dae wiwwy wike it...hahaha

ok dont make any wise crakcs about my chinese accent, i dont have that one down yet...its a work in screw u

those damn Chinese got me again. I swear to God it does not even taste like chicken. I mean you hear people talk about tasting weird things like snake, shark, boogers, what have U..And everyone says " it taste like chicken"

So how is it that chicken does not taste like chicken?..I will tell you..cuz its dog, or cat, or some other kinda weird domesticated animal..

Mr Shaky asked why I was not eating my chicken. I told him it was not chicken. He tried it, and agreed it was not chicken....

Yup..I have been duped again by the Chinese folk...I am still hungry...Paid 10.95 for my plate of cashews, domesticated animal meat and rice...At this rate, I will be thin in no time.

I have another qeustion about dining out. Why when I see two gals out for dinner and I assume they are girlfriends hangin out, a night away from the kids and men...But when I see two guys out for dinner, I automatically assume they are gay?

why oh why does my mind go right directly to that they are gay?...I am a freaking retard, thats why.

Shopping was awful. I hate shopping. Why do things cost so much money?Why cant I pay say...50 bucks for 3 bags full of shit for the bees? Why does 50 bucks only buy me one gift for one bee? My kids needs jobs.

so I dropped down 300 bucks, for my first round of shopping. I am gonna need a third job for next year...As the lil crappers get older, they cost more money. I remember when I could get away with getting them legos, a cardboard book and a squeak toy..Maybe even a stuffed elmo...

If they want to rake in the kind of loot I know they are expecting, they need to get jobs...They just sit around here all day..No reason why they cant get after school jobs. It doesn't matter they are 3, 6, and 9....If they lived in say..CHINA...They would be working full time jobs and making 9 cents an hour already.

So my dear ole son went to school Friday, as he does all the days the building is open. I get a call around 9am CST and its the office lady. This office lady is a spittin image of that baby killer Andrea Yates. They could be twins. Anyhoo, baby killer look a like lady says to me..

um, Butch came down to the office complaining of a stomach ache...

well he is just getting over the stomach flu...

um, well he says he got knocked out at wrestling last night and was knocked out for 20 minutes and woke up in the clinic.

ahh, he said what?...

I am kind of concerned he may have a concussion.

well Andrea, I would not be too damned concerned, cuz that shit never went down. You think I would send my kid to school if the night before he had been knocked out for 20 minutes and I had to transport his wuss ass to the hospital?...Your kidding me right?

well, he said he landed on his head and...

whoa..This never happen , well this is part that is correct, he did go to wrestling.

so he was not knocked out?

um, not now, but he might be when he gets home.

so, I asked baby killer look alike lady if they wanted me to come get him...He stayed. I woulda kicked his damn ass if he woulda came home early for that bidness.

When he got home I asked him about said lie. This is him

I don't know..I don't know why I said it..I swear, I wont lie again , unless it is approiate..

son its never apporiate..

ok, ok, I will never lie again.

That kid is some piece of work...And I don't like working.

On the way home from shopping my stomach was acting funny. Mr Shaky says to me..

man, did u fart?

well, I had two bowls of chili today

holy crap, I am proud of you, did u just admit to farting? That is a first, u never do that..

shut up before I poke your damn eyes out.

hell, even Boo has enough balls to admit when she farts...Good for u honey, your such a big girl

as he is rolling the window down...

I am sure my dignity is laying somewhere on 394 in Minnetonka by the Ridgedale mall....I am sure it has been run over countless times..

What can ya do?...As my Boo says..."Momma, sum-ties, I gots to go poop and sum-ties I gotta fart....And momma, I did fart!"...Then she proceeds to ask me if I heard it.

I will never ask u if u heard it, or if u think something smells bad.

And for the record, I don't normally fart, that was a minor slip up...Ok, well a major slip up..

I think I may have just farted yet again....Curse them kidney beans...

bee real


Princess said...

LOVE the chinese accent!! I would have loved to have heard that from your mouth. Maybe you should record it! Lol

Kids these days are spoilt brats that get what they want! No wonder parents have no money! :( Why is everything so expensive??

Farting - Better out then in, i say :D

Have a great weekend

just_tammy said...

Okay, you just made my already aching sides hurt some more. You know you and those dwelling in your hive crack me up to no end. You have proof. You might just be the death of me. Cause of death - she laughed her head off!

So true about the Chinese chicken. I realize we are discussing Chinese food, but do you know how many cats went missing when we lived in Japan?! We gave up trying to have one. How the heck did you type out the accent?! You are priceless!

Sorry to say but it just gets worse and worse shopping for the kids as they get older. I can't complain to my sister since all four of hers and married with kids of their own. The only upside she says is being able to buy a cardboard book and a stuffed Elmo for a few of the grandkids, but the parents all keep tabs on what the grandparents gave to whom. I'm so happy to be a slacker Mormon who pulled off two kids who realize that some times one gets more one year and then the next it's the other way around.

So Bossy finally had to fart! If you made it to 31 without having to do so before, I'd say it was about time. Don't want you blowing up! Or do you just prefer to fart from your mouth as Boo states?!

You already know how I feel about the Butch story. He never showed up to clean up the mess he created at my house. Yeah, I'll let him have it if he lies only when appropriate. Guess if you're going to lie, make it a good one. The biggest and bestest ever!

This comment is a mile long but felt the need to comment on each and every part of the post. Would you like me to come up to see if we can find your road kill dignity? I shall think of you fondly as I hit the tiny little mall here (don't want to go into the city on a Saturday) to buy a few more items for the teenage girl who is getting way less than big brother this year. Don't feel for her though since hundreds and hundreds left this month to cover Driver's Ed, dance, piano, and all the rest. Sure you don't want to add a few more kids?! I'd throw in an evil laugh here but I can't handle any more laughing for a bit. If we ever meet in person, I'll have to buy some Depends!

Brandy said...

Bossy you kill me!

Next time you want Chinese call me! I make some of the best Chicken stuff around (promise no substituting with cat or dog) LMAO

I keep get track of how much I spend on the teen brats... I just try and make sure there is equal numbers under the tree.. One year daughter got more than son and son was totally po!! His cost more though, but that didnt matter to him.

Good luck with the rest of your shopping! Have a great weekend!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

no way I am recoreding that girl...uh-uh, no way;)

I do not want to be the cause of any persons death, unless ur santa, and or ugly kid..

I cant see how it can get any harder shopping then it is...tell me your lying, or i will come kick your butt.

well when I make chinse I am sure its chicken too, i am not sure how these places can get aaway with it..damn..

one year one of my kids had more then the other..and it did not go over well..and I honeslty thought i had enough for both..oh well..

Peg said...

we ate cashew chihauha yesterday was good though so I won't complain about the meowing coming from the kitchen....

butch fucking cracks me up.

Shopping sucks, have you read my complaint to on my blog yet? Yeah christmas is so fucking over for me and all thanks to the "Dudes" at dell.

just_tammy said...

Please come here to kick my butt. After you do, we can come up with something fun to do. That is if we don't have to head to the emergency room, to have your foot x-rayed. You might hurt yourself kicking this big ole butt. Too bad you wouldn't be injured kicking my buns of steel! Only in my dreams any more...

Seriously, try to get here soon. I could use a real live friend even if she's planning on beating me up!

Badoozie said...

you never fart? my ass...
so, that lie your boy told, that has me laughing...tell andrea yates wanna be, if she calls you again without first proving the story you will drown her butt in the bathtub of her choice

Badoozie said...

ok, that was not funny. i should not make fun of a baby killer thing. i didn't mean to offend. that really was a bad thing, the yates thing.

Gette said...

The Ridgedale Santa once scared the living piss outta me by sneaking up behind me and throwing his arm over my shoulder in the creepy hallway on the way back to the second floor ladies room (and Santa's break room, apparently). He was quite apologetic, and a really awesome Santa, actually, but I didn't need the bathroom any more.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

sounds like u like Dell about as much as I like applesucksasses..

naw, u need to come here..what the hell is in kansas anyway?..besides dorothy?..come on...we have lakes.

yes, my boy can weave a tale like no other..he needs a good ass whippin though.

I saw santa there...I wasnt at the mall for long, just to the build a bear workshop then over to barns and noble thent arget...I aim high;)

lawbrat said...

The cost of Xmas should come with automatic kid jobs. OYE!

I am so weary of chinese food that I usually go vegetarian when eating it. Its scares me.

Will you send me your snail mail address so I can get an xmas card out to you? you can send it via email.

Thank you!


Neurotic1 said...

Let your gas go girl. It is freeing! I can rip em' better than most! I love that Butch- he has life all figured out! I swear I think that retailers came up with the idea of Santa. They love to hear that money go kerplop in their registers!

Blazer1234 said...

was it your hubby's almost-award-winning chili that gave you the farts? Because if so, you can blame it on him.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

I emailed u..i have missed you;)

um, u must be related to boo, she has no trouble ketting them rip..and she always announces when she does u?

sadly, it was my chili:)

Hails said...

The chinese thing, did you eat at a resturant or take away? if you ate there I would have complained! did the cashews taste like cashews??

LOL about the farting thing. Rob blames the dog!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

no i ate it there...but what was i gonna say.."this shit taste like a domiscated animal?..haha...the cashews were nice..they were roasted...

at least i hope they were cashews and not squrriels nuts or something;)