Tuesday, September 30, 2008

hot child in the city

After my talk of eating batter last post, it made me miss the days of being able to consume anything.

I mean if i were to eat a thing of say cookie dough right now, not only would I more then likely vomit, but I would gain about 10 pounds.

When I was a kid and teen, I could eat anything. I mean I had my standards, but holy shit they were not much...

Remember Corn Nuts?..Holy hell I use to consume full bags of corn nuts, cans of cashews and the motherload of brownie batter and peanut butter cups.

But like I said, all the teen sex kept me in shape.

Even after I got married, I could still eat anything. Oh it was glorious.

Then two years after I wed, I had a baby, and things all went to hell at that point.

My boobs went from the size of tiny marbles to a full sized king beds.

And after each baby, the boobs got bigger and bigger. I mean now, 5 years after having the last tot, my boobs sort of in a way defy gravity.

I mean how can something grow like that?

I don't know.

And they are still perky...how does that work?

It could be worse, they could be hanging to my knees and get caught in my socks.

So that is a good thing.

And being a stay at home mom does nothing for the figure.

I think in the last year I have gained 8 pounds.

Ok I don't think it, I know it.

And this not only troubles me, but makes me pissed off.

I am thinking I am not having enough marital sex. That must be the issue here. If we were still doing it like rabbits, I would look like a glowing 18 year old..

But hell, I just don't have time for that monkey business. I mean twice a week is all I got in me.

I could use it as a workout activity, but hell, I don't even do that much anymore.

I know I am lazy, but I still normally get off my ass and workout.

But lately I have found it very hard. I think I am in some sort of a depression. Or at least that is my excuse. Every fat girl needs an excuse as to why she is fat.

And thats mine.

I can recall being 17 years old, and being with my best friend and watching her weigh herself..she was like 150 or something. I remember thinking, if I ever weighed that much I would just die.

In my whole teen life and up until The Boy destroyed what waist line I had, I never weighed more then 120. I am a pretty tall gal, I am around 5 foot 8 or so..

I can remember thinking in my head that if I ever weighed even 130 I would not ever eat again..I would start my liquid diet. And that would consist of water, diet coke and vodka.

As I look at pics of myself I wonder what the fuck went wrong.

My size 8's turned into size 10's and now my size 10's have morphed into size 12's.

I don't like when things morph.

I always watch those commercials for like Weight Watchers or Nutrisystem..and it always says..results not typical.

That always makes me laugh, because someone can lose as little as 20 or 40 pounds and yet that result is just not typical..I can see a weight loss of say 120 pounds being not typical, but a mear 20?

That does not leave hope for us fat girls who just need to lose 20 pounds.

If it is not typical to lose 20 pounds, I am thinking its not practical for me to use it.

Why would I waste money on something that typically does not work? It does not make good business sense to me.

But I have come to a decision. I need to lose at the very least 20 pounds.

i have said before I would love to get down to my original weight of 7 pounds 13 ounces, but I am afraid I don't look good in sleeper pajama's and ruffled baby dresses anymore.

And why do people always say they are going to start losing weight on a Monday?

Is Monday some magical day? I thought people hated Monday. But it seems to be the day people think a life changing event can occur.

I don't by it.

I'm starting mine on Friday. Friday's are good days. its the start of the weekend. And who doesn't like a weekend?

I do hope I don't lose too much of the boobage I have occurred, because it does come in handy. It gets you free drinks, free meals, backstage passes, and jealously from all the flat chested freaks out there.

Don't be hatin u flatters...don't be hatin..

I'm just sayin that I am going to try my damnest to make it to a size 10 by Thanksgiving and a size negative 10 by Valentines Day.

but with a big rack still...

So starting next Friday, I will give you progress on how things are going.

Every Friday will be my weigh in day, and i will tell you how much I gained, I mean lost.

I'm not using Weight Watchers or anything of that sort, because well, results are not typical, and I don't got time to waste on that shit.

Anyone want to join me in the battle of the big butts?

I have until Friday to consume my box of fiddle faddle.

I like that shit. I have been known to consume a whole box in like 10 minutes. To my credit though, they don't pack a lot of fiddle in their faddle anymore. Only a couple handfuls..

So from this day on, I will workout 30 minutes a day, weight train 3 times a week, and not consume fiddle faddle in one sitting.

Curse the makers of the fiddle faddle.

It is depressing for me. And I don't like being depressed. It makes me fat.

Im going to get a pumkin pie blizzard from Dairy Queen now.

Good Day,


Jennybean said...

Can I join you? But keep my rack too?

I would like to loose about 20.

Maybe we could start a support group!

Flip Flop Momma said...

your in....

we will call our support group..

lose the butts keep the boobs.

Anonymous said...

Both y'all are crack heads!
I've seen y'all naked and neither of you is fat a lick!
Ok I haven't seen y'all naked, or even partialy naked, but in my imagination you are perfect naked!

Sexy FFM if you are fat then I am Moby Dick!
ok ok
I'm in
I gotta drop 40! needta drop 60 and if I was to go back to when I was machine I gotta drop 80!!

ur not fat
u look great
I think I might do the same thing and post my weight

why don't folks ears,tongue and guys ummmmmm thingy majigger get fat?
I mean ever seen a super dupr fat person? their ears are same size as skinny folks. Why I ask?
Why can't they draw out whatever is in the ear that keeps it from getting fat and shoot that into my gut, b-c sized moobs and ample thighs??

Flip Flop Momma said...

yes yes, your right, ears are immune to getting plump..


damn cracker, u have unleashed something..

Greeneyes said...

Good luck , I'll join ya ,:-)
nothing is like when we were teens and the boobs , sorry Darlin there the first to go :(
Honestly you look good in your photos (new) I wouldnt worry bout it , your Hubby needs something to hug on , bet he will give you some sweet to eat ,UHHHH dont go there !!!! LOL
Anyway enjoy your Fiddlen and Faddlen ;-)


Monogram Queen said...

I plan on losing 30 lbs next year or die trying but i'm not starting til' after the holidays. Mamma didn't raise no fool!

Then i'm getting a tummy tuck!

metalmom said...

Forget the weight loss....You have sex TWICE a week??? You tramp!

Eat an extra box of fiddle faddle for me...I miss it so.....

cathouse teri said...

Pullin for ya, babe! I just want you to be happy. :)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Green Eyes,
gosh u make me giggle..

well u have a point...but really I dont eat much during the holidays..Im too busy being stressed out..

well, sometimes its more, but the norm is twice...i gotta burn the calories somehow.

aww, thanks baby doll.

DFTF said...

Corn nuts. Ugh. The breath.

just_tammy said...

Hey, I'm in! The scale is slowly moving (thankfully the right way) but not enough. Be thankful you are tall. Each and every pound is magnified on us short types. I know, I know, I'm not over-weight, I'm under-tall...

So Not The Bradys said...

Is there anyway I can just get some extra rack?

Really, if you think it's bad now, wait till you hit the tailend of the 30s. Holy shit, where did the freakin' back fat come from? Seriously. I've always had fat cells migrate to my ass and thighs, but back fat?

I've gained ten since the beginning of the year. I have size 8s and a few 10s that I couldn't get into with a vat of butter and some tongs. It pained me to buy a size 12.

But, I was always been the chubby girl, and have always had to watch what I consume. So at least you were skinny at one time. I was never blessed by experiencing that...or having big ta-tas.

Anonymous said...

yup my kid had lost her good friend last year- and you know with 7 year olds they are all best friends but we actually took trips with them- you can google to*wn cen*ter mall mur*der- without the stars of course and it was the mom and daughter. Very sad. Shook our foundation pretty good and to this day, I carry shit with me to protect me and my kid should someone -God forbid- try some shit on us.

And OH MY GOD I LOVE corn nuts...I want to lose like 15 lbs...so I'll join you but we need some big ass reward- well not the big ass of course- and maybe hmm...I'm just such a lazy ass and will make up any excuse not to work out- but right now I have a valid one (YOU SEE?) but if you saw how bruised my leg, ankle and foot are, you'd shit. But I guess I can walk. Yeah...ok.

Flip Flop Momma said...

dont u curse the corn nuts...shame on u.

well at least yours is moving...thats good, mine has been stable an holding for weeks now..

and this is not good..

Not the Bradys,
back fat?..oh Gawd no...I dont have that yet, but we need to get rid of yours..

u need to join the team..

Mrs K,
man that is awful...so sad..

Ok, im gonna start a blog, we will all be authors and track our weight loss..

Lola said...

YOu go girl!

Jamie Dawn said...

Twenty pounds won't cut it for me; I need to lose thirty.
I need for my metabolism to triple and help me out here. I used to eat boatloads of food, but of course I was much more active in sports and stuff.
Oh, the hitonious feeling of fatness!!!!
I wish you much success in your weekly weigh ins.
You know you can turn a knob on most scales and adjust them. If you don't like the number that comes up when you get on the scale, just turn that knob and adjust it to read a bit lower.
I could eat a plate of brownies right now. It's a good thing I don't have any in the house.
My dad loves Fiddle Faddle!!

~Jobthingy~ said...

in my fucked up mind.. if you eat the box of fiddle faddle while say walking or something that is not sitting, you wont gain..

and im with you in the boob department. i have a great rack for a girl that had a child and breast fed

Tom said...

Bossy, you're fine as long as the back of your neck doesn't look like a pack of hot dogs. I think you're damn hot for what it's worth.

So Not The Bradys said...

Seriously, back fat. I've got that book Body for Life for Women, and it breaks the decades down into chapters. I kid you not, the 30s chapter notes back fat, and sure as hell, there it is.

I have a theory about it, though. I think it's because once most of us are into our mid to late 30s, we don't have the little ones anymore to be lugging around and picking up. Of course, there are those women who are popping out babies in their 40s. I think you get the ole upper body workout when you have little tots. You stop carrying tots, and there you get your back fat.

I'm trying not to write a book here, but don't rely solely on the scales for about the first six weeks to judge your progress. As you know, muscle weighs more than fat, and if you're weight training, you're going to build lean muscle mass.

So, the best thing to do is get out a measuring tape and measure your parts...like bust, waist, hips, thighs, etc. You'll be amazed how inches will drop before the pounds. It's quite motivating.

Scarlet said...

Coming from a very skinny chick who's married with children, you can do it. The liquid diet is your best friend...not Jenny Craig. Remember that.

When you drink a lot of liquids, you don't get as hungry and it's actually better for your body (maybe not the Coke and Vodka...but other liquids).

Oh, and stress really helps, too. I lost most of my weight when I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Flip Flop Momma said...

im gonna try anyway;)

yeah I use to be very active too, now adays im just inactive..cause im lazy..well come join our weight loss journey Jamie...come on..

and fiddle faddle rocks.

I like your thinking woman..

and I bithed and fed three tots, and mine are pretty damn good..perky and firm..the way od intended.

well, thanks...but 20 pounds could stand to be banished;)

Not the Bradys,
yeah I know all about the weight training...I sue to be a trainer back in the day;)

and im gonna nip that back fat b4 she starts...I stopped carrying tots long ago..and now im worried..maybe i should start carrying boo again..damn it.

yes, your right, when you drink water it fills u up pretty damn good, but for me it also gives me a tummy ache..

I use to be hot like u..I really did;)

just a kat said...

oh shit - I didnt know about pumpkin pie blizzards! I'm in trouble now for sure!

Good luck gal - you can do it!


Brooke said...

I am in. I have been following Weight Watchers and its been going ok.

Flip Flop Momma said...

yup, i saw the commercail yesterday..small is only 2.99..get it while supplies last.

ok, im gonna start a blog, and we will all be meberes and write about our progress..

I did weight watchers two years ago..they told me I needed to lose 7 pounds...I lost about 15...then i stopped doing it..

IamDerby said...

I will join you! Of course 20 wont be nearly enough for me.... 40 or so might do it. But I will start Friday.

JoeinVegas said...

I think you do have to improve that marital thing. To at least daily: make hubs happy at least. And besides the exercise you will not have time to eat (at least for a few minutes of busy time)

Bee Repartee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bee Repartee said...

Your still smokin' HAWT and that's what counts. ;)

I used to be a stick with bolt ons when I was modeling swimsuits. Thank the Lord, I learned some things after I gained weight, like fat doesn't equal lazy, beauty isn't skin deep but you can always take care of yourself at any size..oh, and the scale is the devil. The DEVIL, I say.

Do you wear your bra to bed? Is that your secret? I hope I lose some of mine when I lose weight (G cup SUCKS)

Flip Flop Momma said...

your in...email me so I cans end u an invite.


dont tell me u do it daily...damn joe, u da man..

no, I dont wear my bra to bed, should I?

so come join my blog girl..our boobs can bounce around together.