Sunday, September 28, 2008

So far away from me

One thing about the fall I enjoy is a pumpkin. Now going back many a year I have always fancied a pumpkin. Hell, I even make homemade Pumpkin Pie.

Yes this bitch guts the pumpkin, gets the flesh off the sides and makes her own filling.

Jealous?...don't be.

Once when I was about 12...(ok really I was about 16 or 17 but saying I was 12 makes me seem less retarded) I took a can of pumpkin pie filling my mom had, why she had it I don't know cause she never made pies. Anyway, I opened it and began to consume the can.

After about the second bite I nearly barfed on the floor. See at that time I had not realized I needed to make the proper preparations for said filling. I thought you could just eat it, right from the can.
Like ravioli.

How Naive I was..You actually have to MAKE it?...holy shit I had no bloody idea.

Lets see, you need evaporated milk, nutmeg, no, this cant be.

That was false advertising for a teen as myself. I was caught off guard in the worse possible way.

A teenager who wants some pumpkin pie filling and gets a mouthful of just plain pumpkin makes a teen very unpleasant.

Who do you blame?

Its your own fault.

Did I ask my mother if it was ok to consume her can of pie filling?


I am sure if I would of, I would have been warned.

When I was a teen I always ate batter. Cookie batter ,cake, brownie it didn't matter.

Does this look like the face of a teen that would go postal if she did not get her mass quantities of batter?

See she looks pretty harmless...but damn she loved the batter.

So when she took a bite of the pumpkin shit, she went a tad postal...

Blaming everyone but herself.

That girl looks damn old enough to read a can for proper directions on how to consume mass quantities of pumpkin filling

Look, here she is again...

You would think that eating mass quantities of batter and filling would tend to make a teen girl a tad plump.

Nah, not when your having a bunch of ramped and random teenage sex and running track..

That's my fitness tip for the day.

So getting back to my original story.

I love pumpkins.

Every year we take the tots to the local pumpkin farm for a day of fun and whatever else u do at a pumpkin farm.

Look...have a gander.

30 cents a pound....for the pumpkins, not the tots.

There is Blondie panning for marbles, and hubs and Boo are back there too..

Oh, you don't know what panning for marbles is?

You poor poor fool.

You get a pan, and u dig in muddy, murky water for marbles.


On the wilderness trail Blondie found a tiny tree frog..and she touched it.


Oh gosh look, don't we just look like one big wholesome damn family.
The pumpkins I have planted in my garden, well, the fucking squirrels have been using them for snacks and good times.
I planted some JUST for making pies..the special pumpkin pie making ones.
And the damn wild life has helped themselves.
Nothing like looking out your window helplessly while squirrels, skunks, fox, and bears nibble on your pumpkin pies.
Gawd I hate animals.
Why don't they eat the tomatoes, we pick about 20 of those bitches a day, and I don't know what to do with them all.
Eat those assholes.
But no no no...the fuckers come and eat my pumpkins and laugh..I can see them giggling amongst themselves as they have brunch.
So this year when it comes time to make the pies, I'm going to have to go buy the cans of filling.
But at least I know not to just poor said can into my homemade pie shell.
I had to learn that shit the hard way.


Southern Sage said...

well I knew you needed me!
I can shoot and clean those limb rats and you can cook them and that way they won't eat your pumpkins!

Tom said...

Yes, I think Blondie Bee is headed to be a vet and probably a damn good one at that! Thanks for the warning about the canned pumpkin.

So Not The Bradys said...

I love the look of pre-teen angst on your son's face that's saying he'd rather be anywhere but hanging out in a pumpkin patch with the family.

Shannon said...

I was thinking the same thing about your son, lol. Too funny about the filling. I personally can't stand pumpkin or any other kind of pie.

Flip Flop Momma said...

I can cook them? and then do what?hahahahaa

i may go visit her when she is a vet, i think i would trust her more then my own doctor.

Not the Bradys,
I know...I know..

nope I dont like pie either...well crust that is..I do like the filling;)

Haphazardkat said...

What?? What happened to the power of the boys shoe?! Has its awesome ripeness worn off? Alla animals are passin the gossip on the wilderness vine that the dreaded THING that lived in the garden is dead--THATS why your pumpkins are getting chomped!
Sacrifice another of his shoes!
You see how I am? You feelin' the luv comin from my wisdom?
Good. Now send me some damn pie!

Gette said...

Don't like crust? Three words. Pumpkin Pie Bars. I'll hook you up.

Flip Flop Momma said...

well, i do think that the ripeness have wore off...

maybe i should have the great pale one come fix things 4 me;)

yes, hook a mutha up.

just_tammy said...

So the beasties like pumpkin too...gross about the pumpkin out of the can...

I make some awesome pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting (no crust in sight). Think I'll whip some up tomorrow...

Scarlet said...

Eating pie filling from the can "like Ravioli." lol Didn't we all do that?? ;)

We don't have half as much fun here in Miami at fall time. No hay rides, REAL pumpkin patches or digging in murky water for marbles.

I need to come visit you! :)

~Jobthingy~ said...

ew. i hate pumpkin pie.. and i think i just puked al ittle in my mouth reading you ate that shit in the can.

Jennybean said...

You need a garden fence!

There is just something about a pumpkin that makes it feel like fall isn't there?

I'm with your girl on the tree frog, I think they are cute!

Flip Flop Momma said...

make me some....damn woman.

u come live here and I will go live it a deal?

WHAT, u hate pumpkin pie?

im gonna pretend I didnt hear that.

I know...thats next year..

the frog was cute...that kid will pick up anything..

Cat said...

Its too hot here to go look for pumpkins. So sad because I would love that. Can I come next year? Then I can make pie with you.


Monogram Queen said...

I am a cooking challenged person also.

Your husband reminds me of Carlos from Desperate Housewives. I hope I didnt' offend him! (or you)

catscratch said...

Heh, random and ramped sex. Those were the days.

You all look like a lovely family, excellent picture.

Flip Flop Momma said...

yes yes....u can come:)

who is Carlo's?...we dont watch nope, no offense taken:)

amen sista..

Slick said...

LOL geeeez girl, at 16 or 17, you were definitely retarded!

I'm still in shock by the fact you can make a pie.... ;)

Bella said...

You've got mad skills, I've never known anyone to make a pumpkin pie from real pumpkins before.

Flip Flop Momma said...

damn.kick me while im down.

mad skilz is right..come on over 4 thankgiving, and u can have some.

DFTF said...

Mmmm, pumpkin pie sounds good. I have never in my whole life made a pumpkin pie, let alone grow my own pumpkins for making said pie. You rock!

Janell said...

Oh - sorry about the critters stealing your pumplins. They probably think you're the best party hostess on the planet!

BTW - you were just as gorgeous as a teen as you are now with your whole fam damnily.