Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The bitch is back

Having a 6th grader has kinda put a life expectancy on my ticker. When I had my mid life crisis two years ago, it shorten my life by 30 having a 6th grader has shorten it by about 25, so I should be dead any day now.

This Friday there is a homecoming dance at his middle school. He wants to go. Since he is on the football team he gets in free...he told us he doesn't want to go to dance, he just wants to go and hang out with his buddies.

That means there is a girl there he wants to kiss, I just know it..

Someone here better know CPR cause I'm a full code and I'm gonna have ticker failure any damn second keep tabs on my pulse..please.

I went to his football practice last night. It was kinda warm so I had my windows down..I don't get out because well, there is no need. I know nothing about football other then its me and all the other moms, we sit in our cars and watch.

A woman next to me was in her car, her windows were all tightly rolled up...yet I could plainly hear her radio. Wanna know what she was listening too?...

A book on tape.

A dirty book.

I heard these phrases spewing outta her automobile.

shes a dirty stupid bitch

she sucked it very hard and it was good

she likes it rough

her pu*sy was throbbing with delight.

yeah, I shit u not...

My first thought is she must not be able to read, because surly she coulda read her porn book while the kids were playing ball..

She must be hard of hearing as well, because she had the fucking thing blaring..

I thought, this poor bitch just wants to get all hot bothered and here we are interrupting her good time in her car...How dare they have football practice at the football field when this poor desperate soul uses this place as her porn listening stomping ground.

and there were kids all over the place...and her windows were up, and I could hear it plain as day...

I may or may not have yelled out my window to her that she needs to turn her porn down..

The last place I thought I would hear porn on tape would be football practise for young boys...I mean would expect these shenanigans at say wrestling practise or hell in the Walmart parking lot..

and a woman non the less...a man I could see...but a woman..and she was old too..

My ears have been soiled.......

And this lady and I nearly tussled.


Then i had to call the bus system who takes my Blondie to school. Normally they stop here at my cornor and pick tots up, but this year they changed the routes..So my little 8 year old gets on the bus a block behind my house..and she gets off the bus on the same street only 3 blocks down...which in turn is about 5 or so blocks from home, on another block where I cant see her.

Oh holy hell no..

I called them up yesterday and informed them that if something happened to my baby while she is walking home from this bus stop, not only would I get Nancy Grace on their ass, but I would sue them for everything they had..

Which wouldn't be much because she told me they changed the routes due to budget cuts...I told her sorry to hear about your money issues, but this is my kid and she is the only one who gets off there and she is too young to walk alone that far.

The woman told me the school said the elementary kids can walk three blocks to the bus. I said yes, I agree..but this is 5 blocks at least PLUS its not even remotely close to our dwelling...

My baby will now be dropped off on our street..

I mean who would think that dropping a little girl off miles from home is a wise choice. And when I am the mother, it is gonna make it twice as hard on your ass..

Cause this bitch don't fall for that shit...

Three years ago..(when the boy was about this age) him and a buddy were going to a buddies house, which is right where Blondie gets dropped off...a man pulled up in his car asking them if they needed a ride..

The boys told him no, they were on bikes and needed no ride and my son told him he should not be talking to them because he was a stranger..

he is a law abiding boy that one..he is always looking out 4 numeral uno..

the guy then told the boys he would put their bikes in his trunk...and proceeded to get outta the car..

The boys took off like a chubby girl was chasing them 4 a kiss..

Then last year there were reports of a man kidnapping kids from their homes, but returning them later...

It happen to a girl I use to work with...

I am not sure if they ever caught the man or not...

But this is why kids of 8 years of age should NOT be walking blocks and blocks from a bus stop to home..This is a case where kids lives should not have a dollar sign on them..

Screw your damn budget cuts...

And the thing that kills me is, she gets on the bus at a daycare center, which is around the block, but not all that far...but she can not get off there because they will confuse her with the daycare they drop her off 4 blocks b4 the damn daycare...why not drop her off after the daycare?..hello asshats...

And are the workers at the daycare so stupid that when the bus driver says..

pretty blonde girl, not daycare kid, she walk home from here..good day..

I swear, my nerves are shot..

between the boy wanting to go to his first homecoming dance, NOT to kiss a girl I'm baby girl being dropped off two towns over after school, being blamed 4 any weird bug these people here see, my dog and her fake puppies, the maggots I saw in my outdoor garbage can...and the price of tea in China..

I need a drink...


Tom said...

Was the woman playing the porn hot? You know as far as Blondie goes, I think small towns can be as bad as cities as far as safety goes. "Hang out with Buddies? Oh yeah....there's a girl involved. Take it from a former sixth grader.

Flip Flop Momma said...

no, she was hottness at all..very sad really..

As a former 6th grader myself, I know all to well whats going to happen behind the bleachers at the dance..


just a kat said...

Saying the magic words "Nancy Grace" - good choice. If they hadn't complied, I would have come up there to help you whip ass. Unacceptable.
If the boy comes home with "GIRLS underpants" (a'la 16 Candles), then we will worry.

Monogram Queen said...

Honey you sure do need a drink!

Ick on the porn lady. There is a time and a place for everything... and in the car.. at football practice is a NOT!

That is Sc-ary about the man trying to pick up the boys and I would have a shittin' fritter fit about them making Blondie walk too. Jeezuz are these people MORONS.

Haphazardkat said...

Crackkkkkked up over Football Mom gettin her groove on in the confines of her car with Radio porn!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!! Puts a new turn on "steamin up the windows!"

Good for you for going psycho mom on the bus system. I think they'd know better these dark and dangerous days!! ARGH.

My sons in 5th grade and already scopin out the ladies--Lordie lordie I dont even wanna think of 6th grade and dances and girls...LA LA LA LA LA *plugs my ears*

and...last but not least...

Girlllllllll...maggots?? MAGGOTS??

oh HELL no!

*snaps and walks away*

Flip Flop Momma said...

Just a Kat,
oh Lord, if he comes home with girls underwear it better be a pari of mine he stole..haha

Nancy Grace is like mouthful of bad ass;)

yup..this whole town is full of morons..I cant take it..I really cant.

yup maggots in the trash can outdoors, I had to ask the hubs if he stuffed a body in there..he said no, just rotten meat..Im not sure if I believe him or not..

I hope the porn woman didnt get her seat wet..hahahahahahaha

Mrs. K said...

ok i so would have knocked on her window and asked if she could roll down the window to eliminate the muffling sound- then i'd be worried why is she getting all hot and bothered while watching boys play football...hmmm

and very scary about that fucking perv (the man not the woman at your football practice although I think she may earn the nickname soon!)

glad you worked it out

Flip Flop Momma said...

Mrs K,
well when she had her wondow down, I yelled over to her, said a few choice words, and she then kept her windows up tight..but u could still hear it, plain as day..

I asked The Boy this morning who she is, and she is the mother of one of the boys..

the loser kid as The Boys Best buddie so blatenly told me;)

Choppzs said...

LMAO, why can't anything interesting ever happen to me?? lol I admit, I read the cheesy sex em...but hell if I listen to tapes of them, in my car, surrounded by kids. What a dumb bitch! lol

Schools and busses are just another one of my pet peeves. don't even get me started.

Southern Sage said...

They make porn on cd??????????????????
why the hell havent you alerted me before????????

The boy, well all I'm saying is don't let his hands get around your face after the dance if you don't wanna know what went on....

The girl
thats F-ed up for sure!

So Not The Bradys said...

When my oldest started kindergarten, the bus driver wanted him to walk our half block to the corner, and hang a left, and walk another half block to get on the bus. So in doing the math, she wanted him to walk a block.

To make this more interesting, and understand my over-protectiveness, we live in a very small town. Not much traffic. He wouldn't have had to cross a street to get to the bus stop.

But I said oh hell no. If you can stop at that half block, you can turn the corner and pick my baby up in front of my house. I said I had a 3 year old, and I wasn't bundling him up in the dead of winter to wait at the bus stop with my oldest. And she did. She picked him up and dropped him off right out here.

And in my experience with boys, you don't have much to worry about for a few more years. At sixth grade age, the girls stand on one side of the dance, and the boys on the other. He probably really does want to go hang out with his buddies and isn't up to no good for now.

Unless he's been carpooling with the porn lady, he probably wouldn't know for sure what to do with a girl if he got her alone at the dance, anyway.

And another thing to ease your mind. Sixth grade boys, in groups, tend to act like a bunch of retards. Most sixth grade girls don't get the warm tinglies over that kind of behavior.

Take a deep breath. It'll be okay. You're not dying just yet. He's just growing up. I know how one might confuse the symptoms. They feel about the same.

PunkRockHillbilly said...

Just think, she was probaby wearing vibrating panties, too. Mmmmm...tasty...or not..

I tagged you on my blog!

JoeinVegas said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, vibrating panties? Hope the boy doesn't come home with those. And if she has a kid on the team, she's not that old (maybe just looks it).
But there are girls getting pregnant at 12, so, I mean, ready for grandma?

Flip Flop Momma said...

come hang with me 4 a couple days, u will get your fill of intresting;)

damn,, y gotta go and say that? he aint goin..

Not th Brady's
your so wise and smart and I love u..I knew you would settle this 4 me...yes yes, i recall 6th grade dances, and your right..the boys hung on one side..which waas the side i was all over..

what if a girl is a little trolip like i was?

Punkrock Hillbilly,
oh gosh, her car was shaking a bit.

your grounded!

Southern Sage said...

I was looking out for you!!!!!!!!!
I didn't want you to be shocked!

So Not The Bradys said...

It's when the girls get the boys alone that you have to worry. Like if he wants to go over to a girl's house to study, then you worry.

But school dances? You don't have to worry about him. Even if he actually dances with a girl, you could probably fit a small country between them.

Flip Flop Momma said...

just cause he has your genes doesnt mean he is a hoolagin..haha

aint no way in hell my baby is goin to a girls house..unless its his gradnmother..damn...

metalmom said...

"That means there is a girl there he wants to kiss, I just know it.." That cracked me up. As the mom of 22 and 27 year old men, I can assure you that this is TRUE!

Ask 'porn mom' where she got the book on tape....not that I want to listen to it, mind you....I just want to picket their store.....really....

DFTF said...

Nice decorating! I see you're all set for Fall. :-)

I hope you did yell at the porn woman. Ew. No one wants to hear that when they're running errands and picking up kids. :-P

Fantastagirl said...

So uhm maybe I should give you a few phone numbers and you can make some calls on my behalf... I just don't have the energy.

Flip Flop Momma said...

picket, yeah, I by that;)

yeah, my pal emmasomtimes does my decorating, she does ALL my templates, shes way cool and shit..

u know I will..

Sarah said...

Oh my good Lord - the old lady story made me snort diet coke out my, seriously. I think the crazies in Minnesota just might outdo the crazies here...but really, not by much.

sweets said...

i love your new look! it's great!!!

that's just disgusting about the porn-tape-woman... she was probably getting off while listening... eeww, that's just wrong!

Dame Wonder said...

LOL! on the dog living as long (or short as goldfish). dare i say i'm with you on that!

high school musical? fuckin yuck! sorry, i don't share your enthusiasm here. :)

umm... ok that sexy looking boy/child that you compare to guys in your high school? you should be comparing him to boys in your elementary school. he looks like he's ten!

i still love ya tho!! ;)

Rachel said...

Crazy lady playing porn at a ballgame!!! Geesh.....just when you think you've heard everything!

I am late getting here so I know you survived all this and the ticker didn't stop, which is a very good thing!!

I don't blame you for not wanting your little girl to have to walk any distance. In this day and age it's not safe. You are a wise woman!