somebody's watching me

I know this GUY....and he worked for the government for many many years. And the fact that I'm telling you this means they will not only kill me, but also kill you for reading it..so Godspeed.

Anyway, he was telling me how the government records 4 out of every 5 phone calls made from land lines in this country..

And they recorded nearly every cell phone call made...

This made me nearly poo in my pants because if anyone ever listened to half the conversations I carry on the phone, it would be pretty fuckin comical.

Here is a snippet from my last call to my granny..

whatcha doing?

oh, just trying to figure out my new blood sugar meter, when you got the diabetes you gotta keep track of that kinda shit..

ok, granny doesn't use the word shit or talk like that period...just wanted to spice it up a bit..

oh, that sounds pretty boring...

yup, hows the weather there?

oh, its been very hot, the leaves are not even changing yet?

Let me go look at my thermometer on the porch and see what the temp is here, gosh its only 63, but its in the shade so it might be 65...

well granny I better go the kids will be home soon..


see, if this is the kinda shit they are listening too, I kinda feel bad for them. Who wants to eavesdrop on a phone call and here about diabetic testing supplies or what the weather is like in Sandtown Michigan?

So I have been trying to make my calls on my home phone a little more interesting..

I don't get many calls on my land line, the kids do...and those outta be interesting..

here is a snippet from Blondie talking..

hi blondie, do u wanna come over and play?

No.

Why not?

Because I don't really like playing with you very much.

my kid gets right to the point, I'm sure the government appreciates that in a 8 year old gal...she doesn't pussy foot around..

So I have devised my own language. I made it up myself...

I am sure all of you know how to speak Pig Latin, and if u don't, thats just wrong..

I'm sure all the high ranking government officials know Pig Latin, so its a moot point to try and pull one over on them with that.

So Pale Girl and I have made up a laungue, and we are going to use it soon...

We need to work out all the kinks, its still in the trial process..

We figure if we use it enough, we should have some sort of secret Service agent at our door within weeks.

Then when they come and question us in a padded cell with snipers aiming at us, demanding us to translate what we are saying...I am going to tell them to mind their own beeswax cause I sure as shit didn't call them...and that's what you fuckers get for eavesdropping...

My next idea was to pretend I had a phone sex line...That would put a knot in their knickers thinking im getting paid to give this phone sex, and yet was not paying taxes on my revenue...

I think they would enjoy that though..I mean its got to be hell sitting in a room all day listening to conversations about diabetic supplies, cheating spouses, recipe exchanges, tweens talking to their pals for endless hours at a time about how dreamy the new kid is.

You have to feel for them in that respect.

My phone sex line will be for their benefit...

It will be as if I am performing a community service for them...

I'm all about doing my part...I try to help out where I can...

Hell, I don't mind getting my hands dirty in the volunteering community. Hell, there may come a time when I need help and need a hand out of some kind..

I have always liked giving back...

Hell I have adopted pets outta the pound and human society before...

I have donated canned goods to food pantry uptown before..

I have even paid to have a stray cat fixed when it kept breeding and having kittens in my backyard ,back in Michigan..

It wasn't my cat...but damnit, she would find her way to my shed and use it as a free birthing center about twice a year...

So I set a trap, caught her and gave her some permanent birth control.

The bitch never even thanked me.

But sometimes when you do a good deed, you don't get recognition for it, thats just the roll of the dice...

With my phone sex line though, just knowing the guys in suits are getting pleasure is enough thanks for me...

When they want to start coming in on their days off, just to do their part in keeping them damn terroristoff all Americans land lines...he is just doing it for the good of the nation, and I know that..

So thats why I'm going to make his stay trapped in a dark room with thousands of calls going on at a time a little more enjoyable..

I'm all about helping out..

But the fact they found this post and got my IP address now, and now know my name and phone number and the last time I had my period it is gonna put a big damper on my ideas. I think I have just foiled my own plans..

But I might just do the phone sex just for the hell of it...

I know plenty of folks who would appreciate that...

And like I said, I'm just here working for the good of the people..

I'm a people pleaser...