Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I'll be loving you.....

Yesterday I get an email from the chairperson at the political center I volunteer at. I have offered to help with signs and trying to register new voters.

Just doin my part....

anyhoo, I was asked if I wanted to help out at an upcoming event. Me?..sure..

what is it?

Oh, a little event that Obama and Al Gore will be attending...with special guest...





Bill Clinton...

*gasp*

I think my thong got a tad damp just typing that...

Its next month, they wont even give the date or the details, just in case it gets breached by bloggers who have happy fingers and cant keep secerts.

fuckers..

nuf said..

Anyway, today has been a bad day. Have you ever had a bad day?

No?

damn, your lucky and God loves you better..

It started out by me finding an odd looking wormy thing on my kitchen floor this morning, by the grace of God I did not step on it in my bare feet..

Thank you my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ..

Amen..

So I had the hubs pick it up and take it out of doors and he says..

boy its a juicy one..

damnit, why do u go and say shit like that?

He thinks it came from my peppers...

ya no the ones I bought in New Mexico?..

Every damn probelem is blamed on my peppers. Remeber the stock crash last week..yup, my peppers.

The train crash last week when the guy was texting instead of watching the track...yup, my peppers..

bugs and odd insects invaded my home...yup..MY peppers.

I have noticed over the last couple days that the peppers have been frequented by flies.

So I let the hubs discard it into the out door trash unit.

When he picked the peppers up, nothing but fruit flies and house flies came swooshing outta the bitch.

So there went one group of my peppers...sonofabitch.

Later in the afternoon I took my boo and mother out 4 lunch. I ordered a club sandwich..I love those damn things..

I get it, and I think it kinda smells funny, but seeing I'm so hungry, I take a bite anyway.

It tasted funny...but when your hungry you let things slide.

I took two more bites, and then made my mother take a bite, cause thats what u..u force your tainted food on someone else..

My mom agreed it was gross. I told the waitress that I think the lettuce is bad and to take it away..

They made me a new one, with the same fucking tainted lettuce on it.

Why did they think putting the poisoness lettuce on new bread would take the rotten outta it.

So I say...well, all u did was make me the same shit, I told u the lettuce was bad, and u guys put the rotten lettuce back on..

DOes that make sense to you?

She asked if I wanted something else.

I told her no thank you...u have done enough..

So I'm thinking my small intestine will start protruding out the anus and the large intestine will be bulging out the esophagus.

I may start bleeding rectally and may start vomiting green stuff..and I'm not looking forward to that.

I fear I may be a statistic on the nightly news next week.

And that is not a good feeling.

Then as I am walking outta the restaurant, I go to the paper stand to buy a paper because my Boo was on the front cover and I wanted some copies to send to my dad and granny.

I put 4 quarters in and the bitch wont open.

U have GOT to be kidding me.

I get no lunch, I get no fuckin paper.

I dig out more coins, and think to myself

self, if it opens this time, I'm cleaning the damn thing out...every last paper will be mine.

so I try and open it, and BAM, she opens..

and there were only two papers left..damnit..

So I took them, since well, I did pay for them.

I get home and check my mail, and my blogger pal Gette sent me something very cute..

Its my very own Troy Bolton necklace...

*giggles with glee*

Then the 5 year old ran off with it...

I got it back from her tiny grubby 5 year old hands, she told me I'm too old to have a necklace with zac efron on it.

I asked her how old did she think I was.

she said 18...

So things are looking up...

30 comments:

Southern Sage said...

lol
well I'm glad tat something isn't getting blamed on Bush or Clinton or whoever is president at the time!
thats usually the way it goes anyway.

We you sposed to dry the peppers outside I wonder?? So all the funk could get off them??

You might want to have your anus checked with all those protrusions as of late, just a thought.
Glad your day was saved by Zak, or Zak or whoever!!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Sage,
well, when u buy the peppers they are tied on some nice walla hangins, meant to be dried inside...hubs says he thinks its just too humid here 4 them to dry properly..

curse the fuckin humidity..

Humincat said...

Eww, gross, and are you sure the wormy thing wasn't a maggot from the flies? And I'm glad to know it was your damn peppers that didn't put a new roll in the bathroom and left me stranded, AND ate my new bra. I feel bad for yelling at the kids and pets, knowing now your chili's were to blame. And what did Blondie do to earn the newspapers attention, besides be freakin' blonder then shit and cute to boot?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Humincat,
no its not a maggot, its much worse..its very big...the girth much bigger then an earthworm and the lenght bout the size of a catipiller..

not good...

It wasnt Blondie it was Boo, the tiny 5 year old tot...

she was in the paper 4 school, thats all..and being cute and shit..

~Jobthingy~ said...

dude.. at least you will look pretty in your zak necklace when you are having your explosive diarrhea

Mrs. K said...

i'm going to tell you- Bill was sleeping right on top of me when I was in Puerto Rico...yup- right on top. I was on the 9th floor and he was on the 10th...so there...my brush with fame

Gette said...

You're welcome! The Things were dragging me thru Claire's and I saw it and thought of you immediately.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jobthingy,
u always see the silver lineing dontcha:)

MrsK,
thats closer then I ever been...I bow to you..

Gette,
well it was so nice...I am wearing it right now..no kiddin

Southern Sage said...

hmmmm
humid there??????
them sombitches wouldnt stand a chance here then!!
its so humid here fish can survive on land for 6 days!

Flip Flop Momma said...

SS,
yeah, its very humid here...I mean not all year, but in the summer, and the fall...

fish could live on land about 3 days here;)

yeah my peppers woulda rotted by the 2second day at your place.

just_tammy said...

Interesting day you've had! We are always tripping over Clinton. Whenever we plan something, he gets wind of it and then there's Secret Services and police all over. Just recently he and a few others blew us off the freeway. At least I'll be safe some time next month when he's hanging out with you. Of course I can't top mrs. k's story...

Hope the dog can bring you another roll if thing go south...

Bella said...

I am so jealous! I would love to go to that event with you next month!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Tam,
u had a slick willy sighting and u dont even tell me..


damn..

Bella,
Im not even sure where its at...I am not even sure if its in this state or not..

they trust me with that info for some reason;)

IamDerby said...

Bill? You get to meet Bill?! Oh I am so jealous! My little brother (at the time he was 4) got to sit in Bill's chair in the oval office! Can you believe that crap? And me? Where was I? Oh my daddy didnt take me to Washington. My daddy said he didnt trust Bill with his 23 year old daughter. (Yes me and my bro are 19 years apart, I could be his mama)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Derby,
wow...he sat in his chair?...

Oh how I wish I coulda...hell I was jelous of Monica Lewinsky..

Yippeeskip said...

wow, Bill give even this lesbo a woody in my cooter. Great news. Love the look of your blog.

sweets said...

hang the peppers outside till their wormy asses are dried out... poor you LOL

18 eh?... that is what i want for christmas :)~

Flip Flop Momma said...

Yippie,
what is it about him that crosses hetrosexual lines?...he is just...

amazing:)

Sweets,
its too humid outside, and plus i think that would attract even more bugs...

I hate bugs..

IamDerby said...

yep sat in his chair, in the picture my lil bro is in the chair (you know the one, the big one behind the big desk in the oval office) behind the desk and Bill is behind the chair kind of leaning in. My stepmom has the picture up in her living room. Man I was so jealous. My dad got to meet him while he was there for a service for fallen police officers (dad is a cop).

~Deb said...

Most 18 year olds think Clinton's "icky". (hehe) Do you really have a 'thang' for Billy Boy Bob? I see cigars in your future my dear.

Where's that damn donut?

Flip Flop Momma said...

Derby,
wow, that is pretty awesome...how i would ove to be in his chair with him behind me..

*giggles*

Deb,
when I WAS 18 I wanted to bone him..hahah..he was the first president I got to vote for..it was a glouroius time..

I ate them..sorry babe..

Greg C said...

I have the same affect on women. Imodium should take care of that.

Yes hang them outside to dry, that should do the trick. I am not sure what to do with the peppers.

I get the same feeling when I think about Hillary. Well not the same exact thing. I should say close but no cigar. :)

Maybe I need to go back and reread this post. I am getting so confused.

Southern Sage said...

hehe
lol
well when I pick peppers here you gotta eat em or can em in 3-4 days or they aint fit to eat!!

Jamie Dawn said...

Gross!!
Worms... anuses...
Hitonious!!

I'm voting for the McPalin ticket.

:-)

Good luck with your date with Bill.

Slick said...

There's no fuel in Atlanta....

You and your damn peppers!!

JoeinVegas said...

See - he was right - it WAS the peppers! Glad he got rid of them, don't want the election to go the wrong way because of them.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Greg,
now im worried about u, cause Hillary aint half as sexy as Slick Willy..

I think your pullin my leg, unless u like women in pant suits..

SS,
and I dont even eat peppers...

i dont like having my mouth flaming.

Jamie,
I know hitonious is right..

I know who u are voting 4...and thats ok...I love u anyway Jamie:)


Slick,
I know..I threw one batch out..so things should look up.


Joe,
well I still have two bathces left...

so if the country starts going to pot, its not bush..its my peppers.

catscratch said...

Tell your hubs the peppers are devil peppers, and they will get him if he doesn't quit blaming shit on them.

God bless your guts. May they keep away from the rumble that is salmonella.

God bless lil bit for the 18 comment. She gets a golden star in my book now.

Monogram Queen said...

Somebody out there doesn't like you ... i'm just sayin'!

Flip Flop Momma said...

diva,
so var the guts are good...thank heavens..

Patti,
I know..and i think I know who it is.