because i feel left out

It seems these things are popping up everywhere now a days..

It seems every blogger is knocked up, or just got done being knocked up. Is it in the computer lines, or in the telephone or cable lines? If it is consider me gone. It is not worth the risk.

I have a wedding this fall to attned and I can not not let my waste line expand any more than it is, or I may be confused for the fat lady who sings.

So for you people out there sporting these tickers, stay away, stay far far away..mmkay?

*********

Although I may feel like I am about 6 months knocked up, I am not..PMS is hitting me hard today..I wont even go into all the crap I ate yesterday. I feel as though I could take a pin and poke my lower abdomanl regoin and float and spin in the air like a balloon that has just had the air sucked out...You see that in the sky, that big fleshy thing spinning toward you, yup thats my fat as&...aint pretty is it?

************

Metldown spawn has become full of matrial latley. He was chosen star of the week for next week and has the paper to fill out. One of the questions on it is " name something specail that has happen in your life"

He says " I cant think of anything, every single second has been horrable so far"

So I tell him I am sorry to hear that and how about I sweeten the deal by making it worse and grounding him for disrespecting me and talking back..

He then says " Oh why does puberty have to get me in trouble all the time?"

Ummm, sorry son, it only gets worse from here, until you start sprouting hairs on your chin or wanting alone time with my magizines, I think puberty is a lame excuse for your behaivor..

Toodles

spittin nails

I know I said I was going to be a gone a little bit. My thing is, my writing area is not set up properly. You can not expect one to just sit anywhere and write some kick as$ books. It does not happen folks.

I have all my ideas sribbled in my spiderman notebook. Now my problem there is I can not read my own writing, this is why I need my area set up..

Still trying to figure out the issues with my laptop, because it would be so easier for me to use that. But today I am going to write some stuff even though my area isn't up to par. I am afraid I will forget all this crap in my head.

***********
I have some things bothering me right now but I don't have the time to write it down right now..So I will try and do that later..

My Meltdown spawn told Old Mother Hen yesterday " why does mom say she is going to run away all the time?"

( ok, I have said it maybe 4 times in the last 6 months, kidding of course..*insert evil laugh here*)

My mom says to him" all mothers want to run away sometimes, but most don't.?

then my son replied " I swear if my mom has 3 or 4 more kids she will be in a nursing home"

3 meals a day, my bed made, help to the potty, bingo and various other sources of entertainment, laundry washed for me, nurses at my beck and call,doctor anytime I want one,cookies, and my own room.

Now you tell me what is wrong with all that?

nothing, nothing at all, he may be on to something here.

Toodles
i will put meg ryans birthday post up wed....i know no one really cares, but hey, at least its documented i remebered.

Bossy suzie Saturday

So suzie is being all bossy again and demanding to see the microwave. Well mine isn't the cleanest, but I hope it isn't the worst either..She will tell me how bad I am..She is cool like that..



































sorry they turned out a little dark for some reason.......My bad..


*********
I am going to post about 2 or 3 days week...I will be concentrating on writing my books, the rest of the time. Right now my writing area is not set up. SO I can not do anything but scribble my ideas in a notebook. Hopefully this weekend my area will be set up.

and thank you for all your kind words and encouragement....You guys rock.

*******************



Well I am off to go by Meg her birthday presents. Her birthday is in a few days....Its off to Toys R Us I go;)

have a great weekend

toodles

This is what I forgot to tell you....

I am working on something. Something very special.

What you may ask, because you are all way too nosy for your own good?

Books. I am going to write and illustrate a series of books. Children's books. Although I can not tell you what the premise of said books are..because there are lurkers out there who may copy cat my idea, and homey don't play that.

I am also writing an adult book. Mostly geared toward mothers. I cant really tell you the premise of this one either.

So if you notice I am not around, like normally, this is why.

I will be by to see you all, just may not have enough time to comment, oh who am I kidding, I will do my dang best.

This also means my posts here might become a little spread out. I know this is a shock to some of you. Because this is what I do..I waste prescious hours of my life bloggiong about crap noone really gives a dang about.

during the day is going to be my writing time, and evening will be blogging time. But I have to squeeze blogging in between kid time, family time, dinner, cleaning, washing myself, and "special time with the hubby so he knows I know he still is alive"..

ok, now that you know, carry on about your day, your life, whatever...

Know I luv all ya'all......If you miss me, you can always make a little shrine dedicated to me...That would be fine..

Toodles

eatin good in the hood

So Old Mother Hen and I had our weekly Thursday outing last night. If you remember last week we hit the local VFW for a strapping game of Texas Hold Em. This week we opted against it. Instead we decided to go have a really dang good meal. So where did we go?..Well Applebees of course. They have there special of the 3 course meal for 12.99. I tried spinach and artichoke dip for the first time. It was so salty I downed 3 diet cokes in the span of 20 minutes. I think I consumed enough sodium in that one meal to cause hypertension and swelling of my ankles.

The place was packed so we ended up sitting by the door. And it was pretty cold out. Everytime the door opened a shot of ice cold air hit me straight on.

I then said, and I do quote " next person who opens that door I am going to punch in the face"

Not thinking anyone heard me, the next time the door opened, which was about 20 seconds after I said that , the hostess says " there's your man"

***********
Ok, I am saying this to let you know that I know Mr.Rodgers is dead. What I meant yesterday was the episode I watched he must have been about 50...Not that he is 50 now...Ok, we all good here..You guys must think I am one freaking idiot *insert eye rolling here*
**********
Meg's birthday is next Wednesday. She is having a party next Friday and having 2 of her little friends spend the night. I told her today if she did not clean her room, there would be no party.

She then says to me " well, I guess I will never turn 6 then."

To which I replied " so if you are 5 another year, that means I can be 30 one more year, ok this works for me"
********
I am adding to my blogroll over the weekend, I had some I wanted to add and I plum have forgot who they are now....Please leave me a note in the comments if I have been reading your blog and your not on my list. I hate it when I forget someone.

I guess this is all I have . I had a funny story to tell you but I will be darned if I can not remember what the heck it was...

As my aunt once told me must have not been important or it musta been a lie

Toodles

When your good to mamma, mamma's good to you

Ok just a heads up, the title has nothing to do with this post, I just have that song in my head..I love the movie Chicago. If you don't know the song, there is something wrong with that all the way around..Ok moving on now..

If I offended anyone yesterday with my blogger rules..Too bad..HAHA!! Really I did not want any of you to think I was talking about them , it was all just generalized..Mmkkay? Are we all good now?

*************
Last night as I was on my treadmill I had the Ipod jamming , and she was jammin loud..Yes SHEILA was jammin ( that is her name). I was jammin good to " busta move" by Young MC when something happened. I stepped on my shoelace and I nearly did a nose dive thru my window. I quickly get my self balanced. Ok all is good....20 minutes later as I am jammin to " My sharonna" by the Knack...It happens again. This time it was not so graceful...

Note to self..Make sure shoes are tied and tucked before you get on treadmill
**********
Oh I wanted to tell you something happy for a change. I have talked before about Classmates.com and how I thought it was a big waste of money. Well the other day I get a message. A message from a very old friend ( well not old in like old lady sense, just long time no see kinda thing)....

we only knew eachother one year, and we were in 2 plays together in highschool . I was a freshman she was a senior.

well I heard from her the other day, and I was very shocked. It was wonderful to hear from her. She is a interior decorator..She sent me a photo if a playroom she deigned for her daughter, and holy crap, it was amazing...It was Peanuts..( which is funny because those are the 2 plays we were in, musicals actually..Also my BIL was in them both too)

anyway, I just wanted to share that, it really made my day....That was well worth the money I pay for the service.
*******
Ok, last night I saw something no mortal should ever witness. Mr. Rodgers break dancing. He was busting a move. It left me with a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. This man can bust it open at 50...I cant do pillates at 30....Something there doesn't add up.
***************

We all know the Barney song right?..Even if you do not have kids, I think we have all heard it.

My son sings this to me tonight

" I love you, you love me lets all gain up on Barney
2 by 4 smack him to the floor
No more purple dinosaur"

Yes, this kid has my genes. I kind of had a smile of pride on my face as I am telling him how saying such a thing is not nice, not nice at all..

But thinking to myself :

I will collect the 2 by 4's and you hold him and Dora down.

It was a proud moment for a mother.

Toodles

I have more blogging etiquette...suckas

I have been doing some more thinking about the blogging rules I set a few months back. I have decided to add some more, as I have gave this some long hard thinking, when granted I should be thinking about other things, such as cleaning, working out, trying to get this world peace thing figured out; and the list goes on and on....

So anyway, this is what I have come up with...Agree or disagree, don't really care.

first up, do not expect people to comment on your blog if you do not comment on theirs. I have been cruising different blogs and trying to find some fresh new ones to read because I am giving up some that I do read out of boredom. And I have noticed lots of these ones I have been looking at complain about comments, but I notice they don't leave comments on anyone else blogs...

Every single blog I take the time to read, I take the time to leave a comment. If you want the same treatment, then you should do the same...Im just sayin.

Next up, again I am on the word verification. we don't need this people!!! Today I went to one of my favotire blogs and I had to try 4 dang times to get the letters in...I am not doing it anymore. If you can not handle a few spammers please rethink this. And if you notice, not many spammers are out there like they were a few months ago...Plus you can delete it people..It is easy. A heck of a lot easier than wasting 4 tries to comment on your blog....I love leaving comments on my favorite blogs..I look forward to it, I truly do, but when I have to re-do this dang word thing because what I thought was a W was really to V's...I don't have the time folks..Sorry..

On ward now, if someone takes the time to come visit your blog that does not normally stop by your place, or is brand new to your spot, you should really take the 5 minutes and go tell them thank you for stopping by. This is how new bloggers get traffic. Go back maybe one or two more times, and if you do not like their blog, by all means you should not go back...But give them a chance and stop by and tell them "hi"

I will stop now, I am sure I will be getting some strongly worded e-mails on this, and frankly, I don't care anymore.

**********
Today Old Mother Hen took Meg Ryan spawn shopping with her. Meg said that grandma had bought her some cereal, among many other things. I ask my mother what cereal she bought her. My mother says
" Kix, the kind that is good for kids but bad for rabbits."

" huh, you lost me, you bought her rabbit food?"

" no the cereal with the rabbit"

" oh, trix..Silly rabbit trix are for kids."
" yes that one."

**
then my MIL calls last night and leaves a messgae on our machine and this is what she says..

" I just wanted to let you know that I accidently dropped my cell phone in a cup of tea, so dont call me on it ok?"

This is the gene pool my spawns were born into people:-)

*****

I have a question. Is it within the means of the law to want to kill a doodle. It seems my toddler spawn has a very unhealthy obsession with Dora the explorer. She is constantly dancing with her Dancing Dora doll, then combing her hair. She freaks out if I turn the channel if Dora is on. Today she ran up to me with the remote ( I was wanting to watch The View). She throws it at me and says " momma, Dora, boots...On..On...On"....

So I give in and turn it back on, she claps her chubby little hands with glee. She sings the songs, says her very funny " swiper no swiping"....This baby has me wrapped around her sticky little fingers.

I must read the same dang Dora book to her 20 times a day, and we must pretend to talk to Dora on the phone ALL DAY.

So is it ok if I put a hit out on a little , chubby Latino girl with a pot belly and a football shaped head?

Just wondering...I will share the reward.

Toodles

I quit

So yesterday I told you about my new found excersie of pillates. Well to sum it up for those of you who have not seen this, I will explain to you what it is all about,only aliens or people born without joints can do this. You need to be what they call graceful in doing your moves, which I am not. Secondly, I do not think the way they have an old lady like myself contorting my body in such ways is a good thing. Still not sure if some of these moves are legal in a all 50 states..Im just sayin!!

*****
Ok,I feel I need to tell you a story. I tell you how I don't want to go to the doctor, its not just me being weighed that freaks me out. Back when I still lived in Michigan I had this doctor that I had been seeing since 1994. I liked it there. He saw all of my kids from the time they were newborns.

Anyhoo, this doctor who is married, made out with my mom in his office, not once, but 3 times..He also would call her at home and want to meet up with her, which she never did. I always thought this was very odd.

Then one of the last times I went to see him, I had needed a refill on my sleeping pills. I had been working out ALOT and was all buff..It was summer so I had shorts on and tank top, cuz that is the way I dress in the summer duh!!..

So he says," wow you have been working out" I am all like " yea I guess"
He takes his hand and puts it on my calf and says " yes, I can feel how hard your muscles are"

Ok this creeped me out. He asked me if I was feeling ok, or if I had been having any pain anywhere. I told him that my stomach had been bothering me a little, but other than that I had no complaints. So he told me to lay down and he felt my stomach. There was just something way creepy about it, so I told him that it hadn't hurt for a long time and this was not necessary. He then felt my biceps and said " wow, your arms are looking really good there"

Ok, now would this creep you out?....I was so afraid he was going to try and kiss me that I told him, I needed to hurry up cause I needed to gt home before my son got off the bus.

I never went back, course we moved like 3 months later....Last time I was hit on by another man..Ahh such as life..

then we moved here and I needed a refill on my pills again. So I made an appoinmet here. Now mind you I was only there about my insomnia. I had my girls with me, so I didn't think there would be any weird talk. So this doctor is asking about my insomnia I told him the whole boring story. Then he asks me what birth control I am using....ok, where did I go wrong? How did the conversation go here? I tell him I am not interested in talking about that, plus that is not why I was there. He then goes on to ask me about my sex life and if I needed him to give me some birth control pills or if I wanted to get my tubes tied...So now I am thining he must think my kids are ugly and he wants to make sure I don't breed again.

He tells me then that normally he wont write out prescription unless you have had your pap test done, ( which I have not)..But he was going to write me out a script for the birth control patch anyway....OK WHY???...I don't take hormones I don't need, plus I worry about blood clots and stuff..SO no thank you...

So from now on I will only see a female doctor......ya see what I mean?

****************

Last night I was working my fat rear on my treadmill. I have my IPOD on and I am jamming. I am now jogging at a slow pace. I don't normally belt out a tune while I am on there because it is too hard..You try running and singing, it can not be done people.

But then " Superfreak" by Rick James came on...( yes I love this song people, so sue me)
And I can not help but sing a little bit. My Toddler spawn starts freaking out.

She walks her little self up to me and points her lil finger at me and says

" momma, no momma sing, no sing...You RUN momma, no sing , run run run momma"

I swear this girl must be tone deaf ,because I was rocking pretty good.

Meg Ryan spawn says last night " do you know you use all your muslces in your body when you jump?"

" no, I did not know that, who told you that?"

" saw it on a mac and cheese commercail"

Now who says kids dont learn anything from television? These kids are freaking geniuses.



Toddles

Cant bend like I use too

First up is a project from my good pal Suzie over at www.mygobhole.blogspot.com.
Now she is demanding to see the inside of our fridges. I think she thought I was going to clean it out first, but homey don't play that. I don't clean my fridge out for anyone. It is a little messy, a little out of order...I admit it. Eat your heart out Suzie...What do you think?
















I will try and ID things here for you..Lets see. 3 gallons of milk.( yes my kids would rather drink milk than anything). 2 cases of my diet nectar, some velveeta. I love that stuff, don't eat it much, but I like it. Eggs,salsa ( I use in meatloaf and other various items I make). A bunch of mustards that the husband thinks he needs. Some grapes. I see Bologna, frosting from Christmas. There now here is a looksy in the freezer.

















ok, here are some things in here: my Lean Cusinse I eat for lunch. The husband and Meg Ryan spawns ice cream collection. Some ground turkey ( we don't buy ground beef)...Ice..Ok, that sums that up. I know this freezer is bare, but I have a big freezer in my laundry room as well as another fridge..haha

*************************************

I bought a new Pillates workout DVD. Holy mother of all that is good and holy. It has you bending in positions that should be illegal and I think may be banned in some states. That woman twists you like a human pretzel. I Christina, do not like pretzels....

***************************************************
But I will now share with you the reason why I will do my jump roping, treadmill, weight lifting, and that dang ole pillates crap....And why I wont go to the doctor just yet..I know I showed these before, but I am just refreshing your memory, cause I am cool like that.
















My girls
















There you have it,do you see where I am coming from now?



Since the untimely demise of my laptop I have had to use this desktop. We moved it to the living room. Not that the basement is a bad place, but I just can not leave the spawns unattended to do my much needed blogging. So I know this is Sunday afternoon and I am posting my Monday post, but this is because I don't have time in the morning, and now that I can not write it up on my bed at night, I am doing it now. So there.

Toodles

Happy Saturday

I got this is an email yesterday and I thought it was funny, so I am sharing. Cause I am cool like that..

> I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court.
> I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The
> teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange,
> and blue.The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and
> find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he
> sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything
> wild in your life?"
> The old man did not bat an eye in his response.
> He replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just
> wondering if you were my son."

that's all I have for today...Have a good weekend peeps.....I will be browsing some blogs later..Been a slow few days...

I will be back to my regular scheduled blogging and commenting..I know you love it

Toodles

>

baringo

So my mom had this bright idea yesterday that her and I go play Texas Hold em at the local VFW hall. Mind you I have never played poker a day in my life, so this should be very amusing. She came over in the afternoon to teach me,I am a quick learner, or so I thought.

We play a few hands, and I am thinking this is pretty easy. So later that night we head off to the local VFW hall, neither one of us knew where it was , but thought it should be pretty easy to find. To make a long short short we drove all around the stinking city looking for this place..And come to find out it was about 5 blocks from my dwelling..

We walk in the place and everyone is staring at us. We are outcast...You want to know why? Because we have teeth and our hair is combed. I have never seen a more disheveled looking group of human beings in my life...And they are all staring at us..Like we were walking in on some sort of " hillbilly hangout we wasn't invited too"

The guy hands out these pieces of paper. They are playing their own form of Bingo, but they call it Baringo...You write down numbers and if they call your numbers you win a free drink...Well seeing I am not a drinker, I thought maybe a free diet coke wouldn't be too bad...

The first game starts and there is a winner after a few minutes...And they guy says " come on down and claim yur prize"....Well now I know for sure I will NOT be claiming any prizes if I win , as I do not want to take the walk of shame in front of these people who want to stone me ....Neither one of us win..Thank GOd..

We order some shrimp and cheese sticks. The waitress comes back and says its $ 10.50. My mom hands her $16.00 bucks and the woman says " do you want change"

My mom says " no"

I say
" that is one hellofa tip your leaving her.."
She is like "what its only 50 cents" I then tell her she handed her a 10 a 5 and a one dollar bill.

She then says..And I quote
" how the hell do I get that back?"...I tell her..."Um, you cant ask for a tip back you loser"

So we get a good laugh out of the whole bizarre money exchange.

Shortly there after the games begin. Mind you again I have NEVER played poker, nor am I a people person. The people at our table were nice....One was so old he looked like he could of been on life support if you took his smokes away...One was cross eyed..Two gentleman had no teeth..And the woman next to me..Well she was ok, I could not spot anything wrong with her..

I ended up winning 2 hands......How?....I don't have a stinking clue how, but I now think I was born to play poker..I will be going next week.
*********************************
My mom had a Dr. appointment yesterday with her oncologist..( she has had breast cancer twice and has had a masectomy)....This Dr told her that her type of cancer is genetically handed down and wants her to get genetic couneling ,to make sure she doenst have the genes for it, cause if she does, then I need to get the same blood work done...Ovairian cancer and breast cancer could strike at anytime if I am a carrier...Damn it...I was trying to hold of another 60 years before I had my boob willingly squished. Wanted to be so senile that I do not realize my bosoms are hanging out for another person to squish....Do they knock you out for that?....


*****************************

Well my laptop is on the Fritz. Which sadness me. I can not roam around my dwelling freely with an internet connection. Nope , Christina is reduced to actually walking down to the basement and having to sit on this hard chair. I am so much better than that. Hubby thinks we need a new battery. Damn it again. So if I do not respond to commnets or get to your blogs in a timely fashion this is why...This computer is so slow. Damn it again.

***************************
If I play poker now, does this mean I will be toothless, take up smoking and become a drunk?..Life might be looking up after all people.

Toodles

You know you suck when the baby laughs

I have something that has been bugging me as of late. I will tell you a bit of my dilemma. You see I have been having what you might call " female troubles." I am in pain sometimes if I sit down to hard or doing other " activities"....I have not had a pap test done in years..Well since I had Toddler spawn.

Anyhoo, I refuse to go to the Dr. Even though my hair is falling out, I cant sleep at night, I am very moody and emotional, and I have had precancer tumors on half of my thyroid and am not monitoring the other half like I am suppose to. But you want to know why I wont go. Because I do not want to get weighed. I am willing to die a slow painful death, just so my weight is not wrote down with a ball point pen. The last 2 times I have went to the Dr I have got out of being weighed, the first time is when I tore up my ankle and I could not even stand let alone step on a scale, and the second time I had Toddler spawn with me and she would not let me put her down to get on the scale...

I know I should go and get it all checked out, but I need to workout first. I know I am not that fat, but I still like my weight to be kept between me and The Big Man Upstairs, if ya no what I mean....Some things are just meant to be sacred..Am I right?

***********************
Meltdown spawn informed me last night that he can not wait till he gets a deep voice. I am like
" why"
He is like
"cuz, I will sound better"
I am like
" rock on dude"
******************

As I was watching American Idol and putting Toddler spawns jammies on after her bath, she caught a glimpse of the show. She was in a trance. Her eyes were not moving or blinking. Then one of those idiots came on that think they can sing but cant...And this baby says

" momma, see see see see see see see"
" yes baby, momma sees"

" momma, sing...Momma sing"

and then she rolls into hysterical laughter.

I think she was trying to tell me that is what I sound like when I sing....

What the hell does a 2 year old know anyway....gawd..I swear...

Toodles

2 out of 3 aint bad

Well since I won Suzie's little messy couch award, I thought it might be a good idea to clean it. But then I got lazy, and thought to myself, who the heck is ever gonna look under there anyway?..So I decided against it.

Metldown spawn is still grounded, so I stuck my ground there. That's good right?

Oh, and we got the tree out of the house tonight.....A night for small miracles right?

****************************
So, Meg Ryan spawn had her appointment yesterday. The doctor took a listen to her heart, then had her "assistant" take a lesson and she says " do you hear that?"

My heart dropped, may have stopped beating for a brief moment. I started to begin thinking the worst. When you have a spawn, they consume you. Your every waking moment and even sleeping moments are thoughts of them. Are they ok? Are they happy? Are they gonna ride the short bus when they start school? Are the going to be healthy their whole life? Are they gonna be bank robbers?

You think just about everything, the good and the bad. You think about what their wedding will be like, what your grandkids will look like. Then you also think the bad things..Like what if my spawn gets hit by a car, gets cancer, loses a limb, or God forbid dies....I mean it happens..It is the worst thing that a parent could ever have to go through.

When your spawn complains of something, be it a headache, stomach ache, ear ache, toe ache or even a heart ache; we parents tend to think what if this is something worse than what it seems? Most of the time, everything is ok. Sometimes its more than that, but most times it is a normal part of childhood;being sick, getting fevers, headaches and whatever else you can think of.

But for that one brief moment you let yourself think something is wrong, your whole outlook on life changes. You all of a sudden find a place within you that you didn't think was there. At that very time you would be willing to lay down and die for your spawn. Its what we do...Some forms of living creatures eat their young, but we human mommies want to hold on to our spawns forever. I mean at the approapite age we will gladly kick them out and wish them luck. But until that time occurs, we are consumed by them.

Sometimes I think just having dogs would have been easier on my ticker, but then I know what I would be missing. And it is wonderful. Sure we gain weight, get stretch marks, swear to never sleep with our spouses again for fear of this happening again, cuz the pain is so bad. But in the long run, we are blessed.

My beautiful Meg Ryan spawn is fine. The doctor was a bit concered at first because her heart mumur is a bit louder than she would like to here. But after the echocardiogram she said that her heart is perfectly fine and that the pains she is feeling is not her heart, well she said 99.99% sure. And she said her heart murmur is probably so loud because she is so tall and thin. But that she is way too healthy to ever need to come back and see her.

So all your prayers were well worth it and I thank you...Thank you...

***********************
On they way home The Husband went down a one way street..for a brief moment. I saw my life flash before my eyes. But alas, a crisis ws diverted. This state has so many one way streets, another reason I hate this state.

**********
My favorite show started last night...American Idol...All is right with the world..

Happy Hump Day

Toodles

Why I am big fat loser

So by request of suzie I took a picture of under my sofa cushion....Let me start by saying, this does in by no means reflect what my house looks like, at least I hope to God not..

I will identify some objects I noted in the midst of the mess...I see a pair of socks, a plastic bag a newspaper came in, a sippy cup in the back left corner, and a little tiny Dora doll in the back their in the middle, note her pink shirt and blue shorts....

Yes, this would make you think I am a slob, which may not be far from the truth....And the really sad thing is....After I took the cushions off to snap this Kodak moment, I did not clean it out, rather I just put the cousins back on..

I will now show you another photo of why I am a big fat loser.....I took the lights and ornaments off my tree on New years day, but we have negected to do the " actual removal of the dead tree from my dwelling"
















See, aint I a pathetic excuse for a mortal being? Yes I thought so.

*******************
In a few short hours we will be taking Meg Ryan spawn to the pediatric cardiologist..So please hold a good thought for her..I will update you Wednesday.....And please excuse my absence if I can not reply to your comments..I am NOT ignoring you..You know where I am:)
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Meltdown spawn got grounded Monday. He is grounded for 3 days to his room. This may seem like torture for a young lad, but he was getting a bit out of hand with his out in public behavior, so I put my foot down.

After a few hours I hear him fidgeting in the bathroom, I ask him what he was doing and he told me to come in there...

The boy cleaned the bathroom.

So I told him that since he did such a good job with that, that maybe he should think about cleaning his room as he has 3 whole days to sit in there, and he might as well sit in a clean room afterall.

After an hour he calls me in there.

The room is clean, even under the bed.

I tell him he did a good job.

ME: " ok, this looks good, I am proud of you, but your still grounded"

HIM: " dang it, why cant we all get along? It is Martin Luther King day for petes sake"

yea, nice try son

Toodles

A tags and spawns

I was tagged by Hizzle for this one.

Name 5 weird habits you have, or something like that..

1. To unload my dishwasher I need to stand on the right side, to load it I need to stand on the left ? Why..dunno

2. I must brush my teeth before I head downstairs in the morning. One of the spawns could be bleeding or screaming in pain, but I must have my teeth clean before I do anything..

3. When I make meatloaf and mashed potatoes I must mix it all together before I can eat it..And it must be doused with ketchup or it is a no go all the way.

4.When I get dressed in the morning I must put my bra on first. Then my socks...Then my undies....And if I find myself doing it out of order, I will start all over..Then I must wear shoes..I can not stand not wearing shoes, even if I am going nowhere.

5. I must where my sunglasses at all times out of doors, even if the sun isn't out. Even when the sun starts setting....I sometimes think I am part vampire....

I wont tag anyone...If you want to do it DO IT...If you do...Tell me, so I can see it..

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I know last week was lurker week. I forgot about it..So I want to make it known today that if you read my site and never leave a comment..Just please for the love of GOD do it today..Show me the love for once...

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Meg Ryan spawn is sick. Toddler spawn is pretending to be sick. I am so tired of all the drama here. I made Meg Ryan spawn a bed on the couch, and got her all set up. Then I look over and see Toddler spawn crawling up on the other couch wanting me to fix her up too. She says

" momma, juice and I wanna seep. Seep here"

"Ohh, momma..( in the most pathetic voice there is) momma, seep"

Then I fed my girls apple crisp and ice cream for dinner.

yes I am a good mother. I know that.

Its called getting dairy and fruits...Back off..

Toodles

coolchic, i just tried linking you to tell you thank you for showing me how to link, now the dang thing isnt doing it..damn it...your not a bad teacher, I am a bad student..I swear

ok, hizzles link dont work either. screw it

Why I need a hobby

First I want to thank you all for kind words of prayer on my last post...It means a great deal to me...And I will keep you updated..

***********

When I grow old and my kids put me in a home and do not visit, but on birthdays and even holiday's..I know why....This is what I did to them today.......

my little future street walkers..






























































and the pimp daddy


















and the whole gaggle of them..



















so this is what I have done with my Saturday...... How bout you?

meltdown spawn says

" there just isn't something right about this mom"


Got me there son..

Toodles

I am going to go crawl in hole...See ya later

In the midst of my mid life crisis this was bound to happen. You recall me telling you about Meg Ryan spawn and her chest pains. Her EKG, her blood work and her chest x-ray all came back good. And she has not complained about it since, until today that is. I am one of those paranoid mom's. I hate it, but that is the way I am.

I took her to the Dr. Just to be on the safe side. The Doc told me that he was sure it was nothing, and not to worry about. He listened to her chest and says
" hmm, I don't remember hearing a murmur last time"

WTF!!.....Now I am in a state of panic. And he says that murmurs will not cause chest pain, and that most young kids have murmurs and he is sure it is nothing.

So Tuesday my baby is going to see a pediatric Cardiolgist and having an echocardiogram.

She will be 6 years old in a few weeks....And now I am worried sick. Why is it in the cards for me to go gray before I am 40? I think I need to do a list like the guy on the show " My name is Earl"

It must be my bad karma. I need a drink....Maybe 3 or 50.....

Here is my little Meg Ryan spawn, please say a little prayer for her...Or big prayer...Thank you..



















































































aint she cute..........Well to me she is anyway.....

Have a good a weekend....Not sure when I will be back..

Toodles

Boy, it musta been a party

I hate posting twice in one day, but this was too good to pass up

On my answering machine this morning after I got out of the shower

" Momma has a bad hang over, I am turning the phone off and I will call you when I get up"

yes my mother refers to herself as "momma"

Guess her and that man friend of hers had a hellofa smashing good time on her birthday..

I am totally missing something. I never go out. This is my problem.

anyone wanna go out with me tonight?

Yup, I am an old maid....

I think I have began to re-think the baby thing. Just because I have ovaries does not mean I have to take full advantage of them. I have 3 spawns who cause me grief and happiness all at the same time. Why mess with a good thing right? Plus, I am on my way to pre-kid weight, and I can not blow it now. Plus, I have some news....

Remember how I have mentioned that my dad is getting married in November? To a much younger gal...Who is younger than I.....I love her though, she is wonderful...But yesterday, she asked me to be the Matron of Honor in the wedding. I was shocked. I was pleasantly shocked. I mean she has an older sister (whom I graduated high school with, I mean same class, same year..All that jazz)..SO I assumed her sister would be her Matron of Honor..But nope..Its gonna be yours truly.

I wont tell her that the last time I was a matron of honor it ended in divorce....

So crap, do I need to prepare a speech?...Man I don't remember what the duties are. Being we aren't in the same state, I can not do all of the duties I should. But I am looking forward it. I only hope I do not make a horses ass out of myself, like tripping with my heels, passing out, or getting so sloshed I am not sure what way is home....

now I need to do double time, I can not have my girls flopping outta my dress...I may get all wild and crazy and then all of a sudden " whoppsie ,my girls are greeting everyone" I so wish I could get a boob job. Nothing I do seems to take the swelling that 3 kids gave me in that upper body area. another good reason not to have a 4th....They only get bigger with each kid...

Alas, as I am on my way to becoming a female body builder, I am hoping they will come into their own...Steroids shrink that stuff right, I mean they say they shrink a mans man hood right?...Yes, this gives me something to ponder....

My luck I will end up looking like I have just had my sex change operation....This will not look good in the wedding photos...My dad would not be pleased....

Toodles

Eat your heart out suzie

ok I was tagged by Suzie to show the contents of my purse. So here it is...

I don't have much, I know....Please hold all laughter...Thank you..















I will now ID the things you see scattered amongst my table..

My big wallet, and yes it fits in my purse, barely
about 100 bucks worth of coinage..Yes it was all laying in the bottom.
My Ipod, I put it there sometimes to hide from Toddler spawn
2 lipsticks, and one lipgloss
a cap to a lipgloss I have since lost
some chewing gum...And I don't even chew gum
some receipts and trash
My sun glasses
My keys
A wadded up dollar
and my hair clip

think that sums it all up.......

I am now going to tag, I normally don't tag, but I am nosy and want to see..

Melis
Shangie...( and yes both of you:)
Mandi ( put your new camera to use..haha)
and
Coolchic

cant wait to see......

Toodles

My 15 year plan, and a getting to know Christina tid bit

I saw this on another blog and I thought it was something I wanted to steal, but heaven forgive me , I don't remember who I stole it from....My apologies to you and yours..

25 years ago I was: well I was 5 and in kindergarten. What much else can I say, I don't remember what I did yesterday, so this is all I can say..

20 years ago: well I was 10, and I was probably in the 5th grade. That was a really bad year for me..I am not going to get into it...But it was a bad year..nuf said..

15 years ago: I was 15 years old and being a slutty teenager..And doing odd jobs around my house for gas money so I could use the car...at 15 you have to drive with a parent..But hell I didn't care..

10 years ago: I was coming up on my first wedding annivesary. Thinking about maybe getting knocked up...But afraid of getting fat...Now we all know where that lead..I got fat and I have 3 spawns..

5 years ago: Meg Ryan spawn was coming up on her first birthday. I was working and going to school. Thinking about getting my tubes tied...Again we know where that went...

3 years ago: I was just finding out I was knocked up with Toddler spawn and being sick as a freaking dog.....Wishing I had had my tubes tied 2 years prior..

1 year ago: Lets see...We were just getting settled into our new life here in the crappy state of Minn-ee-soda.....And I was experencing the coldest winter that my dear , fragile body had ever seen..Brutal.. Just plain brutal...Never before had my flesh had -50 degree air blowing on it..And it was a living nightmare.

this year: well it has only begun..I will be 31 in May, and life so far this year has been good...But it is only 12 days into it....

There that's it..Now what did we learn boys and girls?
********************

Ok I thought I would give you a taste of Christina's 15 year plan. I want to be a female body builder, and finish school. I have been thinking long and hard..In 3 years my baby will be in kindergarten and there will be no reason for me to lay stagnant here at home. I am confused about what I shall do, I have been thinking of a number of paths to travel on.

I would like to be able to get a good enough job where we wont need to worry about money when The Husband's 15 year plan starts falling into place. I have only 2 years to go till I would be done with school...But I am not sure what the job market is for a " microbiologist"..This is what I was going to school for...And don't call me a nerd please. I know things that would keep you up at night.

Ok I thought I would share one more product I am actually happy with...It is "Quench, by Oil Of Olay...I swear if you have winter dry skin...This is like a miracle cream. It wont firm your thighs..But it makes them soft and silky to touch. I just wanted to pass it along, cause I am cool like that.

Oh today is my moms birthday, she is 48....She will be dead soon. That is old.

i need acid in my eyes..someone please...i have been thinking about having another baby...i need to stop watching A Baby story..curse you TLC....

Toodles

Things that get my panties in a bind , and I don't mean a wedgie

Some things have just been irritating me as of late. So I feel maybe if I write it down, it will all go away..

First up, why does snow have to be so cold and wet? Why do we need winter anyway? OK next up..Where the heck are all my plastic dishes. I have a pluther of assorted dishes for the spawns, all matching plates, cups, silverware, bowls..I have Spiderman, shrek, Strawberry shortcake, scooby doo...The list goes on..But I can not find but one or two of my dishes. Is there a little plastic dish fairy out there stealing crap out of my dishwasher?..Just wondering.

Next up is why do I have weird dreams when I try and nap during the day? I will lay nicely on my sofa while Toddler spawn is sleeping. I turn on my soap and start watching it, and slowly drift off to sleep...I then find myself dreaming that I am in the soap itself..I need to start turning the volume down I guess..

I am tired of products not living up to what the say they offer....But I have found something really good...For those of you who like this kind of thing, Downy has the best smelling fabric softner, it is called Simple Pleasures, and it is indeed:)

Ok, next is word verification on blogs...I have grown to hate this...I have not had mine turned on for months....And have only had a few spammers.....It almost makes me hate commenting..It is way too much work anymore...Think about it, that's all I am saying:)

next on my crap list for the day is people who think if you don't believe their exact beliefs that you are not Christian. That's crap..Im just sayin..Those people are judgmental and get on my nerves..Im just sayin again...

Ok, moving on ,reruns....Why do we need them..If you have seen it once, that's plenty.

Next, are phones...Anyone who knows me, knows I am not a big phone talker. I would rather have acid poured in my eyes than talk on the phone..I get this from my dad I think..cuz my granny and sister were born with the receiver attached to their ears..Not to say that I don't enjoy talking with my friends and family, cuz I do....I just wish we could do it telepathically that's all..

I also want to bring up people who get in line at the store in the express lane with 40 items..When the sign clearly says 10 items or less..Maybe these people cant read and or count..dunno..

Why aren't there any good sitcoms on anymore..Although I will recommend 2 that I find are little Gems..." My name is Earl" and " The Office"....Truly very inventive and different shows...Very funny...Oh and I found a new drama you might wanna catch ..It is called " The book of Daniel" it is on NBC on Friday nights...ok sorry I don't know where I went off course...Moving on..

I will leave you with one last pisser off-er.....Why does deoderant not last sometimes..I swear I will put it on in the morning and some days by noon I have sweat dripping down my arm..Why is this?

Ok this is all I have for today...I will leave you now....

Toodles

This aint momma's diner kids

So it was sloppy joe night here last night. I set toddler spawns plate in front of her and she says very sternly " no momma". I say to her , " you will eat this or you will go hungry little Missy"

Then she says she wants toast. I say no toast you eat this. To which she demands to eat something else. And I tell her no. After about 10 minutes of fighting with her I say

" you want some oatmeal"

The kid had 2 bowls...I have no backbone...

****************************************

so I have more news on the 15 year plan. The husband had a meeting with the pastor today to talk.."bidness"

To which I learned some troubling aspects of this whole preacher profession.

I don't normally like talking about money on here, but this is troubling me and I need to share it..mmkay?

The husband has a Bacholers degree already. SO he will be getting a Masters in whatever it is preacher have. Now most folks with a Masters degree make about a 6 figure income. Well not us...We will be going backwards.

right now he makes over 70,000..I know its not a lot, but it is pretty good for us..If we did not have to make 2 house payments, credit card bills, and both our student loans..We would be the freaking Rockefeller's....But we have all that..So we deal with it....

Once the husband becomes a preacher...He will make only 38,000 to start...How the heck does that work? I am going to have to be the breadwinner, I can see. And I don't like bread.

But I told him there is a plus side....Making 38,000 for a family of 5 is considered poverty..So we can get food stamps and Medicaid...Works for me...I have always wanted to live off the fruits of the government...That is not a bad goal is it?

But alas , Christina will get a job to get er done..Cant have the kids getting free lunch at school...Oh the talk...

Cant have the preachers kids on skid row...Then again, maybe the church members would donate more every week..See there are plus sides to everything people..You just have to look.

Toodles

ps...the next post down is a conversation with Toddler spawn..I am addicted to the audio posting..yup need a 12 step for that too..

***editors note..the hubby has informed me we get a free house and utilites with the gig...But to me living in a home that you dont own is just kind of barbaric..you cant paint it..you cant fix it up...I am very fussy bout my living qaurters...very fussy indeed......This is why I did not join the military....I need my own home..such as life..

carry on.....we are done here

something much cuter..meg ryan spawn and a brief speak from toddler spawn..enjoy;)

ok here is witchy woman..it is very fuzzy my cell phone sucks doneky balls, but i am lady of my word so here it is..dont laugh:)

Ok, lets narrow it down

So we will go with The Eagels

I will give you some choices as I know what is too low for me to sing..

1.witchy woman
2. One of these nights
3.the best of my love

or add a request....

For For George Michael your choices are as follows

1. Faith
2. Kissing a Fool
3.One more try

Ok there ya go....lemme know what songs ya want to hear and I will be sure to ruin the song beyond recongnition..cuz I am cool like that:)

toodles

Because I love you like my family

so since I torture my family with my belting out of the tunes from my new Ipod, I thought I would share the torture with you too..My extended family..

I will give you some choices, they are limited as I only have 261 songs in the Ipod and most are Prince, Elton John, and George Michael.

Also a bit of The Eagles, and other various bands...Although I will admit I do not have "heavy metal" voice, so I will abstain from that...( but I can rock out to the eagles)

So lets narrow it down, then I will see If I can figure out how to post an audio thing.

Ok, I will let you talk amongst yourselves....Mmakky?


Toodles

You like me, you really like me

Do you know who you are talking too? You are talking to the winner of Blogger Biggest Loser 2005 edition. If you will scroll down you will see my nice little statue I won. I never win anything. So it is official I am a loser....

Day 4 of my mid life crisis. I am hanging on by a tiny thread. I am hoping this is coming to an end. I just know by Monday I will be back to normal. Who am I kidding, I have never been normal.

Went to the spa and got my hair cut..Well trimmed actually. As the woman was blowing drying my hair, I could smell my flesh burning....She was literally melting my ear from my body. It was kind of like some method of Chinese torture, that I did not deserve.

I have not been doing well with my new year's goals. I have only made the bed twice the past week, and I went at least 2 days with no treadmill...But I have not had much of an appetite so I figure they cancel eachother out..Am I right?

I have not even attempted to learn the violin yet. I don't even no where to buy one. I wouldn't know what to do with the damn thing even if I had one...Would end up making a nice planter out of it somehow...

Well, I hope all you good folks out there have a wonderful weekend....

Toodles

Mid life crisis...doin otay

Going into day 3 of my mid-life crisis and things could not be better. I know now I will die at 60, and I am cool with that....Bright side is I will likely die before I become incontent....Peeing and pooing yourself is something I have always tried to avoid...So this works good for me..

I am not going to buy a shiny new sports car , although if I was not having to make 2 house payments and utilities for 2 houses....I would go get a total body lift....

Really, if my house 5 states over happens to burn down...I really had nothing to do with it...Im just sayin.

that's all I got to say bout that.

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Meg Ryan spawn: " mom Meltdown spawn told me if I tell you he was playing the X-Box that he would pummel me senseless"

Me: " pummel"

MRS: " yes momma, and scenceless"

And you wonder why I am having a mid-life crisis at 30........

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I am going to a spa Saturday with Old Mother Hen and we are getting a hair cut....I have experienced the wrath of Fantastic Sams one too many times.....

If I had a good trim, lots of money, a personal trainer, a professional chef, and a live in nanny..

(and /or a good arsonist)

Life would be wonderful....

Toodles

Does this mean no social security for me

If I am going thru a mid-life crisis at 30, does that mean I am going to die by the time I am 60?

I wont even be able to enjoy the fruits of living off the government and having no prescription coverage....

This depresses me more...

Guess I better enjoy the next 29 years.....

Or see a shrink....

Im just sayin.

Toodels

I am tired, I am drained,and I am hungry

Well the plans have changed yet again. I guess the military social service is getting involved. They are paying her a visit on Monday and they need the kids to be there. If things are not up to par then I will be getting the kids.

The last few weeks, or months for that matter have been emotionally draining on me. I normally am not one to be depressed or down in the dumps...But since late summer I have been in a funk and can not get out of it....

I am relieved that social services is involved, because right now I feel like an army of one. They have my number and will call me if they feel the need for removal of the kids.

Please keep a good thought for these kids....I will let you know what happens after this...

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My mother and I went shopping last night. We were going to hit Applebees and get some drinks and have a very fattening dinner after the day of hell we had....

I pull into the parking lot and the place is full...No parking spots..Not one..

We decide to try a new place..It was called Emma's Buffet....You know how I feel about buffets, but I was just wanting to eat something...

So, we get inside, pay over 20 bucks....And all the food is crusty looking and cold...

I grab some potatoes and broccoli, some cottage cheese....

I nearly puked in my mouth, the food was tasteless and cold....My mom says " I am going to get the manager"....I wanted to hide under the table.....I am just not up to scenes lately...Normally I would be the one to cause a ruckus.....

I can hear my mother telling him how the food was cold and whatnot..I then hear the manager tell her " we do not serve cold food, it is normal for your food to cool down by the time you get to the table...And if you want hot food, you need to get the food from the bottom"

I am thinking, your kidding me right....This man just did not tell my mother to get the food from the bottom.

Then I hear her say " so my choice is cold food or burned dried out crusty food?....How nice"

Someone please come put Christina out of her ever lovin misery......

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I am sorry for being so down.....I am just not feeling myself lately...I think the winter and no sunshine, coupled with worries about money and my normal everyday worry about the kids..Are taking a toll on me. And today did not help...One minute I was leaving for a 24 hour drive..Next minute I was not....

I am only one person and I can not save or change the world no matter how much I would love too....Right now I think I need to try and get myself together. I think this is God's way of telling me to simma down now.....I am here if those kids need somewhere to go....And I know I will get a call should something go down....

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Right now I need to fix myself, and I don't know how I thought I could go all the way to Virginia and grab her kids when right now I can barely hold myself together....

I need a vacation, some hard liquor and a Poison CD.....

Toodles

When I can not watch my soap, the drama comes to me

I have had one crappy morning. No NBC...Then I had no internet for 4 hours....This is torture..

But all while this was going on, I had some drama occur. I have mentioned about my sister. She has major learning disabilities and married a guy who I am convinced will molest her children someday. They have 2 young kids, and he is in the Navy and has been out to sea since Sept and will be back in March.

Long before they moved to Virginia Beach and joined the Navy, they were awful parents. They lock their son in his room because they don't want to deal with him, they don't clean their house..I mean it is so nasty I would not use the bathroom or sit on her furniture.

Now she has a baby, well she will be one in a few weeks. And the other day she gave the baby one of her sons pills..Which is similar to Ritlin....Yes, she gave the baby drugs, not only that but she also left the baby alone while she had a neighbor drive her uptown.

There are many other things she does that makes me say she is not a good mother, but I wont bore you with this..

My point is I had talked her into letting me take her kids until her crappy as all get out husband gets back. I had it set, the hubby and I were leaving Friday, a 23 hour journey. He had taken the days off of work and Old Mother Hen was going to stay here with my kids while we run across country trying to save the lives of these kids before she kills them.

Well now she has changed her mind and decided she needs a vacation . Mind you they have NO money. They can not afford to pay bills, and when they do have money they waste it..I wont even go into that...

I am the only member of her family that has offered to help to her. She complains no one helps her...Well when you are 28 years old and raising kids, you are old enough o take care of yourself...But unless you are sending her money or offering a handout, she does not want it...

One day one of her kids will end up dead. This is an awful thing to say, but it is true...

I think she has that syndrome where the mothers hurt their kids to get attention...Plus between her and her husband both their IQ,s are that of a chimpanzee...with the chimp being a tad smarter....

So what the hell am I suppose to do?....

Oh, and I have NBC now, so I got double the drama.....

I knew my strongly worded letters would get things rolling....I have a way with these things you no...

Did any of this post make any dang sense....I am so befuddled right now.....No one in the family really knows the extent of what she does....And frankly, I am done worrying about it...

I am leaving it in Gods hands, cuz mine aren't good enough...

Toodles

update...now she wants me to get them...I am confused, I hate to make the trip and have her change her mind...But give her 30 minutes and she will change her mind again....I am not sure what I will do...I will keep you posted...