Wake me up b4 u go go

When it comes to good dental hygiene, I am the first to admit that if your missing a tooth, I will make jokes about you in my head...to myself...



I think that God gave you the gift of enamel and if you don't take care of it, your a douche bag...A big toothless douche bag..



I take pride in the fact my tots have not yet had any cavities...I am what you may call the tooth Nazi in my house. When I know my tots have brushed, I make them go and RE brush...just in case they missed something.



I myself brush mine at least 4 times per day....on average. Some days, it tis more..I admit it.



I don't like the feel of a dirty mouth, I like to have a mouth that is ready to be, um, tongued at any moment..



Nothing takes the crisp, tender moment of a good tonguing then breath that smells like sewer rats.



Thats not cool...Not on any level..



I do however have one weakness in the dental hygiene field...Its not something I am proud of, and the first step in taking care of an issue, is admitting you have one..



I hate to floss. I have a good excuse. I like to dig in there and get every crevice totally bloody and raw. I will literally floss until its bleeding, because I'm sure I left something behind..Ya no, maybe a piece of corn. Corn can be sneaky fuckers. It hides there in the crevice between each tooth. Just waiting to rot and turn into a bloody cavity.



So a couple years ago, I vowed to stop flossing. I couldn't take the torture.



I now have a schedule. I floss on odd days, on the odd weeks..



SHUT UP, its my schedule..



have you ever noticed that when you floss your teeth after you have not done it for a while it kinda smells like rotting flesh?



Try it...don't floss for week, then have at it...the smell on your floss will reek havoc on your internal smelling system...and you may or maynot vomit in your mouth..



It smells like decaying flesh with bits of sardine urine mixed in for good measure.



I am not advocating that you stop flossing all together, because hell, that aint good for the country, the world, or hell your spouse.



All I am saying is skip a couple days, then floss and smell it...You wont even need to put your nose to the floss, the smell will linger that way all on its own..You will at first wonder if your dog farted..



Then you will realize you don't even have a dog..



I'm just sayin..



~



There is a commercial I see daily that bugs the shit outta me..



Its a commercial about getting kids to get up and play...an hour a day..



In this ad it tells you to go to a website to get ideas on activities to do outside..but it also says..but don't stay too long...



What happen to the days when kids didn't need the Internet to get ideas on how to play outside?



When I was a kid, there was no Internet.. i know...and we had no VCR's either..bitches..damn





I did not need any ideas on games to play. Want to know why? Because I'm not a retard. Never was...



I knew when I went outside I was either going to ride my bike, play freeze tag, statues, red rover, or climb a fuckin tree..



Chase boys, walk to the park, go find a kid and kick their ass, walk to the party store and get one of the hush puppie slushies, go swimming in my pool, make whoppie in said pool..ok, i don't recommend that one for everyone...., sneak outta the house at midnight and WALK to my boyfriends house and make whoppie,again, your gonna want to customize your list...this isn't fit for everyone..



My point is, don't make kids seem stupid. A kid is born with the genes to play. Its embedded in them like chasing skirt is embedded into most men..or like finding men with nice teeth and good jobs is embedded in us females..its human nature.



When a baby is born, they are born with the ability to suck..Wanna know why?..its a survival instinct.



Same goes when they get older. When a baby learns to walk, it knows where all the fun shit is that he is not suppose to touch...



thats their first run in with playing...its a game..They touch it, mom moves it, the baby finds another way to get to it, and this time knocks it down and breaks it.



Baby gets a good laugh then poops himself and goes to sleep.



Ya see, kids know what to do..



and if a parent needs to go online to get ideas for shit to have the tots do outside, then my Lord above, you need a good ass kicking..



Give them a ball..EVER hear of a ball?



Golldang it...



You give kids a ball and they will play for weeks.



I just can not stand hearing commercails to try and entice your tots to play outside.



It just puts me in a bad mood.



No wonder there are so many fat kids...if they don't know how to play outside, what do u expect?



My kids look like underfed third world children compared to their friends...Wanna know why?



Because I don't allow them to sit in front of the tv and eat..



And they don't want to..my kids KNOW what to do when I send them outside.



They sit on the porch and whine about it being too hot outside..how bored they are, how they have no one to play with..



So I send them inside to go on the Internet to find something fun to do outside..



because I'm just tapped...