As my luck would have it, I had a disturbing visitor today.
Not disturbing in a missing an eye, or black teeth kinda disturbing...its what she told me that was the disturbing part.
Now me, I have the attention span of a zygote, and I willing admit it. But when she said this four letter word, my ears perked up like a werewolf on a full moon night.
I knew I would have to deal with it sooner or later, as I went and procreated...and all little snot noses go thru this at one time or another.
This was the conversation
ME:someone answer the door..
BLONDIE:mom, its sallysues mom..
ME:hey..how are u
SALLYSUES MOM:good good...just wanted to let you know that sallysue has, um, head lice.
ME:shit..what?...she was here all day yesterday..shit...did u say lice...motherfucker tell me you didn't say lice...shit..
SSM:yes...she picked it up at daycare...sorry about that..
ME:shit, lice you say right? Have you seen Boos hair?..it dangles to her genital area..
SSM:well, go ahead and treat them, I would, just to be safe..I am sure you guys don't have it, but just to be safe..
ME:wait...shit..u said lice right?...or did u say she left her dice her?..dice right?..let me go look, I will find them so u can leave...because you sure as shit did not tell me your kid has lice...
this is about how it went down...
and after reflection, I have come to terms with the fact she said lice..
So, I looked thru Blondies hair, I don't see any..But I am too scared to look thru Boo's hair..
On the plus side, if The Boy has it...its a good excuse to have his hair cut.
I am not what you would consider a bug lover..I mean I realize all God's creatures are special and are here on this Earth for a reason...but I will give you four bugs and you tell me thier roll in the eco- system..if you can, I shant bitch anymore about the possible lice in my dwelling..
nope, didn't think so.
Flies puke on you when they land, plus their last stop before your food or arm was a pile of shit somewhere.
Mosquito's, well...they draw your blood, run some sort of tests on you...then BAM..give u west nile or the bird flu or whatever Herpes.gonoreah...I don't know.
Lice..well...ever since I heard the word, my head is itchy...
Fleas, well....not only are they hard as hell to kill, they multiply by the second...you see one in your home and you might as well count on one million for every ONE you see.
So now I am washing bedding, having the kids bath in bleach and and ammonia..just to be sure to kill anything...yes sure, there skin is pealing off and they are barely breathing because of the toxic fumes, but son of a gun, no one has bugs..
So after that, I decided that I will spend my first unemployment payment on drinking supplies.
I mean, after the summer i have had a month away from mom, in laws, grandpa meeting the big man in the sky, just being me in genral, rehab is just calling my name.
So, can anyone top this day?
Oh and my uterus is still leaking,oh and I have a zit, and I am having a bad hair day...