Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Wild Side




As my luck would have it, I had a disturbing visitor today.








Not disturbing in a missing an eye, or black teeth kinda disturbing...its what she told me that was the disturbing part.












Now me, I have the attention span of a zygote, and I willing admit it. But when she said this four letter word, my ears perked up like a werewolf on a full moon night.








I knew I would have to deal with it sooner or later, as I went and procreated...and all little snot noses go thru this at one time or another.








This was the conversation








knock knock....








ME:someone answer the door..








BLONDIE:mom, its sallysues mom..








ME:hey..how are u








SALLYSUES MOM:good good...just wanted to let you know that sallysue has, um, head lice.








ME:shit..what?...she was here all day yesterday..shit...did u say lice...motherfucker tell me you didn't say lice...shit..








SSM:yes...she picked it up at daycare...sorry about that..












ME:shit, lice you say right? Have you seen Boos hair?..it dangles to her genital area..








SSM:well, go ahead and treat them, I would, just to be safe..I am sure you guys don't have it, but just to be safe..








ME:wait...shit..u said lice right?...or did u say she left her dice her?..dice right?..let me go look, I will find them so u can leave...because you sure as shit did not tell me your kid has lice...












this is about how it went down...








and after reflection, I have come to terms with the fact she said lice..








So, I looked thru Blondies hair, I don't see any..But I am too scared to look thru Boo's hair..








On the plus side, if The Boy has it...its a good excuse to have his hair cut.








I am not what you would consider a bug lover..I mean I realize all God's creatures are special and are here on this Earth for a reason...but I will give you four bugs and you tell me thier roll in the eco- system..if you can, I shant bitch anymore about the possible lice in my dwelling..








*Lice




*Flies




*mosquito's




*Fleas








anyone..anyone...anyone..








nope, didn't think so.








Flies puke on you when they land, plus their last stop before your food or arm was a pile of shit somewhere.








Mosquito's, well...they draw your blood, run some sort of tests on you...then BAM..give u west nile or the bird flu or whatever Herpes.gonoreah...I don't know.








Lice..well...ever since I heard the word, my head is itchy...








Fleas, well....not only are they hard as hell to kill, they multiply by the second...you see one in your home and you might as well count on one million for every ONE you see.












So now I am washing bedding, having the kids bath in bleach and and ammonia..just to be sure to kill anything...yes sure, there skin is pealing off and they are barely breathing because of the toxic fumes, but son of a gun, no one has bugs..


~


So after that, I decided that I will spend my first unemployment payment on drinking supplies.






























I mean, after the summer i have had a month away from mom, in laws, grandpa meeting the big man in the sky, just being me in genral, rehab is just calling my name.








































*

*

*

*

So, can anyone top this day?


Oh and my uterus is still leaking,oh and I have a zit, and I am having a bad hair day...

30 comments:

lo said...

I guessed 'lice' before I got to the punch line! For some reason the idea of having lice and having to get rid of it gives me a freak! You definitely need to drink and drink fast and hard and as for peeling skin, it will grow back!!!!!!!
:)You too funny girl!
Lo

Flip Flop Goddess said...

LO,
that is my thought, it will grow back..hair and skin..right?..haha

I plan on drinking heavily, starting now.

Neurotic1 said...

Lice- yuck. I had it 3 times as a kid. Everytime it went around elementary school~I would bring a new case home! It's a pain in the butt to take care of. But if you catch it soon enough~should be dealt with fairly easy with a case of beer involved ;)

Tom said...

It may be the slobby bachelor in me, but what the hell's the big deal with lice?
Bubonic plague is long gone, malaria probably won't happen. So they itch a little. People will think the bees are smart when they scratch their heads (they are smart kids, but it adds to the effect...have them stroke their chins too)...and anyway come winter an hour outdoors and they'll (bugs I mean) be dead. Geez why go through the agony? Back in medievial days, lice were a sign of great wealth (I think...I'd have to google that).

just_tammy said...

Make sure you have everyone blow dry their hair like there's no tomorrow and wash everything in hot water that can take the heat. Everyone says heat kills those four letter things. Any time I hear that word, I start washing, blow drying, and ironing like there's no tomorrow. Be lice free!

ole crackzilla said...

ouie
thats bad
so just so u kno you dont get gonoreah from insects

i the name of science i can show you how such things are recieved, I can give it to you, mind you but i can show you how it happens!

hope ur kidd's r liceless

Flip Flop Goddess said...

ok,
no one here has lice, its offical..

I am banning all kids form entering until they have been fully inspected..

:)

Halfmexican Mama said...

OMG...a little girl at our church had it a week ago Ive been keeping an eye on the girls melons! Hopefully they dont have it!

Working Mom said...

Now MY head is itching...damn.

Fantastagirl said...

My heading is itching - thankyouverymuch!

I say a couple of shots of tequlia would take care of them or something like that.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM,
I am gonna check the melons of these guys forever now..I am offically freaked out.

Working mom,
imagine how I feel..haha

Fantstagirl,
yup, I have been itching pretty good since the words were spoken.

1 plus twins said...

ok i know exactly how you feel. lasst year friends were at our house. all over the house climbing and playing on everything, that night phone call the girl had lice. i washed everything, put all stuffed animals in garbage bags for 8 weeks. and went out and bought stuff to treat all the boys hair (which they have buzz cuts) and spray to treat all carpet and furniture. i was so crazy about it i bought enough stuff to treat everythign and everyone two times even though no one had it and there was no sign in the house. i felt like i was itching for months. i feel for you!!! hang in there.

Choppzs said...

I HATE lice! Granted, we've all never had it, but just the thought makes my skin start to itch!I'm definitaly one of those people that if something is said having to do with bugs or being sick, i could swear I just contracted whatever it was. Oh great, now I have to go check my head for bugs! Thanks! lol

Humincat said...

You know how freaked you feel now, just thinking about it, all itchy and disgusted, it's a billion times worse when it's on you, and there is nothing you can do about it. I got it in High School from a babysitting gig, and when somebody who knew about these things saw me scratching like crazy checked me, she JUMPED and ran back screaming, as if I had cockroaches climbing through my scalp. I cried and shook and begged my entire family to help get them out. It took weeks....now I'm going to have nightmares again, thanks!

Scarlet said...

That's why I keep a nice bottle of Merlot around at all times...for moments like these.

I think you planned the "surprise" visit from SallySue's mom just to get your boy to cut his hair. Come on, admit it! :)

Krystal said...

I went outside to move the goat this morning. Fifteen minutes later I come in to use the restroom.

I felt something crawling on me. It was one of those itty bitty hard to see ticks. It was on my upper thigh...REAL upper thigh. I find another right close to it.

Then I looked down at my undergarment. There were ticks crawling all over it.

I threw it in the wash with my jeans on hot.

But those panties were next to THE most delicate part of my body. I can see the visit to the ER now, "Could you please remove the ticks from my vagina?"

As for the lice, you need to bug bomb your house now and again in three weeks and again in another three weeks. There is also shampoo you can use on the kids so you won't need to cut their hair. Make sure you soak all of your combs, brushes, hair ties, barretts in vinegar or run them through the dishwasher.

Put all of the pillows and stuffed animals that the kids sleep with in the dryer for twenty minutes every day for about a month.

So sorry about the lice. That just totally sucks! But you're better off treating now BEFORE eggs that may have fallen off the kid's scalp begin to hatch.

lo said...

yes, heavy drinking a must to cloud the vision so one cannot see the peeling skin and veins sticking out. Okay that is gross but not as gross an lice right?
:)LO

Slick said...

Lice ain't so bad....hell, they don't nag, they never have PMS, and they can't give you STD's.

What the hell are you fussin' about??! ;)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1 plus twins,
it makes u never want to let anyone into your home wihtout blood work and an inspection from the health dept;)

Choppzs,
well so far we have not had it either....Lets hope it stays that way..


Humincat,
I still feel all itchy even though I know we dont have it..yet anyway...but I am leary of letting people in my house, they may bring me the bird flu..

Scarelt,
now your talking, although Merlot is not quite strong enough for me;)

Krystal,
OMG....that reminds me of an episode of HOUSE..a girl had Lyme Diease, but couldnt find the tick..House found it up her hoo-haw.

LO,
Exacatly:)

Slick,

true..but neither does CRABS...would u want that?..

haha

themuttprincess said...

EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEE!

Better you than me. But I have to thank you for my head is itching something fierce now... It is all about the sympathy.

I am ready and willing to drink with you, just let me know when and where. Really. I could use a good bender. Been awhile.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Themuttprincess,
come on over..I am willing...lets drink..NOW..

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Oh hell! I had a summer where we just couldn't get rid of it for more then a few weeks, then someone drug their bad ass kid over and I had to go through thewhole shebang all over again. I started making people bringing their kids over leave a damage deposit to cover my costs. I'm not kidding. Once I did that, we haven't had it since *knock on wood*

So yeah.. that sucks... and now I itch.

aatank said...

Just so you know a good friend of yours in the homeland, her son had head lice. My SIL found it while cutting his hair.

They don't like clean hair so I always put hairspray in my girls hair when they go to school.

Wendy said...

Damn girl...you are having a bad day! Never had it...hope I never do! Hope you don't either. Them critters is nasty!!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

mama,
damage depost?...now we are talking;)

Tank,
who..who who?..I an only think of one friend who has a son..

well so far we dont have it...but we are treating as if we do..

hairspray is a good idea..


Wendy,
yes nasty is right..

so far its looking good..no sign.

Krystal said...

I really could have lived without the tick-in-the-hoo-ha knowledge...

Emma Sometimes said...

oh, yuck. lice sucks. We had a round two years ago. It does suck.

Dr. Emma is in:

1) Lice do not jump

2) They HATE hair product and tea tree oil (put some drops in your everyday shampoo, they'll never come back)

3) the bedding spray rocks.

4) You can get rid of excess stuffed animals this way.

5) Liberal amounts of alcohol have been known to drive away the critters. woohoo, I'm coming over with a blender.

6) Lice suck and even have a good website: www.headlice.org

7) this too shall pass

lo said...

i am having a drink in honour of your lice free home!
giddiyup!
Lo

aatank said...

Jennifer's son, Is that who your thinking of?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Lo,
hope your drinnking heavily..haha

Tank,
nope,I forget about her son..haha

I was thinking of Laurie..