Thursday, August 23, 2007

slow down, hold on, much to fast

Dear United States Postal Service,

This is a formal complaint from me to you. I have not sent a formal letter even when you left Christmas packages on a porch in the pouring rain and I did not see it for two weeks. Not sure why you did not leave it on the front porch..still boggles my mind to this day.

I did not complain when I was expecting a package and find it weeks later in my garage with no letter saying..hey dumb ass, I didn't feel like knocking on your door, soI threw your 500 dollar guitar in the garage next to the empty pop cans and nudey magazines...

ok, before Shaky has a fit, there really are no nudey there.

So now I am deeply troubled. You see, my poor granny bird sent me some shit thru the mail, because holy shit, you can not fit worldly possessions thru the damn email she doesn't have an email..

She sent it out two weeks ago and you have yet to deliver it. Not sure if your post men are on strike or if my out of control grass is scaring them.

So today after checking my mail, two things pissed me off.

*no unemployment card...which is not your fault, but I am still blaming u.

*no shit from grandma

So I call your office and ask where my shit is.

have u been getting mail?

if you mean are you delivering my bills in a timely fashion, yes, I am getting mail. If you mean am I getting important stuff that my granny sent me...then no..I am NOT getting my mail.

I am going to put you on hold and see if we have anything here..

Good idea chap...

mam, nothing here

so how to you propose I get my shit ?

well, if whom ever sent it, did not pay full postage, it would of went back..

yes, no shit...are you saying my grandma is a retard and is not capable of walking into the post office and asking for correct postage?

no mam, just saying maybe she did not put enough on.

no sir, she did...the post office took care of it...

well mam, as soon as we get it, you will get it.

hmm, are you sure about that?

yes mam, you have my word..

thats how it went down.

What I don't get,dear postal service,is how my mother can send something to Virgina, a box of shit...and it gets there in three days.

My granny sends something, nothing bigger then a large envelope and you cant get it here in two weeks time?

Oh Mr post man, I am also waiting on something from another human other then granny...which was sent about the same time..

Not sure if its some sort of conspiracay against me...or if its the fact its all coming from Michigan..Maybe your still sore the Tigers whomped your asses last year during the baseball season..

I don't know...but I need my shit.

I am really coming to terms with what "going postal" really means..because holy shit..I am thisclose to throwing rocks thru your windows tonight.

Maybe even getting a fresh roll of TP and decorating .






Not sure how you plan on rectifying your wrong doings...But I have a few suggestions.

*don't send me crap I don't want..including junk mail and bills

*if any mail comes thru that looks like gifts or cards that may contain money and you can not read the address, just bring it here.

*make sure my unemployment shit comes today....or your gonna pay.

u can take that as a threat if you want

*stop bringing those books my son gets monthly...I am tired of paying for them.

*and last, but not least....I want all postal workers who deliver my mail to wear a postal uniform, what the hell is with the ones who wear street clothes?

So there you have it....If you are willing to comply with my demands, I may or may not throw rocks and pebbles at your windows.

And stop calling my grandma a retard, or I will kick your balls in.


Flip Flop Momma, and I do have steel toed flops so kicking in your balls is still a go.


Working Mom said...

Holy crap I just went through the same thing! I quit getting my mail for about 6 months (not even bills) but I sure as hell received everyone else's mail. I had to get a p.o. box for awhile just to get the bills (not that I wanted them). It's just now got straightened out (hopefully).

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Working Mom,
well..I am getting my mail..just not shit I want..haha

KrazyMom said...

So I take it you haven't gotten what I sent either? Damn, that was weeks ago! I had a return address on it too and it hasn't come back! WTH? I'd be pissed too.

Fantastagirl said...

Feeling a little postal are we?

I had a problem of the bills i mailed out - like to the power company who is just like 12 blocks away - not arriving to their destinations ... but their bill, and notice of non-payment arrived in my box. My check? Never cleared the bank (still hasn't to this day) and I had to hand delivered my payment - and I still hand deliver my payment - no way in hell is my lights being shut off because my postal worker is a moron.

Chels-Puddle Jumper said...

I don't trust those bastards either. I always pay the extra 50 cents for a confirmation/tracking number. And let me tell you, don't ever waste your money insuring something for more than they already give you. Cuz if something happens, they won't pay up. The only way they pay up is if you have a postal worker purposly damaging your stuff on a video. And then they'll "consider" it. It's no wonder FedEx and "Brown" have been so successful. They actually deliver shit...and usually on time.

I hope it makes it to your house soon!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

nope...have not got it..Its pissing me o** i* u cant tell;)

*antstagirl, thats bad..

its *unny how our bills make it speedy quick, but our payments get lost..

no kidding, I dont trust em...he asked i* I had a tracking number...

um or a letter, no..*or a package yes..a letter no..

stupid asses

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Hell girl, you crack me up... I'll go with you to tp em.. just cause I'm disgruntled with everything right now and adding to someone else's misery sounds like good times.

Hope you get your packages and let me know if you need a getaway driver..

MamaMichelsBabies said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Flip Flop Goddess said...

u bring the Charmin, I got the quilted northern.

Halfmexican Mama said...

You should strictly request only males under the age of 30 WITH tans, under 160 wearing shorts to deliver you sure Steph would back ya on that..I sure do miss u tonight..we got some big boomers here....YIKES youknow how HMM feels about those!!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM, of my mail men are young and not to bad looking, but I am neevr looking out the window when they come, so I dont much care what they look like.

we have had some boomers too....

Krystal said...

Now see, I figured out that since the Post Office started offering delivery confirmation, that if you don't pay that extra money, your stuff is more likely to get lost.

I think they do it on purpose to force you into spending the extra money. Without it you can't prove you sent it, therefore they don't have to be responsible for squat!

My postal worker rubber bands things to my mailbox instead of bringing it up to my door. Great friggin' idea, idiot! I have three labs outside that just LOVE LOVE LOVE to chew stuff up.

We're getting a new mailbox. It's not going to have a door that opens in the front. It's going to have a slot in the top. Then you'll HAVE to bring it to my door!!

lo said...

I'm all for the toilet papering BUT don't use your hard earned unemployment $$ to buy it, first go steal some from the bathroom at the new McDonalds!!!!
Seriously though, hope your special mail arrives soon!

~Deb said...

My little postal bee! Don't fret... But I still didn't receive your gift card of $1,000 for a shopping spree at Macy's. I wonder if it just got lost in the mail, or what? Can you complain to them?


Flip Flop Goddess said...

its starting to seem like the postal serivce is a big scam job..

I am just gonna start hand delivering my shit;)

shit..good idea..

WHAT u didnt get it?

well I never..

JoeinVegas said...

Does that mean you didn't get that chocolate cake or lottery ticket I sent?

Choppzs said...

Mail sucks. But I must add, getting the money is cool! lol And our lady is pretty good. She is good at bring packages to the door, but she sucks too because I am always getting my neighbors mail. Luckily for them (neighbors) I am nice and give them their mail. Usually if it's not mine I just chuck it!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

shit..u better re-send it..ASAP.

I chuck any mail that aint mine..

I am bad that way;)

Neurotic1 said...

Where can I get me some steel toed flippy floppies? I sure could use em! I used to always call the post office on our mailman when I worked. He got wrote up tons of times because he was an idiot! Funny thing was- when I moved in with Mr. Conservative- the idiot became my neighbor ;) Needless to say-we don't speak!

Wendy said...

Yep they are slow as shit! I could have driven my niece's card to Indiana faster than they got it there. WTH? I like the TP idea especially the part about stealing it from McDonalds. We used to steal a roll from a landry mat down the road from a house we partied on on weekends. They never had any so we brought our own.

Hope you get your shit soon!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

well, I made them myself, makes em extra powerful;)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

OMG that is too funny, stealing TP form the laundry mat..thats good..