Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I want to know what love is......I want u to show me

Have you ever had a shooting pain that ran up your uterus then back down your leg and landed in your big toe..?



I have you ever doubled over in pain with every step?



Unless you wear tampons monthly, you have no idea what I speak of.



I can not even wear a pair of trouser's..yes I said trouser..as I can not get them buttoned without some sort of reinforcement.



I am a proud woman and I do not like begging men and small children to help me zip my fly.



Although I have no issue whatsoever sending ole Shaky out to purchase my tampons.



I need someone to come rip my uterus out....thank you.



~



I will get my first unemployment payment by Wednesday. They issue these fancy credit card like things...Its so everyone can point out who are the losers who can not keep a job whilst waiting in the cashier line at Target..



Living off the state may have its perks..although I have not found any, but they sure as shit make it known that you are...



Not my fault I worked for a bunch of heartless wenches who took it upon themselves to let go of four good people because we were asking where our benefits were..



I have never really been fired from a real job...I have quit jobs..for various reasons..such as, but not limited too..



*the smell of dead people makes me sick



*the sight if dead people makes me sicker



* being told to do and or say things that was against my religion..or whatever.



*I was lazy and just didn't wanna work



* I felt like jabbing toe nail clippers into the eyes of my co-workers.





the list goes on and on...



~



This is me...waiting for my state funded income..






































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Its hard to believe I once wore power suits and did power points at one time..


I think I might buy me some fancy lawn decorations with my first payment..


never too early to start getting the yard ready for Christmas..might as well get a go on it while the sun still shines..right?


I would fit right in with the other members of the county/state whom get paid living off the state aide..



technically though, most of my income still comes from the crazy house...so maybe I should not go full onboard Christmas...just maybe start Halloween now.


~

Boo will have a birthday next week. She will be four.


I asked her today if she remembered living in my tummy, to my surprise she did remember.


She told me it was really dark in there.


Proof enough for me she remembers.




22 comments:

1 plus twins said...

ha ha boo is a hoot. that is crap they give you cards for your unemployement and not a check you can cash. they are punishing you for your place of employement being asses and firing you. that sucks. hope you get that card soon and use it with pride and your head held up cuz you did nothing wrong! hey on another note you ever gonna stop my blog or what, where ya been??

1 plus twins said...

totally forgot, i had those private issues for years. i am telling you get it all ripped out it is so worth it!!!

"T" said...

They do WHAT?

Give it to you on a card?

wtf?

So, they know how you spend every penny? How in the heck do you pay shit with that?

Oh yeah, sorry about your uterus. I am sure it's just uptight. Buy it a vibrator. All it needs is a nice soothing massage.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1 plus twins,
well, u can have it put in your checking account...but I chose not too..

its not just u, I have had no time to see anyone..I am coming I promise..

T,
yes...Its just like a debit card..u can get cash from the ATM or use it anywhere u can use a Visa, because its a Visa card..

makes no sence.


last thing my uterus wants is something shoved in it or near it;)

lo said...

thank god for you being here and writing this crazy and funny blog to make me laugh.
thank you!
flip the flop and slide that unemployment card all the way until it is spent up? can you use it at a Def concert!?!?
LO

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Lo,
I am glad u get amusment from my misrable existance..haha

hell yes, I amgonna buy out the fucking t-shirt stand..haha

MamaMichelsBabies said...

A card??? WTF is that all about?? You live in a state all your life and never know it's secrets.. how weird.

Boo's funny, 4 is an awesome age, one of my favorites with all my inmates.

Katie said...

I can't believe they give you cards, WTF?

I hate being a girl somedays.

Humincat said...

I am so PMSing right now!! I can't even think what the hell that guys name is from that show on VH1-Rock of Love or whatever. You know, the rocker guy from,,,,,,well anyways, whenever I watch it, I think you should be on it, except the whole, your married crap. You'd totally win. What do ya think???

Jamie Dawn said...

Too bad when Boo was inside you she couldn't have yanked a few things and made your uterus stop producing eggs... thus no more periods.
We women should get paid just for putting up with menstruation every stinking month. It is hitonious what we must deal with!!
I refuse to wear anything even remotely snug when I'm on my period. I cannot stand tight clothing around my fat, bloated abdomen during that time.
Moo moos are the dress of choice.

I hope Boo has a great b-day!

Neurotic1 said...

Take the card and the kids to the bar. You'll meet some fun exciting people and won't have to remember them ;) It will also help with uterus pain!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Mama,
yup...well unless u have been on unemployment, I suppose u wouldnt know..haha..

Katie,
ditto...and ditto.

Humincat,
Bret Michaels..I use to think he was a hot piece of rocker ass...back in 1987-88;)

and I would totally win;)

Jamie,
wearing anything snug is almost impossable anyway...unless u like torturing yourself;)

Neurotic,
now will they let me bring my kidds in?...I might be scared they would take away my card..haha

Gette said...

Yikes. That doesn't sound like fun at all. Go get it fixed!

~Deb said...

You'll be jealous to know that Madelene is getting her uterus out next Monday. She has fibroids- and is getting a partial hysterectomy -- where they leave the ovaries in so you can still produce estrogen.

Why get the bread basket taken out when we can go out and get a sex change???


ARGH!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Gette,
well nuttin really needs fixin, just your regular run of the mill menstral cramps...sucks.

Deb,
my sister hd it done last week...they go right up the hoo-haw and rip it out...they dont even need to open u up anymore..

thats what I am talkin bout..haha

Slick said...

Damn...Boo has a memory like a steel trap. Never promise to take her to get ice cream unless you really really mean it.

Oh....and as an unlicensed gynocologist, I don't recommend the uterus ripping without a qualified technician on hand.

aatank said...

Boo cracks me up~ She must get it from her mother.

Take that card from the state and adn go buy some very, very strong illegal drugs.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Slick,
shit, I was gonna go with a coat hanger and some shots of tequila..u blew that plan in my face..

Aatank,
I am not sure our local crackheads take credit, I think its a cash only bidness;)

haha

aatank said...

Hello use the ATM machine!!

Halfmexican Mama said...

I miss you ...and Boo annd Blondie and the Boy too...not so much Shaky..just cause he wasnt here much and I only seen him once for a breif second before the storm came otherwise i would prolly miss him too.

Halfmexican Mama said...

One more thing..saw the Diet DrPepper can in the back of your pic and did you know that they make Diet Dr. Pepper POPSICLES??!!
I love them bitches...made by "Popsicle" brand in a yellow box...

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Aatank,
well u didnt specify that before..hehe

HHM,
I miss u too