Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Something fishy is going on

Remember when I told you my only kid that had not pissed on my shit in a long time was Blondie?

Remember this kid? The pre-schooler who likes to take a leak on my sofa?

yes, this is the one

























It seems she is not the only lazy kid I have. Blondie was outside, in her snowpants, coat and other various winter weather equipment, and she pissed herself while in her cocoon. Wanna know why? Because she was so covered in stuff, she could not get it off fast enough..


So all my kids piss on stuff that indeed is not a designated peeing area

another bee to scratch off my not pissing on my shit, list

~
Again, I come home...And the husband accuses me of smelling again. I tell him, I don't smell damnit...Don't u see how I am only stinking when I come from there? I am the one who cooks, I get the aroma of the crap I am fixing. I do not smell any other time. It ends up turning into a fight, because I want him to sniff my armpits, to prove its not coming from there. He refuses, I get pissed, he tells me to go bathe.

I just want to grab him by his facial hair, pull him to my underarm area, and make him smell it.

make him sniff, long and hard..All he will smell is my Degree deodorant. That's all. No.BO.On.Me.

damnitalltohell.

~
I had conferences with Blondies teacher yesterday.

I have a high regard for teachers. Teachers deal with our kids on a daily basis. We as parents know if the teacher is dealing with a little asshole or a nice kid that is not an asshole.

The teacher knows all the fine details. Kids spill it out to the teachers.

I just sometimes worry about what the kids say to their teachers. Like for an example, I wonder if Blondie told her teacher that her dad could not give her a bath the other because mom forgot to wash a load of towels.

I mean, we had NO clean towels. I left for work, threw them in the washer, and noone put them in the dryer.

yes I know....You now see where the kids get their laziness from..I know, I know..

Anyhoo, the teacher told us Blondie is doing very well.

She told me we were good parents.

Even though I know Blondie did not have a bath two nights ago, cuz I am I retard. I don't like the teachers knowing I am a retard. The only people who know, are people on the internet.

I don't like people I know IRL, to know that I am indeed a retard.

But teachers are pretty cool. Unless your one of them bad teachers who like to look at girls under developed boobies.
~


For the record, my couch still stinks.

Bee Real


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15 comments:

Anonymous said...

us hould drink like 87 glasses of agua and then pee on boo's and blondies bed!!!!!
thatd teach em!
glad u stink!
js

eyes_only4him said...

slick willy,'then i would just have to end up cleaning it.

u like your woman a little on the stinky side huh?haha

Guess mr shaky dont

Karin said...

I think the reason Blondie peed herself is perfectly understandable and should not be held against her. At least it wasn't on furniture. Trust me the only way the teacher would notice if Blondie had bathed or not would be if you didn't wash her after the peeing incident. Most kids are dirty and smell bad. I think you totally should pit your husband.

eyes_only4him said...

karin,
normally I make them take baths every other day, so went two whole days with no cleaning..but it still bugs me..and she did have one tonight..haha

I am so going to pit him in his sleep, he wont even see it comin.

Anonymous said...

Okay so maybe try this. Mix bicarb with water to make a paste and apply to counch. Do NOT get water and vinegar mixed up as you will end up with more mess then you started with. Once it dries, vacume up. Then wipe with a damp cloth any bicarb marks that are left. THIS hopefully SHOULD stop the smell.

Teachers are weird. I dont like em.

Unknown said...

Ok for the couch thing... Get Woolite Pet stain and odor remover. I promise it will get rid of the smell!

I am with the other one, Pit him while he is sleeping....LOL

eyes_only4him said...

Hails,
what is bicarb?...I dont know what this is.

Leesa,
is this some kind of joke?...sounds cool, I will email u in a bit..thanks.

Brandy,
I was thinking the same thing...great minds think alike

Peggy said...

take some of those big bucks you make and buy another sofa. Put the peed on one in the basement or garage and make shaky pants sleep on it for not putting the towels in the dryer and telling you you stink! LOL Have a great rest of the week.

eyes_only4him said...

Peggy,
if i made big bucks, ur idea is brillant..

haha

eyes_only4him said...

Neurtic,
my porch aint big enough..

it would just attrack coyotees, wolves, bear and moose..all of those animals have wondered thru my yard since i lived here...no shit.

Unknown said...

Dude, your kids ARE retarded.

;)

Just kidding...seriously though, I would get some kind of shock contraption that zaps 'em when it gets wet.

Choppzs said...

Ok, I have an idea for you.
Tonight when you go to bed, don't take a shower before hand (just run it and pretend lol). Let Mr. Shaky fall asleep. Climb in next to him, stick your armpit right in his face and then slowly wake him up. It'll either prove that you don't stink, or well, really piss him off! Either way, well, it'll be funny!

eyes_only4him said...

TKW,
no they really are...seroiusly.

Choppzs,
I am already two steps ahead u...haha

Claire said...

Trust me, with the tales my class tell me, missing a bath barely registers!

Cxx

The Ethical Slut said...

Towels are optional. No paper towels handy?