Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Something fishy is going on

Remember when I told you my only kid that had not pissed on my shit in a long time was Blondie?

Remember this kid? The pre-schooler who likes to take a leak on my sofa?

yes, this is the one

It seems she is not the only lazy kid I have. Blondie was outside, in her snowpants, coat and other various winter weather equipment, and she pissed herself while in her cocoon. Wanna know why? Because she was so covered in stuff, she could not get it off fast enough..

So all my kids piss on stuff that indeed is not a designated peeing area

another bee to scratch off my not pissing on my shit, list

Again, I come home...And the husband accuses me of smelling again. I tell him, I don't smell damnit...Don't u see how I am only stinking when I come from there? I am the one who cooks, I get the aroma of the crap I am fixing. I do not smell any other time. It ends up turning into a fight, because I want him to sniff my armpits, to prove its not coming from there. He refuses, I get pissed, he tells me to go bathe.

I just want to grab him by his facial hair, pull him to my underarm area, and make him smell it.

make him sniff, long and hard..All he will smell is my Degree deodorant. That's all. No.BO.On.Me.


I had conferences with Blondies teacher yesterday.

I have a high regard for teachers. Teachers deal with our kids on a daily basis. We as parents know if the teacher is dealing with a little asshole or a nice kid that is not an asshole.

The teacher knows all the fine details. Kids spill it out to the teachers.

I just sometimes worry about what the kids say to their teachers. Like for an example, I wonder if Blondie told her teacher that her dad could not give her a bath the other because mom forgot to wash a load of towels.

I mean, we had NO clean towels. I left for work, threw them in the washer, and noone put them in the dryer.

yes I know....You now see where the kids get their laziness from..I know, I know..

Anyhoo, the teacher told us Blondie is doing very well.

She told me we were good parents.

Even though I know Blondie did not have a bath two nights ago, cuz I am I retard. I don't like the teachers knowing I am a retard. The only people who know, are people on the internet.

I don't like people I know IRL, to know that I am indeed a retard.

But teachers are pretty cool. Unless your one of them bad teachers who like to look at girls under developed boobies.

For the record, my couch still stinks.

Bee Real

i have been nominated for a blog award, if u wanna vote for me or to keep nominating me, or anyone else go here

This is not spam. Well, this is not bad spam. Leesa is having a little contest called "Battle of the Bloggers." Please visit her blog to see the details. So if you want to nominate a blog for this competition, please do so.


lets pee said...

us hould drink like 87 glasses of agua and then pee on boo's and blondies bed!!!!!
thatd teach em!
glad u stink!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

slick willy,'then i would just have to end up cleaning it.

u like your woman a little on the stinky side huh?haha

Guess mr shaky dont

Karin said...

I think the reason Blondie peed herself is perfectly understandable and should not be held against her. At least it wasn't on furniture. Trust me the only way the teacher would notice if Blondie had bathed or not would be if you didn't wash her after the peeing incident. Most kids are dirty and smell bad. I think you totally should pit your husband.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

normally I make them take baths every other day, so went two whole days with no cleaning..but it still bugs me..and she did have one tonight..haha

I am so going to pit him in his sleep, he wont even see it comin.

Hails said...

Okay so maybe try this. Mix bicarb with water to make a paste and apply to counch. Do NOT get water and vinegar mixed up as you will end up with more mess then you started with. Once it dries, vacume up. Then wipe with a damp cloth any bicarb marks that are left. THIS hopefully SHOULD stop the smell.

Teachers are weird. I dont like em.

Hails said...

just relised I typed counch instead of couch. IM A RETARD!

Leesa said...

You have been nominated for the Battle of the Blogs. Sorry this sounds "canned" because, well, this is canned. I have received lots of entries. I will be working on the ballots that will probably come out next Tuesday (2/27), but this is what I would like from you:

1. First: do you want your blog to be entered?
2. If you could, could you send me a brief (one paragraph) description of your site for me to include with a link to your URL (blog name). I am taking the names from the top of the blogs. Oh, and use the bloggerbattle(at)

You can use the link above to visit the Battle of the Blogs if you have no idea what this is. And, relax, it just means you are loved.

Brandy said...

Ok for the couch thing... Get Woolite Pet stain and odor remover. I promise it will get rid of the smell!

I am with the other one, Pit him while he is sleeping....LOL

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

what is bicarb?...I dont know what this is.

is this some kind of joke?...sounds cool, I will email u in a bit..thanks.

I was thinking the same thing...great minds think alike

Peggy said...

take some of those big bucks you make and buy another sofa. Put the peed on one in the basement or garage and make shaky pants sleep on it for not putting the towels in the dryer and telling you you stink! LOL Have a great rest of the week.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

if i made big bucks, ur idea is brillant..


Neurotic1 said...

I'm sure your kids are telling all your secrets. They have this honesty thing that they unfortunately lose over time. Just put the couch on your front porch. That's what rednecks in this part of the woods do!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

my porch aint big enough..

it would just attrack coyotees, wolves, bear and moose..all of those animals have wondered thru my yard since i lived shit.

The Kept Woman said...

Dude, your kids ARE retarded.


Just kidding...seriously though, I would get some kind of shock contraption that zaps 'em when it gets wet.

Choppzs said...

Ok, I have an idea for you.
Tonight when you go to bed, don't take a shower before hand (just run it and pretend lol). Let Mr. Shaky fall asleep. Climb in next to him, stick your armpit right in his face and then slowly wake him up. It'll either prove that you don't stink, or well, really piss him off! Either way, well, it'll be funny!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

no they really are...seroiusly.

I am already two steps ahead u...haha

Claire said...

Trust me, with the tales my class tell me, missing a bath barely registers!


Tomscockwhore said...

Towels are optional. No paper towels handy?