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If you read my post for Saturday and are wondering where it went, well I went to edit it and I accidentally erased it. Good thing, its stuff I really should be talking about anyway, not yet anyway. I will just one day be gone, poof...And I will be rich. What can ya do? Just watch the writing credits of your favorite sitcoms or late night shows, look for my name..Bossy..Its getting closer my the millisecond, I can feel it. Or else I just peed myself, and in that case, I am blushing with embarrassment.
anyhoo, since I wont have much time between now and when I live Thursday I am doing my will now. In case of the unfortunate act of my demise while I am abroad, well in Michigan anyway...I want to leave a list of items to you. Now if I miss your name this time, I will catch you next time. Trust me, there will be plenty of chances for me dyeing between now and when I do die...But thanks for being so damn anxious for me to drop dead. Makes a girl feel warm and fuzzy.
Ok on to business.
I am leaving you my collection or un-used polish and samples from Mary Kay and Avon. Now if they are all dried out and not working, just pass them along to someone else. I will also leave you my orange sandals. You seem like the kind of gal who would maybe get some use out of them...
I am leaving you some recipes. You are a chef. I am sure you don't have any recipes. I am leaving you my apron. It has never been worn. I don't want you getting dirty while your baking or cooking stuff. I will leave you Boo Bees crib. I mean you are planning on having kids aren't you?..Good Lord woman I hope so..
well you seem to shoot down any idea I have. So after I die you can just come to my house and pick out a knick knack or something..Knock yourself out..
For Jaime dawn
I am leaving you my collection of hats. I know how you fancy a good southern belle hat. And maybe some grass skirts? Ok maybe not...Also my bench. I got Mr shaky a bench one year for fathers day. I don't think he sits in it anymore, so its yours..And set it on your porch and when I come to haunt you, I will sit and sip tea with you..
For Britmum..(my jojo)
ok I leave you my 3 remaining cases of DP...I have about 5 cases of the berry kind, I hate it so its all yours. I will also leave you my dining room table since you say you fancy it. Although I am not sure what shaky and the bees a will eat off of now, maybe i should buy some tv trays huh? Just make sure no scorpions crawl across it, or that you dont sit on the bog with your knickers dangling at your ankles. My table has never seen the likes of either thing, and I would prefer to keep it that way.
Peggy has requested my sunglasses. Well she actually requested the bees and after much thought I have told her weekend stays will be ok, as long as she puts them to work on her farm scooping poop and fetching eggs. Boo bee is scared of chickens, so don't send her into the coop if you don't want you eggs stepped on from a toddler trying to make dodge outta there. She also is scared of horses and other big mammals. Better make her in charge of ringing the supper bell.
For The blog whore
I will leave you my jewelry. I don't have much as I am not that fancy. But take what you want and melt it down into something cool. Crap all my jewelry is plastic, I better think of something better...
How bout I leave you my rabbit. Your kids like pets. I just hope it doesn't end up like your turtles, your guinea pig or your fish...Crap, I might wanna rethink that one too. Let me get back to you on this. I want to leave you something special.
Lets see. I leave you all my slutty shirts and a good recipe for hot wings. I will also leave you a coupon book for Hooters..Tell em Bossy sent you and you will get a free round of wings and beer.And you will be entered automatically in the wet tee shirt contest. Go prepared.
lets see, I will leave you a collection of music. I know you probably don't fancy my kind of music, but hey if I am dead maybe you can listen to it and think of me...
Ok, I am out of ideas right now. I know I missed a lot of you. My mind is overflowing worrying that I don't have enough stuff to go round. I am a hoarder. One of you can have my old yearbooks, cards from old boy friends, my prom dresses. I even have hundreds of letters from high school and some from middle school. I saved a bunch of that crap and have a whole chest filled with that stuff. Not sure why any of you would want that. So let me think a bit.
My Boo Bee was playing with her little fuzzy Teddy bear. She was saying things such as " hi bear, I your mommy, wanna play?"
and " momma dis is my bear, see? dis my bear.."
Then she threw it to the ground and stomped on it. I asked what she was doing.
This is what she said to me
" I kill it momma, my bear dead now"
I have a child who wants to be a grafitity artist and likes watching the Hanes commercials with the ladies in there underwear and bras bouncing on big excersie balls.
I have a child who will play with dolls and then beat the crap out of a boy...Then pick me a flower, then beat the crap out of a boy...Then ride her bike down the street with her blonde hair blowing in the wind..To chase a boy to beat the crap out of him.
And I have one child who is the cutest most loving nearly 3 year old, who loves Dora and The Wiggels, she loves dancing and signing. Yet she is standing before me killing her bear and asking me if I have a band aide cuz now the bear is dead and she needs to stop the bleeding.
I am sitting on a gold mine here folks. I crap you not.
So here is more to my list, it seems you guys have no trouble letting me know I forgot you..
You can have my Ipod and some pics from my Def Leppard show...you can have the Joe with the mullet, and I will take the todays version...mmkay?..is that a deal..
Lets see....I forgot what you wanted...so I will leave you some leppard pics as well, and
my running shoes....with 3 boys your are gonna want to go out and run sometimes..
Yes you get my house in Michigan, I forgot I willed that to you..My bad. Do what you will with it, just make sure you get the bitch out of my name..mmaky?
My little sweet candian Bav..I am going to leave you an old x-ray machine, so you can get off poop duti and see where that metal ball has gone..
all my old tapes of Days of Our Lives....I mean they go back to the early 80's....How is that?
Ok I am going to leave you a glossy signed, when I die it will be worth more..just like Elvis...and I will leave you a detailed letter of everything your dyeing to know that I cant say...mmkay?..only cuz we go way back..
Ok I have nothing left..noone wants my dog or my cat...any takers...no..no..no..thats what I thought.
oh a side note..my Blondie Bee is becoming awful chummy with Ugly Kid..I may have to put a hit out on the little bastard..