Friday, August 25, 2006

Black cat nine lives

There is nothing more degrading then begging a nearly three year old to take a crap or whizzle in the crapper. My other bees were bribed by stickers. Not this kid, she wants M&M's. She drives a hard bargain. Before this terrible nightmare is concluded, I am afraid she will be obese and have high cholesterol. But damnit, she will be pooing in the confines of the porcelain God by golly.

It seems Boo Bee is not the only creature in my hive with bathroom woes. My nice puddy tat who I have had for nearly six years is taking to whizzing in the sitting room that leads to my bedroom. WHY?...I have no bloody clue. She craps in her box, and pees on my freaking floor. I steam clean it, tell her bad kitty and she goes about her business peeing all over my floor again. And I cant even keep her from going up there, because there is no door...Our stairs lead right up to it, and our bedroom door is after the sitting area. If this keeps up I will do one of 3 things.

1. Let the folks at the Chinese joint up town make a fair bid for her.

B. Make her wear a diaper

3. Kill her.

I am not sure which way I am leaning towards. She has NEVER had an issue ever. She is the best cat. She catches bats, comes to tell me when the kids are misbehaving,
and she likes to cuddle at night. She also beats the living tar out of the dog when she knows the dog is getting on my nerves. My cat is like me, she is a bad ass. I love her. But I wont keep her if she keeps up this bathroom habits. I don't know why she is doing it, or why she even started, but I wont let it go on anymore. I am tired of it.

Pretty soon if these two creatures don't both start using their litter boxes I am sending them out on the open yonder together. Just a baby and her cat, hitting the open trail looking for spots to take a leak or a poo..Under rocks, in your child's sandbox, or where ever the mood strikes them...

If you should see them pooing or lifting a leg in your yard, don't be to harsh, just go out and shoo them away like you would a raccoon or a farm mouse.

Might need to set traps for them, I don't know...Maybe leave a small bowl of milk and some cherrios for them to eat, I am sure the food supply I send them out the door with wont last them a block.

My baby likes spaghetti, that's her favorite thing to eat, so don't leave that out or she will never go away.

My cat fancys nine lives, again, maybe leave her some Whiskas, she will eat it, but wont stick around long cuz she doesn't care for the fake fish taste. My girls have very expensive taste. My cat likes a can of tuna sometimes, again don't leave this or they wont leave. Before you know it they will be living in your garage or shed, and there will a corner that they use for a rest room. Might need to take your shovel out daily and clear out the stench from their piles of dung.

My baby will be wearing comfortable walking shoes, so don't worry about that. They also light up when she steps, so night walking will be safe so don't worry. My cat , well I may make her some kitty booties. To keep her paws from getting sore from all the walking.

Anyhoo, if u see them, its best to just ignore them...Kind of like a stray puppy u may see, if u make eye contact with it the bastard follows u home and next thing u know you are paying 300 bucks to have him castrated and u have named him Harold and u let him drink from your toilet.

The weekend is upon us, don't drink and dive, don't free base on the court house lawn and expect NOT to be arrested..yes I have seen it happen...and keep your clothes on when out of doors...Unless your on fire.

Bee Real


36 comments:

Lisa said...

Sounds like you've got some poo problems going on there! Found you via Charmed1's shout out and just stopped to say hi!

Peggy said...

Send them down here and Miss Diva can train them to potty in one spot. LOL And I will try to keep my clothes on and behave over the weekend. My life is boring anyways so I live thru your adventures. :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Lisa,
well welocme to my little spot in hell...glad u stopped by and please come aghain, dont let all the crazy that hangs out here scare u away:)

Peggy,
well dont tempt me..Miss diva needs to come here and get this pee probelm under control..do u rent her out?

Kelly said...

As long as they are not using my sand around the playscape, we'll be okay. The neighbors cat has been giving us problems with that. Now the daycare children even know to grab the hose and spray her down when they see her coming. Might want to give Boo a rain poncho!

Angie said...

I say kill the cat, keep the kid ;)
that's my advice from a serious non-cat lover....teehee

Michael Manning said...

Wait! No need to panic, because all you may need is that foreign dude with the cool accent who is on TV. He makes house calls and can even tame Pit Bulls. The kitty is marking her spot, me thinks. But anyway, that's my idea. lol!

Cliff Morrow said...

1. How do you know it's a 'fake' fish taste?
2.I vote for #3 on the cat.
3.A cat peeing on the carpet will ruin the carpet. When he starts that, he should be turned into a 'wild' cat.
4. The cat is friendly to you because she's waiting for you to fall asleep so she can pee on you.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Kelly,
I can not garuntee they wont make it as far as your place..so make sure u keep the lid on the sand boox:)

Angie,
well she is coming real close to being a dead cat..and I am a cat lover. I would rather have alitter of cats then a littler fo kids..haha

michael,
oh you mean Ceaser. I dont think he has his way with cats...but he might be able to teach my boo bee a thing or two..she is more dog like then my cat:)

Cliff,
I plead the 5th on the first question.

and i thinks she has already runied my carpet..we are puling it up and getting new.

see i was tring to pawn her off on you in the event of my death..i blame it all on u..

kaliblue said...

Shit happens huh?. *giggles*. The kitty still smells the amonia from the pee. No matter how much you clean it they still smell it and keep marking over the cleaners you are using. Talk to the Vet and see what is the best way to handle this. And as for the M&M's, well melts in your mouth & not in your hands. Let her eat while pooin. She can poop, poop e-doop them out. Ya know in one out the other EEEWWW*LOL*. Lotsa luck chickie on both. Watch out for the Animal Police.. Ya can't get first degree for a cat now can ya?. *wink*

Wethyb said...

Hubby would have shot the poor thing. He HATES cats!

Thanks for the something to look forward to :) I'll be sure to keep lots of M&M's handy for Baby Girl :)

1 plus twins said...

you are too funny. i personally would get rid of the cat cuz your carpet as you say is ruined so before you get new you better take her to the vet to make sure she doesn't have some bladder problem if there is no problem get rid of her. as for your little bee i know it is frustrating but it is true they will do it when they are ready. just too bad their ready isn't our ready.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

kaliblue,
love your new pic there..and I hope to God it isnt first degree, hopfully a misdemner and a fine:)

wethyb,
seems your in the majority, no cat lovers here...

well stickers worked with the first two, this last one is a pain in the ass and has to be diifernt.

one plus twins,
oh I am not funny, just stupid crap happnes to me thats all:)

and your right about the carpet, i should take her to the vet, but i think she is just freaking lazy..

like the rest of us..and i think she is mad..stupid damn cat.

Karin said...

Did you change the litterto a differetn brand or did the manufacturer change the formula? Cat's are really picky and it may be her way of saying she doesn't like the litter. As for Boo I will give her a little rinse when she makes it out this far. By then she may just be ready to go in the potty. If so I shall bring her in and give you a call.

Princess said...

You cant get rid of the cat! Its part of the family!! (glares at everyone for suggesting that!;) Just keep it outside ;) lol

xoxo

deni said...

Actually if the cat just started doing this, you may need to take her to the vet.

I had a cat that started that, she had a urinary track infection.

just_tammy said...

Maybe if you put trails of M&Ms and cat food leading to the appropriate potty areas, the baby and the cat might catch a clue. If you mixed the rewards up, it would still work as long as you don't mind the baby using the litter box and the cat using the toilet. Just a thought...

I have not dropped off the planet. I even sent you a bon voyage e-mail last week. If things keep going the way they have been, I may consider leaving though!

Have a great weekend!

Working Mom said...

My beloved Toonces (she was 9) that I loved so dearly had diabetes and would whizz on the carpet in my diningroom cause she couldn't stop herself. I ripped up all the carpet and put down wood and she actually stopped. We had to put her to sleep because she had a diabetic seizure and got brain damage. *sob*

My cat that's 11 years old has taken up yakking on everything. Totally pisses me off :)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

karin,
if she shows up your can keep her:)

princess,
well i am not sure if i want a memebr of the family piddleing on my floor..haha

deni,
maybe...i tell you what though, if she has no infection I will hang her:)

tammy,
good idea about the trial of m and m's..

I dont remeber getting any such letter..

if your leaving you can come here and help me tear up my freaking carpet:)

denise,
toonces?....did it drive?

well I will take her to vet and she isnt diabetci or suffuring from major infection, I willkill her:)

~Deb said...

One word:

Toxoplasmosis. Reason why I never have cats among my allergies.

Anonymous said...

About your cat: As a cat person, my guess is she's stressed and misses you now that you have two jobs.

It could also be as simple as the box just isn't clean enough for her and she's letting you know it. Now that you are working more, it probably doesn't get scooped as often.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

deb,
amen..i am leaning toward your OCD:)

annymos,
well that theroy would hold..but i am the kinda person who scoops it like 4 times daily..I dont like shit in the box, nor the site or smell of it..so it is alwyas clean, probably cleaner then my own damn litter box..

and i know she dont miss me..this cat likes her alone time..she is a bitch that way;)

Ravinnia said...

That sucks about both of them and their little problems. I have no idea what you do about a cat peeing on the floor. Gosh I don't know what to do about the baby not being in the toilet either. I am no help. But if I saw them in my yard, I would feed them! Hehe!

Badoozie said...

i'd read through here and see if someone already told you this, but i don't have time. take her to the vet, and have her tested for a urinal tract infection.

now, you've given me something to think about. if i set myself or something i own on fire, maybe i will catch the hawt fireman

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

rivinna,
well what good are you if you cant help with either siutaion?..haha..

suzie,
if u set fire to anyting, you will more than likely not only get a fat ugly firemenn but get charged for arson..

Charmed1 said...

Hey there! Thanks for stopping in! I try to stop by at least once a day, don't always get to comment, you know how that goes. It's okay to cut your grass twice a week or weed, that's cool, but every other day? I'm serious, chick is messed TFU! And since it's been so dry, the grass hasn't been growing all that well and she's still cutting it, or at least making the movements to mowing...Jeesh, she's nuts. Oh well, your blog, my rant is over... I will get a picture though....

Micky said...

let the poo land where it will, your little boo bee will figure things out soon enough. worry if first grade is approaching and she's still crapping her pants.

feeling a little monkish with that litter box scoop?

Raggedy said...

I had that problem with a cat also..Turned out it was a urinary tract thing and she was letting me know she was having trouble..Go figure..Changed the food to what the vet recommended and she went back to the box...
I can't get my daughter on the potty even for m&m's..

Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from
the Cool Raggedy one

The Blog Whore said...

I worked as a vet tech for a few years and I was going to say urinary tract infection, but I see others said it already...

It's that or behavior related. You could put a litter box where she is peeing, over the spot, then slowly move it back to where it belongs...

Or kill her.

Don't feel bad, my baby won't go on the potty either. I ask her and she flat out says "NO!" I'm thinking maybe peanut butter cups as a bribe.

Lady Noelle said...

Take your kitty to the vet. She could have an infection. Cats do weird stuff when they're sick. I sure hope you figure everything out.

Jamie Dawn said...

I promise not to drink and "dive." Yes, you wrote dive, but maybe you meant to.
I promise not to drink and drive too.
I promise not to pee on your floor also.
I promise to eat all my spaghetti as well.

Have a Happy Boo Bee Poo Weekend!!

Jewl said...

I am starting the potty training when I get back... looks like it is going to be fun!
Sorry about Kitty, you know we just dealt with that as well but ours was allot older. Maybe it has an infection? Good luck... ours ended sadly as there wasn't anything for us to do.. :( I hope yours gets better!!

Angel Girl said...

I want M&M rewards for using the potty! "But Sonny, I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass!" hahahahha

Heart Of Darkness said...

I'm so glad I'm childless... because I'm also patience-less and I'd eat the damn M&M's myself infront of the kid, just to demonstrate what happens if you go against my wishes... I'll make some child very unhappy someday, mothering it... :D

Jay said...

It occurs to me that perhaps the cat is jealous and finds an opportunity to exploit you - maybe for stickers, maybe for m&ms. It might be worth a try.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

hello peeps,
been busy all weekend keeping those damn inmates at bay..

i am working on a new post right now...it is sure to please all:)

Meow said...

I agree with other comments ... the cat will be smelling the ammonia, and will continue to go there ... perhaps put another tray on that spot for the time-being (I know they look yucky, but it might help). Also, get the urinary tract infection thingy checked out ... it may be the problem. Otherwise, there may be something stressing her ...
Anyway, good luck !!
Take care, Meow