Thursday, August 03, 2006

Momma said there would be days like this

So last night I had to work with the inmates. Which is so very entertaining in a Hannibal Letctor sorts way.

We had one booking while I was there. This big burly man was picked up for pissing in the road. He had a warrant in a neighboring county so we had to book him. His bail was 300 bucks, not bad, but he then got mad because we don't take credit cards.

hello dip wad, this aint the local 5 and dime...We are not accepting your credit card for bail....If you wanna use your credit card, may I suggest you piddling in a proper receptacle and maybe go purchase a coca cola at the soda pop shop.

So that kept me busy much of the night, dealing with this jerk off. He has no job, is 30 years old, and brags about being on state assistance.

again dip wad, if your trying to impress the ladies...GET A JOB AND KEEP YOUR PETER IN YOUR PANTS TO TAKE A WEE-WEE.mmkay?

But after this all went down I had time to kill so we were reading the mail the inmates wanted to send out.

we have to go thru it to make sure there is no monkey business going down.

This is, and I kid you not..excerpts from an actual letter from a female inmate to someone outside of the jail

yo biotch, wus up?

I got da str8 dope on dem bitches. Dae arite. My cousin had a baby, but me gots to figga out who da babys dady is. imusta fo-got to fin out.

so u not sho wen I gets out. No body seem 2 know nuttin bout dat.

hows my babies? telll dem momma comin hom soon.

Yes, this is the actual wording of this womens letter. Its hard to de-code the lingo of these crazy criminals.

My advice to you, stay in school, keep your nose..and any other orifice clean, stop at all stop signs, don't piddle in the road, and always know who your babys daddy is.

Word to your mutha, peace out

Bee Real



35 comments:

Heart Of Darkness said...

Over here, a lot of people has made social wellfare a way of living. I'm not saying that we should stop giving poor people financial aid, but there are too many lazy-butt asses out there, taking advantage of the system. They are "too depressed" to work, go on paid sick-leave, get a check once a month from the state and party all days long.

I'm sorry, I'm NOT onboard with supporting moochers!

But it seems at least you had a fun night! ;)

novaks8 said...

where's the fun in that?

Peggy said...

okay I am planning a visit to see you. You always have something, weird, fun, crazy and not boring going on!

Kelly said...

Too funny!! I needed a good laugh...can always count on Bossy to get my day off to a good start!

Cliff Morrow said...

Yes it appears your perp is uneducated but it might be she's spent a lot of time studying the classic "Huckleberry Finn", and has channeled ol Huck himself.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

heart of darkness,
i too HATE seeing people take adangte of the system, pisses me off royally..

novak,
well at least it will keep you out of jail..

peggy,
i am waiting:)

kelly,
neevr a dull moment here huh:)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

cliff,
yes I had never thought of that..she may have more schollin then I realize..hehe

Claire said...

Oh my. That letter is awe-inspiring. Even in my most whacked out, several whiskeys down, mocking of Ricki Lake guests moment I would not have plumbed those depths....

Know your baby daddy, biotches!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

claire,
oh my, please tell me you have not wrote this kind of letter before..haha

its pretty sad huh..hehe

Michele_3 said...

So the important question is:
What was that lady who wrote that insightful letter in for? LOL!

Just read yesterday's blog- I'm a Target girl-We have a brand new super Target one by my house!
Super clean!

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Michele,
Murder 2...thats what she is on for:)

I LOVE target, untill I worked there, now i just LIKE it:)

Kendra Lynn said...

LOL...oh my word. That was hilarious. I think I'd offer to give grammar lessons to those who wanted to improve their speech and writing skills. LOL

Kendra

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Kendra,
well u could offer, but they dont care..a wmoan comes in once a week to help some get thier GED's and none of them care..

thats why i say..stay in school peeps:)

jess said...

Oh. My. God.

That letter honestly sounds like it's been "gizoogled."

(For those of you not familiar with Gizoogle, I advise you to check it out at www.gizoogle.com. Highly entertaining.)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jess,
yes that is some peice of work huh?...ok I need to go figure out what that means now;)

Britmum said...

Ummm Hello

O.k. now Target has pushed my buttons..... who is next I dare to ask?

Well you do seem to meet them Bossy. I must say that was one heck of a letter. I bet her Momma is proud of her.

Take care xx

LZ Blogger said...

I wonder why the guy didn't use the WalMart parking lot (OPEN 24 hrs.) Then he could have used his credit card too. Sounds like the female (mu-tha) inmate should start her own blog. Maybe she could call it "WHO'S YO BABY'S DADY?" (sic) ~ jb///

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Britmum,
ok I must know what Target did to makeu mad...do tell please:)

lz blogr,
its so funny u say that, wanna know why?..becuase that is excatly where they picked him up at..wizzing in the walmart parking lot..no kidding either.

not sure she would know how to type. other than curse words;)

Robin said...

Wow, she's the poster child for the American educational system.

I could not work there. It would drive me batshit.

Choppzs said...

LMFAO!! Ok, it just reminds me of when one of my husband's Marines got caught by a superior officer pissen in the street in Japan!! lol And that chic that wrote that letter....she should also be made to go back to school. That is really pitiful!!

Lady Noelle said...

Wow... Now that is the best english I've ever heard.

Karin said...

Bossy I have a great idea, your inmates can help pay their debt to society by writing my thank you notes. WOuldn't it be great for my inlaws to get a letter like that thanking them. Man I was just about to go urinate in the Ihop parking lot but now that you say that is a bad idea maybe I will just use my bathroom.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Robin,
yes sadly she is..yet i highly doubt she made it past 8th grade;)

choppz,
thats the way they all write..its pretty entertaing trying to figure out what they mean:)

lady n,
aint that some good ole fashion classy talk:)

karin,
i think that is a bloody brillant idea about them wrigin your notes..if u dont mind four letter curse words in them..and keep your pants up at ihop missy:)

kaliblue said...

Hey, I can actually break the code on the language thang :-). What a fun job you have. When my Dad worked for the Sheriff's Dept in Bama I use to love to watch them bring in idiots. (During the summer I could hang out in the underground). Whatta bunch doofs I always thought:-).

~Deb said...

Have you ever watched Mauri Povich <---sp? where they try to see who the father is? Da's ma' babay's daddy yo!" Ha! Keep yer Peter in yer pants! Mine's adjustable though sweetie.....*w

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

kaliblue,
you can crack the code str8 up bitch:)

deb,
oh yes, the days of Maury and Sally Jesse, and the finding the daddys..oh where has good programming gone?

adjustable you say:)

Jewl said...

When I worked in a school all the kids (middle school, mind you), all turned in their paperwork exactly like that. They seem to think that is the correct way to write... Do you know how long it takes to decode that stuff and how much red ink goes on an essay full of that shit?

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

jewl,
I would mark a big X all over with a big letter F:)

Mrs. Diamond said...

kinda makes me sad actually.

d said...

Oh you did it again - I can't stop laughing.

Great advice bossy.

vani said...

wow...so i'm taking you're liking this new job? hehe?

i bet you'll be able to write a book about all the crazies once you've worked there long enough!

Princess said...

Wow, what am intersting job! i would love to do something like that. I think i would try and figure out the minds of a crim.

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

mrs d,
yes me too..

d,
well my job here is done then..if I can make my d laugh, I consdier it a good day:)

vani,
yes i do enjoy it, i get the giggles everytime i am there:)

princess,
well it is a fun job, if your not scared of the crazies;)

Rosa said...

Word. Funny now, but I'm sure it was a pain last night. Grr. I guess it could always be worse than a pisser in public. Yea, wonder why wierdos brag on how wierd they are? Like women like that. Love the Peace Out! You're just way too hip, girl. (Was gonna say you're too cool for school, but obviously, you' not.)

Bossy♥'s YOU said...

Rosa
haha, no I am not too cool for school..I am all for going and GRADUATING..hehe..

it has its moments, but dang, its worth it for gems likes these:)