Friday, September 14, 2007

WHen love and hate collide

As I am looking over at my sofa that my four year daughter is occupying , I wonder what would she do if I ran up to her and screamed in her ear.


She is laying there, sleeping, with a cookie in her hand. You see, that cookie she is holding was my bribe to her in keeping her ass awake.
because I am one of those cool moms that offers you shit to spoil your dinner so you will do what I say.


I am sure she is all worn out from a hard day at preschool. I am sure coloring and pissing yourself can wear one out.


Ok, but in her defense she does not piss herself, but still..


She just lays there, her pigtails dangling down her cheek, one leg dangling off the sofa and she is dreaming.


I am half thinking of grabbing the cookie and eating it. Hell, I gave it to her.


She did not keep her end of the bargain. She does not know how this bribe business works.


I am slightly ashamed and also feel slightly jilted.


Ashamed because my daughter lied..she said that cookie would keep her big brown eyes open..


I feel jilted for trusting her..


Damn her.


Now tonight, as I lay in my bed, with the possibility of getting it on...She will come barging in and say these words..


momma, I cant sweep


She will say SWEEP because as the speech therapist told me, she has trouble with the L's..she replaces them with W's, very common for retards..


yea yea whatever..


so then I will get none, she will lay in my grandpa's old recliner I have in my room, and she will stay awake till, oh about midnight watching South Park and some ruthless comedy show on HBO, cause thats what I do.
Then I will carry her tiny ass down to her big girl bed, twist my ankle because I am sure I will trip over some sort of toy or Dora action figure she has laying about her abode.



All because she would not take me up on this bribe...Because she is not woman enough to keep her word.


All because I think she is cute.


All because just a few minutes ago, before she crashed and burned, she saw a toy on TV and said..


oh momma, that is so totally mine


what the hell?


She also told me that today while at school, she cried because she missed me.


Now if I were to ask her teacher, I am sure their versions would be different. But I am just going to believe that she cried because she missed me...



*
*
*
*
*
*
See, how can I verbally abuse that?
So even though I wont be getting any tonight, I wont hold it against her. Because having her barge in my room at night, is better birth control then anything I can think of.
Well, I have a cookie to go eat...

43 comments:

Neurotic1 said...

Oh don't steal the cookie. Don't ya think crying once today is enough! Too precious! I wish I could do that right now! As long as she's watching South Park and not Real Sex then everything will be okay!

Tom said...

When I was 4, my parents would tell me the death monster was gonna come in my window and kill me if I didn't fall asleep...man, I still have issues!
Have you tried coffee on her?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

N1,
I do love watching Real Sex...

Tom,
death monster huh?...I wont even tell u that I may try that;)

desperate housewife said...

Def Leppard, eh?
I used to have a HUGE thing for Rick Savage. But then I discovered Duran Duran.

big sexy said...

dang
u have no resolve!
surely I can confide in you a way after you tote boo to her bed to wake up mr shakey britches and still get a lil sumthin sumthin

tel him to mind ur ankle tho since its twisted!
ole Teacher J

Flip Flop Goddess said...

DH,
yes, thats my band, and thats my man;)
ha

Big Sexy,
no sumptin sumptin after midnight, thats shakys rule.

js said...

if you employ my method he will oblidge
i promise!
Big Poppa

Katie said...

That picture is way too sweet!

Hope you don't twist your ankle carrying her to bed tonight.

Bradley Egel said...

FFM -

When I saw the blog title...I thought I was going to be treated a Def Leppard related blog :)

You and me..."double" handedly keeping VH1 classic alive :)

I had a thing for rick allen...not a sexual thing...just a respect that a guy who played such amazing drums on Pyromania could lose and arm and then come back and play awesome drums on Hysteria...

Only true Def Leppard fans even are still reading or give a shit about this comment...

Anyway...

Def Leppard is just awesome...and I think that is all I wanted to say...lol

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Bradley Egel said...

One more thing...I did kinda have a crush on winnie cooper...from The Wonder Years...and she was dating FRED savage...that is kind of close to rick savage...not in any understandable way though :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Cracker,
ok I admit it, its my rule;)



Katie,
thanks..she went to sleep at 9..she is a good baby, no ankle mishaps tonight;)

B,
well I try and name all my post either DL song titles or songs I love anyway;)

I have a lep tattoo..I am hard core that way..

dont worry I had a cruch on Doogie Howeser, and look he is gay now.

Bradley Egel said...

FFG -

I am new to your blog...but I give myself props for knowing the song title anyway :)

Shalom ya'all!

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Bradley Egel said...

I blog rolled you so I can come and look for Def Leppard titles... lol :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Brad,
well, get use to seeing titles that make no sence to the post;)

I will roll u too..over the weekend, I have a ew I do need to ad..

Shalom dude..

Jessica Foster said...

I love this entry. And that photo is too precious. See, all that crying about missing you at school wore the poor girl out!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Jessica,
I dont beilve a word o* it..haha

1 plus twins said...

i so would have taken the cookie eaten and woke my kid up. lol i am mean like that.

what the hell is the deal with the long pants and sweater she has on?? is it that cold already???

after you put her to bed wake your hubby and tell him put your legs over is shoulders so as not to hurt your ankle any more and then you'll both be happy cuz you'll still get some. lol

Fantastagirl said...

If you give a kid a cookie...then....

Sooo cute!

Cliff said...

Go ahead. Grab the cookie and run. I would. You deserve it. You've survived quite a few days of major excitement I see.
Looks like you may need to hire my cousin Vinny to collect some unemployment for you.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1 Plus twins,
its only been in the low 60's here..I dont live in hell like u do..HAHA

Fantstagirl,
well as u cans ee, my cooking giving got me nowheres;)

Cliff,
Give your cousin Vinny my number, hope he is better looking then Joe Pesci;)

Yippeeskip said...

Looks like someone needs to get some.

aatank said...

That's funny...Court is the same way after a day at preschool.

But I have never tried bribeing her...I'll try that on Tuesday.

patti_cake said...

Yeah kids are awesome birth control aren't they? LOL

just_tammy said...

Great now I want a cookie! Loved the picture. Thought of you this morning as I was running errands and George Michael was on the radio. Don't forget you had a crush on him as well and ... you gotta have faith!

Oh, you know where the heck I've been! Unpacking boxes, hanging pictures, putting up window treatments, trying to find things I know I seen but have no idea where, buying said things since that's easier than continuing the search...

Wendy said...

I have the same problem at my house. Jayke was up until around 1a.m. last night because of his after-preschool nap. I say wake her up. That's what I'm going to start doing to Jaykeb. Mean as it sounds, he needs to sleep at night!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Yippeeskip,
maybe....
;)

Aatank,
noramly my bribes work...not sure how I went wrong yesterday..but sh didnt sleep long thank God.

Pati cake,
amen sista!

Tam,
I LOVE Geore Michael...as a matter of fact, I will most likely be signing him for kareoke tonight;)

I shoudl email u...I wanna know whats been going on..I miss u;)

wENDY,
preschool must tire these kids out..

She did not sleep but 20 minutes and she was in bed sleeping by 9..hip hip horray;)

Rachel said...

Ohhh, she's so cute and innocent laying there asleep!! What a cutie pie!!

Halfmexican Mama said...

thats a cute pic...Keira is sleeping next to me right now as I type with her little hand on my right fore arm...I say take Toms advice on the coffee..make sure its half caf though. Gotta remain a "good" momma ;-)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Rachel,
yup...she is a cutie alright;


HHM,
shoot, I dont even own a coffee maker..

Ba Doozer said...

getting some at your age and at the years you've been married is over rated anyway so stop yer bitchin and get in the kitchin and make some more cookies

No_Newz said...

I LOVE it! She is adorable! But I see no reason to let that yummy goodness go to waste, either. Cookies are just plain good. Especially the "stolen from an unsuspecting child" ones... a child who reneges on a deal no less. Plus, she was probably dreaming of that cookie. You could have lied telling her she ate it before she fell asleep. :)

Scarlet said...

Come on now, what's wrong with getting some after midnight? Your daughter is ADORABLE, and she cried because she missed you...aww. All is forgiven.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Doozer,
damn woman..

No Newz,
thanks, when she woke up, she never even asked where that damn cookie was either;)

Tiffany,
My engine shuts off at mindnight and his shuts off aboout 9:15;)

Halfmexican Mama said...

you havent visited me in a while...HMM is getting lonely without u..

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM<
I was just there this morning and it was the same post as last time..did u post a new one?..my appologies.

Halfmexican Mama said...

WTH why are you sayin stuff like "my apologies"!!! What happened to "MY BAD" I like that better...gurl you got me worried bout choo...shoo!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM<
my appologies to you and yours;)

my bad is so like 2003..haha

Love u:)

Gette said...

Karaoke in Watson tonite. Road trip for Bossy?

Buffy said...

Would it be terribly untoward if i laughed at this?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Gette,
where the hell is Watson? I am already going to my friends sister's bachlorete party 2-nite..shoot.

Buffy,
nope...go right ahead;)

Ems said...

so sweet, pigtails and smashing cookie into the sofa.

so I'm ready to roll now....

and not that kind of roll....

because that is not how I roll...

Are you ready for fall?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Ems,
I am ready to roll too;)

any ideas?

hit this bitch up if u do..

Karin said...

I would so totally wake her up. Maybe this is why my son is afraid to leave the womb. You well getting some can lead to trouble so maybe you are better off.