Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Rise and gather round, rock this place to the ground



I have mentioned a many a time how I have managed to birth three of the most retarded kids..I mean that with great love and affection BTW..








But Saturday night I did something so stupid that it tops anything the kids could do..








Ya see, I have this stuff here..



























I bought it about a week ago, it was on sale and I fancy the Oil of Olay shit, so sue me.






I have to do everything I can to help fight age, as I am 32 years old, and I am a sun worshiper...






So I throw it in my cart and go about my merry way.






Fast forward to Saturday, I am getting out of the bathtub, in preparation for my night on the town...






I get out and I dry off..I need lotion..where the hell is my lotion?






I find the trusty Oil of Olay shit I bought a few nights before..I squeeze it and rub it vigorously onto my freshly shaven legs..






The shit wont rub in?






I am thinking that this must be some pretty damn good lotion because it is taking a while to rub in all the way..






After about a minute or so of trying to rub this in, I look at the bottle and its fucking Body Wash.






I was trying to rub body wash into my nice dry skin..






I swear to God I thought I was purchasing lotion.






sonofabitch.






Since I am talking about products, I thought it has been a LONG while since I gave u updates on stuff I buy that sucks..






I have one for you now...ready..














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Now let me give you a little background on me and tooth care products in general.




I am fussy when it comes to tooth brushes, mouth wash and toothpaste.




You come here and ask anyone of my three retarded kids, they will tell you I make them brush their teeth at LEAST twice before they leave for school, then I go in and re-do it for them..




Its insane, I know..BUT, they have NEVER had a single cavity..at ages 10,7 and 4, I say that's pretty fucking good.




And I have not had a cavity since I was 11, and the only reason I have the ones I do, is because I had braces and it hurt like a bitch to brush hard in the back ..I have a sensitive mouth or a low tolerance of pain..whatever.




So getting back to my story, I buy this along with a new brush..I by myself new brushes about every 6 weeks..I hate using the same tooth brush any longer then that.




I see Crest Pro Health and think to myself,




self, this looks like good shit..LOOK, it helps prevents germs,cavities, whitens and it helps sensitive teeth..all in one...this is like the mother load.




SO I get the cinnamon flavored one, because I admit it, I do fancy the cinnamon toothpaste. So shoot me.




So that night I am so excited to use not only my new brush, but my new paste.




I gob it on, because I am a gobber..




I start brushing..




Then it hit me.




This shit taste like sand with a rancid cinnamon stick crumbled inside it.




If you can get past the taste, then you have to deal with the aroma.




I don't know, I have never ever ran across a toothpaste that tasted bad. ever.




So, if your browsing thru the toothpaste aisle of your local establishment don't buy it.




It taste like horse manure. With a touch of sand and rancid Cinnamon sticks, because I am sure the sticks must be in it, mearly because of the constancy of the whole paste.




Its thick, its crunchy..




It sorta looks like that Saint Ives Apricot Face scrub.




Only I bet that taste better.

30 comments:

Working Mom said...

You crack me up just when I need it the most....without even trying :)

The Kept Woman said...

You people fucking suck.

I cried all damn day.

I'm back.

P.S. I'm totally laughing WITH you about the body wash...coulda happened to anyone.

Naaaaaaaaaaaawwwww, only you. ;)

Bradley Egel said...

I once sprayed my wife's hair spray in my armpits thinking it was deodorant. I noticed right away...lucky...it would have been a stiff underarm day if not :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Fantastagirl said...

Love it...

Thank you for making me smile...I needed a good one!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Working Mom,
aww, shucks, im blushing now.

TKW,
YOUR STAYING?..Hell yeah..

and your right, only me..

Bradely,
well your sweaty pits woulda stayed put, thats for sure..

Fantstagirl,
glad to help:)

Katie said...

The body wash thinking as lotion is totally something I would do.

Ba Doozer said...

I can pretty much picture you out in the cow pasture chowing on manure and exclaiming..."hey, this tastes just like that crest stuff!"

ps...I'm not anal about the tooth brushing with my kid and he is cavity free. the key is no soda pop

Ba Doozer said...

ps, if you're worried about aging skin, stop screwing around with cheap brands and find something that really works, and remember what christie brinkly said..."exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate!!"

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Katie,
at least I am not the only one.

Ba Doozer,
I dont allow my kids to have soda pop...Boo has Never tried it and Blondie does not like it, the boy is allowed one on the weekend and it has to be diet..

I am a loser, I know this.

Sandi said...

I hate to admit that I did the lotion/soap thing with a travel size of Aveeno. And I did it with the "lotion" in my guest bathroom. But that's it...honest.
Try the cool mint crest pro. I love it!

Slick said...

Ya damn goofball! I say that with affection BTW ;)

My wife uses that toothpaste and I ain't heard her complain....

She fusses a lot so you must be terribly fussy about your dental shit.

Just get you some baking soda?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Sandi,
doesnt it make u feel like a dumb shit when u rub body wash on and think its lotion?..damn

Slick,
ha, u called me a damn goofball..

Well, I am sure if u ask your wife she will tell u it taste like shit!!

patti_cake said...

Ack! I didn't like the lemon chill toothpaste either. Ga-Ross! Braces RUINED my teeth. RUINED THEM.

Haphazardkat said...

Well crap. My kid swills soda like he's on crack!
Hmm...I'll have to send him to you for a week to break him.
hehehe

(love your blog. snuck over here from slicks)

themuttprincess said...

I love that St Ives Apricot stuff.

LOVE IT!

I will stay away from the pro-health. Thanks for the update.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

PaTTI CAKE,
no way I could even try lemon chill..lemons belong in water, not in my paste;)

Haphazardkat,
yup, send the kid here, he/she will be cavity free in no time..HAHA

thanks fo stopping by.

MUTT,
I love it too, just not in my mouth..hehe

Wendy said...

I hate the Crest Pro Health mouthwash too. I can see how the toothpaste would be nasty!

I've done way worse than the body wash. I accidentally put contac cleaner in my eye instead of saline solution. Talk about your mistakes! I had to go to the er and have my eye flushed wherein I literally about throttled a nurse. Don't ever ever ever fuck up your eye solutions!

Chels-Puddle Jumper said...

I'm glad I'm not the only moron that has rubbed body wash on my skin thinking it was lotion. And I don't even know HOW many times I thought I bought shampoo and get in the shower to find out it's conditioner.

I think I tried a sample of that toothpaste once....my reaction was the same as yours. It's gotta be minty for me....that's just the way toothpaste is supposed to be.

Halfmexican Mama said...

I use St Ives face scrub and accidently got it in my mouth once and it wasnt bad tasting! I knew that shit was body wash you silly sally!

Tom said...

It may be the bachelor (but clean!!) I would think body wash and lotion are pretty much the same thing, of course I'm a Prell/Ivory (or Irish Spring or whatever's cheap) only person.
I agree Cinammon toothepaste is good, but do you ever brush with baking soda?

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Wendy,
Well after taseting the paste, I sure as shit wont be trying the mouthwash.

Chels,
I dont even think the minty one of that kind would taste good..I shudder at the thought.

HMM,
me too...it smells good and it doesnt leave that bad of an after taste...for those times it does get in your mouth.

Tom,
I HATE baking soda toothpaste.

I mean HATE it..

Prell?..I didnt even think they made that anymore..geeegads..haha

Rachel said...

I had to laugh at the body wash thing!! That's what you get for not reading those labels!! I just hate when that happens!

I think I need to buy a new toothbrush. I'm not picky about toothpaste but if this one tastes like horse manure I sure don't want any of it!! Thanks for the warning!

Neurotic1 said...

Oh you silly silly girl! Next time put your glasses on and read the damn label ;) Thanks for the heads up on the toothpaste! Never know when I might need to sand something down!

just_tammy said...

Knew you were in trouble the minute I saw the picture. My daughter uses the stuff - IN THE SHOWER AS SOAP!!! You crack me up to no end, but you already know that.

Hey, my kids are 22 and 15 and are still cavity free. Man I'm old...

MamaMichelsBabies said...

*snorts* Big Ug used my lotion just once... the glitter stuff in it got him a ton of compliments.

Hard to manage a place when you have glitter everywhere.

And ew on the toothpaste. Thanks for the heads up, I was looking at that last week.

Scarlet said...

You make me want to buy it just to see what it's like. My husband's allergic to mint, so all we can have is cinnamon.

Rancid cinnamon. LOL

Flip Flop Goddess said...

take my word for it girls, dont buy the paste...it will make you vomit:)

Humincat said...

I wasn't going to comment, since it has enough comments, but I had to say, THAT PASTE SUCKS BIG BUTT!
I am completely anal about the proper toothpaste, and that commercial sold me so well, I was GIDDY to go buy it! I wont say how bad it is, but it is really bad. And the funny part is, tons of people I know keep recommending it to me! I thought I was going crazy or something, so thanks!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Humincat,
thanks..I needed backup on this..

and I always want your input, I dont care how many comments there are..LEAVE YOURS PLEAE!

thanks in advance.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Humincat,
thanks..I needed backup on this..

and I always want your input, I dont care how many comments there are..LEAVE YOURS PLEAE!

thanks in advance.