Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Long and Lean

Normally I do not fancy myself a movie buff,nor a movie goer if you will. I will go to see a picture show if the kids pressure me or if Steve Carrell is in a movie and that darling dear man of mine drags me to be entertained.







He loves that guy...







anyway...Sunday night I was browsing looking for something to watch that wont make me have a mini vomit in my throat..(IE the Emmys) because those mini throw ups in your throat burn like heck.




I went to my ole staple, HBO Comedy.





Out of ALL my HBO channels, I fancy this one the best, because it has funny shit, and I like that.
















When I saw the title of the movie playing, I thought to myself..no way.




I then thought it must be some sort of a spoof on it, and its not really THE movie..the one I avoided at all costs when it came out.










because surely this movie would not classify as a comedy, unless someone has a pretty shotty since of humor.





because I knew that shit would get me.







Now before this incident, the scariest flick I have seen was Arachnophobia.










I love scary movies. I mean, I will watch those.







Normally scary movies don't scare me because, holy shit, no way Freddy Kruger is going to be waiting in my dreams to kill me, and if he were, I am a pretty tough chick and could kick his ass anyway.














So, I am never scared...never..unless its a movie that could happen..





take for example Arachnophobia..












You see...this could happen to me.







A rare breed of spider could start procreating in my barn, and single handedly kill every person in town...










that shit could happen folks




no really stop laughing, it could.














SO back to my point.....







I saw a movie that scared the shit out of me.







Snakes on a Plane.










holymotherofGod




I turned it on after it had started,so I don't know why or how the snakes were ON the plane and frankly I don't give a shit.




Every second I kept telling myself..












ok, I am definitely turning the channel now..then an hour goes by.....




I kept watching..




I kept getting creeped.







UNTIL










I saw a huge python constrict a big fat man.





The snake kept wrapping itself tighter and tighter around the guys torso..





















He was bleeding from his mouth and nose and his face was turning beet red and I believe his eyes were about to pop out..










then I turned it.


















Holymotherfuckerno.













I quickly turned the channel, trying to find anything that would make it stop.














pleasemakeitstop.





I kept picturing the snakes, on the plane.


















I was quickly trying to find something, anything.















The next thing I saw was Dr G Medical Examiner.







shit..cant watch that, she is doing autopsy's on dead people..cant do it, not tonight.










Then I see on MSNBC.







BIG MAC: The Story Behind McDonald's




ok..I can safely watch this...I think..




after 2 minutes I have to turn it, because holy shit....they are tyring to kill me too.





honestly at this point I would of settled for porn..







shitshitshit..















SO then I quickly turn it to a true staple.




VH-1 Classic.













Cant go wrong here, no sir ee.








Whats playing?







bark at the moon by Ozzy.





nope..cant deal with now..I am in crisis here..I need something happy God damnit..














where the sam bloody hell are the Teletubbies when I need them..little asslickers.




So I end up turning it on The Weather Channel.







A tried and true friend.




Yea so I had a dream that night that a tornado ripped thru my town and then we had a snow storm ,yes in the same day, and that the snow was so heavy that all the buildings roofs were falling in and killing people.







Then I try and get the kids in my van to ride somewhere, hell if I know where..




And we get to a building and the second we get in it, the twister comes and blows the windows out..






Then the roof collapses with about 100 tons of snow, and I cant find the kids because they are buried under 20 feet of snow.




Thank God I did not have a nightmare about snakes.








Thank God I have The Weather Channel to give me good wholesome dreams.













I need a drink.












































































*

*

*

*

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i would like to find the son of a bitch who thought this would make an entertaining movie, asshole. I would like to kcik him sqaure in the balls. I bet he was not breast fed as a child..SICKO












The Weather Channel, saving your dreams from snakes, one twister at a time.





sonofabitch

30 comments:

Katie said...

Not a fan of snakes, yuck!

I can't believe Samuel L. Jackson did that movie.

just_tammy said...

Thanks for creeping ME out! Why is it we can't look away from such train wrecks?!

Hope you can find some safe before bed viewing tonight. Sweet dreams!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Katie,
I cant belive I watched it, let alone him making it.

Tam,
I am sticking to porn from now on:)

Cheeky said...

OK true story - (and showing my age) I was on my honeymoon when Arachnaphobia was in theaters. We went to see it. I scarred the little boy in front of me for life....I have never screamed so much at a movie in my life - I love horror flicks - LOVE THEM....HATE SPIDERS.....and we are talking blood curdling screams too - poor kid - he is traumatized.......

Bradley Egel said...

FFG -

I am big fan of horror movies of any kind...my wife cannot even hear about them without flipping out.

I particularly like the new genre of horror movies they call "torture porn." I am really a normal person...but movies like Saw, Hostel, Turistas, and House of 1,000 corpses just light my fire :)

Of course, nothing beats kicking back with VH1 classic...except apparently when Ozzy is "barking at the moon."

Flippity Floppity you make me laugh girl!

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Fantastagirl said...

I'm going to be flying for several hours in a little plane at the end of October, as if my fear of taking off and landing wasn't enough to deal with - now I'm going to have to worry about some freakazoid bringing snakes on the freaking plane. ...thankyouverymuch...

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Cheeky,
I know, that movie scared this shit outta me too girl.

bradely,
I LOVE horror movies, my all time best is An Amreican Werewolve in london...I have seen Hostile, and I hated it...I dont like grotesk shit, I like to be scared...I dont like seeing people being tortured..

but give me a man in a hockey mask, or a doll tha kills people, and I am good to go;)

*antstagirl,
my appologies to you and yours;)

although i* u have never seen this movie, you dont even understand the total shittyness o* it, and u should be ok;)

Scarlet said...

What a ride...not the movie, but this post. You should write suspense books.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

ti**,
u didnt read the whole thing did u?

hahahaha

1 plus twins said...

ha ha i just got done reading this on your myspace. lol i started reading and thought i swear i just read this. lol what a loser i am. ha ha i hate snakes!! hate spiders!! so i know what your saying.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1pt,
i hate anything now that is not human..and i even hate some o those too;)

Halfmexican Mama said...

i take it the movie was a dud?

Cliff said...

Never be afraid of something you can spray for.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM,
well, I wouldnt say a dud, it just scared the bejeuses outta me.

Cliff,
can u spray for snakes?...cause if u can, I need to..

patti_cake said...

I watched it but ended up NOT watching the majority of it. I was just too creeped out also.

I'm like Katie I couldn't believe Samuel L. did that movie also.

Slick said...

Awwww....is someone afraid of snakes?? :)

I've never seen it but I've heard some terrible reviews about it so I ain't in no hurry.

Hopefully your mind is at ease today ;)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Patti Cake,
um, I didnt watch all of it either, I just coundt do it...I am still looking in the toilet to make sure one aint under the rim!

Slick,
well, I was not afraid of them, until I saw that movie dude!

It traumatized me I tell ya!
;)

aatank said...

Thanks for all creepy things in one post. I wouldn't have even turned on the channel when I saw that title.

I will say the only creepy movie I liked was the Sixth Sense.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Aatank,
I dont like creepy things, I like scarey movies..LOVE them..but I hate shit that is living in backyard to scare the shit outta me.

I didnt wanna watch it, but it was like a car wreck, u cant NOT stare.

sickeing.

Love the 6th sence though..that was a really good movie, sad, but good.

Leesa said...

I hated that spider movie so many years ago. Arachnophobia.

Yippeeskip said...

That was too frickin funny!!! Holyshitno

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Lmao! You have an active imagination hun.. I'm dyin over here.

Then again, snakes don't creep me out, I've owned them before.

But Freddy Kruger and the likes of him scare the hell out of me. I saw IT and a very young age and clowns still mess with my head.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Leesa,
its a shitty movie huh..

Yippeeskip,
well, maybe its funny 2 u..haha

Mama,
well, I never minded snakes...I mean, as long as they stay away from me, I dont care what they do.

after seeing this movie, I want themalltodieslowpainfuldeaths.

did u catch that..haha

Tom said...

Bossy, I have 15 years on you, and of all the movies I've seen...one called "Threads" is one I shall never, ever, watch again!
It isn't "don't open that door" type scary, but it's nuclear war/post nuclear war England and it's all abuout just pure despair. It makes "The Day after" seem like a Disney movie. You can do a Youtube search and find "Threads". I know it's there, but I won't watch any of it. At 47 y/o, I'd still have nightmares....Oh yeah on a brighter note, my blog starts getting updated!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tom,
hmm, never heard of that one..

OK...I gonna check it out

Neurotic1 said...

Now you have me curious. I love scary movies but don't watch them much cuz Mr. Conservative hates them and might just crap his pants ;)I thought that movie was suppose to be stupid. I guess I'll have to watch it now! Except not before my next flight!

Jamie Dawn said...

My son and I watched that movie last week.
It was hitonious and cool and creepy and stupid.
The movie won't win any Oscars, that's for sure, but I enjoyed watching it with my boy.
He's always trying to get me to watch scary movies. The last scary one he and I watched was The Hitcher. HITONIOUS!!!
He wants me to watch the Saw movies and a movie can Hostel. So far, I have said NO WAY, Jose!!
I'm not into crazy psycho killer movies.
I prefer movies about aliens.
If you want to see a cool alien movie that will freak you out in a good way... watch The Thing starring Kurt Russel. It's one of my favs.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

N1,
I love scarey movies too...this one just creeped m ass out a bit too much, if ya no what I mean..

JD,
I have seen Hostal...U would hate it....I couldnt even watch the whole thing.

and yes, both movies are Hitonoius.

Tee said...

I wish I had HBO. We got Showtime for free for a few months b/c our satellite company screwed something up and wanted to say sorry. Showtime SUCKS!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tee,
yes, Showtime sucks BIGTIME...