Monday, September 24, 2007

We will We will ROCK U

Ever since I had the grim misfortune of watching that horrifying movie snakes on a plane it seems things are out to get me. Not snakes per say, but those 8 legged fuckers who creep up on u and spin webs.

For three damn mornings in a row now, when I am done with me shower,Iopen my shower curtain and low and behold there is a HUGE ass spider staring at my boobs..Like it was watching me shower, just giggling and laughing to himself..I spot him, and if I had a drop of urine left in me, it sure as shit would be running down my tub drain.




I get out, I am assuming I let out some sort of ghastly scream and I tell Shaky I am moving out ASAP.







I cant deal with it anymore.







Plus, on my walks around the lake, I have spotted several snakes, I mean they are dead, but you can clearly see they were a fresh kill. Like if I would have walked or jogged a tiny bit faster, not only would it have strolled across my path, but I may in fact have witnessed the whole slaying.







So all of this puts me on edge. I am going around lurking...Before I fully enter a room, I have to do a brief, but thorough examination of said quarters.








These spiders that pop up outta nowhere are a whitish tan color, and are HUGE..like the size of a quarter or half dollar.







Much to large for me to kill on my own, and I need reinforcements...This is why I have tots. Tots like to kill things.



~



Well, I took my mom out on the town Saturday night with me. Her and I drank WAY too much, and I sang/botched way too many songs.




Here is some proof of the night that caused my mom to have her first hangover in like 15 years.













My friend there, she was our DD..She just sat back,. sipped some cokes and watched us make total horses asses of ourselves.







There is mom and I and our first pitcher..still pretty sober here.









Here is my friend DD, my mom, u all know Dilleyweed, and then me..








A little diddy, bout Jack and Diane, two American kids growin up in the heartland









I saw him standing there by the record machine, I knew he musta been about 17







Mom and I on our 5th pitcher, don't worry, we can still stand, as long as we hold hands.










This is my very good friendsJV and then in the middle is Spazzler..see she use to be my boss, it was us three and Dilleyweed who were canned and now fighting for our unemployment, buts that's a whole nother issue, right folks?






I had this man come up to me and ask if I would like to share a pitcher of beer with him. I told him no, and to move as he was sitting in my moms chair..




This is pretty much what he looked liked..A mix of all three of them.




The sad part is, to him I looked like a woman he could approach. Like he looked at me and thought to himself..


bet I can tap that for sure tonight, I highly doubt anyone else will be after that, she is prolly desperate.


But he was wrong, because a while later I had a dude that looked like this, ask me to dance.


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Truth be told he kinda scared the shit out of me.
Whats a girl to do with so many viable choices?
Go home to Mr Shaky, that's what.
sonofabitch.

30 comments:

Jessica Foster said...

I used to not mind spiders. Yesterday I opened a bag of bread I left on my counter. Seems I didn't close it up real well. Right on top of the slice of bread was a ginormous spider! YUCK!

Way to rock out with your mom. Very cool.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Jessica,
o, I would never be able to put my hand inside a bread bag again after that..damn

Scarlet said...

I don't have spiders, but we get tiny frogs that hop around the playroom and hallway. Those freak me out!

Your mom is awesome! I need to take my mom to karoake.

BTW, if I EVER sing a Tiffany song at the mall...or anywhere else (and I don't get shot), you'll get to see it. ;)

Bradley Egel said...

FFG -

You and your animal fetishes...You should listen to some Def Leppard and Chill :)

"And I want...And I need...And I love...Animal..." :)

Even snakes and spiders!

Love the pics of you in the Def Leppard "Union Jack" Jersey!

You rock :)

And are righteous as my mom now knows :)

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tiff,
if u do get shot, I will come say a few words at your service;)

Bradely,
U like my shirt? That is what my tattoo looks like;)

Its funny your mom thought I was bad mouthing u..she so sweet, she has her sons back, gotta love her;)

1 plus twins said...

ha ha you crack me up, not only are you getting all sorts of scary bugs and insects around you now they are coming out of the wood work when you are out singing your heart out!! lol looks like you had tons of fun. i see you had your favorite shirt on again. can't let my hubby see it that again or he will be beggin me to get your number to get him one. lol glad you had fun and next time you go out make sure to take bug spray with you. lol

Katie said...

I think you made the right choice going home to Mr. Shaky.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1 Plus Twins,
Yup, had my rockin shirt on..I do my best singing in tha shirt!
;)

Katie,
yes, I would agree.

Halfmexican Mama said...

Shoot! Dont forget the little people when you make it to the Big Time...yeah I gotta be pretty loaded myself to do Karaoke...

patti_cake said...

Yeah going home to Mr Shaky seems like the most viable option to me too!
Boo for spiders! hol-ee!!!

Slick said...

I aint heard either one of them songs in forever....now one is floating through my head, thanks.

Walk around with garlic on your neck to keep the spiders and snakes away....I heard that works. Let me know....

Yippeeskip said...

Garlic might also work for nerds and punks as well

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM,
You can be my backup singer when I make it big...ok?

Patti,
yes...agreed.haha

Slick,
shoot, come up to kareoke WED and I will sing them just for u..those are my staples;)

Yippe,
but no one else will wanna come near me..

ok, that might be a plus.

Halfmexican Mama said...

YES!!! I think u should call your band "Weekend Warriors" since thats what you have been lately.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HHM,
weekend warriors huh?

ok, we can go wit dat!

metalmom said...

I almost ran away at '8 legged fuckers' but I'm glad I stayed! LOL Just tell me, with a shirt like that on did you at least sing one Def Leppard? And HOW COULD YOU pass on tattooed Tom? He was HOT! (NOT)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

MetalMom,
sad thing is, they had NO Def Leppard...I was like WTF..

IamDerby said...

oh thank you for a good laugh this morning! that last guy....wow more scary then the spiders

aatank said...

Way to party like a rock star...with your mom!

I hate when the nasty spiders show up in the shower. I'm sending over my mom's secertary...that crazy lady safe's their life and won't kill a spider. she'll pick them up and put them outside...so they come back in in 5 seconds. I say kill the spiders and all evil and creepy animals.

Although Halloween is just around teh corner and they make great decorations.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

iamderby,
agreed, and he was..haha

Aatank,
well if Blondie would of caught wind I was doing a spider masacre, she would be mad..she saves them too..

I say, kill em...keep the popualtion under control.

Wendy said...

It's that time of the year. All the spiders are lookin for a warm place to hang out for the winter. Make sure you check your shoes before you put them on!

5 pitchers! My mom and I would be out after two drinks. We are lightweights. Looks like you had fun!

MamaMichelsBabies said...

Must be the weather change cause I've been finding the little suckers everywhere. Sucks cause if I freak and Boogs knows why I'm freaking I can't kill it so I have to suffer in silence.

Good times with Mom can't be beat, unless it's drunken times with Mon. Nothings better.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Wendy,
funng u mention checking shoes, I always do..Once when I was younger, I found a bat in my shoe, but didnt find it until my BARE foot was snug into the shoe already.

yeah, fun times.

Mama,
not sure how far u live from me, but we NEED to get together, for real, I will show u one hellofa good time;)

KrazyMom said...

You should have seen the spider in our garage this weekend! Punkin' was screaming and when I saw the legs where it was hiding I told her there was no possible way it was a spider with legs that big...I was wrong! The thing was friggen huge for MI!!

So you are the new karoake queen, huh? I am a horrid singer!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Krazymom,
I have some big ones in my gargae and shed too..crazy shit big.

Yes, I am the queen, BUT I am a horrid singer too..its all good:)

Gette said...

I am so inviting myself to karaoke with you. You look like you have more fun than the locals.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

ok Gette..I am going WED and FRI..come on down:)

Gette said...

Wednesdays are out. Got a fundraiser ting on Friday. How 'bout next week? Also, Kandi Entertainment has karaoke often, as does the willmar legion (or VFW--what's the diff?)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Gette,
well when next week?

I went to the VfW in WIllmer last Friday..(or two Fridays ago) it was a bust, kinda boring and I dont know anyone, felt out of place.

U should come here, and u can go out with my freinds and I..maybe u and I can sing a lil duet;)

hehe

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Gette,
well when next week?

I went to the VfW in WIllmer last Friday..(or two Fridays ago) it was a bust, kinda boring and I dont know anyone, felt out of place.

U should come here, and u can go out with my freinds and I..maybe u and I can sing a lil duet;)

hehe