Ever since I had the grim misfortune of watching that horrifying movie snakes on a plane it seems things are out to get me. Not snakes per say, but those 8 legged fuckers who creep up on u and spin webs.
For three damn mornings in a row now, when I am done with me shower,Iopen my shower curtain and low and behold there is a HUGE ass spider staring at my boobs..Like it was watching me shower, just giggling and laughing to himself..I spot him, and if I had a drop of urine left in me, it sure as shit would be running down my tub drain.
I get out, I am assuming I let out some sort of ghastly scream and I tell Shaky I am moving out ASAP.
I cant deal with it anymore.
Plus, on my walks around the lake, I have spotted several snakes, I mean they are dead, but you can clearly see they were a fresh kill. Like if I would have walked or jogged a tiny bit faster, not only would it have strolled across my path, but I may in fact have witnessed the whole slaying.
So all of this puts me on edge. I am going around lurking...Before I fully enter a room, I have to do a brief, but thorough examination of said quarters.
These spiders that pop up outta nowhere are a whitish tan color, and are HUGE..like the size of a quarter or half dollar.
Much to large for me to kill on my own, and I need reinforcements...This is why I have tots. Tots like to kill things.
Well, I took my mom out on the town Saturday night with me. Her and I drank WAY too much, and I sang/botched way too many songs.
Here is some proof of the night that caused my mom to have her first hangover in like 15 years.
My friend there, she was our DD..She just sat back,. sipped some cokes and watched us make total horses asses of ourselves.
There is mom and I and our first pitcher..still pretty sober here.
Here is my friend DD, my mom, u all know Dilleyweed, and then me..
A little diddy, bout Jack and Diane, two American kids growin up in the heartland
I saw him standing there by the record machine, I knew he musta been about 17
Mom and I on our 5th pitcher, don't worry, we can still stand, as long as we hold hands.
This is my very good friendsJV and then in the middle is Spazzler..see she use to be my boss, it was us three and Dilleyweed who were canned and now fighting for our unemployment, buts that's a whole nother issue, right folks?
I had this man come up to me and ask if I would like to share a pitcher of beer with him. I told him no, and to move as he was sitting in my moms chair..
This is pretty much what he looked liked..A mix of all three of them.
The sad part is, to him I looked like a woman he could approach. Like he looked at me and thought to himself..
bet I can tap that for sure tonight, I highly doubt anyone else will be after that, she is prolly desperate.
But he was wrong, because a while later I had a dude that looked like this, ask me to dance.
Truth be told he kinda scared the shit out of me.
Whats a girl to do with so many viable choices?
Go home to Mr Shaky, that's what.