Thursday, September 06, 2007

Two steps Behind

I had to take Boo to the office of Doctors. She needed a physical for pre-school and because I really suck ass at this mom business, she needed four shots...because she was not up to date....she was very pissed off.

Whilst at the office, I was just sort of looking about the room. I notice on the table, the table I had to lay damn near jack ass naked on last time I was there....It said two things that struck me as ONE terrifying...and B...icky.

On one side of the bottom of the table it said..

Vag Spec..

now does that mean vagina's that are special...or does it mean there are specs of vagina's in there...OR Vag Spec a new type of diabetic needle they store at the bottom of the table..

On the opposite side it said this..

analscope


holyshitno.

my first thought was..

holy shit, I could come to the docs, without suspecting a thing and then BAM they want to do an anal scope.

I then thought of ways I could open the drawer and damage all the analscopes so no one had to receive one.

Then I thought of a few people I wouldn't mind knowing were getting anal scopes.

I will never go to the doctor complaining of ass pain, I know that for certain.

For any of you whom have had the misfortune of meeting my kids...you will have picked up on the fact that Boo cant talk right.

She well...s-s-s-s-s-s-s-tudders.

The doc told me she needs speech therapy PRONTO..

I said..o-o-o-o-o-o-o-k

She said she stammers and she studders.

what the hell is stammer?

Told u guys she would be riding the short bus.

~

I want to talk to you a minute about Berber carpeting.

It sucks.

My house has it in the basement, and in my main floor living room.

It was here when we bought the house, so I did not purchase it on my own free will.

Now it may look nice, but when they tell you its stain resistant, it is not.

I swear it collects anything that lands on your floor.

If you squish a spider, the guts of the inside of said spider will remain on your Berber carpeting until the day you die.

I swear, spilling water onto you carpeting stains it.

To the asslickers who make Berber carpeting...

your stupid.

I am going to be pulling out my carpeting and laying down something new.

I was thinking of football turf or sod.

I do love to mow...it would give me something to do in the winter...

If I were to get turf, well....that would be even better..no mowing needed..

when ever the white chalk lines wore off, I would simply re chalk it..that would give me something to do..


I like chalk..I like the color green, and I like bringing the outdoors in.

That's why Blondie has a pet frog..living in my house..


Don't ask.

25 comments:

Yarn Tails said...

Hey studdering isnt so bad. My son had to do the speech therapy thing and now he is #1 in his class! See dont mean they will ride the short bus to school.

I got to comment first. LOL

Ok off to bed so I can go to work to get beat up by a 70 something 106 pound old lady! Gawd I love my job! ugh!@!!

Cliff said...

I used to stutter. But I i i i i i i'm pretty well over it.
Seriously, I did and didn't get therapy but somehow quit doing it.

Katie said...

Ugh on the shots, hope she's feeling ok!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Yarn Tails,
My son studdered a bit as well, but grew out of it before he was 4..

she is cute when she talks though;)

Cliff,
well..I am glad u over come it;)...Her speech is pretty bad sometimes..The boy use to, but over came his by about age 3..

she is slow i guess.

Katie,
she is doing A ok...
;)

Halfmexican Mama said...

When did B start coming after 1 you silly Sally! My brother studdered WAY worse than her and its completely gone now..something bout his brain moving faster than his mouth. Turf would be cool...you can always use the chalk for body outlines for dem spiders!! Oh yeah if it is REAL Berber I know for a fact that a solution of bleach water 50/50 will take any stain out of it...berber naturally resists bleach staining for some reason..my SIL used to sell carpeting for a living and she told me this secret as we were moving out of a rental 4 years ago, and Erin had spilled red HiC all over like a 13 inch area in the living room...so I put the mix in a windex bottle and sprayed it on there and then ran a carpet shampooer over it and you would never know it even existed...k..i gotta go get ready for a funeral now...adios!

patti_cake said...

Maddie stutters sometimes maybe she'll grow out of it (Boo)

I bet she was pissed at getting FOUR shots *shudder*

Cheeky said...

Turf would be cool so then instead of yard lines and hash marks for the football field you could take turns laying down and having chalk outlines drawn allover - sort of like a crime scene or something - would be way cool for halloween

1 plus twins said...

i made the same mistake when we moved out here. somehow i missed the twins gettinga shot (i always thought i was on top of that shit) and when we signed them up for kindergarten they said they needed shots. so on the way there i tell them they are only getting one. so they are in a panic and upset and what happens they had to get three each. so guess who they are pissed at almost all school year. yep me!! anytime they could throw it in my face they did. lol so now when they piss me off i remind them of that day and threaten to take them for a dozen shots!!! lol

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM,
hmm...I might have to try that...the bleach wont stain the carpet?..I mean any worse then it already is?

Patti cake,
well...its sorta more then just studdering, she stammers..haha..(whatver the hell that means)


Cheeky,
very good idea..


1 plus twins,
she was suppose to only need three..but then I forgot she needs the chicken pox one...when the other two were little it was just optional, now its mandatory..which sucks ass.

KrazyMom said...

Maybe it was not Berber brand. I love our berber. It hides the dirt so well, I am amazed when I steam clean them and see just how dirty they were because it just doesn't show. My only complaint is rearranging furniture, I often snag the carpet. FYI, just don't drop your hot iron on it...yeh, I did, and it left a perfect iron shape melt...LOL! Good thing it was in the basement family room and not our main livingroom!

Hope Boo is feeling better. She may out grow the studder, but speech therapy couldn't hurt.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

so how do I know if its real Berber?...Do they make fake berber?

I do know at my old house..(b4 i knew berber sucked ass) i bought some for my dining room, and cool green and white pattern...and it showed everyd amn stain..when I steamed it, the stain would go away, BUT a few days later it would re-appear..

this carpet looks just like it, only its creamish tan color..

im confused now...how do i know..

Tee said...

Analscope is a scary word, indeed.

~Deb said...

Ok, no dissing the short bus lady! LOL! I had to go on those because of the location where I lived.

ANYWHOOOOO, ............the stuttering is pretty normal for kids that age. My friend used to stutter, but it was a phase for about a year or so.

How you doing babe? Next time you go to these doctors, bring rubbing alcohol....I mean, anal probing? What was that I read? It was too traumatic for my OCD to even fathom!

Tom said...

I can only hope if You go under the anal scope, A KennyG tape isn't playing in the background!

Oh yeah stammering and stuttering...my nieces and nephews did too. No big thing.
4 jabs for Boo? That's McDonalds every night for a week for her I'd say!

Krystal said...

We don't vaccinate, so I CAN'T fall behind in shots! LOL!

The entire vag/analscope thing in a room where children are going to be seen is...unacceptable.

My BIL studders...he's a farily wealthy business man. I think he road the short bus all through school.

Neurotic1 said...

Vagina specs are those nice cold, metal thingies they shove in your cooter whilst looking to take a nice big ol' chunk of your innards out to send to the lab! YUCK!

Boo can come ride the short bus with Dorcas! Heck, we could save some money and put them in speech together. Before the day was done one of em' would come out cussin ;)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tee,
for sure;)

Deb,
u rode the short bus?..sure it was because of your location!

Tom,
oh man the hubby loves Kenny G..done nastey things to Kenny G..I can not have an analscope if thats on..

Kyrstal,
unacceptable indeed.

N1,
shoot, Boo is alreayd cussin, but I do have her not saying damn it, now its.."dawrn it"

nora said...

This will cheer you up.

www.bobgruen.com/files/ledzep.html

Scarlet said...

Vag Specs and Analscopes? I've never even heard of this stuff! I think your doctor's a little perv.

Jamie Dawn said...

I think Vagina Spec stands for vagina speculum, which is that horrid shoe horn instrument they use to look up our wazoos.
Enough about that!

Boo's stuttering probably sounds so cute. She will probably just outgrow it. My son used to lisp, and that went away on its own.

FOUR shots!! Poor Boo!! I hope you took her for an ice cream afterwards.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Nora,
well I better go check it out then..

Tiff,
well the docs here are one stop shops, they are peditritians, OB,Genral Prac,surgeons, and analscopers..

yes..odd I know.

JD,
well I let her get a happy meal, does that count?

Kendra Lynn said...

Kelsey has to have speech therapy too...we haven't started it up yet...but we will.
She can't say her letter combinations...you know, like t-r, or s-t, or t-h...etc.
I think Boo will be fine.

Take care.

Kendra

Angie said...

just fyi, you don't have to have certain shots (chicken pox) or any shots for that matter, it's your right as a parent to decide that for your child. You just have to have a card from the health department for their school....just thought you should know ;)

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Kendra,
well..I am sure she will out grow it..someday;)

Angie,
yes, I know that...but the way my luck would be, one of them would come down with some sort of diease all because I did not do it..

I mean, u know how my luck runs;)

Halfmexican Mama said...

do a test area firs...I did mine in the corner...but if it is REAL berber it shouldnt mark,only take the stain out...google it and see if it tells ya.