Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Demoletion Man

SO, I am still traumatized from seeing that God awful film some ass-nut thought would make a good flick...A real nail biting thriller..



I still wanna kill that sonofabitch.



I find myself looking under the rim of my shitter. Because if any of you have had the misfortune of seeing this movie, you know a snake hides under the rim and bites a mans wanker off.



Granted I don't have a wanker, but I do not need one ripping my tampon out for me.



~



I have a question..



What do you do with the shell of your eggs after you crack them?



Simple enough question, right?



Mr Shaky and I have nearly come to blows with this topic.



You see, when I crack open The Incredible Edible Egg, I put the shell in the trash, where that kinda shit goes.



He , on the other hand, leaves the cracked open EMPTY shell sitting inside the carton, for unsuspecting morons to try and crack open.



This has happen one to many times..I look inside the carton to see how many chicken embryo's I have left.



Seems to be I have three left...Awesome, its three eggs whites for breakfast in the AM, hot diggidy damn.



Morning comes, I stumble into the kitchen, get the eggs out...and all that is there is three fucking empty shells.



I don't get it....



So I give him a good scolding.



And 12.5 years later, he is still doing it.



And it always happens when he is not home for me to kick his nuts in.



Once I went to the eggs, there was at least 6 eggs in there...



I take that back, there were 6 empty shell carcasses where my eggs should be.



So I ask....Why the hell does someone of sound mind and body leave the damn shells in the egg carton?



Please send all correspondents too..



Mr Shaky



54321 ileavetheshellsinthecarton BLV.

Gonna get my ass kicked, MN

5755







30 comments:

Bradley Egel said...

FFG -

This blog was not all it was cracked up to be. Apparently the yolk's on you.

Although, you are still my most eggsellent friend.

Omelette you get away with it this time!

Bradley
The Egel Nest

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Bradley,
oh crap, I have u brain washed.

or u leave cracked eggs in the carton too...hmm...

lo said...

get him back. hard boil the eggs so that when he goes to crack, there's nothing to crack!!!!
Lo

Wendy said...

I watched that same movie not too long ago and now I have to check the toilet too. No more late night peeing in the dark for me!

I have to admit I have been guilty of leaving the eggshells in the carton. In my defense, I learned it from my mother...blame her!

Flip Flop Goddess said...

LO,
I was thinking the same thing..

Wendy,
I am going to pretend you didnt just tell me u do the same thing..

*me pretending*

;)

Tom said...

re: the soft shell ovum of the domestic fowl.....in the trash. In Mr.Shakey's defence, he seems a reasonable person, so I'm sure he has a reason. Does he ever say why?
I don't think it would be a problem with bugs, as with a big family like yours, the kithchen trash is done daily or more often.
My call is whoever does the cooking decides the shell's fate.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tom,
that seems like a wussy answer to me..

Come on..

No, he never gives an answer, not good ones anyway.

:)

Tom said...

Yeah you're right!
Next time he does, tell him you'll rip off his head and shit down his windpipe!! Show you mean business!! Bare your back teeth to him!! You have a certain routine in that kitchen, and you'll damned (or at least darned) if you'll let someone do something so weird. Then crack his kneecaps with an iron skillet just to let him know who's boss (Bossy)!!

Rachel said...

You are so funny!! I never knew snakes hid in the toilet rim and bit men's wankers off!! That's just too funny!! Those snakes might bite a wanker off but I bet they get crapped on too!!

I put my egg shells in the trash too.

just_tammy said...

Egg shells do not belong back in the carton which was their home when they were eggs! Way too messy and too hard to figure out how many you actually own. Love the hard boiled idea! Another way to get your point across would be to blow a few of the eggs out of their shells and put them back with the tiny hole up and large hole down so Shaky can crack a few shells and be egg less as well. He might understand how frustrated you are.

Fantastagirl said...

We use egg beaters... carton no shell...

oh and regarding that blog you found - yep that's the one.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Tom,
Atta Boy!

Rachel,
I take it u never seen the movie that ucked me up..good thing, *or your own sainity:)

tam,
I use to do that as a kid..and then deocrate them...

*antstagirl,
Yes, I by those too...but u cant make egg salad with those;)

haha

Humincat said...

I have to say, that sounds VERY annoying! But I am impressed he actually cooks eggs,,,,do you think he could teach Macho Man??? Now THAT is annoying!

Katie said...

I throw them away.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Humincat,
well..he does cook sometimes..but or Gods sake, clean up that damn mess..

am I right?

Katie,
amen sista..the way it should be.

1 plus twins said...

ha ha too funny, i have never ever heard of someone leaving the eggshells in the carton. that is crazy. so here is my question, if you looked in there and there were 3 there (so you thought) and you get up and find they are shells, why the hell isn't he throwing the empty carton away so you know to buy more??? so not only is he putting shells in there, when it gets down to none he keeps the shells there and still doesn't throw it away, so you have no clue to buy more! i agree he needs a swift kick in the ass. lol

Flip Flop Goddess said...

1PT,
EXACTLY!!!


that has been a fight as well:)

aatank said...

I do put them back in the carton, but only until I'm done cooking said eggs. The shells then go down the garbage disposal cause Hubby says it helps clean it.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Aatank,
well, he if he did that, i woudnt have a problem...but...thats not the case..

i put them in the disposal sometimes too...it does clean it:)

patti_cake said...

That is funny, but a very very odd thing to do!
Bad Mr Shaky! Bad!

Neurotic1 said...

Too funny about the eggs- I agree with the whole hard boiled thingie. And yes he should throw away the carton if they are gone! That drives me crazy. I get up and look and there is beer in the frig. Wait~no~Mr. Conservative just left the empty damn box! Guys!!!

Slick said...

Does seem strange....but then, I can't really say much about strangeness, can I?

aatank said...

I had a nice visit with your grandma today at lunch.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Patti cake,
yes, very very odd.

N1,
yes...he does the same thing with other things...men are stupid.

Slick,
this is very true Slick..

Aatank
well where was she eating?

Is she doing ok?

It was nice of u to visit with her!

Cliff said...

I've never heard of it, but leaving the eggshells in the carton makes sense to me. Then you only need to go to the trash can once. I guess I'll start doing that. Thanks for the idea.

Also, three egg whites for breakfast?? Why bother?

I'm for sure not going to watch that show after finding out about the 'toilet lurking wanker biter.'

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Cliff,
no no no...it makes NO sence, you do it and then u come back and tell me what Marylin says..mmkay?

No wanker biters for u Cliff..dont watch it...

aatank said...

It was at a funeral dinner. And I didn't realize it was your grandma until almost the end of the dinner. She was telling me about buying her car and all and how her good friend Mary picks her up and takes her places. Mary was my grandma best friend before she past away. She looks like she is doing well, and was even talking about your grandpa. Oh ya I say Hi to your grandpa for you when i drive by in the mornings, you can see his stone from the road. Sorry so long and jibberish.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

Aatank,
yes..we are buying grandpa's car, hubs is going in two weeks to go get it..she talks about grandpa alot..which is good ..

Thanks for telling him Hi for me.thats kinda nice knowing your doing that:)

Halfmexican Mama said...

Im guilty..I sometimes do it to cause it saves the mess of walking the dripping gooey crap over tho the trash every time u break one open, but I put em back inthe carton Inside out so you can clearly see they are used...never saw the flick...i may have to now.

Flip Flop Goddess said...

HMM,
i have nothing to say to u now..

ha