Tuesday, January 29, 2008

its better 2 burn out, then fade away.

I admit I have the patience about as far and wide as an amoeba. And we all know we cant see those with the nekkid eye.

I fancy myself as a work in progress when it comes to patience. I try, I really do. My kids though, God bless them, make me want to make my hubbys receding hairline a little more receding..I don't much wanna pull my hair out, but I don't mind pulling someone else's out...cause I am cool like that.

Every so often my patience gets abused by other beings then my birthed kin.

Take today 4 example.

this does not happen often, but today I wanted to go to Subway and get a turkey breast sub...I was totally in the mood to eat a 6 inch on Italian Herb and Cheese bread.

it has 6 grams of fat or less, Jared says so....

Our Subway has a drive thru, and this is how I partake of such things, because damn it, when its cold who wants to actually have to get out of a nice warm vehicle?

not me for gosh by golly darn sakes.

I have Boo with me, because she is a happy retard and is only in pre school and it was not school time yet...so rather then have her sit home with the dog and unload the dishwasher, vacuum and answer the door when strangers knock, I used better judgement and brought her with.

Now as soon as we pull into the drive thru she tells me that chicken nuggets are not sold here...

no crap....

I told her I would get her some nuggets and the golden arches are right next to subway, so it was making her nervous that I passed the golden arch drive way...

I pull up to the speaker and wait for the happy minimum wage workers to ask what I wanted today.

I wait...and wait...

I finally honk my horn to get their attention..

hello, this desperate woman in the blue mini van wants to eat..hello asswipes, get your head out of the cheese slices and get your ass to the window..golldangit.


Boo tells me to honk again..

By this time a good 7 minutes has passed, and my patience runs out at around 32 seconds.

I know if they were to take my order now, it would not be a pretty sight, and I had my baby with me, and my baby thinks I am her "blue eyed girl"...and I cant risk wrecking that.

I tell her that momma is leaving because people here aren't working today...

Just then, just as I put my car in drive...I hear...

can I take your order please

Now I could of taken the high road...I could of informed them that I had been waiting 4 some time but I understand that maybe they were busy..


I didn't.

this is more or less what transpired between me and whomever was on the receiving end of this..

oh, you want to take my order?...Well, I was ready to give u my order ten minutes ago, instead you ignored me, made me waste gas just sitting here and now you think I am going to place an order here?....hmmmm....nope, not gonna happen buddy..instead I am going to drive right by your window and wave at you...with a happy little finger..I understand you have a galloping case of the stupids today but its not my problem..and I want that on Honey Wheat Bread with NO cheese..

then I drive by the window, as its the only way to get out of said drive thru...stop, knock on the window and flip the bird..

I know, I know...I set a very bad example 4 my wee one...But she needs to learn the ropes on how to deal with asshats...and I am a damn good teacher 4 such encounters.

So we head to the golden arches so my baby can have her deep fried chicken and chocolate milk.

Cause I am a good momma.

we get to the window to pay and she says..

now momma, u need to give them money, don't knock on the window and wave, then leave my chicken here like u did your samich.

Oh my poor sweet 4 year old...


Monday, January 28, 2008

the gold coin

Saturday my mom wanted to go out for a night out. My normal stomping grounds were set to have karaoke so we went there. When we got there we learned they decided to have "hip hop night" so this was my cue to beat hell outta there.

Pale girl was w/us and her new beau. He informed me that in his town, that we call Hutch, had karaoke at a place called the Gold Coin, but he said it was not your normal karaoke.

this is how you know that your an addict, because to me as long as it was karaoke, it is normal.

I called this Gold Coin to confirm the status of said karaoke. this is a Chinese Restaurant/bar...

"Ha-wo, go-ed coin"

"hey, do u have karaoke"

"ya, we do"

"what kind of songs?...normal ones?"

"he gots ober te-fous-san tongs"

"ok, on my way"

We get there and this is where the fun in sues.

Now normally when there is karaoke there are a pleather of book 2 be had...Here there was one, and it appeared to be in something similar to a trapper keeper.

they have no slips so I have to write down my shit on a napkin.

the big Chinese guy sees me writing songs down, he scurries to my table and tells me he only does "tree in a wo".

I'm like,ok you do three in a row, but I am writing down all the ones I want to do, so I don't have to spend all night writing...comprende'?

yaw yaw...dats oktay

Now out of his "te-fous-an tongs" I only see 6 I am even willing to do.

Normally I have a stack of at least 20 or more, cause I am a mic hog...and thats how I roll.

Now under normal circumstances there is somewhat of a stage and they call your name. Nope not here...His two "plastic mics" were just hanging on the bar 4 anyone to use..

I notice my songs are up so I head over grab a mic and am standing in the middle of the bar...

After my three songs are up, he puts on the Rolling Stones and "sings" while he is clearing the bar, pouring drinks, whatever..

He already has broken English and it was very entertaining hearing him sing

" I can get no, sa-iz-acshon"

He did three Stones songs, then put my last three on..

After mine he then did Elvis...I am convinced he learned English by listening to Elvis songs.

"re-tune to senner" "no such nummer,oh sa-sh cone"

then when he was done, he just randomly played songs....and no one was singing...but he was playing them..

Kinda like a self serve karaoke center...if you like the song, by all means grab a plastic mic and have at it...

After we felt we had enough, we left...Now to get here, Pale Girls man had us do a "walk thru" of another bar, as it was a quicker way to get back to the car. So here we are, walking thru the bar, heading to the back door, and everyone is gawking at us.

then her man decided that at midnight in the sub zero temps is a good time to do a "stop and chat" with a buddy who was driving by, in the middle of the highway.

Nothing I hate more then "walk thru's and stop and chats"

It was just like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone...

then we head on over to the lamplighter, which is another bar and grill...that was just straight dj. thank Gawd cause I had, had enough..

the minute we got to the table, a group of gals that were loaded at the Golden Coin came to our table and grabbed me to dance...

the song was "lets get rocked" by Def Leppard, so it was all good.

They say "aren't u the same gal who was singing at the golden coin"

Yup, that was me girls, in the flesh..

then the scream to their other pals..


shit....not sure whats going on now..

Then a whole group of them are bumping and grinding on me and wanting me to dance with them.

So, as I do with all my fans, I actively participate in the dancing.

I tell you what, I got my groove on the rest of said evening, and I still have no idea what any of their names were....

then its time to leave, so we head on out....and this VERY nice looking chap comes to me and tells me..

"u got moves, u single?"

"yes, I do have moves, and nope, this bitch is going home to her hubby who is in bed cause he doesn't go out on church nights"

"church nights?..carry on then good looking"


the end..good night.

Oh and that boy who wrote Blondie that note...Guess what the little f-er did?

He gave my baby a ring.

The boy is dead now.

Friday, January 25, 2008

november rain

I don't normally like talking about this kinda shit, because hell, its none of your business first up, and second, I just don't like chatting it up about personal things..

But....since I am not being a good blogger like I should, I thought I would explain why..

I have not been feeling well...Not just my head cold, which is totally kicking my ass still, but something else..

I will be making a doctor's appt soon..because I cant take it anymore.

Back about 7 years ago I had a tumor on my thyroid that was in the earliest stage of cancer. Ever since then, I am suppose to go every 6 months to get my remaining sliver of thyroid scanned for the early stages to appear again..and I have not done this for about 5 years...

Well needless to say I think something is up.

I have a hard time staying awake all day, I cant sleep at night, I cant sleep in the day, my head hurts badly all the time, I'm always cold among other things...

I am hoping I am just going thru menopause, because that is my one major goal...but the fact I am only going on 33, makes me think it aint happening.

So, this is why I don't respond like I use to, and why I am MIA on your blogs..I just don't have the energy to do it...

Something is going on with me, and I will eventually go see a medical professional instead of diagnosing myself...cause that just clearing isn't working anymore.

Don't miss me, just hold a computer side vigil every hour or so in my honor.

I am hoping by next week I wont feel like driving a stake through my skull just to end the pain...

Next Friday is Blondie's birthday, so I have to be better by then.....I have a party to put on 4 Gods sake.

So there...that's why I am a sucky blogger now a days..

On the plus side, my Boo told me today she can pick her nose with her toe..

Thursday, January 24, 2008

love stinks

Yesterday started out as any other, well...other then I am sicker then a dead dog.

My beloved daughter, whom will be 8 years old next Friday, comes waltzing in the door, just home from school. I do as I do everyday, I open her backpack and see what kinda homework she has. I open her notebook and an envelope falls out.

On this white envelope it says this..

"to Blondie

"from a BOY"

it was all sealed up like fort Knox with scotch tape.

She had no idea this was in there, apparently this lad snuck it in her bag as the bell was ringing...

I had her open it slowly, as I am not sure what little boys plant in notes these days..

Inside was a seashell, a trading card, and a red eraser.

She hit the jackpot...

On a pink sheet of paper it says this..

"dear blondie

do u love me?

if not, tell me cause I will have to

pick from Kelsey,Becca or Madison then.



I asked her if she liked this lad, she said he was "ok"...I then asked her if she was going to write him back.

You know what she said?

"i need to sleep on it momma"

oh Lord, she needs to sleep on it....

See, this is my baby...at conferences her teacher told me the only thing I need to worry about with her...are the boys...because all the boys in the school "love her"..

just put a damn bullet in my head now please..

So I was comfortable with the fact she was going to sleep on it. that's what any woman with a good head on her shoulders would do.

Yes, sleep on it, maybe have a wretched dream he tried kissing you or holding your hand, that should scare her away from him surely.

Well before nights end she had made her decision...she wrote him back.

I did not want to look, for fear of what I may find...

This is what my baby wrote back.




huh, she loves him?...what...oh hell no....

I keep thinking to myself...at least she was his first choice.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

bang your head

things are not good here....not good at all.

My head is spinning....pounding....

I have gone thru 2 boxes of kleenex in one full 24 hour peroid.

Not sure where 2 go from here...

I just want to die, lay face down on the pavement and let birds and wild animals do what they may....Maybe they can drag my body to an interstate and let a big rig finish the job...

I am ok with ALL that right now....

It seems as though I have been struck with the worse headcold I have ever had...Noone else in the house has one...just me.

My body is ready to call it a day...a life...whichever...

My head hurts so bad I could drive a stake in it..

I wont, because I am not fond of pain.....but I could...thats the point.

But if by some chance I dont recover and I do decide to drive a stake thru my head..

You will be the first to know.

Carry on.....go about your buisness.

there is nothing to see here.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Saturday we asked the kids to clean their rooms...Boo, the 4 year old, goes into her room 4 a while..comes out with this get up on..

Apparently this is what a Princess looks like..

they wear Easter dresses, Dora sunglasses and hats, scarves and gloves..

So eat that.


And look, this is Blondies bed.....this poor dear may not live 2 see her 8th birthday which is less then 2 weeks away..

Now in my day I had my walls covered from top to bottom with posters...It varied from wall 2 wall...My biggest wall was covered with of course the Lepps...

the other three remaining walls were covered with Prince, George Micheal, and some hairbands,like Poison, Europe, and Winger....

Good times....good times..

But I am almost sure of the fact that none of my posters taunted my mother..

Look what she has done.

Not cool.

Monday, January 21, 2008

I dont dance....

So, I was at Walmart the other day, and trust me, I hate it there...I mean literally.

One good thing about Walmart is you don't have to dress in anything besides pajamma bottoms. I swear every time I go there I see some mom sporting her jammie bottoms with frogs on em, or nice warm fuzzy ones with a plaid pattern...Sometimes I even see them sporting the matching tops.

It makes me wonder why. Why is Walmart the one place in the free world that people think they can go to without putting clothes on? Or say even brushing their hair?

Its like a modern day nudest camp...only your not naked, your just not wearing clothes....

I mean, I admit, I have been known to go there with my workout pants on...So I am sort of being a hypocrite...well no not really because they are not jammies...these pants serve a purpose..

I often walk into the store and feel like I have dressed for a black tied affair when it is really a Halloween party.

But the other day is when it really hit rock bottom even for Walmart..

I saw this woman and her kid...her child was dressed in those footie jammies, and she musta been at least 10....no shoes...just her jammies..

the mom was wearing...get this....not only her jammie pants, but slippers...she was wearing slippers...

and neither of them had run a brush thru their hair in weeks...u can tell...

I wanted to offer to buy them shoes and clothes....
Over the whole weekend the temp never got above negative 15....with the wind it was hovering around negative 40...

When you walk outside when its that cold, it sort of feels like your inhaling a porcupine.

Your lungs just hurt..

You also are sure you have a booger frozen and its dangling out of your nose, when really your nose is just freezing shut...

Your eyes feel as though a someone thru a box of nails into them...they water and it hurts to keep them open.

Its not a good feeling by any means.

trust me on this matter..

I have a pretty big house, almost 3,000 square feet. I have three bathrooms, one on each level of said abode.

Each bathroom has its very own crapper...imagine that...But only ONE bathroom has a tub...the other only have showers.

So why is it every time I want to take a hot bath away from the kids and hubby one of my tots needs to take a crap?...and why do they choose to use this very bathroom?

I tell them to go use the other bathrooms...yet they don't heed my warnings..

They just prance in there, and unload...

Without a care in the world....

It seems there very bowels only want to function when I am in the tub trying to drown myself.

And for some reason, this is the only crapper that can sustain this job.

And frankly, its getting to me.

Oh and a big bonus...I found my movie...those tots arent as smart as they once thought...

You can bet on it..

Thursday, January 17, 2008

hot child in the city

So, I know I have talked openly about the fact I am looking forward to the day when I hit menopause. for various reasons.

Well Tuesday night I not only felt my ovaries shrivel up and die, but I am sure I sprouted a couple hairs on my chin..

Guess what Pale Girl and I did? this was so totally her idea...I would never in a million years think of this unless I was...say....70.

Yes folks, we went to play BINGO.

there we were, in a room of a bunch of old women. Me and Pale girl, the youngest bitches in the joint 4 a change.

Anyway, we were rocking hard at the bingo stuff. We even got to purchase our own dobbers...I heart dobbers..

i would be in my element about to get a Bingo when some old chaps yelled it first..I wanted to deck all of them....I wanted to take granny and run her over w/my nice shiney mini van wheels. The same wheels I drive my tots in to take them to say church, Mcdonalds and target....

Then I am listening hard, because I needed N35...and low and behold, he called it. I yelled BINGO so loud I think pale girl is trying to get the ringing out of her ears.

YUP this bitch had a BINGO and won 42 smackaroo's...thats right...

So it was the last card, and its the blackout...worth up to 1129 bucks...I had my name written all over it...

I was playing 4 cards Pale Girl playing three...And God Bless her soul, but she just could not keep up with 3 BINGO cards....she was like a deer caught on a semi's windshield...Bless her cotton socks.

Needless to say I didn't win the jackpot...

So, we will hit it again next Tuesday...gonna play bingo with the granny's again...

cause that's how we roll.


oh and today is pale girls birthday...she is 35...not only pale, but old too.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Now some of you might think I am a child abuser, but I don't fancy the term...I would prefer to be rendered a...child reform specialist.

I have this bottle. Its a plastic spray bottle I keep a concoction of Pine-Sol and water in. I use it to wipe down the table and counter tops...cause thats how i roll, I like to be able to disinfect at a moments notice.

I keep it either under the sink or on the counter or in the babies bottle..(ok u got me, i don't have a baby) so I have easy access to it, should I need it in a hurry

the other night the Boy was messing around and he somehow got some of my concoction on his arm...I am still trying to figure this one out...

Anyway, he came and informed me of his contamination. He proceeded to ask me if he should be experiencing any itching or burning...like he had some sort of venereal disease.

I told him to just go wash his arm and he would be ok...or so I thought.

He proceeded to question me about this product, and was very alarmed I was not calling poison control. In fact, he brought me the phone so I could call them.

This kid would not let it rest...He looked on my generic spray bottle I purchased at Target some 2 years ago, and on the bottle, it says ..

keep out of reach of children

could this get any better, i thought to myself..

I again told him he was not only going to live, but needed to get his ass to the table and finish his homework.

He then began to have a freak out because I did not seem concerned that his arm could be burning off.

So when his dad came into the room, he asked him what would happen if he were to somehow get this shit on his arm..

Dad told him to just wash it and he should be ok.

He did not buy it.

the child proceeded to tell me that a nice normal mom would have callen poison control and also informed all state and local authorities of this possible deadly combo he had manifesting on his forearm.

I am sure u will be happy to know my almost 11 year old son is not only still alive, but his gapping burn wound is not even visible to the human eye..

thank you my Lord and Savior for making my concoction of 1 part pine sol to three parts water NON lethal when sitting atop a gentile boys arm...



Going on day 4 with no High School Musical 2. The withdrawls are that of what I assume a heroin addict goes thru..




*GI trots


*mood swings

*heart palpation's

*sweaty palms

*red eyes

*stuffy nose


the list could drag on for miles...

Hubby says its just a case of PMS and a cold...I say he is a dumb ass and don't know shit about what I am going thru..

I must say that since the kids hid the movie from me I have found a new appreciation for Radio Disney. My kids fancy this station and always have my XM radio tuned to it. I use to hate it..

But now, I think I heart it.

About every 3rd song is one from High School Musical 2 and every 5th song is Bet On It, my best song from said movie...

Although Its not the same without seeing Zac Efron dance and sway to the music, but its better then nothing.

I don't ask for much, give me my damn movie back...

Man I hate kids...

But this isn't anything that a rooftop and an AK-47 wouldn't take care of.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

why dont we get drunk and.....

I thought I would give you a brief run down of the goings on over the weekend, sure I told u it was my moms 50th birthday, but the shanagins that went along with them, are pretty priceless..

Lets see, I have made it clear that after my New Years Eve.....um...flubug, I have sworn off all forms of beer, wine and spirits..ALL forms...period..

As for pale girl, well, she is still a consuming customer and well, not only did she buy her share, she also bought what would have been my share, if I partaked in such foolishness still...

We started out the evening listening to a pretty good band at a local bar and grill. I was all bent out of shape because I had made these plans w/ my mom, and she sort of bailed on us...and this was a source of pissed off-ness for me..

So we listened to this band a while and I wanted to leave...But Pale Girl, on the other hand, was more then ready to make her own party..

I finally talked her into leaving so we could go somewhere else so I could do some karaoke, because well...thats what i do.

We get to the bar thats doing it and my mom and her drunk co-horts are all there. Unbenonst to me, my mother had put a slip up for us two to sing.."why don't we get drunk and screw...by Jimmy Buffet..Needless to say, that is a very awkward duet to sing with your mother...trust me on this..

As the night wore on, Pale Girl was drinking drinks left and right....she was going up to everyone confessing her undying love for them...

She even as went as far as to fill out a job application at said establishment..

I am not even sure if she remembers this or not...And I am just going to let her find out the hard way....by getting called for an interview....that outta teach her.

As my sober ass sat in the bar watching all these drunk people make complete horses asses of themselves, I came to realize, that was me on New Years Eve.....God help me.

My mom was included in this acting of the horse ass...it was not a pretty sight by all means. I never really seen my mom so lit as I did that night...I mean what sober person would think its a good idea to sing "Why don't we get drunk and screw" with your daughter?

On the way home Pale Girl kept telling me I was her soul mate. Said I was her one true love...there are people whom refer to us as...platonic lesbian lovers. because we are with eachother all the time...

She often needs me to peel her tongue out of strange men's mouths...And trust me, it is by no means a fun job....

Kinda like peeling a lion in heat off his woman lioness...only she is the male..she gets very cranky..

But thats my job.

to keep her tongue out of men's mouths she doesn't know..

Sometimes she has beer goggles on, and thinks the toothless chap at the bar is a hottie...And thats when I swoop in, just before she goes in for the kill.

thats how I roll....

She then told me that after we dropped her off at home, she began revisiting all her beverages. I informed her she was just getting her money's worth and she best not bitch about that.

She now claims she isn't drinking anymore, yet she has a whole weeks worth of plans that all include the bar and or tequila sunrises..

her birthday is Thursday, and she is talking about what we are going to do...

I informed her I would be the driver, as I have given up the beer, wine and spirits..

Because unlike her, when I revisited my drinks from New Years, I was not happy about getting my money's worth...

In fact, I don't mind getting ripped off in that fashion...I only need to see and taste said drink once...that is plenty for me..but thanks anyhoo.

So when we go out for her 35th birthday this weekend, I am sure I will be told how I am her soul mate, I am sure I will be fishing her tongue out of the mouths of some horny toothless men..

but you'll have that.

I will just sit there relishing the act I that my diet coke wont be revisiting me the next morning.

Amen and God bless the drunks out there..

Monday, January 14, 2008

Ok, the unthinkable has happened to me. I am totally devastated. I am weeping as a type this, sobbing uncontrollably.

Guess what happened? Go on, Guess.

My no good for nothing kids hid High School Musical 2 on me. they told me it was for my own good, they told me it was for the best..

they are now hog tied in a cellar until they bring forth my movie..


Saturday was my moms 50th birthday. I know, she seems young to have a kid that is almost 33. Wanna know how my mom is 50 with a 32 year old?

Its called teenage pregnancy....read up on it...

Here are a couple pics from Saturday night.

Here we all are, my mom is there next to my best pal whom is always very pale, I am there up top...the rest, well, they are co-workers of moms, so I cant really tell ya who the are...

Here is one of me, mom and pale girl..

Thursday is pale girls birthday, so we are going out ALL week long..apparently she has to celebrate for the whole week...thats how she rolls.

Saturday I was asked to participate in the Wii-fest Karaoke contest this coming Friday..

I am unsure if i want to....I don't mind singing for drunks, but when I am doing it in front of people who are judging me, I am liable to put a cap in someones ass if they bad mouth me..

But you'll have that.

Oh and Guess what? Look at what I did over the weekend too..

I am lucky to live where this can occur in the dead of winter...We are just frolicking around like its the middle of June or something..

See look what the temp was Sunday..

Not too shabby huh?...nice balmy 102..Perfect January weather.

Ok, I lied, that was in June..

u guys are too smart to be fooled.


Friday, January 11, 2008

in the begining

When I was about 8, I fancied a young musician named Micheal Jackson, as most girls back then did. I swear to God on a stack of Bibles I wanted so badly to marry him..When his hair was caught on fire from doing a Pepsi commercail, I about lost it. I was sure my knight in shining armor was about to die before my eye.

When I hit 9ish I became overly obsessed with Prince. I mean I lived and breathed purple and Prince. I had purple carpeting in my bedroom...I was sure THEN this would be the man I would marry...

Well all these years later and I still love him...I mean I have his symbol tattooed on my person. So that means something...

The summer I was about to turn 12 I sort of left my love for pop music along side the curb and I became a lover of what we all now refer to as "hair bands"...I loved Poison, Warrent, Whitesnake, Bon Jovi...all of them...and seen them all in concert a few times..

I know some of you may not understand or frankly give a rats ass why I am so taken with Def Leppard. Honestly there is no good reason. Its just one of those things. Anyone who has known me any length of time knows that I live and breathe this band.

For a few years while I was getting married and birthing kids and shit, I did not get into them as I had been in the past, because frankly, I didn't give a shit cause I was a young married chick and then had a few babies and the last thing on my mind was music. SO I missed a lot of years of going to see them live.

My first Def Leppard concert was nearly 20 years ago...Nov of 1988. After that day, I have never been the same.

Since that first concert I have seen them more times then I can even count. Albeit I did miss a good 6 year of shows, I still had went to alot..

The last 4 years I have been on the fast track to making up for lost time..

I have a lot of nice memories of Def Leppard music. Whether it being roller skating to Love Bites with my boyfriend, making out in the kiddie rink with whomever I felt like while hearing Hysteria...

My first...um, encounter at the tender age of 13, I insisted to my boyfriend I put on my Def Leppard tape, as this would get things rocking and rolling...

I must say, I was right on the money with that one..just in case u pervs were wondering.

When I was in high school, back in 1991, one of the guitar players in the band died of an overdose of drugs and booze..I can remember my school counselor coming to get me and breaking the news to me, as most anyone who knew me at all knew I would be devastated. And I was...I went home early that day..and I went in my room and gazed at all my posters and pictures on my wall..wondering what was going to happen now..

I was heartbroken...

As the years went on, I always had a fond love for the band...Anytime a new cd came out, I was there buying it, or anytime I happen to hear tunes on the radio I turned it up nice and loud and would think to myself...God I love these men..they sure know how to put a boot in your ass full of rock and roll.

not that I condone the use of boots in asses, but u get the point.

A few years ago I started hitting the concert scene again...and when I say hit it, I mean HIT it.

I follow them where I can. As far as the hubby and the greenbacks allow me. I have been privileged enough to have seen them, meet them get autographs and just chat it up with some of them...

And its just like I am living a dream...To hear them call u by name...(after they ask of course, not like they remember my name, soon though..)

Its like every minute of dreaming and fantasizing about them my whole life has finally paid off...and it feels good..

I am now going to share with u some photos from the last 3 shows I have been too, each show took place in a different state...

These ones here are from the 2006 tour I drove to Fargo, North Dakota to see them this day, I was in the front right next to the stage, in fact, I was touching the stage thru most of the show, hoping someone would step on my hand..

That is me standing at the stage, I know its a horrid pic of myself, but you'll have that.

Thats me and my mom before the show...we are hopelessly looking like retards.

This is Viv getting on the tour bus after I got a pic with him and he signed my ticket..and a couple hugs.

This is me and him...I know...this is what happens when u let your mother be in charge of the up most important photo of your life.

This is me showing off my ticket he signed...

So that was Fargo..

Moving Forward to the summer of 2007 Tour...This was in Detroit, Michigan.

This is me and my old chum Jill/Halfmexican Momma..she went along on the jaunt with me.

So that is a wrap up of the Detroit show...Now we are moving to the Labor Day show of 2007 in St Paul, Minnesota.

That is my mom and I.....in the moonlight..

So there are some pics and whatnot from my endless journeys of traveling to the ends of the Earth for these five men...

I know some of you don't understand, or don't give a rats ass...But its just something I enjoy.

Some people like going on expensive lavish vacations, some people like buying wacky tabacy and whisky, some like spending money on sex toys or lingerie, some like to spend money on hookers and escorts..

Me, I just spend it following a band I have loved since I was a youngin.

This summer/fall if they add a third leg to the world tour, I will be taking The Boy to his first Lepp show. It will be 20 years after my first Lepp show and it will be three generations attending it.

Its gonna be a sweet day for me when it happens...

So there ya go....a little wrap up if u will of my latest Lepp adventures...

And trust me, there will be more, because there will be a next time.

Dont forget us, and we wont forget you-Joe Elliott after EVER Lepp show I have been to the last few years.

Amen and can I get a HELL YEAH bitches..

ok, maybe not..

At least I am not talking about High School Musical right?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

High and Dry

Well, after a bunch of tries, I finally got some decent seats at the Lepp show in Michigan..

I am the proud owner of Main Floor 1 row G seat 3...So this is 6 rows back from the stage...which totally blows..

Here is the seating chart..

Not sure if the tix were worth the 125 plus tax that I paid, but its not like I could skip it..Not a freaking chance..

So I will be seeing them April 18th in Grand Rapids , MI..

Styx will be with them again this year, as well as ReO Speedwagon..(gag me)

So yeah, me...

Bon Jovi can kiss my dairy aire

I have bigger fish to fry Jon....My boys would not be able to go on without me there, I am doing it more for them then I am for me.

Because thats how I roll.


I wanted to watch High School Musical 2 today, and you know what my darling Boo said to me?

Momma, no, you need to back off

I was like WHAT?

I pleaded my case, even showed her some tears..

So she said.

its ok momma, I use to like watching the wiggles, but now I am bigger, its ok

For Christ sake, I don't need a pep talk, I need to watch High School Musical 2 before I totally have a melt down..

Boo asked me if she could wear a beautiful dress today and I was like sure..

So she came out of her room wearing her white tights, black dress shoes and a frilly little pink Easter Dress.

She says.."momma am I pretty"

yes baby, your are pretty, but lets put your underwear on UNDER your tights shall we?

God I love that kid.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I think im gonna kill myself

For those of u who dont know, the title is an Elton John song, it kinda sums up my feelings as of now...so bare with me as we go on this painful journey together.

First off, Def Leppard announced the rest of the dates, not a one in my neck of the forest..SO this means I need to drive 16 hours to Michigan...

My mom is trying to talk me into going to see Bon Jovi. They at least have the common decency to come to the twin cities..

but I just don't fancy Bon Jovi as I do my Lepps...

So I guess I'm driving to Michigan alone, as my mom don't wanna go...

AND I will be seeing Bon Jovi..

its a no win situation for me people..

If I would not of stopped drinking I would head up and get a good drunkard on right now.


Next up I will show you some hitonius photos from New Years..u can all thank Jamie Dawn for that word, she made it up.

Lets take a looksy loo at this...

notice my eyeliner, its oozing off the side of my face..

notice my hair, its kinda all slicked back like some sort of mofia kingpin.

notice how I am looking very closely at the monitor, like there is porn showing on it or something.

notice how it looks like I am giving the mic a good..B-job.

good times, good times..

This is me and my BFF....This whole night is a blur....a big fat blur..

Notice my glass of Vodka and OJ, see all the straws in it? Those are all my straws from all my drinks, and this was only 2 hours into the bash...

Hence while I was sick with the new years flu the next two days..

Moving on....

I am thinking of getting a wash tub and board to go with our nice line drying in the laundry room..

Look...here is the clothes drying...and i use the term dry very loosely.

Now you sick perverts divert your eyes from the under garments hanging..

thank u and amen.

But on the plus side, look what I am watching..

yup, High School Musical Deuce..
He kinda looks like a young Rob Lowe....me likey..
Well, I need to go figure some shit out...
Oh and my song is just about on...I need to go get my groove on...

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

and so it goes...

I have been waiting feverishly all day checking the Def Leppard Official Site as they were suppose to announce the rest of the American tour dates Monday..

I waited and waited..checked and checked...

and as of press time, nothing...

I am thisclose to putting caps in someones ass.

What, do they think I have all day to sit around and check?

Ok they are right, I do.


My son has informed my mom, that when he is president, he is going to make everyone who ever done him wrong live in poverty and in the slums, and the people who are nice to him will live in wealth.
im thinking he MUST be a Repulican....

Its ok though, I am use to living in poverty....I mean I have NO dryer for Christ sake.


Speaking of dryers, it leads me to a thought I have.

I know I must be going to hit the change soon...I will give u a few reasons why I suspect menopause is near.

*I hate racket...

*I am wearing slippers as of late

*I need to eat dinner BY 5pm

*I want a new vacuum

*I freeze leftovers

*I like Bengay

*I feel the need for Metamucil at times

*I think I might have a cataract...or else my contacts need a good scrubbing.

* I think I may need to elevate my bed, as at night I get a burnin in my throat if I eat something spicy at noon.

See, am I right? Do you think these are all signs of my impending change?

I have been praying for this for years now...


I cant wait to start getting facial hair...I will be the shit then.


Look, this is the kids...This is a forced pose...

This is them with their normal pose..

See, they eyes are fixated on the tellie..
But no, its NOT High School Musical, cause if we were watching that now, I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting my time here right now.
But good news though, I am not a pedophile after all, I found out the little boy in that movie is 20....He is not jail bait after all...
I don't feel so dirty when I dream now..

Monday, January 07, 2008

Music in me

I am riddled with guilt. I don't mind being riddled, if its a good one....But when its guilt, not so pleasant..

The last few days I have been using mind control on my Boo...I have been planting seeds in her in which makes her want to watch High School Musical 2.

This is me..

"hey Boo, wanna watch a movie"

" no tanks momma"

" well I'm just gonna shut the tv off them cause I am tired of watching Noggin for 6 hours straight"

" but momma"

"nope, we either watch a movie or the tv goes off"

" wanna watch shrek 3 momma"

" nope"

" spiderman 3?"

" nope, nothing with a three...maybe a two"

" oh momma, wanna watch High School Musical 2?"

" well, if u insist"

See, that is what I have reduced myself too..I am by no means proud of the fact I am about to spout because A. it looks and sounds like I let my kids watch a lot of tv, when in turn, that is the case...and B, its gonna make me sound crazy and obsessed with teenage boys..

On Friday Boo and I watch High School Musical 2.... 5 times..back to freakin back..

It was the best day of my life.


I have an amusing Karaoke story for you guys....I know your going to love this shit.

So the other night my ma and I are out to a karaoke bar so I can rock the house, as per normal.

The place is packed. Now normally I play for a crowd of anywhere between 10-30 people..which is not a lot..

But Saturday this place we went to was packed. I heard the manager say the capacity was 213 and he exceeded that long ago so it was standing room only for some..

So this was like playing Madison Square Garden for a mear karaoke queen as myself.

Sure I have written things that millions of people have enjoyed, but thats different..and we dont/cant talk about that anyway.

Anyhoo, I was in my element, I started out with my best tune..I am singing my heart out, and the crowd is LOVING it, as per normal.

There is clapping, there is whistling, there is cheering. As per normal.I am thinking..damn, I love drunk people.

I finish song one and I head back to my seat as per normal.

Then I notice that behind the stage on the big screen tv is a football game.

SO I am about 90% sure they were not hoopin and hollering for me now.

Then its time for song number two, and I give it a good belt out...The crowd is on their feet dancing and screaming...as per normal.

When I was done I had at least 20 people come up to our table and tell me they wished I was the only one doing the singing...well of course...as per normal

As the night wore on things were hopping, I was a star...I had people gooing and gawing over me, and it was pure bliss..

When I got up for another song, I was brushing some hair off my jeans when I noticed the unthinkable...

My fly had been undone...NOT per normal

Now I am not sure how long it was down for, I am assuming I forgot to zip it when I went tinkles a few minutes before.

But it was just plain scary.

There I was, in front of 200 peeps and I was open fly all the way.

Now the sweater I was wearing was long, so it covered the fly area...But still..

So there I am standing there with a full house of drunks, my song starts to play and I don't know what to do..I am froze..

If I starting singing and moving around, they are likely to notice the fly is wide open, like the grand canyon..

And I don't think anyone wanted to see my hot pink bikini briefs in full view.

Well I know one of them wouldn't of minded as he kept asking me to marry him..Pretty sure he was gay though..

There I was...all exposed...in front of millions..

ok 200 people.

So I did what any hot blooded female would do..

I zipped my fly up in mid song..



Still no dryer....Friday night when I was tyring to get ready for a night filled of diet coke and kareoke, my jeans were still wet...So again I had to break out the f-ing blow dryer.....

Is this what my life has been reduced too?..For the love of God.

Nothing like going out of doors when its negative 5 degrees with a damp crotch.

Oh, I have forgotten to mention this before, but by the end of this week I should know if I have a job at our local gym as a personal trainer...

They seem to be smitten with me...

Its gonna be swell.

Flip Flop Momma, getting fat asses into shape one smile at a time.