Wednesday, January 16, 2008

poison

Now some of you might think I am a child abuser, but I don't fancy the term...I would prefer to be rendered a...child reform specialist.


I have this bottle. Its a plastic spray bottle I keep a concoction of Pine-Sol and water in. I use it to wipe down the table and counter tops...cause thats how i roll, I like to be able to disinfect at a moments notice.





I keep it either under the sink or on the counter or in the babies bottle..(ok u got me, i don't have a baby) so I have easy access to it, should I need it in a hurry





the other night the Boy was messing around and he somehow got some of my concoction on his arm...I am still trying to figure this one out...





Anyway, he came and informed me of his contamination. He proceeded to ask me if he should be experiencing any itching or burning...like he had some sort of venereal disease.





I told him to just go wash his arm and he would be ok...or so I thought.





He proceeded to question me about this product, and was very alarmed I was not calling poison control. In fact, he brought me the phone so I could call them.





This kid would not let it rest...He looked on my generic spray bottle I purchased at Target some 2 years ago, and on the bottle, it says ..





keep out of reach of children





could this get any better, i thought to myself..





I again told him he was not only going to live, but needed to get his ass to the table and finish his homework.





He then began to have a freak out because I did not seem concerned that his arm could be burning off.





So when his dad came into the room, he asked him what would happen if he were to somehow get this shit on his arm..





Dad told him to just wash it and he should be ok.





He did not buy it.





the child proceeded to tell me that a nice normal mom would have callen poison control and also informed all state and local authorities of this possible deadly combo he had manifesting on his forearm.





I am sure u will be happy to know my almost 11 year old son is not only still alive, but his gapping burn wound is not even visible to the human eye..





thank you my Lord and Savior for making my concoction of 1 part pine sol to three parts water NON lethal when sitting atop a gentile boys arm...





amen.





~


Going on day 4 with no High School Musical 2. The withdrawls are that of what I assume a heroin addict goes thru..





*shakes


*nausea


*vomiting


*GI trots


*headache


*mood swings


*heart palpation's


*sweaty palms


*red eyes


*stuffy nose


*insomnia..





the list could drag on for miles...





Hubby says its just a case of PMS and a cold...I say he is a dumb ass and don't know shit about what I am going thru..





I must say that since the kids hid the movie from me I have found a new appreciation for Radio Disney. My kids fancy this station and always have my XM radio tuned to it. I use to hate it..





But now, I think I heart it.





About every 3rd song is one from High School Musical 2 and every 5th song is Bet On It, my best song from said movie...





Although Its not the same without seeing Zac Efron dance and sway to the music, but its better then nothing.





I don't ask for much, give me my damn movie back...





Man I hate kids...





But this isn't anything that a rooftop and an AK-47 wouldn't take care of.

26 comments:

icanseeclearlynow said...

LOL!! on the rooftop and ak-47. teenagers are the worst. ugh! BUT, ya gotta love em.

that story with the pinesol concoction is hilarious. when kids get a little knowledge you can't tell them anything. midget know-it-alls!

;)

maria

Flip Flop Momma said...

icansee,
yes, they are the worst;)

its funny how little people think they no everything;)

Foster Communications said...

Yeah, that Pine Sol is pretty harsh stuff! Makes me think of Big Fat Greek Wedding "Put some Windex on it"

Cheeky said...

Just go get another copy - you can never have too many!

Oh and my niece called 911 on my sister once because it hurt when my sister was removing a splinter.....

Dawn said...

OMG! I think we had twins that got separated, and we were somehow in the same hospital, and somehow we each got one twin. Cuz that sounds just like my oldest. He must be dying!

I feel your pain.

Katie said...

So glad the boy's arm doesn't need to be amputated.

Cliff said...

find the movie and bring it to blogstock with you. We'll put it on the big screen.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Jessica,
yes, its pretty harsh alright;)



Cheeky,
well, I am tempted..

my mom called 911 once because she got boo stuck in her stroller when she was baby..yeah..

Dawn,

its always a possiality...

Katie,
but i* u ask him, he needs an amputation.

Cli**,
u would do that 4 me?

i love u;)

Groovy Mom said...

My son is like that. He freaks out over everything, won't even take medication that I recommend because I might not know what I'm talking about and accidentally give him an overdose. Did I mention he's 17 and 6'3". How could I possibly overdose him with children's liquid tylenol? Weirdo.

I've never seen High School Musical 2.

Tom said...

I'd have told him "Either tetanus booster at hospital or just wash it off". Poor kid!

Scarlet said...

Around Christmas when I wanted to hear "Let It Snow" and other favorites, the kids blared Radio Disney. I can't listen to it for too long...or I'll be on the rooftop with an AK-47!

BTW, if you want to come to Miami, we have some good rehab places here for your HM2 addiction. :)

Southern Sage said...

I guess I'm going to have to find out WTF high school 2 is. It must be some good action. Why you try to burn my boy for? Sigh.
SS

Flip Flop Momma said...

Groovy Mom,
thats how he will b...i know it...damn kids.

tom,
now thas a smart idea.

Scarlet,
I sooo need a good rehab in Miami..

SS<
well ther eis no skin, no kissing, no touching....i dont think u would get it...hahaha

CMB said...

I read on perezhilton.com that your boyfriend had his appendix out and I immediately thought of you. I also read he is recovering nicely.
Your son sounds as dramatic as mine. I often tell him that he could win an academy award.

Flip Flop Momma said...

CMB,
why didnt anyone inform me he was going under the knife?...thats just wrong...

Yes, we always tell my son he could outdo any actor out there 2day...I swear...

1 plus twins said...

omg that is too damn funny. your boy is a hoot!!

now you have something to look forward to, hsm 3 is all on and ready to go. you did know your boyfriend had emergency surgery yesterday. he is at cedars sinai in la but reports have that he is ok and still doing hsm 3. maybe yu should send him flowers or yourself if hubby doesn't mind. lol

Flip Flop Momma said...

1pt,
i know someone just informed me about his emergency...poor dear, i dont know why i wasnt notified..

i cant wait for three to come out..i keep hearing about it...but i have not seen the first one yet..

im all aout number 2:)

Patti said...

Your son the drama queen kills me!

Hey I just heard they are all returning for HSM 3 and I thought of .... YOU!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Patti,
i know...and i cant wait:)

metalmom said...

QUICK!!! Zac was calling out your name as he came out of anesthesia!

*Sorry, Just giving you fuel for your fantasies!*

Michele_3 said...

I love that movie too~ I think I like it more them my kids..

Your son cracks me up-
He sounds like my 11 yr old- questioning his mom every 10 minutes right?

LOL!
Take Care!
:)

just_tammy said...

Pretty funny that you want to blow one Zach out of the water but heart and are worried about another Zac. Maybe because one is really ill and the other is just a pill.

Man, I needed that laugh. Thanks once again.

PS - Annoying boys unfortunately grow into annoying guys...go ahead, ask me about my son! At least he called to apologize and tell me I was right which I knew all along!

Southern Sage said...

Why would anybody watch such silly things? Surely there is cowboys or outlaws and shootouts in it then right??
SS

Flip Flop Momma said...

Metalmom,
hey now, he prolly did;)

Michele 3,
i have an unhealthy love 4 it, i need help;)

tam
we always are right in the end arent we?

SS,
well....its about a bunch of high school kids...and its a musical.

no outlaws, no shooting..

but u might fancy some of the jail bait;)

Krystal said...

BAHAHAHAHA!

Southern Sage said...

nah I hate 18 year olds with perky ta-ta's asses so tight you could bounce a quater off and no clue how to fend off the outragously good game of an old player.
I threw up in my mouth just thinking about it!!
js