Tuesday, January 15, 2008

why dont we get drunk and.....

I thought I would give you a brief run down of the goings on over the weekend, sure I told u it was my moms 50th birthday, but the shanagins that went along with them, are pretty priceless..

Lets see, I have made it clear that after my New Years Eve.....um...flubug, I have sworn off all forms of beer, wine and spirits..ALL forms...period..

As for pale girl, well, she is still a consuming customer and well, not only did she buy her share, she also bought what would have been my share, if I partaked in such foolishness still...

We started out the evening listening to a pretty good band at a local bar and grill. I was all bent out of shape because I had made these plans w/ my mom, and she sort of bailed on us...and this was a source of pissed off-ness for me..

So we listened to this band a while and I wanted to leave...But Pale Girl, on the other hand, was more then ready to make her own party..

I finally talked her into leaving so we could go somewhere else so I could do some karaoke, because well...thats what i do.

We get to the bar thats doing it and my mom and her drunk co-horts are all there. Unbenonst to me, my mother had put a slip up for us two to sing.."why don't we get drunk and screw...by Jimmy Buffet..Needless to say, that is a very awkward duet to sing with your mother...trust me on this..

As the night wore on, Pale Girl was drinking drinks left and right....she was going up to everyone confessing her undying love for them...

She even as went as far as to fill out a job application at said establishment..

I am not even sure if she remembers this or not...And I am just going to let her find out the hard way....by getting called for an interview....that outta teach her.

As my sober ass sat in the bar watching all these drunk people make complete horses asses of themselves, I came to realize, that was me on New Years Eve.....God help me.

My mom was included in this acting of the horse ass...it was not a pretty sight by all means. I never really seen my mom so lit as I did that night...I mean what sober person would think its a good idea to sing "Why don't we get drunk and screw" with your daughter?

On the way home Pale Girl kept telling me I was her soul mate. Said I was her one true love...there are people whom refer to us as...platonic lesbian lovers. because we are with eachother all the time...

She often needs me to peel her tongue out of strange men's mouths...And trust me, it is by no means a fun job....

Kinda like peeling a lion in heat off his woman lioness...only she is the male..she gets very cranky..

But thats my job.

to keep her tongue out of men's mouths she doesn't know..

Sometimes she has beer goggles on, and thinks the toothless chap at the bar is a hottie...And thats when I swoop in, just before she goes in for the kill.

thats how I roll....

She then told me that after we dropped her off at home, she began revisiting all her beverages. I informed her she was just getting her money's worth and she best not bitch about that.

She now claims she isn't drinking anymore, yet she has a whole weeks worth of plans that all include the bar and or tequila sunrises..

her birthday is Thursday, and she is talking about what we are going to do...

I informed her I would be the driver, as I have given up the beer, wine and spirits..

Because unlike her, when I revisited my drinks from New Years, I was not happy about getting my money's worth...

In fact, I don't mind getting ripped off in that fashion...I only need to see and taste said drink once...that is plenty for me..but thanks anyhoo.

So when we go out for her 35th birthday this weekend, I am sure I will be told how I am her soul mate, I am sure I will be fishing her tongue out of the mouths of some horny toothless men..

but you'll have that.

I will just sit there relishing the act I that my diet coke wont be revisiting me the next morning.

Amen and God bless the drunks out there..

35 comments:

Katie said...

Sounds like quite the evening.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Katie,
4 sure...

Southern Sage said...

So just because there are a few skips in my chewers I can't be tongued by your pale friend????
Sigh
I always miss out

Flip Flop Momma said...

SS,
well, up close u might not wanna..

but your more then welcome too...

just put some chicklets in there..

1 plus twins said...

wow it sounds like you are a really good friend!!! it is funny though how she was once ocg and now is pale one. ha ha isn't it funny how when your the sober one the drunks look and act so stupid but when we are drunk we think we are sooo cool. ha h a

Flip Flop Momma said...

1Pt,
well, I like pale girl better;)

both fit her 2 a t:)

Working Mom said...

Kinda makes me want to go out now...

Fantastagirl said...

I'm thinking dt. coke is a good way to go - glad you ladies have a designated driver.

Cheeky said...

Next time take pictures for posterity!

Flip Flop Momma said...

Working Mom,
well, come on..I will be the driver.

fantstagirl,
yup...Im a good driver and dt coke drinker.

Cheeky,
better yet, next time u should come with;)

Miss 1999 said...

Girl, you've sworn off alcohol, that's a big one! But you know, it is so much fun to watch the drunks-- almost as much as being one! *LOL*

The Egel Nest said...

Flip Flop -

Oh how I have missed you!!!

Glad to see you are as dirty and fun as ever...

Happy New Year!

Muah sis!


Bradley
The Egel Nest

Groovy Mom said...

Aw geez, your job with pale girl sounds an awful lot like my job with my best drinking buddy. You're probably better at it than I am. My buddy gets into all kinds of trouble, and I just sit there and laugh cause it's damn funny.

Tom said...

I can think of worse things than having my uvula tongued by Pale girl. I gotta do karaoke there when I get to Cleveland and can fly up after work..thanks for the blog visit!

Yippeeskip said...

At least since you are of the heterosexual variety, you are not peeling your lesbian soul mates tongue off the roof of your own mouth.
As for mom, I'm speechless...
Sounds like fun

Flip Flop Momma said...

Miss 1999,
yes, its more amusing to watch the drunks then 2 B one;)

Bradely,
did u call me dirty?

ha

Groovy Mom,
we should get our drunk bud 2gether and go have a hell oF a good time;)

tom,
Pale girls tongue has seen better days;)

Yippeeskip,
very true....I would have 2 put a cap in her ass iF she tried that one;)

CMB said...

Let me just tell you how hard you had me laughing. Your blog sure puts a smile on my face :) Thank you for the comments on my blog. My BIL is the bald one and the tan one is Tino. How hot is he? Your comment on my snow post was great too. I am sure you can not stand to hear people like me complain - sorry!

mrs. parker said...

We want an audio post- of the duet.
I joined the Tequila shot a minute club in april of '91, made it to 17. That is how I roll. It's a wonder I lived to even see 21.

mrs. parker said...

Well, rollED. I had my first baby at 20 (just missed the whole teen pregnancy thing)and gave up the habit of splitting a 30 pack with someone for fun.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Note to self: Move to Minnesota...

Flip Flop Momma said...

CMB,
well glad I can get your morning oFF to a roaring start;)

Mrs Parker,
oh gosh, thank Gawd none oF my peeps are that tech savvy;)

I have never been abot to drnk teqilula..I am a vodka whore..

well, I use to be;)

Glad u skathed thru the teen years with no tots;)

Mr Fab,
shoot, do I make it sound like its good living here?

themuttprincess said...

I hate when I get my money's worth with adult beverages! That is just the WORST!

Your mom sounds like a riot!!!

Janell said...

This is a great blog - you are SO fun to read. Have fun with the Def boys in April.

metalmom said...

Now that you are the sober one, have a little fun and take my advice:

VIDEO,VIDEO,VIDEO!!!!

There's nothing better on a rainy day than watching your friends be asses!

Patti said...

Oh boy you are quite a friend! LOL Pale Girl sounds verrrrry entertaining! When I come to MN we have to go out, i've got to hear you sing karoke.

Happy Belated Birthday to your Mom!

Groovy Mom said...

We totally should. Hey, I'm gonna be in Minnesota in April!

Do you ever record anything at singsnap.com? I like practicing stuff there, but it's really hard to sound good on the computer unless you have mixing software and mic effects. I don't, so I'm not sharing my user ID. ;-)

Flip Flop Momma said...

Janelle,
thanks....No worries, I am sure to have LOADS of fun;)

tMP,
I know...I am cool with just experincing it once;)

Metalmom,
well..I dont wanna be the boob who brings the video camera to the bar..haha

Patti,
totally..u need 2 come 4 sure;)

Groovy MOm,
when in Aprl r u coming?..hope its not when i am in MI or my Lepp show and what part o MN u coming too?

No I never heard of tha site, u need to fill me in PLEASE..

JoeInVegas said...

Yup, that's what you were like NYEve. (and every other time).
That's why I don't drink either - too much fun watching the drunks, and being able to remember it.

Flip Flop Momma said...

Joe,
its nice remebering isnt it?

Groovy Mom said...

I'll be there from the 17th to the 22nd. One night in Minneapolis and then I'll be in Southern Minnesota near Albert Lea.

Flip Flop Momma said...

i leave on the 16th and return early on the 20th...hmmm....

well...i live an hour outside the twin cities...

wish u were coming ealrier;)

Groovy Mom said...

Aw, bummer. I promised my aunt I'd take her out for some karaoke while I'm there. We're gonna have to see what's around. I'll be spending most of my time about 2 hours south of the Twin Cities.

Southern Sage said...

Ok if you are going to stay on the wagon you drive I'll drink your portion.
Deal?
and I'll use the chicklets, does being "heavy" and bald count me out for a tongueing from Pale Rider?
SS

Flip Flop Momma said...

Groovy,
hmm, you will have 2 email me and we will have 2 try and make a plan..

SS,
yes, u can have my portion all u want, tha is until I decide to walk instead of ride the wagon..

she likes the chubs, so im sure u will b ok;)

Granny said...

For what it's worth, I remember walking into one of my old hangouts about 3 months after my last drink.

(I was meeting someone for lunch)

Anyhow, it was the same old butts on the same old bar stools, the same old arguments, and the same tired jokes.

It sure convinced me and 28 years down the road I'm still convinced.

Big hugs