Friday, June 30, 2006

Endless stream of picture vomit

ok, lets see what we have here..

Lake Michigan in the UP..At a rest stop..Yes I go to nice rest stops..I like them..I don't use them, but I like them.

Same rest stop...I told the kids there were bears in that forest, that is how I got them back to the car.

This is Lake Huron..Caseville beach, very nice...This is where I saw the crack..

Blondie Bee and her castle

Boo Bee....Getting sand outta her eye..

and the moment we have all been waiting for..

That is the crack...

The heavy woman there putting lotion on that woman's back, that is Mr cracks wife..

Ok blogger is having issues and it wont let me post anymore pics, I think its worried I am going to post more crack. I am going to use Hello to post the rest, so there will be a crap load of pics under this post after I get them up...Just humor me and look at them.

I hope you all have a great Holiday weekend. I will be drinking and lighting fireworks..Not at the same time though, I might injury my good typing hand..

Bee Real

ok I know it says Friday and its still only Thursday night..but I plan on doing stuff the rest of the night and tommorw so I wont have time to post it..just consider it an early holiday gift from me to you....

now on to more picutre vomit..

oh and today is my very disfunctional sisters birthday..have u ever wanted to beat the living hell outaa anyone?..well thats her..

Thursday, June 29, 2006

look at this spread..i had to sleep with this
my kiddies

sleeping at the motel...arent they little angles?
my kiddies

the bridge I would be driving over to get home in about a half hour..
my kiddies

waiting for the boat back to the main land
my kiddies

just a picutre i guess
my kiddies

ok see the hats? My mom had a coupon for this fudge shop, the fudge was 17 bucks a pound but it said you got a free hat. So we get it for the hat figuring it would be a ball cap or something..The lady hands my mom paper hats and I nearly wet myself:)
my kiddies

Butch frolicing in the waves
my kiddies

there is the bridge in the background..its a long one, trust me on this
my kiddies

a beach on the island..i saw a photo op on the rock..
my kiddies

a motel there...ya, I had nothing..
my kiddies

a view of a street on the island..the whoe place smells like horse poo..not a nice smell
my kiddies

he thinks he is a grown up..check out his super man wrist band..what man would NOT be wearing that?
my kiddies

we are waiting for the ferry to Machinaw Island
my kiddies

this is me..the kids were in bed being good..i was trying to get a better shot of the nose ring
my kiddies

these are my Bees and then my sisters "blessings"..I wont get into that now..mmkay?
my kiddies

this is my bees and MY grandpa turned 87 when we were there..he is getting up grandma was worried her hair didnt look good...
my kiddies

this is the bees futrue grandma walking arouund the yard with her grandkids..haha
my kiddies

this is me, the bees and my soon to be step mother bee..we are at the parade for the towns 100th birthday.
my kiddies

Boo got her face painted..its a butterfly..hello people
my kiddies

Butch Bee out swimming wiht the fishes
my kiddies

my boo bee, and you can see mrs crack in the background
my kiddies

the beach..duh
my kiddies

this was 5 minutes later when they were I look like my dad here..that is some scary shit..oh and i had 2 cancer sores on my lips form biting them..I was stressed I guess..
my kiddies

Back by popular demand

Ok, just got home tonight. To answer some questions, the reason it looked like I was online was because Mr Shaky Pants uses my yahoo ID to listen to music because I am smart enough to pay for the launcast service so you can have unlimited skipping and he can listen to his crappy jazz crap....Ok moving on..

We had a good trip. I will share some pics at the end of the lame post, bear with me..

some things I have learned in the last week.. fear of bridges nearly cost me to have a panic attack nearly forcing my 9 year old to drive.

2.I believe my own stories that I tell the Bees..its easy for your car to go over the side of the bridge..They had to keep telling me it wasn't going to happen, I told them it they don't shut their damn mouths it will.

3. When I am swimming in the pool with the older two bees my Boo bee will stand by my mother and yell " look at the whale"....."momma your a whale, see its the ocean and momma is a whale..hahahahahahahah"

not so damn funny...

4. When traveling down highway 29 in Wisconsin, there are NO rest stops...So wear diapers.

5. When you are looking for a Wendys because you want some chili, but you have drove 85 miles down the expressway and don't see one..The minute you pull off to go to A&W instead, your next exit will be Wendys..Bastards..

6. After my dad spends all day golfing in a tourment, the first thing he does when he gets home is turn on the golf channel...

We had fun, the bees enjoyed seeing everyone..But I am in need of some alone time now.

It wont let me post any pics, so I will do it later..

Sorry for all the confusion and hurt feelings over my will. I am not dead so lets not worry bout it anymore, mmkay?

Well I will try to post some sad pics of my family tomorrow where I will introduce you to my grandparents, my niece and nephew and my soon to be new mom..

Oh and some crack I saw at the beach..

I am on my way to visit you all. I have missed you all much, hope everyone is ok..

Bee Real

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Dust in the wind

In the untimely and unfortunate event of my demise while on the road, I thought I better make out a will so you guys don't fight over my stuff.

I cant list everyone..If I miss you this time and I LIVE I will make sure to add you next time..

To Jamie Dawn, I leave you collection of glasses, they are the perfect size for sipping our lemonade on our porches..Even be able to fit a fancy umbrella in them.

To Cliff, I leave you my dog, I know your wife can keep her nice and groomed..Mr Shaky would just assume I take her with me and maybe plunge her off the bridge as I am driving over it..But she is staying home..So if he don't give her away, you can have her..She can help you rattle the cattle in..( if u have cattle)

To Britmum,
My stash of DT DP...I have crap loads in my fridge in the basement..Its all yours..

To Shangie, My cat..I don't think Mr shaky cares for her either..She likes to claw on the couch...And she would get along fine with Swoopes and Cooper...I hope anyway.

To D, I am giving you copyrights to use the term "smashed bananas and retards" run with it D..Run with it...Oh and I am also leaving you my collection of George Michel and Prince CD's..I think they will be safe there..Am I right?

To Suzie, I will leave you my nail polish..I know you have lots..And I would like to add to your collection...Also any unused nail files and accerioris...

To Denise, I leave you all my left over weight watcher points...Use them wisely girl..

Ok , I don't have any more stuff to give away....If I missed you it was only because I don't have stuff...Well no stuff worth giving away..Unless anyone wants me old bras and underwear..

yea didn't think so..

And someone needs to be in charge of writing my obituary..I will just let you guys fight over that.

Love to all...C-ya in 10 -13 days...

Bossy Britches...As my last will and testimate

Witnesses by Boo Bee and Ellen the dog..

Time 2:40 pm Central Standard Time

weather condtions ..Over cast/rain..Temp 72..Humidity 88% dewpoint 66..(suppose to get some nasty ones today)

Bee Real

Edit...I am leaving Kelly my Ipod, becuase it has all the crappy music we listend to in highschool....

there are ya happy?....So we are good now right?...haha

Friday, June 16, 2006

ugly ass earings

there you are folks..the earrings I got with my five finger discount..

told ya they was ugly..

c-ya in 10-14 days..


Take the long way home

Well this will more than likely be my last post till after I get back from my lil holiday. Which will be June 28 or so. I know you will all miss me. I will leave you a hanky to wipe your tears.

This is where I a going. I am driving. I have never driven this kind of distance before. This is not the way we normally drive when we go back. I am going this way so I don't have to drive thru Chicago. Driving thru that city is like having a limb cut off, while your awake.

This will be my route, if you are passing by this way honk your horn as your passing by..And I will flip you the bird.

That is roughly 800 miles and 17 hours and 34 minutes of driving and hearing " mom , I gotta pee" Or " mom , I am hungry"...Or " are we there yet"

Mr Shaky gets to stay in the confines of the hive..Lucky bastard..


My little boo bee has been scared lately of the train. We have a train that goes thru town about 20 times a day. At all hours. The last few days she hears it she finds a blanket and puts her head under and screams for help..This was her last night when the train came thru..

Blondie Bee came in from playing outside last night and asked if she could get some ice cream from Dairy Queen. Her reasoning was it was hot..She said " even feel my armpits"...That is a girl desperate for ice cream.


Ok Robin..The best thing about blogging is getting to be silly and share the stupid crap that is my life. The thing I don't like about it is worrying about someone taking something I say the wrong way..And worrying about people I don't want reading it, reading it..

If Prince came to my door I would not say anything to him, I would just greet him with a full open mouth tongue lashing...


Ok and the moment you have all been waiting for..My ugly earrings that I stole..What I am calling my five finger discount ghetto rings..

Ok your not going to beilve this..but it is not letting me post it..I will try come and check..

Blogger must not want me to increminate myself..

See you all when I get back, I am leaving Sunday morning..I will be spending the weekend doing laundry and packing..Hope I dont forget my underwear like I did last time..I had to go and buy all new underwear..But I packed the kids enough underwear to be covered durring a nuclear attack..

Have a great week.

Bee real

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I drove all night

picture this..

Me, Target, the bees, shoplifting.

I know, its a hard picture to imagine. I know what your thinking, one of my bees lifted something in their shirts. Nope.

I lifted something in my shirt. Nope. Not exactly.

I was browsing tru the clearance items and I spotted the most ugly pair of earrings. They were $3.49. I thought what the heck and threw them in my cart.

I unloaded my crap, paid for it, and walked out the door. Upon my arriving at the sliding doors the buzzers went off. I am thinking to myself..Oh great..

But knowing I just went thru the checklane they told me to go ahead.

I get to my van and get the bags out of the cart, where at the bottom of my cart I notice my ugly earrings. Under normal circumstances I would of went back in and paid for them. Guess this was not normal circumstances.

More proof I am going to hell. I am a thief. I think I would be be-headed in Biblical times.

Funny thing is, I did not feel one bit bad about it. Almost giddy..HA Target, how ya like me now?

Watch your purses and fine jewels in my presence. I feel I have turned a new leaf, one I wont be using regular tender in exchange for goods and services.

And I look smashing in my ugly earrings...Smashing indeed.

Bee Real

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

True colors

So it was hotter than my nice spot in hell today. We went out to play and my bees got hot and wanted to take their shirts off. I said yes..I am that kinda mom. As me and Blondie Bee were tanning ourselves, my Boo comes running and screaming for her life. Me to my dismay figure some sort of wild wilderbeast has got her by the leg or something. She comes running and says " momma, ober dare..Its chasing me"

"what is chasing you, I don't see anything"

" momma ober dare, its a snail and its chasing me, momma go squish it peese."

" a snail is chasing you?"

" yes momm,a its a snail and its chasing me..SQUISH IT"

Must of been a real fast moving one because I never saw heads or tails of it.

Then while she is running a muck shirtless, again I hear screams of alarm. She comes running to me once again, and again there is no wilderbeast attached to her limbs.

This time she says " oh know momma, oh know, I have a whole in my tummy"

hmm, a hole in your tummy, I don't see any blood, so what's this about I am wondering..

so I bite and say " where is your hole, I don't see it"

" right dare momma, look I have a hole in my tummy, oh know momma..I gots a hole in my tummy"

You will never guess where my Boo was pointing to..I am sure your thinking her belly button right.


She is pointing and one of her future girls....Yes her little boobie buds.

and she ask me for a band aid..God I love this kid.

Ok onto the answer portion of the post..

This one is from Shelly at Pack of 2

ask the same question on all the blogs when this game comes up....***Have you ever made out with a girl?***

Ok, good question, but I must admit, I have not ever made out with a girl before..I have had dreams I am marrying a woman before...But I have a feeling I am missing something..Am I right?..

From Suzie

if you could have only one pair of shoes what would they be?

something comfy, maybe apair of those ole granny soes..

From Granny
So how did you come up with the "bee" theme?

Ok Granny, this is the story behind the bees...As some of you know I had to change my address and template to avoid people...This was what I came up with so I would not be tracked down...It just came to me one day..I like bees, and those are my kids real life nicknames too...They all begin with B..So I thought it was fitting..Then my good friend Melis designed it up for me..And this is how it was born..

This is from Britmum

Where are you from in Michigan and did you know me???

I am from a small town about an hour and half north of Detroit..It is one the east part of the state..By Lake Huron...

do I know you?...Gosh, I don't know...Lets just say yes..

and she also added these ones..
How many boyfriends did you have before Mr Shaky Pants? And why is he called Mr
Shaky Pants?

Ok, how many boyfriends did I have....Well I started dating Mr Shaky when I was 17..So there was about 10 or before that..But they were all losers..

And he is called Mr Shaky because a few months ago he came down with some sort of weird condtion where he would shake or tremble uncontrollably..So it just kinda happened, he was called something else before that, but I don't remember what,,

This one is from Felicia..

....Okay, kinda lame but "What's the best thing about living in MN?"(and don't be a smart ass and say "leaving it"...)

Ok well she stole my answer. But I will say it is very pretty and green and hilly. Lots of hills, lots of water..That bout it..

This one is from Bumbling Bav
If you could be a stripper what would your stage name be?

hmmm..Bleeding Gums Murphy...

ok not really maybe..Sunshine Blue

Ok I think I got them all..

Well have a happy hump day...I need to go re bandage Boo Bees hole in her tummy.

Bee Real

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Girls just wanna have fun

So I get this email in my email that all my blog stuff goes too. It says its from Kelly. I know a few Kelly's so I open it..I briefly look at it and see it says something about lesbian site of naked woman or something or other...So I quickly delete it, knowing this is not from anyone I know.

I go back to my personal email and low and behold I have an email from Bossy Britches with that same damn email..I did not send it..Then to top it off..My very good friend The Blog Whore writes me to ask what was up with the lesbian email I sent her..And her husband..Her hubby is not even in my address book.

So I don't know how it got sent out, or who it even went too, but if for some reason you got one from me..My apologies to you and yours..I don't make it a practice to send out pornography..Unless I know you personally..


I may be going to a trip to the Homeland Sunday. I will be driving...Alone. With. 3. Bees.

I am going to drive thru the UP of Michigan and on the way back take the bees to Mackinaw Island. Shaky cant go, he is saving his vacation for my dear ole dads wedding at Thanksgiving time. My mom is going to go along for the ride as well.

Since my mind is elsewhere I am going to do a little something that I have seen on a few other blogs. This will be open question time. Anyone can leave me a question..Personal, weird, gross, funny..Whatever...

and my post for tomorrow I will answer all of them..

So in closing, if you received porn from me...Delete it..I don't know who it went to other than blog whore..But I am sure it went somewhere..

I hang my head in shame..I am a naughty girl.

Bee Real

Monday, June 12, 2006

She Bop

My featured artist this week is that crazy kook Cyndi Lauper...Moving on..

Ok I have talked about "ugly kid" before. I do not like this kid. He is part devil, part elf, and part snips and snails and puppy dog tails. Yes that is a lot of parts.

Anyhoo, Saturday morning my Butch Bee wanted me to take him to Toys R US so he could finish using his gift card he got for his birthday..3 months ago..

So being the cool, hip mutha that I am, we go. And of course he heads right to the Star Wars asile. He gets two star wars dolls..I mean action figures..

Later that day he wants to go play at "ugly kids" house. And he takes his new toys over to show him so they can play..Well hours later I send Blondie bee and Mr Shaky pants over to get him..He comes home crying.

Come to find out when my Butch Bee went into "ugly kids" house to relieve himself, he came back out and one of his new toys were missing..Mr Shaky Pants said "ugly kid" wouldn't let him look in his blue box..Because he has secret shit in there..

OH HELL KNOW....I tell Butch to get his shoes on and him and I will go settle this ..I walk down there and we knock on the door...The big door is open I can see no one is around..Butch says he thinks they are in the basement..I tell him we will just go out back and look around the sandbox, because maybe he really did lose it..

well a few minutes later "ugly kid" shows his face. I say to him.." Where is Butch's new toy, he said he went to the bathroom and he came back and it was gone..."

" I don't know, I didn't see it"

"oh really ugly kid? Did it just get up and walk away? Things don't just disappear."

" well let me go check to see if I accidentally put it in my blue box.."

" ok ugly kid, I think you better."

now this is the same blue box he would not let Mr shaky pants look in to find it.

A few minutes later ugly kid comes out with my sons toy. I say in front of ugly kid..Butch never bring toys here that you don't want stolen.

On the way home my son says ..." Mom, your such a bad ass"

ok, he really did not say it, but he was thinking it, I know it..At that moment I was his hero....10 minutes later..I was not..Such as life

My weight watchers must be working a little. Mr Shaky Pants told me Saturday..

" you need to buy some new jeans, it looks like you have crap in your pants"..

Oh, you love me..You really love me..

man he can be a butt wad...And yes, I said butt wad.


Last Thursday I decide instead of walking my normal 4 miles around the lake I will ride my bike around, twice..Which all in total would be about 10 miles..That is counting the way there and back again..

well today is the first day I have been able to sit flat on my rear..I need to duct tape a pillow to my seat. I hate that first bike ride of the season, it leaves you feeling bruised in places you should not under normal circumstances..

oh something bad happened..My baby boo bee and Mr shaky were flippin thru channels and they landed on The Lawrence Welk Show..She loves that show.

At the end he says.." Boo, I love this show.."

and my boo says " me, me , me too daddy"

yes, she stutters a bit...What are you gonna do about it?

Bee Real

Saturday, June 10, 2006

WARNING...warn your kids and grandkids, there is a new freak in town

Lets take a minute to look at the freak...

I know the pics suck but its hard taking a pic of yourself...and I put the one in black and white so you could see it better..

I will get a better pic one of these days...but trust me..she is a hot one..

Have a good weekend..

Gosh after looking at the pic for a few seconds, I can see I need my brows waxed, I need a facail, a hair cut, a good color job, and a tad more sun..

My tiny little stud looks like a zit or a piece of poo on my nose..I cant win..

ok I had to change it..I could not stnad seeing my eyeborws anymore..GAWD I am so unkept..I need a personal groomer..they have them for dogs, but I need one..

Ok..there ya go...enjoy

Things that make ya go hmmm

So one of my best blogger friends d over at has tagged me for this little ditty. Now I don't mess with d.

The object of this one is d gave me a letter from the alphabet and I have to list 10 things starting with that letter that are about me, or things I like..Something like that..I am a retard, if I do it wrong..So what..

My letter is M...Yea M..Out of 26 freaking letters she sticks me with M..

ok here we go...Your going to enjoy this..Or not.

1. Michigan, this is the state that ole Bossy was born and raised in. Everything that went wrong with me, happened here. The fact I am a retard is because we had bad city water in Michigan and my mom and dad were to cheap to buy bottle water.

2. Minnesota, this is the God forsaken crap pit I call home now. This southern belle needs to be uprooted to where she belongs..To somewhere it does not get 50 below 0 . My delicate skin and soft features deserve better than that...Am I wrong? Me and Jaime Dawn are southern belles, and we deserve only the best living conditions..And this is not it..

3. Mr Shaky Pants first name starts with M..He may be a meatball..But he is my meat ball..

4. Music, I love music..Well as long as it was made before 1999..Anything after that is nothing but hooligan nonsense. You may not know this, but ole Bossy had thought about getting a degree in music..Yes I am a versitle artist, I can do many things..I still think I could win American Idol, Last Comic standing..And now..So you think you can dance...Oh yes, I have moves.

5. Math, now I don't like math. But math has been something I have tried avoiding my whole life..I was born with no math gene..What's 12 divided by 3..Hell if I know.

6. Mediocre job, that is what I just got rid of..No more mediocrity for Bossy..Suck it Target..Suck it..

7. Mittens, I love mittens, but when I cant buy them in the middle of winter in MN because they stopped selling them and replaced them with swim suits, it pisses me off..What kid goes thru one winter with the same pair of mittens..HELLO..They lose them..And HELLO..My kids spend every waking hour sledding in the winter and they wear thru them fast...Mittens..I need to write an ode to mittens..

8. Mascara, now I don't normally wear this unless I think I might leave the house. Mascara makes my eyes look like I am a streetwalker..And I like it..I really like it.

9.My bees..I know that is cheating..My bees are cute, lazy, retards, unstable, ruthless, trouble holding in bowel and bladder...But damnit..They are my bees..I will forever wipe up the piddle and remove the poop from the boo bees buttcrack until I am so unlazy and potty train her.

10. Married, yes I do enjoy being married. I have been married to Mr shaky for over 11 years now. He buys me things I don't need, says he will do weight watchers with me and then I find a stash of two bags of jelly beans in my van, he makes me things from scratch just cuz I say I like it, he lets me sleep in on the weekends, he will lay on my tummy hear it growling and offer to make me nachos..Not because he thinks I am getting to thin..But because he is hungry...

There ya go..I don't know who to tag for this..

I will tag aatank..( I went to highschool with her, she is new to the blogworld)

I will give her the letter W..

I will also tag Suzie...I cant remember if she did it or not..Crap, if you did it suzie do it again..mmaky, your letter is H.

Now if you missed my ode to Target, read on down...

Oh and I am pursuing another part time job, we will discuss this later..

Have a good weekend..C-ya Monday

I plan on drinking and eating, weight watchers isn't effective on the weekends right?..Nope didn't think so.

Bee Real

Friday, June 09, 2006


Dear Target Corporation

Minneapolis , MN

To Whom it may concern..Or not,
I have been a faithful employee to you for all of 3 months. I have stood countless hours at my post, not moving, while my legs ached and begged for mercy and while my bladder used curse words at me while I piddled down my leg. Because holy crap, you cant leave your post unless scabby says so..

I am just informing you that I am dying of a terminal illness. One I most likely contracted while working there. Its called Targeritise. Very rare. You can take your Medicare job and less than desirable pay and shove it up your corporate CEO's as%..

But let me leave you with some helpful hints that might make you turn more of a profit, because I know you mugs must not earn a descent living because you pay the others peanuts..

Now these tips are free of charge, I am doing this out of the kindness of my own bowels..mmkay.

1. Customers don't like being asked every 5 seconds " can I help you find something?" I had more than one ask me " do I look like I am lost?"...It makes the customers feel like they are retards..People, under normal circumstances don't like feeling like a retard.

2. You need to stop pushing the credit card.. When Guests come to spend some of their hard earned money at Target to by some TP for their Bunghole, they don't need their cashier asking if they would like to go into debt farther by applying for one of your cards..

(this was something I refused to do..I did not ask ONE person to apply for a card because it made me mad as hell when I would be asked while I shopped...But each target has goal, they want us to go into debt...Why? Don't know..But they do...Don't apply for any dept store cards, because they can raise the rates at anytime..And plus I was watching on Oprahs debt Diet that they are scams...So PLEASE don't ever apply for one..)

3. You need to make it a policy that when the "guests" try on clothes in the fitting room, they have to put the clothes back where they found them..Because for petes sake I have to work till 11 pm to make sure the size 8's are all in a row. And you don't pay me enough to care if they are..mmkay?

4.When you work a 6 hour shift, we need more than one pissing break. I would like to see you Mr CEO stand on your feet at the jewelry Boat with nothing to do, and try and hold your urine in. Of course we only have one break to quench our pallet anyway, so maybe your thinking we should not need to piss more than once...

5. I think all employees should get free food at Food Avenue. Its the least you can do to make up for your wages..Or at least free drinks while we are working..

6.when we on the sales floor have our evening huddle, we could care less what the goal for the day for credit cards is...WE WORK ON THE SALES FLOOR>>WE DON'T CASHIER...And we could care less if we are meeting our total sales goal for the day as well...And don't treat us like pre schoolers and ask what we do in case of a code red..We run you morans..We run..While I grab all the free shit I can..

7.Oh and here is my final tip...Please in the winter months in the states that are cold..Like most of the dang states..Don't stop selling your hats and mittens in January, because holy crap I have to have blogger friends send my kids hats and mitten's because you suck.

and in the summer don't start putting your summer clothes on clearance in may its not summer yet FOOLS .Soon the mittens will out huh?

Ok, take all this to heart MR CEO. While you sitting on the pot taking your daily half hour dump and the real folks who run target are bustin their humps for the money they DON'T make, just remember that your clock could stop anyday. Walmart could take over everything and you could be standing at the jewelry boat over there with out a pissing break....And when that time comes, I am gonna come to the store and put all the the sizes where they should not be and mess up all the tables so your there till midnight folding them..Course I don't think walmart practice neat tables or zoning of any kind, so you might be lucky there..

In closing I am giving you my two week notice...And no, I do not want to come back for seasonal help....Are you freaking insane?

Any questions or comments, don't bother they will end up in the trash anyway, save yourself a damn stamp..

With highest regards and the deepest love,
Bossy Britches.

And no, I wont become your VP....I am taking some time off from the retail world, I am going to travel the world, see the sites. I wont get far cuz you only paid me about 99cents an hour after gas....

Have a wonderful day and a pleasant weekend. I am sure you don't work weekends. You spend them at your beach home on Lake Minnetonka in your 4 million dollar home next to Prince's purple mansion...But have a sip of your cosmopolitan your sipping on the dock of your yacht....cuz your a big fat wuss and that is a wuss drink..So suck it..

Bee Real

Thursday, June 08, 2006


Ok, so Blondie Bee had her trip to the dentist. She got her nitrice oxide, her numbing shot, a good twist and a good yank on two of her baby teeth, a balloon and a free milk shake. What more could a girl ask for? Poor girl had to suck on wet gauze all day...Even when we went to the petting zoo..My baby and her mouth fulla gauze. She was quiet though, the gauze kept her mouth shut..

this is her shortly after we got home from our "outing" at the dentist.

yes, she is sobbing her little blue eyes out...

and this one, you cant beat this one..This is my girl....Look at how sweet she is..She is one of those ugly criers..But I love her..

As you can see her tiny mouth is full of bloody gauze, a fat lip and two sockets where teeth use to be...

dentist said she needs to come back in September to have two more pulled..That should give her enough room for them to come in straight until she gets her braces.

With her heart condtion and everything I was worried, but they spoke to her heart doc and she told them she was A OK...

So we head out to the petting zoo...It was a nice balmy 92 degrees..Boo Bee was so excited I think she may have wet herself...But as soon as she saw the camel and the full grown goats, she cried and asked to leave.

I took her to the barn with the baby animals and her and I spent much our time picking up baby ducks, kittens, puppies, bunnies, piglets....

This was a church outing, so I had to take 3 other boys in my van..On the way home they all got giggling about something, I heard something about girls and a slumber party...

My son, 9 year old Butch Bee says.." You guys stop, I am gonna pee"...And he wasn't lyin...My boy used one of seats as his own personal porta potty.

Why not, the birds do.

Ok about my job...I am now a government employee of the great state of this one..I get paid holiday pay...I get paid more than Target..I get to download porn if I want..Sounds good huh?....

I still have not told target about the upcoming loss of an employee. I don't know how to break it to them..I was thinking of telling them I was dying.

I think I have decided on the nose ring. I might get it this weekend, the spa around the block does it.

Oh, and I suck at weight watchers. I might forgo it. I can not keep up with the point value of everything, and to measure out everything I eat..That is for fatties..I am just a chubby..I workout everyday. I am just no match for weight watchers..I am too retarded. That me..Retarded Bossy...Fat. Retarded. Ugly.Lazy.Smelly.

ok I am smelly right now cuz I just got in from mowing my lawn, I don't normally smell I don't think.

well I have rambled on just about long enough. I don't have much today I guess.

I need to go steam clean my van to sop the urine out of it, and then super wash the inside to get the remaining bird fecal matter out....

Bee Real

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Running on empty

quick question at the bottom..**
Today is the day...My Blondie Bee loses 2 teeth..And with her summer tan she is looking more and more like blonde headed Mexican.

and I have seen them, and their roots

we are headed off to the petting zoo afterward. Picture this if you will. Blondie Bee with bloody gauze in her mouth, attracting some form of animal who smells blood..They will chase us, they will tackle us, and it will peck both our eyes out...I will be sure to capture portions on film, until my eyes get pecked out..Then it will just be my screams and the dirt and rocks on the ground, some shoes running, and one lonely person saying " should we call 911 or something?"

See what Target has done to me? It has made me have a bad view on a certain race...I was never a bigot before..This is all thanks to Target. But its not all Targets fault. It is partly the weird Mexicans I see faults..I mean they parade around with no teeth, no English, and halatosis, kids not dressed and crapping in the toy ailse...

But I will say this..Today is a new day, for Bossy got a new job. I am still thinking of working one night per week so I can keep my discount, after all I was a Target whore before this whole fiasco happened that turned me sour...Well before I knew they paid less than peanuts.

I will be making 3 bucks more an hour, and I can take my computer to work, so I can still work on my books and download porn if I so wish..

Ok I have a question. You know when the military groups will march they say " hup, two , three four?"...All my life I thought they were saying HUT , two, three , four"..I was enlightened today while watching Who wants to be a millionaire..I have been wrong for over 30 years..There must be some sort of special place in moran jail for me.

Oh and you know what else happened today? Of course you don't, you weren't there. So I will tell you. While I was in for my interview I had my window opened less than half way down, maybe one fourth down...Not a lot...I get back into my mini van to find a bird had shit on my steering wheel...What the hell?..Did a bird spot me on my way in and say " I am gonna squeeze me tiny bird as% in her window and crap all over her steering wheel"

How does this happen? The bird must of actually roamed thru my van, it better not of stole anything...

Mr. Shaky Pants informed me today that he has officially become a man..On this day he is now a man...Why you may ask? Because he bought his first spreader. No not middle age spread, a spreader for the lawn to kill all the grass, I mean weeds...My baby boy is growing up so fast..I may need to catch the moment with Kodak..Moments like this we shan't forget..

Rememebr the girl last summer who my Butch bee was kissing, well the little tramp is back, she was gone all winter...

I am going to revamp my blog roll, get rid of ones I dont read or dont blog anymore, if I read you but your not on my list let me know..I have a bunch I want to add, but have not done it yet..and if any of you read some really funny blogs, let me know..I am looking for some new ones to read..thank you;)

Bee Real

I want to either get a nose ring or another tattoo which would bring me to 6 tattoos..i cant decide which...what do you think?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

saturday in the park

Again I have nothing...But I have been thinking about something. When you see ants walking around with a dead fellow ant, are they carrying them back to eat him, or give him a proper burial? I see these ants carry the dead ones around, I always wonder what they do with them? Or do they need the body for proof of their demise to collect their insurance money?...I dunno..Do you?

I forgot to share some pics of Butch Bees graduation..We tie dyed some shirts, so here ya go..

those are blondie bees skinny legs...I think someone was picking her up..She really can not levitate.

Monday night Butch Bee came down with a headache, and this happened, this NEVER happens...Boy must be dying for sure.

But I will not be dragging his body around for proof...They will just have to believe me.

Oh and look what was out in our back yard..It had rained a bit..It is very faint, so put your reading glasses on if your old..mmkay?

In case your a total Moran..Its a raInbow..

again you may need your glasses if you have cataracts, astigmatism and so forth..

My interview is later..Like I said, I think I am in some sort of a portal universe I can not get out of. Its like there is no way out. Kinda like Hotel California..You can check out but you can never leave... Target must need me. I must be the inner soul of Target, like a wearwolve, if you kill me, they all die..or is that a vampire?..I dunno..or is it zombies?..crap I dont know...

and tomorrow Blondie Bee gets some of her chompers pulled..She will be a vision of beauty when she is done...That's what I get for making fun of others who are ugly, disfigured, or have faces that resemble hamburger meat, or a tic.

Bee Real

Monday, June 05, 2006

Now that we found love

My featured artist this week is going to be songs that remind me of summers of the past...Ok..Good..Moving along..

I worked all weekend, for peanuts. I might as well be damn circus elephant. But starting today I have 10 days off, my mom is gone away to Seattle with her sister, so I have no babysitter..Poor me..I do have a job interview Tuesday. But I am sure it wont pan out. I for some reason am caught in some sort of Twilight Zone time warp where I can not leave Target..Its like Target needs me..To suck the ever loving life from my mortal lungs..For peanuts..

I pick up my little Boo Bee and she smells of bug spray and sunblock. My two bestest smells, its the smell of summer.

I am just gonna share some pics with you...I am really tapped for writing a post..I have worked about 6 days straight..So I have not been witness to anything worth blogging about..I could tell you about more Mexicans I saw at Target..Like the family who brought their two year old daughter in the store in just a swimsuit..No clothes, no shoes...Just a swim suit...

then the girl took a crap in toy aisle....No joke, it was the talk of the store Thursday night...

Piss on it, it wont let me load anymore...Gawd I hate blogger most days..Target and Blogger are one in the same...They both suck donkey balls.

Oh, I may be a retard but damnit I have lost nearly 5 pounds on my weight watchers..Course I may be so much of a retard that I weighed myself wrong the first time..

I am writing this Sunday morning, because I have to close Sunday night..I believe I am closing with Scabby. I don't much care for scabby. When she bends over you can see her thong. Now I have said she has a cute little 21 year old body, but she has the face of a perpetual wolf hound and the personality of a vampire bat. Now I am all for tanning, Lord knows I spend a great deal of Mr shaky pants hard earned..( and I use the term hard earned very loosely..Anyone who sits at a desk and can have all the potty breaks they want, is not working at all..) money on tanning appointments..I like a little glow and bronzing on my person..Makes me feel better. But Scabby takes it to a whole new level. She looks like she is half American Indian and half Middle Eastern. Its very creepy looking on a white girl....Very creepy indeed. In fact I have a hard time looking her in the eye, for fear I cant keep a straight face. She is gonna think I am "into her" because I am looking at her shoulder or something....She might think I am looking at her tiny wee bit if a chest..Lord knows I am not..But to an innocent bystander it may look so... Has a person ever been so ugly and freakish looking that you could not look them in the face without pissing your pants?

If not, consider yourself lucky...Oh and she has a nose ring...Which magnifies her ugly horse fly face. You don't draw attention to your flaws..HELLO SCABBY>>YOUR UGLY...Lets try hiding that face under a nice Target bag shall we?

Bee Real

Friday, June 02, 2006

Dude looks like a lady

So I was on my way to work this morning, as I do lots of mornings..cause I contribute to society and the social security system which I will never get to use..Thanks W...And as I am just on the outskirts of my crappy as% town I glance out my rear view mirror. I normally never look back there. Today I did. Which is a damn good thing as your gonna soon find out.

I look back there and see pretty lights. I think to myself...geesh this guy must need to get around me cause there must be an emergency or something...

so I pull to the side a bit so he can pass me. I look. Bastard is still there. Damn. He. Wants.Me. I. Am. His. Emergancy.Damn. Again.

So after my nearly quarter mile police chase, I pull my mini van to the shoulder of the road. A very well dressed, dark, handsome, police man strolls on over to my van. I see my reflection in his dark glasses. I need lip*gloss.

He says, " mam, you know how fast you were going?"

Me.." ahh, no..Sorry."

"41, mam, 41 in a 30, I know school is out, but we cant have you driving that fast thru town..mmkay?...You have your license and insurance?"

" I do." I am hoping at this point to not have the insurance in the van so I can spend a few hours in jail rather than at target.

But it was there..Damn again.

he takes my goods back to his very big SVU. I quickly put my lip gloss on..And a little color..Wipe my face off with a napkin, just in case I have anything there..

He comes back and tells me he could very easily not only give me a speeding ticket, but also a $187.00 fine for not having a valid Minnesota drivers license. He asks how long I have lived here. I lie..Tell him almost a year, when truly its almost 2 years..

The very nice, tall, dark and handsome police man says

" Bossy, I am gonna let you off with a warning this time..."

I knew the lip*gloss would do the trick

It was just like an episode of Chips...Minus Ponch and John and the motorcyles.

Bee Real

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Love in an elevator

Its official. I have a 4th grader..My Butch Bee graduated from 3rd grade..They go to another school for 4th and 5th grade...

he got his report card too..I was glancing at it and I saw two E's. Now in my day if you brought home a report card with two E's it meant something went arye. And most like you would be grounded all summer if you did not quickly convert that E into a B..(yes I am speaking from experience)...But the E's here mean excellent...Its like getting an A+..It seems my son excels beyond grade expectations for Vocabulary and Science.

No more short bus for him.
Boo Bee calls me to her room and says" momma look at my tickers"..(stickers in her lingo). I am thinking to myself, where did she get stickers? I go, and she has nicly placed my book of stamps on her dresser..I told her those are govement issued stickers and I will now have to cash in one of her savings bonds to replace them..bad baby.

It seems all this time I have been saying my bees were a bit "slow"..But alas, it is me who is the perpetual retard. I am not understanding weight watchers. Am I so damn stupid I don't get how to look everything up and to take the time to plan out my meals and to see how many points I am using? I can see I should of not joined the online version. But if I change my plans and go to the meetings and stuff, is it gonna cost me more than the 65 dollars I spent for the sign up and my first 3 months?..HELLO WEIGHT WATCHERS..YOUR DEALING WITH A FAT RETARD...Do I get a discount for that?

Bee Real